I was cheated on, now I'm the cheater =(

[Dexter Morgan]

You are so patronising Dexter. Pull your head out of your jacksy and stop being so judgemental! Do you think your sacasm helps anyone at all?

 

I wasn't replying to fab, I was replying to dreamer:rolleyes:

 

 

She has already told you what she is going to do

 

ya, and I count 3, maybe 4 times where she flip flopped and changed her mind. Oh well...all I can hope for is this poor guy is spared from being with her.

 

 

and you are pushing YOUR morals down her throat

 

morals? you think its about morals? its about what she is doing to this guy that thinks the world of her. it doesn't take morals to know what someone is doing to someone else is just downright despicable.

 

 

 

and looking down on her for not doing what you tell her!

 

 

no, I look down on her for not doing right by a man who adores her:o

 

 

 

You think she is wrong and so do a few others and I think she is right and so do a few others. Just because you think it, it does not make it right!

 

and just because you think it, doesn't make it right either.....

 

 

 

We are not all your ex you know

 

oh please, here we go again with the attempt at saying someone can't despise despicable acts people commit against others just because we have been wronged in the past.

 

 

 

She does not want to hurt him and she knows it will definately hurt him.

 

yet she had sex with her X...twice...

 

the old, "what he don't know won't hurt him" thing.

 

I never ever agree with cheating but did she cheat?

 

well if she didn't and you don't think she did, and she doesn't think she did...then why bother about being on here telling the story?

 

If she didn't do anything wrong, there is no need for all of this.

 

 

They are not serious anyway and he is up and down with his feelings ... for all we know he could be banging it around the place without her knowing.

 

Ah, so because he MIGHT be messing around on her and she doesn't know it....then its all good that she get it on with someone else.

 

Ah, sorry, I didn't think about "what ifs" as an excuse to cheat. My bad.

[Dexter Morgan]

I would rather not know carhill.

 

 

words spoken by those who don't think there partner is cheating and wouldn't anyway.

 

 

If he told me, I would mind very much. But, what can I do?

 

uh.....break up:confused:

 

 

 

Exclusivity never came up in our discussions.

 

then why are you here? Obviously you don't think you did anything wrong...and if you did, then obviously there is more there than a non-exclusive lover relationship.

 

So if there is no exclusivity, then whats the problem?

[Dexter Morgan]

And lets not forget the TITLE of this thread:

 

"I was cheated on, now I'm the CHEATER"

 

why would fab say this if there is no agreement of exclusivity?

 

Why would fab say this if the relationship with the good guy isn't serious?

[carhill]

OP, do you feel engaging in polyamory in any interpersonal relationship is 'cheating', irrespective of stated or implied exclusivity? Why? Dex brings up a good point. You did title this thread, presumably with forethought. Something to reflect upon

[Lishy]

But she has made her choice!

 

He is not her boyfriend he has told her he has mixed feelings. I am so not making it right what she has done but what is the point in her telling him? It is not like she has him dangling on a string.

 

I have been cheated on and it is mind blowingly hurtful. Would I rather not know? Yes! I would rather believe I have never been cheated on as the hurt was awful!

[Dexter Morgan]

But she has made her choice!

 

ya, 3 different ones by my count. which one is the one she really means?

 

 

He is not her boyfriend he has told her he has mixed feelings.

 

then why did she say she cheated if that is the case?

 

 

 

I am so not making it right what she has done but what is the point in her telling him?

 

nothing if she decides to break it off, even though he might beg her back because he doesn't know why she broke it off.

 

people can say they wouldn't want to know, I would say, and this is me, that I would want to know and I have lived the real life situation that my life would have turned out so much better if I was given the information I should have gotten.

 

but hey, saving precious years of your life rather than waste them on someone that cheats.....hey, thats just me.

 

 

It is not like she has him dangling on a string.

 

if she continues to be "confused" about what to do, and is still struggling with feelings for her cheating X, then yes...she IS dangling him on a string and letting him fall all over her not knowing she is conflicted about her X and that she boffed him twice.

 

 

I have been cheated on and it is mind blowingly hurtful. Would I rather not know? Yes! I would rather believe I have never been cheated on as the hurt was awful!

