fabulous_chk Posted October 8, 2009 Share Posted October 8, 2009 Do you feel a a disconnect between the two people in your life? I feel that my relationship with my ex has nothing to do with what I have with my bf. It's weird, it feels like there's a time overlap. It's weird that I'm still dealing with my ex's betrayal and still have lingering emotions for him, and at the same time, be in love with my bf. My world is upside down. Link to post Share on other sites
Hkizzle Posted October 8, 2009 Share Posted October 8, 2009 Look, rather than grill you like some of the other people I'll tell you this instead. Sometimes it's good for a person to hit rock bottom. The reason is humans are often too selfish or stupid to learn unless they get so upset the experience burns a lasting memory in their brain. If you truly are sorry, then learn from your mistake and never do it again. Link to post Share on other sites
MichiganMan222 Posted October 8, 2009 Share Posted October 8, 2009 (edited) I retract my response after reading the other thread. MM Edited October 8, 2009 by MichiganMan222 Link to post Share on other sites
Javelin Posted October 9, 2009 Share Posted October 9, 2009 Sometimes it's good for a person to hit rock bottom. The reason is humans are often too selfish or stupid to learn unless they get so upset the experience burns a lasting memory in their brain. I somewhat agree with this, but in the OP's case - I do not. When it's just you involved, hitting rock bottom is fine, but it's unacceptable at the expense of someone's feelings. Especially someone that you claim to love. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted October 9, 2009 Share Posted October 9, 2009 I somewhat agree with this, but in the OP's case - I do not. When it's just you involved, hitting rock bottom is fine, but it's unacceptable at the expense of someone's feelings. Especially someone that you claim to love. Ask any recovered alcoholic, rock bottom generally involves other people. Link to post Share on other sites
Javelin Posted October 9, 2009 Share Posted October 9, 2009 Ask any recovered alcoholic, rock bottom generally involves other people. Yes, in some instances you are right about alcoholism, but cheating should not involve another person's feelings, but unfortunately, these days people have very little self control. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 9, 2009 Share Posted October 9, 2009 Yes, in some instances you are right about alcoholism, but cheating should not involve another person's feelings, but unfortunately, these days people have very little self control. cheating always involves others. the energy that is spent on the other person outside the M or committed relationship could have/should have been spent within the primary relationship... how can that not affect the two supposedly committed? Link to post Share on other sites
Javelin Posted October 9, 2009 Share Posted October 9, 2009 (edited) cheating always involves others. the energy that is spent on the other person outside the M or committed relationship could have/should have been spent within the primary relationship... how can that not affect the two supposedly committed? ( The one downfall about this forum is that you cannot edit your own post if someone replies to the thread. In this case, I typed my thoughts incorrectly and when I went to edit it, twas too late. ) Cheating obviously involves two or more people, but my point is toward, 'hitting rock bottom.' If you're going to hit rock bottom at the expense of someone you claim (to be in) love (with) in terms of a relationship (alcohol aside,) then what kind of person does that make you? It really should not take a life changing experience for a person to realize the difference between what's right and what's wrong. Edited October 9, 2009 by Javelin Link to post Share on other sites
Hkizzle Posted October 9, 2009 Share Posted October 9, 2009 ( The one downfall about this forum is that you cannot edit your own post if someone replies to the thread. In this case, I typed my thoughts incorrectly and when I went to edit it, twas too late. ) Cheating obviously involves two or more people, but my point is toward, 'hitting rock bottom.' If you're going to hit rock bottom at the expense of someone you claim (to be in) love (with) in terms of a relationship (alcohol aside,) then what kind of person does that make you? It really should not take a life changing experience for a person to realize the difference between what's right and what's wrong. I don't think anyone chooses to hit rock bottom, lol. People that hit rock bottom will naturally drag other people down with them. What I am saying is, if someone hits rock bottom and doesn't learn from it then they will remain the same their entire lives. If however when they hit rock bottom they learn from it, then at least some good will come out of it. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 9, 2009 Share Posted October 9, 2009 ( The one downfall about this forum is that you cannot edit your own post if someone replies to the thread. In this case, I typed my thoughts incorrectly and when I went to edit it, twas too late. ) Cheating obviously involves two or more people, but my point is toward, 'hitting rock bottom.' If you're going to hit rock bottom at the expense of someone you claim (to be in) love (with) in terms of a relationship (alcohol aside,) then what kind of person does that make you? It really should not take a life changing experience for a person to realize the difference between what's right and what's wrong. hitting rock bottom usually happens because the person has participated in some extreme circumstances. to the point where it takes a person to places that they would normally never consider while not under the influence. many times, the substance abuser has no recollection of what actually happened during certain time frames while influenced. ie - a blackout. so how can a person know what they did when they actually don't have any idea they did it? what kind of a person does that make you - you asked? a person that should consider sobriety... one cannot attempt to know what they don't know... until you know - it's just impossible to explain to someone else. there are times when memory is triggered by words or an event that reminds a person what may have actually happened... that is hard to explain here as well... i hope i'm not off topic now, yikes. Link to post Share on other sites
aerogurl87 Posted October 9, 2009 Share Posted October 9, 2009 Do you feel a a disconnect between the two people in your life? I feel that my relationship with my ex has nothing to do with what I have with my bf. It's weird, it feels like there's a time overlap. It's weird that I'm still dealing with my ex's betrayal and still have lingering emotions for him, and at the same time, be in love with my bf. My world is upside down. Well when I was with my exBF after I cheated on him I felt like that was the thing that pushed me to care for him even more. I guess it was because I knew he had been hurt and I wanted to badly to make it all better for him. The thing with him and I though was that we should've never dated in the first place. He loved me in a romantic sense and I loved him more like someone would love their best friend. Also I didn't cheat on him repeatedly, it was a one time thing and I never talked to the guy after that. So it was purely physical as I felt no emotional connection to the guy. In a way though I was looking for an "out" in my relationship when I look back on things. I saw this one huge red flag (he told me he loved me after we'd been dating for a week) that scared the crap out of me. I only stayed out of guilt which was wrong I guess. But that's my story. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted October 9, 2009 Share Posted October 9, 2009 If you truly are sorry, then learn from your mistake and never do it again. I agree with this. However.......break up with your bf, and learn your choices(not mistake) and apply it to someone different in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fabulous_chk Posted October 9, 2009 Author Share Posted October 9, 2009 I agree with this. However.......break up with your bf, and learn your choices(not mistake) and apply it to someone different in the future. Why? Am I forever contaminated because of one single bad decision? It's very unlikely that I'll do it again. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted October 9, 2009 Share Posted October 9, 2009 Why? Am I forever contaminated because of one single bad decision? It's very unlikely that I'll do it again. read again, I said to learn from your choices and apply them to future relationships. learn, and move on....just don't cheat on this guy and forever keep him in the dark and lie to him. You don't deserve him. Start over with someone else, but only when you are mature enough to handle a committed relationship. Because right now, you aren't. Now if it were me, and I was dating you and found out that you had cheated in the past, I probably woulndn't drop you right on the spot, but I doubt I would pursue the relationship seriously. but thats just me, I don't like taking a chance on people that have proven that they are more than capable of cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
Jaspe_Loco Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 My MW and I have talked about this before. We both felt like we were cheating on each other, not our spouses. This is the only affair that I've been involved in during my 16 years of marriage. I love my MW deeply... I wouldn't be able to endure the stress and pain of having an affair otherwise. Link to post Share on other sites
desertmoon Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 To Jaspe_Loco: Let me get this straight...you feel like you are cheating on your MW with you wife? ahmmm..really? so you did not vow to remain faithful to your wife when you get married? and you are not lying to her about your affair? How do you feel about your wife? I'm confused by your statement. Link to post Share on other sites
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