Boyfriend vs. Coworker

[meep1227]

OK so i've been with my boyfriend for over a year and so far everythings been great, except a few things here and there, until recently. We've been fighting a lot and almost cant talk without it happening. Stuff I really didn't know about my boyfriend before is showing up and making me extremely p***ed off. I've talked to him and right now things are better kinda... We dont fight as much now.

 

Now at my job that i just started a couple months ago I met this guy. He's really sweet and treats me a lot better then my boyfriend. He buys me food when i'm short on cash, he rubs my back when its sore, he's there for me when i need someone to talk to or just lets me cry if i need to. This guy has been screwed over in so many relationships that i'm suprised he cares for me as much as he does.

 

By all logic i should leave my boyfriend for the other guy. I've had friends tell me they want me to to be with my coworker over my current boyfriend. and i know they are right. I just dunno for sure what to do because i love both guys. I have a history with my boyfriend. I just wish it was easy. How can i figure out what to do?

[Enema]

You're already in an emotional affair with your coworker.

 

You've checked out of the relationship with your boyfriend, but are still there because it's comfortable.

 

Let the poor guy go before you physically cheat on him too.

[meep1227]

No it's not like that. I'm in love with my boyfriend. Eveytime i think about breaking up with my boyfriend it kills me. We are just having problems right now... I just dont know what to do with the fighting and having feelings for the other guy as well. The other guy has been a great friend nothing to do with an EA. I treat him the same way i treat my other friends.

[tryagaintoday]

meep, I was the boyfriend. Instead of over a year, it was 13 years and we were engaged.

 

If you like to hear from my perspective. I can understand why my ex-fiancee did what she did. I did take her for granted.

 

What I cannot understand is, why are there no talks about things at all? Why is there no outburst of said unhappiness? Why only come to me when it was too late? Said she did try hinting to me all these while.

 

What I also cannot accept is that, I am willing to try everything to make it work this time. Counselling, using this as a reminder to never take her for granted while forgiving and will never bring this up again or use it as a "weapon" against her in future.

 

But no, she just kept shaking her head and crying and kept repeating that she wants to be with the other man.

 

Well, what else can I do? I now understand that once a cheater may not always be a cheater. But once a coward always a coward. She's not brave enough to face the music. Can't face our family, our friends. Just wanna run and hide.

 

I have been proven right most of the time. But this time, I really want to hope that I am wrong. That she is not a coward and will be brave enough.

 

Anyways, sorry for rambling, meep. I hope that you'll be brave. Spend some time on your own. Think about what you really want now and in the future. Then when you're ready. Sit down with your boyfriend and talk. Let him know what happened and what is your decision. Then give him time to think on his own as well. Whatever happens after, I sincerely wish you all the best.

[Bobby2010]

You are indeed having an emotional affair.

 

My fiancee left me for a co-worker and was living him within a week.

 

The longer you wait to tell your BF, the worse it will be for him. Believe me.

[Dexter Morgan]

OK so i've been with my boyfriend for over a year and so far everythings been great, except a few things here and there, until recently. We've been fighting a lot and almost cant talk without it happening. Stuff I really didn't know about my boyfriend before is showing up and making me extremely p***ed off. I've talked to him and right now things are better kinda... We dont fight as much now.

 

Now at my job that i just started a couple months ago I met this guy. He's really sweet and treats me a lot better then my boyfriend.

 

 

of course he does. people in relationships will fight once in a blue moon, maybe even alot. And the reason another guy is sweet is because he doesn't have the emotional baggage with you. I'm sure your bf was sweet like this guy at the start too, right? otherwise I'm sure you wouldn't have hooked up with him.

 

 

He buys me food when i'm short on cash, he rubs my back when its sore, he's there for me when i need someone to talk to or just lets me cry if i need to. This guy has been screwed over in so many relationships that i'm suprised he cares for me as much as he does.

 

and he has been screwed over in so many relationships, that now he is about to be a party to screwing over another guy?

 

 

By all logic i should leave my boyfriend for the other guy.

 

 

Yes, but not for the logic you think.....but because your bf doesn't deserve to have someone that has feelings for someone else.

 

So yes, break up with your bf and set him free to find someone that won't develop an office relationship with another guy.

 

 

I've had friends tell me they want me to to be with my coworker over my current boyfriend. and i know they are right. I just dunno for sure what to do because i love both guys. I have a history with my boyfriend. I just wish it was easy. How can i figure out what to do?

 

easy, you do what you SHOULD do. Break up with your bf. You are betraying him, whether you have gotten physical with the other guy or not.

 

And no, you don't love your bf if you want the other guy. Sorry, I don't care what anyone says...it doesn't work like that.

 

"Love should have brought your ass home last night" --Boomerang.