 

not me

[Kamille]

DM, am I right in thinking that you have to live with the fact that you threw away an 8 year plus relationship because of one event that happened early on? You have to live with that and stand by that judgement and I'm not saying it's wrong. It's just that it explains why you are so adamant that "cheaters are cheaters" and they are "absolutely unforgivable". And that you hope he "is spared from her". You have to stick to your guns, at the risk of having to question your own decisions.

 

You haven't forgiven your ex and you refuse to do so. Own up to that and see that it explains why you're so harsh on this thread.

[Bejita463]

DM, am I right in thinking that you have to live with the fact that you threw away an 8 year plus relationship because of one event that happened early on? You have to live with that and stand by that judgement and I'm not saying it's wrong. It's just that it explains why you are so adamant that "cheaters are cheaters" and they are "absolutely unforgivable". And that you hope he "is spared from her". You have to stick to your guns, at the risk of having to question your own decisions.

 

You haven't forgiven your ex and you refuse to do so. Own up to that and see that it explains why you're so harsh on this thread.

 

I haven't had someone waste my time like he has, and I agree with him.

 

I have been cheated on before, but my opinion on cheating was firm before that had ever happened to me. It having happened did nothing except to perhaps make me feel my opinion had been validated.

[Kamille]

I haven't had someone waste my time like he has, and I agree with him.

 

I have been cheated on before, but my opinion on cheating was firm before that had ever happened to me. It having happened did nothing except to perhaps make me feel my opinion had been validated.

 

I am not questioning his decision. I just want to highlight how it informs his point of view here, and why he holds it so vehemently, to the extent of diabolizing Fab at times. He has to do that because that's how he dealt with his own situation. In this sense, he is reliving history and reasserting himself here on this thread. It's more about him dealing with legitimating his own decisions then about actually helping Fab.

[Dexter Morgan]

DM, am I right in thinking that you have to live with the fact that you threw away an 8 year plus relationship because of one event that happened early on?

 

nope....there were other incidents while married....and because she told herself she would keep me in the dark before marriage, that she would have learned her lesson and never repeat cheating again......wrong.

 

And even if she didn't repeat said actions again and it was while we were engaged....would I have divorced her? hmmmm...tough one....maybe not. But I sure as hell wouldn't ever look at her the same again and would always be suspicious of her.

 

 

 

You have to live with that and stand by that judgement and I'm not saying it's wrong.

 

nothing to live with. it was the only sensible and sane option for me. If I would have stayed with her, I would be like a prison guard of a woman that once had a loving trusting husband. Sorry, not going to live my life like that and not going to live with someone I would have to constantly worry about.

 

 

It's just that it explains why you are so adamant that "cheaters are cheaters" and they are "absolutely unforgivable".

 

yes, cuz i have direct experience in the area...especially the area of a cheater that was even more selfish to keep it from me and fool me into marrying her anyway.

 

 

And that you hope he "is spared from her". You have to stick to your guns, at the risk of having to question your own decisions.

 

nope, I stick to my guns because I know he would be spared future heartache if he stayed with her.

 

 

You haven't forgiven your ex and you refuse to do so.

 

why should I forgive her? no reason at all why I should. forgiveness is highly overrated.

 

 

Own up to that and see that it explains why you're so harsh on this thread.

 

lol....own up to it...as if I haven't already many times over in this forum. nice try.

[Dexter Morgan]

I am not questioning his decision. I just want to highlight how it informs his point of view here, and why he holds it so vehemently, to the extent of diabolizing Fab at times. He has to do that because that's how he dealt with his own situation.

 

wrong. I'd be the same way even if it didn't happen to me IRL. I have always despised cheaters. Even way before my predicament, I advised a good friend to dump his cheating and that if he stays, she'll just do it again.

 

He stayed....she did it again after all the crying and begging him not to leave. He told me he should have taken my advice and he felt like the biggest fool in the world.

 

this was before I ever got married.

[Javelin]

I am not questioning his decision. I just want to highlight how it informs his point of view here, and why he holds it so vehemently, to the extent of diabolizing Fab at times. He has to do that because that's how he dealt with his own situation. In this sense, he is reliving history and reasserting himself here on this thread. It's more about him dealing with legitimating his own decisions then about actually helping Fab.

 

I'm going to disagree with you at this point.

 

Dexter's point is simple, the OP is contradicting herself at every turn and she's ignoring positive angles for her own selfish gain. Yes, its her life, but her actions are putting another life at risk and yet again she is selfishly ignoring that fact. It's almost as if she's playing Russian Roulette, but pointing the gun at her, 'boyfriend' every other turn and that's not fair.

