beefgoddess Posted December 1, 2003 Share Posted December 1, 2003 What do you think? After having a kid with a guy, and after we our own ways, he came back into our child's life after a couple years...but with a girlfriend. This didn't bother me until about a month later when he started dropping hints that he was into me. His girlfriend is really nice...but him and I got caught up in the moment and we ended up sleeping together...twice...I guess he's never told her because I'm assuming he'd end up finding a new place to sleep because of that. Anyway, he's still with her, but I still have feelings for him. It doesn't matter that I go to college and see tons of cute guys, all I think about is him. I'm not sure if I should wait for him to dump her or if I should try to move on... Errgh! I can't even see how I could move on, he's my baby's father and I see him very frequently!!! What should I do??? Would I even trust him if he ended up with me? Link to post Share on other sites
Girlinterrupted Posted December 1, 2003 Share Posted December 1, 2003 You are exactly the reason why I don't date guys with kids. You knew he had a girlfriend and you slept w/ him anyway, unfortunately you got your self into this willingly. Let me give you the benefit of the doubt though, did he ever say he was going to leave her? Did he lie to you? And if so then I would tell her about it! Stand up and show him he won't get away with playing games. If he didn't tell you he was going to leave her well then sorry but you dug your own grave. I know it's real hard to get over your childs father, I my self have an 8yr old and haven't been w/ her dad since she was 2 but you have to keep your dignity and show him that you are strong and that he can't have you when ever he pleases. You don't want to end up in a situation where he only come to you for one thing. Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted December 1, 2003 Share Posted December 1, 2003 1. he, the father, had no qualms about removing himself from your child's life for a couple of years. 2. he cheated on his girlfriend with you. Was he paying child support during his prolonged absence? Why did the two of you break up -- was he cheating on you? He does not sound like a good bet to me. Link to post Share on other sites
StoryOfMyLife Posted December 1, 2003 Share Posted December 1, 2003 I have been in the same boat as you myself. I began an affair with a married man when I was young, foolish, foot-loose and fancy free. Before long, I was pregnant with twins and my whole life changed. I got more responsible, broke off the affair, moved on and devoted myself to the children. Our relationship was restricted to discussing the kids, child support payments and weekly visitations. Then the day my children turned two, we got completely drunk after the guests left the birthday party, and the children went to bed. We made out and I got pregnant again with a second set of twins. It was that foolish one-night stand that complicated things and ruined my life. He got more and more aggressive after that, I was alone (orphaned at 13, no siblings, very few friends who all left me when they found out that I had sinned again.) Not knowing where to turn, and crushed by the burden of having to raise my 4 children, I ultimately ended up being his permanent mistress, spending the best years of my life playing the other woman, while I could have led the honorable life of someone else's wife and mother. Our 5 children (we had another child much later) are all grown, he was still with his wife and I was still his mistress... then a couple of years later, after deciding enough was enough, I left him and started life anew. It has been extremely hard, but I'm struggling and will survive... My opinion: Leave while the going is good. Ultimately, his wife will win and your heart will be broken to such tiny pieces that it can never be made whole again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author beefgoddess Posted December 2, 2003 Author Share Posted December 2, 2003 Well, we were never together in the first place. It was a stupid one night stand...both of us were being idiots. We started out as friends and it suddenly just happened. I'm being serious when I say that. But the thing is is that I told him there was a possibility that he wasn't her father (I admitted to sleeping with someone else ONCE and PROTECTED). He stuck around for about a month of my daughter's life, then when the going got tough and his new girlfriend started hating me, he left. No, he didn't pay a dime of child support. I didn't even try to contact him. But then I got sick of this crap and finally filed papers for child support. He requested a paternity test to "make sure" and it turned out to be positive (of course). He initiated the first contact, I'll give him credit for that, and him and my daughter hit it off quickly. I was very nice about everything despite his absense and made the effort to be nice to his girlfriend (The same one who encouraged him to leave in the beginning). Then he began coming to see Amy quite often, I think more so to see me than her...I didn't react even though I was attracted to him. He made the first move and I didn't pull back, but he begged me not to tell his girlfriend. The situation makes me want to gag, I hate the fact that I gave in like that. And he's made his presence known...I warned him that he'd have to face me even if he felt guilty about it. And yes, he did say he wanted to be with me...obviously he's not. I'm just wondering how I'm supposed to deal with seeing him constantly (We're talking nearly every day) and trying to forget about him and move on. Amy loves seeing us together and hates being away from him and when she's with him she misses me...ahh!!! What a mess we've created! Link to post Share on other sites
Girlinterrupted Posted December 2, 2003 Share Posted December 2, 2003 Seems you've been burned twice by the same hot stove, maybe now that you know it's hot you wont touch it again. It's not rocket science. Link to post Share on other sites
lostforwords Posted December 2, 2003 Share Posted December 2, 2003 ah beefgoddess I know what its like having the sexual attraction between you and the father of your child... and not wanting to act on it..... and going thru the turmoil of still having feelings for him and not acting on them..... you will always have feelings for him...... that is a given...... but eventually you will be able to just have that relationship of a friend with him.... afterall its your childs happiness that is at stake here.... eventually it does get easier...... and every day you will become a stronger person..... you have to for yours and your childs sake..... no rocket science involved at all.. just human nature..... and it does eventually get easier with time..... good luck to you!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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