How should I proceed

[junglejim]

A buddy of mine drinks often from lunch onwards. They then pick up the kids from school, with their drink in a coffee cup and their judgment is clearly affected. If she has had a lot, she has trouble staying in the lines, especially at night.

 

She continues to drink in the evenings and will happily drive ther children and the kids of other parents while in this state.

 

If that wasn't bad enough, she has an eye condition (I think astigmatism) which blurs their vision at night adding to the risk. She compensates for this by driving slower much of the time. She doesn't want to get glasses as she says it will make her look bad.

 

I had lightly mentioned my concerns in the past and she was very offhand saying that it just happened to be the times that I saw and spoke to her and was not a regular thing. After a number of hints, suggestions etc. failing or getting thrown back in my face, I finally realized I could not get her to change these choices of hers so I sent an email saying that I could not stick around and watch this is it was worrying me sick. After reading the email I sent, it does hint that I think her actions are stupid or reckless though I never used the word stupid in there.

 

Kaboom.

 

So the response is I get is I am a nasty sick lying controlling person who says evil things about her and I don't know what she has been through and she is just fine. That I must have multiple personality disorder that I have terrible ethics, morals, that I am only interested in myself etc etc etc. To put it bluntly, the Antichrist would have a hard time being as bad as me. I'm not worried about the insults as they are nonsensical and I am not the only person who is aware of her behavior but they do show a much deeper problem than I had realized. She also says that everyone talks about her all the time and that she is cursed.

 

This poor woman was very very badly abused and several issues, claustrophobia, Acrophobia, bad anxiety attacks and other issues have occurred as a result. I had no idea of the anger and self loathing underneath the surface and thought that as she had come so far, she just needed to deal with these issues and everything would be fine.

 

So I guess I fail counseling 101. I rely on my friends to give me advice or pull me into line etc. and to always tell me about anything they are unhappy with. It seems that I was naive to expect she would think the same.

 

Is there anything I can do to help this woman or should I stay away from her and just hope that someone else can help her before something bad happens?

 

For now, it seems I have done more harm than good because she has no friends in the area and no one she trusts and now she has decided I am the ultimate evil I doubt she will come to me in need.

 

Thanks for any input.

[Devil Inside]

First of all...good for you for saying something to her about this. It is just an accident waiting to happen.

 

Second, you need to notify child protective services of the situation. There are children's lives on the line here...you know it is happening...it is your civic responsibility to make the call.

 

Thirdly, she is obviously being defensive with you as gauged by her over reaction. You have listed all of her issues and it appears that she is using alcohol as a form of self medicating. Is she on anxiety meds as well? If she is and drinking this is not good.

 

Make sure that you take the actions necessary to protect those kids. I know you are worried that your friendship will be jeopardized if you call on her...but isn't it worth it?

[junglejim]

I think the friendship is dead already but the concern I have is that the whole family have been through some terrible abuse. I don't mean rows and drinking fights and the cops coming in to sort things out, I mean the nasty things that no one ever wants to discuss.

 

The only reason the father was not charged was apparently to do with the fact that a custody battle was in play when the CPS/police investigation was going on and they didn't want to pursue it at the same time.

 

The father is not allowed to know where they live, communicate with any of them or even have pictures of his children. But he does appear to be looking for them and trying to contact friends through Facebook/Myspace.

 

Guess who, with his high priced lawyers would be first to try and get back custody if CPS takes the kids away?

 

So, the family huddles together, has moved house three times in fear of this guy finding them, and all they have is each other.

 

I totally agree with what you say about protecting the children, which is why we had the arguments in the first place. But this is not an easy call.

[junglejim]

Oh and yes, she is on Anxiety drugs and ADD drugs.