[Dexter Morgan]

I'm going to disagree with you at this point.

 

Dexter's point is simple, the OP is contradicting herself at every turn

 

BINGO!!!! geez, as if some people couldn't see the obvious.

 

 

It's almost as if she's playing Russian Roulette, but pointing the gun at her, 'boyfriend' every other turn and that's not fair.

 

I am gathering there are alot of people that don't care what fair is.

[Javelin]

I am gathering there are alot of people that don't care what fair is.

 

People are cowards and can't own up to their actions, but that begs the question... Why do it in the first place, especially if you know the outcome?

 

In the OP's case,

 

She's been the victim.

She's experienced the pain.

She's endured the long months of self doubt.

 

Yet, she does the exact same thing to someone else, with the very person that cheated on her!

 

Oh well, I'm done with this thread.

 

OP - Regardless of your choices, I wish you well. Perhaps one day you will understand the importance of what we've tried to instill in you.

[ForRealLoveMe]

7 months ago: I discovered that my ex of 4 years was cheating on me for months. We break up.

 

5 months ago: Ex got cheated on by the girl he cheated on me with.

 

2 months ago: I met a wonderful man and entered into a relationship with him. I wasn't ready, but he was too wonderful to let go.

 

Last night: Ex and I hung out and had sex twice.

 

 

This is the last thing I thought I would ever do, since I still feel the pain of being cheated on. But I had this intense curiosity about my ex, kept wondering if his kisses and the sex would be the same as before.

 

 

No, sex was better with the new guy, the kisses had no passion or emotion with my ex, and I was just going through the motions with him.

 

 

I am not going to confess this to my bf - no sense hurting him when I know now for sure who I really am in love with. I know what I did is wrong and I know this will devastate him. No way am I gonna disrupt his life to relieve myself of my guilt.

 

 

I still feel numb by what I had done.

After skimming through your thread, I go back to the beginning and note..

In this very opening post you call it cheating. You call him your boyfriend. Then through out the thread this all changes. You can't love someone you barely know, you claim to both not know him well and to love him.

 

Yes I know. I have told my bf that I want to stay single, as I have lots and lots of issues, but he was determined to stay in my life.

Or maybe (just a thought) you were determined to stay into his. If you had no problems with him going, then you should have no problems with him knowing, right? But that's not the case is it?

 

It's like a cyle- everyone cheats and gets cheated on. I thought I could break the cycle but I behaved immorally, just like my ex. And I did it with him.

Wrong. Not everyone cheats and gets cheated on. Where did you come up with that crap?

 

I made a bad decision. That doesn't make me a bad person. I have 50+ years in this life to atone.

I am posting not for advice, but for insight.

This behavior is out of character for me. But I guess my depression and low self-worth is skewing my view of life.

I'm a bit shocked to know you're 50+ to be honest. Then to be still making excuses for yourself? You're depression and whatever is not a reason to go hurting people. How is that for insight?

 

All I could do is try to love my bf and do everything for him 200%.

You don't try to love someone - either you do or you do not.

 

P.S. The two are unlikely to ever meet. My ex also promised to never tell anyone. Believe it or not, my ex and I are best friends and have always looked out for each other. We were never meant to be together. I guess we missed each other and had what you might call pity sex. It had nothing to do with emotions, romantic love, etc. It was purely physical. Like I said, I was going through the motions, like a robot.

The bolded makes me wonder if you really are so much older. Besides, your ex cheated on you (Deceived you), so why would he start being honest with you now?

[Phateless]

She meant she has 50 years AHEAD. She's not 50+.

 

She called him her BF earlier because it was the easiest way to explain who the guy is. Their status is unclear and somewhat undefined. She just feels guilty hooking up with someone else, that's what this whole thread is about. She didn't actually cheat on him, she's just working through her own feelings. The temptation to tell is to alleviate guilt. In an undefined situation like this, she has no duty to tell.

 

I'm a little shocked that everyone here is getting on her case instead of helping. This is exactly why I visit LS less frequently lately.

