Boyfriend vs. Coworker

[stace79]

No it's not like that. I'm in love with my boyfriend. Eveytime i think about breaking up with my boyfriend it kills me. We are just having problems right now... I just dont know what to do with the fighting and having feelings for the other guy as well. The other guy has been a great friend nothing to do with an EA. I treat him the same way i treat my other friends.

 

Uh, well first off you stop communication with the other guy. Tell ya what, if I found out my fiance was getting back rubs from some other chick at his job, we'd be over. Nobody gives me a backrub unless it's another female (I'm not gay or bi), a professional masseuse, or family!

 

You need to end both relationships (and yes, you have TWO relationships going on simultaneously) and figure out what YOUR issues are.

[meep1227]

Uh, well first off you stop communication with the other guy. Tell ya what, if I found out my fiance was getting back rubs from some other chick at his job, we'd be over. Nobody gives me a backrub unless it's another female (I'm not gay or bi), a professional masseuse, or family!

 

You need to end both relationships (and yes, you have TWO relationships going on simultaneously) and figure out what YOUR issues are.

 

Stacy read all the replies... my boyfriend and i worked things out. No i wont cut off communication with the coworker but i did tell him that i'm in a relationship and he understands... the reason he gives me backrubs is because he's going to school to be a masseuse. I wont cut off communications because i've been friends with him for a long time. He is a good friend.

[stace79]

Stacy read all the replies... my boyfriend and i worked things out. No i wont cut off communication with the coworker but i did tell him that i'm in a relationship and he understands... the reason he gives me backrubs is because he's going to school to be a masseuse. I wont cut off communications because i've been friends with him for a long time. He is a good friend.

 

Ha. Right. My fiance was "friends" with his ex for six or seven years. He even called her a best friend for awhile after they broke up and when he started dating me. This "best friend" proceeded to actively pursue him when he started dating me exclusively and she found out.

 

She called when she knew I'd be at his place, told him she loved him, cried, begged him to let her come visit (she lived two hours away), tried to remind him of their relationship, etc. He finally was so "confused" that he broke up with me. Even when he realized he made a huge mistake and we worked things out, it never stopped bothering me that they still spoke.

 

He agreed never to see her in person, but he refused to stop talking to her via email, text, myspace, AIM and phone calls. It caused such huge problems for us that I finally broke up with him over it, at which point he realized that if you really love someone, their feelings come first.

 

This person caused you to consider ending your R. You should not have any contact with him anymore. Even if YOU think it will never happen again, you should have enough love/respect for your bf to stop talking to the guy.

 

Your attitude is selfish. My fiance was the same and almost lost me over it.

 

And what do you do the next time you and your bf start having problems, because it will happen again. You turn emotionally to your "friend" again?

[Dexter Morgan]

Stacy read all the replies... my boyfriend and i worked things out. No i wont cut off communication with the coworker but i did tell him that i'm in a relationship and he understands... the reason he gives me backrubs is because he's going to school to be a masseuse. I wont cut off communications because i've been friends with him for a long time. He is a good friend.

 

so how would you like it if your bf was canoodling on a daily basis with a woman at work that he had designs on and she for him?

 

I know, given your own situation, you'll probably say you wouldn't have a problem with it:rolleyes:

 

and he is more than a friend...this is a guy you'd like to jump.

[seibert253]

Stacy read all the replies... my boyfriend and i worked things out. No i wont cut off communication with the coworker but i did tell him that i'm in a relationship and he understands... the reason he gives me backrubs is because he's going to school to be a masseuse. I wont cut off communications because i've been friends with him for a long time. He is a good friend.

 

Cake eater

We were not born yesterday hon.

 

Dex, how long you give this?

[Bobby2010]

Horse sh*t your BF is cool with you continuing to work there.

 

You have for sure not filled him (or us) in on the details.

 

If he's OK with you working there, I'd wager he has his own side fling going on.

 

Nobody would be cool with their partner working with someone they have (had) feelings for. It doesn't work that way, unless he's a pathetic desperate doormat.