[Dexter Morgan]

No it's not like that. I'm in love with my boyfriend.

 

no, you aren't. If you were, you wouldn't be engaging in an affair with another guy.

 

 

Eveytime i think about breaking up with my boyfriend it kills me. We are just having problems right now

 

JUST having problems? Is that all it is? So this is how you deal with it, get the hots for another guy and lay the groundwork for cheating?

 

You think its fair for you to keep your bf on a string while you get all hot and bothered with this other guy?

 

Break up with your bf. he deserves better.

[mr.dream merchant]

I hate to be harsh, but neither guy deserves you. In fact, I think you should break up with your BF, cut all emotional ties with this other nice guy, and just do you for awhile. Find yourself, and try to build a more honest and outspoken person before you enter another serious relationship with a guy who genuinely and truly cares for you.

 

On a side note, my ex and I argued alot. Mostly due to her not being able to see things from other people's perspectives, just hers. And partly due to my lack of patience with her. The point is, I loved her with all my heart. The reason I'm telling you this is because, she thought otherwise. And you know why? Because she was too busy trying to hint at things instead of just opening up and talking about it. So while I wasn't picking up on the hints, she was feeling unloved. She never talked about her problems. When she finally said "let's talk" she was breaking up with me. She too had an office job, and most likely left me for another guy she was having an emotional affair with.

 

Point is, I'm single now, and I was very heartbroken for a couple months. Don't do this to your boyfriend. Talk to him or break up with him. Do not use him and utilize as a tool on your belt. Because what goes around comes around. Believe that. Just do the right and honest thing OP, you'll be alright.

[Untouchable_Fire]

No it's not like that. I'm in love with my boyfriend. Eveytime i think about breaking up with my boyfriend it kills me. We are just having problems right now... I just dont know what to do with the fighting and having feelings for the other guy as well. The other guy has been a great friend nothing to do with an EA. I treat him the same way i treat my other friends.

 

If your just going through a thing with your BF. Why are you hitting on your coworker? Why is he giving you back-rubs and buying you lunch?

 

Oh wait... because it's different with you.

[Yashy]

When you say 'problems about my boyfriend', are they manageable problems? Or problems that are so deep rooted that can't be changed?

 

Speak about your problems openly with your boyfriend. If you were having a good time with your current boyfriend a few months ago, then why can't you be having good times with him today? It's because you're focusing purely on the negative aspects of him as a person, rather than the positive aspects.

 

Letting go of this relationship just so you can feel better in the new one, is only a temporary solution. TRY at least with your current boyfriend, so that when you look back, you can say 'i gave it my best shot'. If your heart isn't in it, then fare enough, let go. Otherwise, work on yourself and the relationship. Make a better effort.

 

It's been one month since my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me. We had such a beautiful relationship. She went to a work convention for a few days and broke up with me almost a fortnight after. Why? She had feelings for a colleague. She's now sleeping with the guy. Why? Because it solves the problems out temporarily. But she DIDN'T at least open up to me beforehand to speak to me about any problems she thought we had (which I thought we hardly had). To this very day, I still DON'T KNOW what on earth was wrong with our relationship because of the way she left and that has a serious side effect; it affects my trust towards others tomorrow. If she made me understand things and sat me down like a brave woman SHOULD, then I would respect her far more for her courage. But she didn't make any efforts to try, after 3 beautiful years. Threw it away because the other guy seems better.

 

 

Now, here's my other pointer to you. There were times at my workplace, when I felt as though there were girls who were attractive or girls who would flirt. It's only natural that things would go through ones mind, such as 'she's cute, she makes me laugh and she seems so open about her emotions' etc. However, after a while I would bring myself back to reality and instead make myself focus on the great qualities of my girlfriend and who she was and why I was grateful to have her. I would ask myself 'so what if this girl makes me laugh, wasn't my girlfriend making me laugh 24hours ago too?'. This in itself would not permit me to ponder about wanting to pursue matters with others. It would make me feel grateful for what I have and make me fall even more deeply in love with my girlfriend.

In my opinion, if you have feelings for this person, then why not try the same thing and sit down and ask yourself these questions. The better your quality of question, the greater the quality of your answers.

 

Everybody at some point in their relationship has the possibility of thinking of someone else or fantasising etc. The grass always seems greener elsewhere. However, before letting go of someone, truly ask yourself questions and really sit down and answer them properly 'what do I love about my boyfriend'?....'what qualities does he have that I admire?'. If your answer is 'nothing' to those, then you're evidently in the wrong relationship. If not, then you may find that if you try and think a bit deeper, that you don't have to burn the string just yet and instead have a chance on making this work.

[Bobby2010]

It's because you're focusing purely on the negative aspects of him as a person, rather than the positive aspects.