Edited October 20, 2009 by Phateless

[BG1985]

They tried to help. They told her to break up with this guy so that she won't be deceiving him anymore. She's basically afraid to admit that she still has feelings for her ex. It makes sense considering that he left her when she was totally in love with him. If this new guy is telling her how much he cares about her and all that jazz, then fab chick has betrayed his trust. But at any rate, I feel that cheating is a symptom of a relationship that should have already ended. If things are going well in a relationship, it just makes absolutely no sense to risk losing it by cheating. As for the new guy, I think she is using him because he lavishes her with praise and attention, something which is lacking from her ex. She's using him to boost her self esteem while she tries to win back her ex. Seeing that the new guy works on Wall Street, it appears that he might have a little bit of money, which is definitely something to take into consideration as to why fab wants to hold on to him so badly in spite of her strong feelings for her ex.

[Dexter Morgan]

She meant she has 50 years AHEAD. She's not 50+.

 

She called him her BF earlier because it was the easiest way to explain who the guy is. Their status is unclear and somewhat undefined. She just feels guilty hooking up with someone else, that's what this whole thread is about. She didn't actually cheat on him

 

then why did she say she did? why did she title her thread that she is now the cheater?

 

 

I'm a little shocked that everyone here is getting on her case instead of helping. This is exactly why I visit LS less frequently lately.

 

we've tried to help. she doesn't want to hear any of it. She doesn't want to do right by the bf because she is too scared to come clean.

 

At the very least she should break up with him...if she doesn't want to tell him what she did, fine, but break up with him if she can't be honest and let him decide how his life turns out.

 

But she keeps flip flopping on that and making excuses all the way as to why she did what she did.

 

the man needs to be free from her.

[Phateless]

They tried to help. They told her to break up with this guy so that she won't be deceiving him anymore. She's basically afraid to admit that she still has feelings for her ex. It makes sense considering that he left her when she was totally in love with him. If this new guy is telling her how much he cares about her and all that jazz, then fab chick has betrayed his trust. But at any rate, I feel that cheating is a symptom of a relationship that should have already ended. If things are going well in a relationship, it just makes absolutely no sense to risk losing it by cheating. As for the new guy, I think she is using him because he lavishes her with praise and attention, something which is lacking from her ex. She's using him to boost her self esteem while she tries to win back her ex. Seeing that the new guy works on Wall Street, it appears that he might have a little bit of money, which is definitely something to take into consideration as to why fab wants to hold on to him so badly in spite of her strong feelings for her ex.

 

Seeing her ex was a slip-up, we all want to impress our exes for validation. She made a mistake, she admitted it, has NO plans of it happening again. Don't project your own past drama into her situation. She said that HE was the one who doesn't want to give her the title. How is that her stringing him along?

 

then why did she say she did? why did she title her thread that she is now the cheater?

 

 

 

 

we've tried to help. she doesn't want to hear any of it. She doesn't want to do right by the bf because she is too scared to come clean.

 

At the very least she should break up with him...if she doesn't want to tell him what she did, fine, but break up with him if she can't be honest and let him decide how his life turns out.

 

But she keeps flip flopping on that and making excuses all the way as to why she did what she did.

 

the man needs to be free from her.

 

She feels like she has cheated even though there is no specific agreement. We don't have the right to "tell her what to do," only advise. Maybe she should, but it's her decision, not yours. If he doesn't want to give her the title she is under no obligation to be exclusive to him.

 

She just feels guilty because she got cheated and stepped out and she's trying to process it all.

 

I hate how people misinterpret or over interpret half of what they hear. So frustrating...

[ForRealLoveMe]

She meant she has 50 years AHEAD. She's not 50+.

 

She called him her BF earlier because it was the easiest way to explain who the guy is. Their status is unclear and somewhat undefined. She just feels guilty hooking up with someone else, that's what this whole thread is about. She didn't actually cheat on him, she's just working through her own feelings. The temptation to tell is to alleviate guilt. In an undefined situation like this, she has no duty to tell.

 

I'm a little shocked that everyone here is getting on her case instead of helping. This is exactly why I visit LS less frequently lately.

So I misread that part. Would you not agree though, that how does one know how many years you have ahead? How do you know how long you will have to atone?

 

Guilt doesn't often come to those who shouldn't feel it. Guilt is often stemmed from doing something wrong. What is the mature thing to do when you error? Make right by it? Or continue with it? By not being upfront, and not ending things, or preserving it all so in the future there can be a relationship she is continuing with the error.