[meep1227]

My boyfriend and i have and understanding that crushes happen in a relationship. That sometimes you have one for a friend or a coworker. He's had a couple on both friends and coworkers and they always go away. Just as mine did for my coworker. I cannot afford to not work at my job and my boyfriend knows that... I make min wage at a crappy job and thats all there is open where i live. My coworker is a good friend and will always be one of my best friends. My boyfriend has had relationships with his friends before i ever came around and i let them be friends. See the thing with my boyfriend is he is friends with everyone. He isn't a doormat but he is sensitive and talks about his feelings. If he really had a problem with it he would tell me and i know that for a fact because he's done it. So quit all your trash talk agenst me and him because i choose to stay friends with the other guy. Everyone needs to be friends. my boyfriend and i say try and be friends with everyone. No matter what.

[Spectre]

My boyfriend and i have and understanding that crushes happen in a relationship.

 

Which is just bull**** people who get crushes while in a relationship tell themselves. If you're truly in love with a person you do not get crushes on other people. You also sure as hell do not refuse to cut off contact with whoever you had a crush on.

 

 

I cannot afford to not work at my job and my boyfriend knows that... I make min wage at a crappy job and thats all there is open where i live.

 

Then you really should of thought of that before you went off getting back rubs etc. from some dude at work. It's really your own fault. Who gives a crap if he is studying to give massages? He can find someone else to practice on. You want a massage so bad go get one done by a professional that you have no history with. But you won't do that, will you?

 

 

My coworker is a good friend and will always be one of my best friends.

 

If you want your relationship with your bf to work, no..this guy will not always be one of your best friends.

 

 

If he really had a problem with it he would tell me and i know that for a fact because he's done it. So quit all your trash talk agenst me and him because i choose to stay friends with the other guy. Everyone needs to be friends. my boyfriend and i say try and be friends with everyone. No matter what.

 

Someone else said it, but I will say it again: you are trying to have your cake and eat it to. You won't even cut ties with this other guy, which is truly pathetic.

 

In conclusion: You are among the group of women in this world who are responsible for turning some men into a-holes simply because their trust in women as a whole has been shattered by a few bad seeds like you. I feel sorry for your bf. I sort of feel sorry for you too, as you are in obvious denial about a lot of things.

 

If your boyfriend really does not care about you getting back rubs from a dude at work and having feelings for him, then he's obviously not that into you anyways. So if this the case, then I don't feel as sorry for him, at least he's smart enough to not get seriously involved with a chick like you.

Edited October 18, 2009 by Spectre

[fatamus]

meep, I was the boyfriend. Instead of over a year, it was 13 years and we were engaged.

 

If you like to hear from my perspective. I can understand why my ex-fiancee did what she did. I did take her for granted.

 

What I cannot understand is, why are there no talks about things at all? Why is there no outburst of said unhappiness? Why only come to me when it was too late? Said she did try hinting to me all these while.

 

What I also cannot accept is that, I am willing to try everything to make it work this time. Counselling, using this as a reminder to never take her for granted while forgiving and will never bring this up again or use it as a "weapon" against her in future.

 

But no, she just kept shaking her head and crying and kept repeating that she wants to be with the other man.

 

Well, what else can I do? I now understand that once a cheater may not always be a cheater. But once a coward always a coward. She's not brave enough to face the music. Can't face our family, our friends. Just wanna run and hide.

 

I have been proven right most of the time. But this time, I really want to hope that I am wrong. That she is not a coward and will be brave enough.

 

Anyways, sorry for rambling, meep. I hope that you'll be brave. Spend some time on your own. Think about what you really want now and in the future. Then when you're ready. Sit down with your boyfriend and talk. Let him know what happened and what is your decision. Then give him time to think on his own as well. Whatever happens after, I sincerely wish you all the best.

 

At least your ex had enough decency to at least tell you she was leaving for another guy and that’s it. Mine played games for 7 months and got so caught up in lies at the end she couldn’t keep any of her story straight. Same outcome as yours, all our mutual friends and my family were horrified of what she did and have a very low opinion of her. She has made up so many lies she made herself believe that she didn’t do anything wrong. Natures cycle always evens out, a coward always finds another cheating coward. Trust me life gets better from here on, the pain is always there but not of love but betrayal. As time passes the big picture becomes more clear, I got my pride, health, great friends a wonderful new girl and a bright future, she is hiding out with a coward, found the same backstabbing friends and her health is deteriorating at an alarming rate it will be a miracle if she ever has a child, and at the end she will end up sick and all alone.

[Dexter Morgan]

Cake eater

We were not born yesterday hon.