 

Yep. And obviously the new guy has no negative aspects right now, how could he? Who has the advantage if you focus only on negative things? The new guy will look perfect.

 

When my ex told me she was leaving (before I knew it was for someone else) and I demanded answers, she started listing things, little things that could have easily be fixed.

 

Meep, does this co-worker know you have a boyfriend?

[tryagaintoday]

Yeah. Does this co-worker know if you are in a committed relationship? If so, that I am sure he is a scumbag. Why do I know? Because in this world there is only 1 slot for the nicest person in the world that will knowingly flirt and chase after someone already in a committed relationship. Why can't it be your co-worker? Well, that slot is already taken up by my ex-fiancee co-worker-now-turned boyfriend. So tough luck!

 

Seriously, meep. Sit down and talk to your boyfriend if you'd love.

[SoulSearch_CO]

Sounds like the grass is greener. Hell - why not just throw a one-year committed relationship out the window for Mr Nice Guy. I'm positive things will turn out peachy for all involved and the co-worker will turn out to be the man of your dreams. You'll NEVER run into ANY problems. You'll live happily-ever-after and never run into any communication snags.

 

Or, you know, welcome to the real world - how about doing the mature thing and working on things with your BF? Are you committed to him, or not? Because your current actions say that you're not.

[tryagaintoday]

Sounds like the grass is greener. Hell - why not just throw a one-year committed relationship out the window for Mr Nice Guy. I'm positive things will turn out peachy for all involved and the co-worker will turn out to be the man of your dreams. You'll NEVER run into ANY problems. You'll live happily-ever-after and never run into any communication snags.

 

Or, you know, welcome to the real world - how about doing the mature thing and working on things with your BF? Are you committed to him, or not? Because your current actions say that you're not.

 

well the 'sweetest' and 'friendliest' girl can throw a 13 year, i'm sure she can throw a 1

 

/bitter me speaking

 

seriously, i wish my ex can read this thread

[freestyle]

The grass only looks greener because you don't have to mow it..........

[SoulSearch_CO]

well the 'sweetest' and 'friendliest' girl can throw a 13 year, i'm sure she can throw a 1

 

/bitter me speaking

 

seriously, i wish my ex can read this thread

 

The grass only looks greener because you don't have to mow it..........

Grass-is-greener disease seems to run rampant in our society. Everybody wants the easy fix - let's not work with what we've got. Just trade in what you've got for the new model. When did we forget that people are not objects and are not replaceable like things are? Feelings are involved. This BS upsets me because I've seen it hurt people I care about.

[Bobby2010]

When did we forget that people are not objects and are not replaceable like things are?

 

I ask myself this almost every day.

 

But honestly speaking I've never had a "new potential special someone who is just so understanding and just perfect, and better than my SO" during a relationship.

 

I would however tell the truth, as I was lied to for months about the office fling and am experiencing the added pain that came along with waiting to tell me.

 

The truth will come out, there is no point delaying the inevitable.

 

No updates TS?

[Dexter Morgan]

I don't think meeps is gonna be back. I don't think she likes that we don't think she should be able to have her cake and make out with it too.

[Bobby2010]

I don't think meeps is gonna be back. I don't think she likes that we don't think she should be able to have her cake and make out with it too.

 

I guess it's to be expected from cowards.

 

Run away from controversy, avoid any conflict to make yourself feel better.

 

 

I'm guessing she's now with the scumbag coworker.

[cdt76]

DO NOT GET INVOLVED WITH ANYONE AT WORK. You will only regret it if things go sour with the relationship. Work is work. Keep work separate from your private life. If you get a new job or he gets a new job, then ok. As I would recommend, if you love your boyfriend, do everything in your power to fix it. If there is love, make it work. If you can't then move on, but do not move into the arms of a co-worker. You will only end up hating your job!

[meep1227]

sorry i didn't have internet for a few days. No me and my boyfriend are still together and have actually talked things out. I told him about what i've noticed and everything seems to be getting better... My boyfriend also knows that i have feelings for the coworker... he does not view me as having an EA. Thanks for all the advice from the people who didn't judge it's helped a lot.

Edited October 15, 2009 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Bobby2010]

My boyfriend also knows that i have feelings for the coworker

 

And he's cool with you continuing to work there?

[meep1227]

yea... we worked things out... my boyfriend and i are doing great now

[tryagaintoday]

good for you, meep!

 

now make sure you have open communication. And never get complacent. The both of you;)

[Dexter Morgan]

yea... we worked things out... my boyfriend and i are doing great now

 

so does this mean you are going to stop talking, at least in the manner you do, with the coworker? And are you going to have a talk with coworker about how you are in a relationship and you should keep your relations with coworker professional?