 

Also, why shouldn't this man have the right to know so he can decide for himself if he ever wants to see her again? I've seen this pointed out so much through out this thread. I can some what understand not telling him if it was undefined and there was no real connection made. However she goes on and on about how much they mean to one another.

 

Seeing her ex was a slip-up, we all want to impress our exes for validation. She made a mistake, she admitted it, has NO plans of it happening again. Don't project your own past drama into her situation. She said that HE was the one who doesn't want to give her the title. How is that her stringing him along?

She did it twice, if I read correctly. He only said there was no title when she said they couldn't be boyfriend and girlfriend. Maybe he was trying to keep her happy and be able to still have her in his life. And just maybe he'd not feel that way at all if he knew the truth. So it is stringing him along. He wants to see her still, but he doesn't know the whole situation. He can't make a real choice without all the facts. And SHE is DENYING him that.

 

 

 

She feels like she has cheated even though there is no specific agreement. We don't have the right to "tell her what to do," only advise. Maybe she should, but it's her decision, not yours. If he doesn't want to give her the title she is under no obligation to be exclusive to him.

 

She just feels guilty because she got cheated and stepped out and she's trying to process it all.

 

I hate how people misinterpret or over interpret half of what they hear. So frustrating...

Many people can sense when something is off. Perhaps he doesn't want to give her a title because he senses something is off. She still felt exclusive enough to give him a title. She used that title until the idea that they weren't exclusive was put in her head.

 

It is painfully obvious that she isn't set on letting him go. There for, she should be honest, and give him the choice. He isn't the one who errored here.

[Phateless]

So I misread that part. Would you not agree though, that how does one know how many years you have ahead? How do you know how long you will have to atone?

 

Seriously?! lol it's a figure of speech!!

 

Guilt doesn't often come to those who shouldn't feel it. Guilt is often stemmed from doing something wrong. What is the mature thing to do when you error? Make right by it? Or continue with it? By not being upfront, and not ending things, or preserving it all so in the future there can be a relationship she is continuing with the error.

 

AHEM! Religion....

 

Guilt comes from many sources. She isn't used to the "undefined" relationship thing, so she feels guilty for hooking up with someone else even though she didn't need to. When I was single, I felt the same way hooking up with other people, even though the girl I was casually seeing and I explicitly agreed that we could see other people. I was used to a 4.5 year relationship and it felt weird to hook up with other people and I felt a little guilty. She TOLD me I had nothing to feel guilty about.

 

NORMAL!

 

She feels guilty because she thinks this might ruin her chances to get this guy to commit after all. It shouldn't. He denied her the title, so he's got nothing to complain about.

 

Also, why shouldn't this man have the right to know so he can decide for himself if he ever wants to see her again? I've seen this pointed out so much through out this thread. I can some what understand not telling him if it was undefined and there was no real connection made. However she goes on and on about how much they mean to one another.

 

BECAUSE HE DOESN'T WANT TO BE HER BOYFRIEND! Therefore it is none of his F-ing business. If there was the title of bf/gf she would not have done it.

 

She did it twice, if I read correctly. He only said there was no title when she said they couldn't be boyfriend and girlfriend. Maybe he was trying to keep her happy and be able to still have her in his life. And just maybe he'd not feel that way at all if he knew the truth. So it is stringing him along. He wants to see her still, but he doesn't know the whole situation. He can't make a real choice without all the facts. And SHE is DENYING him that.

 

Twice in one night. Sheesh... And like I said, he made the choice ahead of time not to give her the title. He doesn't want to be obligated to her, so she is not obligated to him. SIMPLE.

 

HE is stringing HER along.

 

Many people can sense when something is off. Perhaps he doesn't want to give her a title because he senses something is off. She still felt exclusive enough to give him a title. She used that title until the idea that they weren't exclusive was put in her head.

 

If HE doesn't like HER enough to give her the title, HE should tell HER that and let HER make an informed decision on whether to be with HIM.

 

She used the expression because it was easier than saying "the guy I'm seeing who we are sort of kinda committed although there is no title."

 

It is painfully obvious that she isn't set on letting him go. There for, she should be honest, and give him the choice. He isn't the one who errored here.

 

Her current guy has given her no commitment. She has made no error either. Relationships are OPEN until they are mutually declared exclusive.