 

Dex, how long you give this?

 

give what? Her boyfriend playing a fool? Or how long before she starts an emotional affair again with this guy or another?

 

To the former....I'd say as long as he puts blinders on she will play him for a fool for as long as they are together.

 

To the latter, I'd give it about 6 weeks tops.

[Dexter Morgan]

My boyfriend and i have and understanding that crushes happen in a relationship.

 

if he understands that, then its because he has had his eye on wanting another woman at some point and time while he has been with you.

 

No, crushes do NOT just happen in a relationship. They happen to people who can't handle committed relationships.

 

And a crush is not just an attraction. You took it beyond attraction, so therefore it was a crush. If it were just a matter of being attracted to someone, that is one thing. What you did, and how you say you feel are quite another.

 

 

 

I cannot afford to not work at my job and my boyfriend knows that

 

fine, keep it until you find another. and if you can't find another, you keep trying until you do...no matter how long it takes.

 

If not, then you don't value your relationship.

 

but then again, with your attitude on crushes and your bf, another job won't really help....because you'll just develop a crush on another guy at another job as long as he is good looking.

 

 

I make min wage at a crappy job and thats all there is open where i live. My coworker is a good friend and will always be one of my best friends.

 

ya,....a friend you want to bone.

 

 

 

My boyfriend has had relationships with his friends before i ever came around and i let them be friends.

 

does he want to have sex with them? Has he developed a "crush" on them and told you he wanted these friends just like YOU want the coworker? If so, then that would explain his laissez faire attitude with regards to you and your coworker. He now has a green light to do the same.

 

 

See the thing with my boyfriend is he is friends with everyone. He isn't a doormat but he is sensitive and talks about his feelings. If he really had a problem with it he would tell me and i know that for a fact because he's done it. So quit all your trash talk agenst me and him because i choose to stay friends with the other guy.

 

i'm not talking trash against him, and as far as you go, I'm calling it like I see it. Any man with any self respect wouldn't be with someone that develops office relationships with other men.

 

 

Everyone needs to be friends.

 

oh just stop it. you are being ridiculous. of course everyone needs "friends"...but you want to consider a man you want to have sex with a "friend"....ya, good luck with that.

 

 

my boyfriend and i say try and be friends with everyone. No matter what.

 

so what if he is good friends with a woman that you know he really wants to have sex with? you ok with that I suppose? Somehow I think you are going to try to justify that you would be ok with that so you can justify it being ok to be friends with a guy you want to "open up" to.

[stace79]

My boyfriend and i have and understanding that crushes happen in a relationship. That sometimes you have one for a friend or a coworker. He's had a couple on both friends and coworkers and they always go away. Just as mine did for my coworker. I cannot afford to not work at my job and my boyfriend knows that... I make min wage at a crappy job and thats all there is open where i live. My coworker is a good friend and will always be one of my best friends. My boyfriend has had relationships with his friends before i ever came around and i let them be friends. See the thing with my boyfriend is he is friends with everyone. He isn't a doormat but he is sensitive and talks about his feelings. If he really had a problem with it he would tell me and i know that for a fact because he's done it. So quit all your trash talk agenst me and him because i choose to stay friends with the other guy. Everyone needs to be friends. my boyfriend and i say try and be friends with everyone. No matter what.

 

1. As for bolded sentence #1, my fiance told me that about his exgf, too. And I told him that I was not okay with it. He continued to ignore my feelings and refuse to accept that my feelings should outrank a "friend", and I finally broke up with him for it. At which point he grew up and gained some maturity and realized that as someone he loved I was far more important than any friend would ever be. He then cut all ties with his exgf.

 

2. He HAS told you he had a problem with it, and you ignore his feelings. You have flat out said you will not cut communication with the guy; if your bf is like most men, he doesn't want to beat a dead horse and keep arguing. At some point though, he will realize he deserves far better than a woman who puts a "friend" she had a crush on over her man.

 

I hope he wises up soon, breaks up with you, and then you realize how immature you're being. How old are you guys? Hopefully young enough to justify not knowing this on your own.

[Dexter Morgan]

Oh, and lets not forget this little gem from your first post:

 

By all logic i should leave my boyfriend for the other guy. I've had friends tell me they want me to to be with my coworker over my current boyfriend. and i know they are right.

 

Did you tell your bf that? I highly doubt it.