Introducing me!

[Shucky]

I've read a few posts on here from various people about their LDR's and just thought I would throw my story into the mix, it wont be particularly long or arduous but I am finding it difficult going so getting it down on "paper" might help :-)

 

I am an English guy and during my third and final year of University, where I studied Law, I met my girlfriend, N. She is from L.A. and currently attends University there studying Pysch major and Law minor, with the view to going to law grad school.

 

We met during her year abroad in England, which ran from September 08 until July 21st 2009. During that time we met at a party, exchanged numbers, went to a gig and a couple of dates before falling into bed together around December. Now we both talked about keeping it casual due to her inevitable return to the USA but on a trip to Milan, Italy we ended up becoming boyfriend and girlfriend. we had a fairly good relationship in England, couple of ups and downs especially surrounding the idea she would be leaving. Our last couple of weeks were amazing and things felt perfect together. After she left we survived a gap of 5 weeks (I know its not long really) until I visited LA for almost 3 weeks at the end of august until September.

 

Now we're not meant to be seeing each other until she comes in December just after Christmas and into the new year, but its pretty tough. At the moment I'm debating booking tickets for this month but money is sooo tight at the moment.

 

Ah yeah - long term we both want to do law, I'm currently studying the BVC over in England so earliest possible time for moving the Cali is June/July - something I've said I will do. Problem at the moment is whether or not she can handle the long distance thing for the rest of this year and until I move over there. She finds it so lonely being apart, hates the idea of me giving up my life for her, she misses the physical contact and it just leads to arguments on skype, AIM and the phone. So for instance we broke up last night, but that lasted for like a couple of hours after our talking and stuff.

 

Its so hard because we love each other so much, mean so much to each other but neither one of us wants to hurt the other. And I think I'm better at dealing with the long distance thing than her, but I'm so worried that eventually my words will become inneffective and nothing will be able to change her mind - to be honest I thought that was the case this time. It just makes me sad thinking about it and that is beginning to make me a little paranoid about loosing her!

 

Ah well - I can just try to stay positive and hope she has the strength to get through it.

 

Thanks for reading if you did! ;-)

[quankanne]

married 17 years after about a two-year LDR ... and I can promise you that if you keep your eye on the prize and remain committed to each other (and the relationship), things are going to work out for y'all. We saw each other every six months after spending a summer together, and to be honest, it seemed like I made more of an effort to keep the relationship alive than he did at times!

 

but, there weren't any arguments about being apart, it was something we accepted because his work was abroad for two years. You learn to make the most of the phone calls and the letters, and not focus on the negative stuff.

 

it's not an easy thing, but nothing worth fighting for is completely easy, you know?

 

if your goal is to be together in 9 months' time, focus on that, and cut out the BS arguments. You can't be in Cali anytime before then, and she needs to come to grips with that reality. You can't afford to visit on whim, so you have to deal with that particular reality (which it sounds like you are, good for you, man!) ...

 

if y'all both make an effort to focus on making the relationship stronger, you'll feel better about it – and you'll find that when you ARE together and problems crop up, you'll know how to tackle/approach them.

 

best of luck to you, and keep us posted.

[AnnPod]

If you completely go for this, you are sure risking something (because how can you know if the mess will have a good ending).

 

If at least you are sure to be the one to do this, then try to be an inspiration for your girl. Show her that you have just discovered sth she has not realized fully yet. Don't be reproachful, be positive about yourself, don't beg, but don't give up trying. You are a big deal for her - otherwise she wouldn't find so sad to be without you.

 

So yeah, is hard, because she still might be saying 'no' in the end. But if you can, go for it. I have been doing the same for a year now, and yeah, I still think is worth it.

 

Oh and quankanne, thanks so much for your post, it felt so good for me to read it.