 

Look at the situation objectively and read the text, don't make her the bad guy because this reminds you of how you got hurt in your last relationship.

Edited October 20, 2009 by Phateless

[ForRealLoveMe]

Seriously?! lol it's a figure of speech!!

AHEM! Religion....

 

Guilt comes from many sources. She isn't used to the "undefined" relationship thing, so she feels guilty for hooking up with someone else even though she didn't need to. When I was single, I felt the same way hooking up with other people, even though the girl I was casually seeing and I explicitly agreed that we could see other people. I was used to a 4.5 year relationship and it felt weird to hook up with other people and I felt a little guilty. She TOLD me I had nothing to feel guilty about.

 

NORMAL!

I don't define being single as dating someone for two months, claiming you love them, claiming they love you, and calling them a boyfriend. She did consider him a boyfriend because she told him "We can't be boyfriend and girlfriend anymore". He never said "We never were". He said "Then we can be lovers". To me, that sure doesn't sound like he never defined their relationship. She obviously had it in her head they were boyfriend and girlfriend.

 

 

 

BECAUSE HE DOESN'T WANT TO BE HER BOYFRIEND! Therefore it is none of his F-ing business. If there was the title of bf/gf she would not have done it.

He chose this after she said they couldn't be boyfriend and girlfriend anymore. He said the could be lovers then. Did you read any part that she told him no on that? I did not. I have yet to read anything that says she completely cut him off.

 

 

 

Twice in one night. Sheesh... And like I said, he made the choice ahead of time not to give her the title. He doesn't want to be obligated to her, so she is not obligated to him. SIMPLE.

 

HE is stringing HER along.

She DID HAVE a title. She said it couldn't be like that any longer. So how is he stringing her along? She isn't cutting contact, now is she?

 

 

 

If HE doesn't like HER enough to give her the title, HE should tell HER that and let HER make an informed decision on whether to be with HIM.

 

She used the expression because it was easier than saying "the guy I'm seeing who we are sort of kinda committed although there is no title."

 

 

 

Her current guy has given her no commitment. She has made no error either. Relationships are OPEN until they are mutually declared exclusive.

 

Look at the situation objectively and read the text, don't make her the bad guy because this reminds you of how you got hurt in your last relationship.

 

Perhaps you should go back and read the text. She had no title until she chose to eliminate that herself.

 

By the way, I've never been cheated on. I have a healthy relationship. We have been honest and straight forward with one another from the get go. We had some struggles in the beginning, but we worked through them because we communicated. Grant it, the struggles were not being cheated on, but there were some things, that if kept from one another, we would have felt more hurt down the road. By being honest with each other, we built our relationship stronger. This girl, the OP, she hasn't cut off ties. She fantasizes about being with the currant.

 

Covering a lie with another lie doesn't make it all better. It just temporarily fixes it. It's like putting a band aid on a cut that needs stitches. Eventually the cut keeps bleeding and you need a new band aid. This process continues until you just go get the stitches.

[Dexter Morgan]

Seeing her ex was a slip-up,

 

during that "slip-up" she had sex with him twice. And since that "slip-up" she has said she is confused about her feelings with regards to her X.

 

 

we all want to impress our exes for validation. She made a mistake, she admitted it, has NO plans of it happening again.

 

i think you need to read more of her thread. she is drawn to her X, she admitted as much. Doesn't sound like someone sure it won't happen again.

 

 

 

She feels like she has cheated even though there is no specific agreement.

 

uh....ok:confused:

 

 

We don't have the right to "tell her what to do," only advise.

 

we have the right to tell her anything we wish. nobody forces her to do anything.

 

 

Maybe she should, but it's her decision, not yours.

 

no kidding?

 

 

If he doesn't want to give her the title she is under no obligation to be exclusive to him.

 

fine, then she should have no problem letting him go, cause she certainly has no problems lying and keeping him in the dark.

[Dexter Morgan]

She still felt exclusive enough to give him a title. She used that title until the idea that they weren't exclusive was put in her head.

 

the title of bf/gf become highly inconvenient when she had sex with her X.

[ForRealLoveMe]

If the OP feels she has done nothing wrong (and she has claimed this as one of the stories she goes back and forth with), then why is she so afraid of hurting the currant? If she's done nothing wrong, then why not let the currant guy choose if he wants to know what she's not seeing him any more (if she ever gets to that point)?