D seems inevitable --> but how do I carry on - I don't have friends!

[sumdude]

Still trying to make friends. More determined now than ever. I can not live the life I did with the STBXW. Hey, even if had reconciled I need to treat this part of my life differently. I had no friends. There were friends of "ours" that all but one won't answer or return my calls. And no friends of mine. WOW. Trying to find out I can join some volunteer groups, some social clubs, - just get OUT, go have a beer, go to community events, sporting events, ... ETC.

 

Any other advice?

 

Well ya mentioned you're coming to DC sometime soon. I work in town and live close by, PM me if you want to meet up.

[FeelingLonely98]

Well ya mentioned you're coming to DC sometime soon. I work in town and live close by, PM me if you want to meet up.

 

Thanks sd - Appreciate it. But I'll be meeting up with a co-worker and heading up to Rockville for a workshop. I haven't told him everything but I will - he's a friend and will be supportive. I didn't callhim and tell hoim over the phone knowing that I would be seeing him face to face. But since he lives in Denver, he is not the kind of friend I need. I need some friends near me that I can call on in times of need (or they could call on me), that I can hang out with, that I can make plans to do stuff with periodically, ... you know what I mean.

 

But I can't thank you enough for the invite. Incredibly kind of you.

If I was alone for these 2 & 1/2 days I would meet up with you.

 

Hope you are doing ok. I haven't caught up on the latest

in your thread(s) lately.

 

PEACE!

[carhill]

Any other advice?

 

LOL, I just got served this morning and I'm headed to Singapore next week. Just for fun. I'm sure I'll meet a lot of people. I have a travel card I pass out when traveling. Made some interesting friends that way. You never know until you try. IMO, don't focus on specifics when reinventing yourself. Good friendships take time and energy. They don't happen overnight. Sumdude's response was great...you're going to be in DC; he suggested meeting up. Do it. Life is short

[FeelingLonely98]

LOL, I just got served this morning and I'm headed to Singapore next week. Just for fun. I'm sure I'll meet a lot of people. I have a travel card I pass out when traveling. Made some interesting friends that way. You never know until you try. IMO, don't focus on specifics when reinventing yourself. Good friendships take time and energy. They don't happen overnight. Sumdude's response was great...you're going to be in DC; he suggested meeting up. Do it. Life is short

 

Won't have time to meet up with sumdude (see above) but he is incredible for reaching out like that. If it wasn't such a short trip and I was not with a co-worker I definitely would.

 

car - have fun in singapore. I've been there once. 1989. Let us know what you're up to over there ...

 

PEACE!

[seibert253]

going to a pool party / bbq tomorrow.

Next Saturday going to a rock club that my sister and her BF go to. Says it's lots of fun and lots of good people ... not young kids but more middle aged (like me).

IO am going to join the local gym instead of working out at home. (Actually I've always wanted to try a spinning class at the gym - is that something guys do?)

Will go to the church tomorrow and see someone in the office to ask about volunteering or joing some groups at the church. (Or ask about other local churches if mine doesn't have anything appropriate.)

 

Any other ideas my good LS friends?

 

FL. The gym is a great place to meet people, plus work on yourself. Nothing better than throwing around some weights to work off that frustration and stress.

Spin class, it's the best. I'm a spinning instructor at my gym, and many times I'm the only guy in a room full of 18 sweating women. Plus it's a great cardio workout, not hard on the knees and back.

 

Go and enjoy.

[FeelingLonely98]

FL. The gym is a great place to meet people, plus work on yourself. Nothing better than throwing around some weights to work off that frustration and stress.

Spin class, it's the best. I'm a spinning instructor at my gym, and many times I'm the only guy in a room full of 18 sweating women. Plus it's a great cardio workout, not hard on the knees and back.

 

Go and enjoy.

 

Cool. I've been working out a my home a lot since all this broke 64 days ago. Lost 35 lbs. (most in the 1st 30 days while I was sick to death over this and couldn't eat). Folks tell lme I'm looking more buff and better than they've ever seen me. Wanna take it to the next level and hit the gym. I really thought about spin classes - mostly because men are outnumbered like 10 or 20 to 1 but also because it looked like fun. TY.

 

PEACE!

[beachbabyblues]

also goes out to you. All of your post scream out to me. I don't know why exactly, as I said in my note to your other post, I am the crappy OW.

The "no friends" thing is a strange place to find ourselves when we are this age. i think we get way too complacient with our partners and turn into hermits and fail to set a fire under each other after awhile. Perhaps this split will turn out to be the best thing that could have happened. Not trying to trivilise your situation. Sometimes we can be very lonely even if we have a partner. My suggestion to you.... walk. Just get out and take a walk every evening and find some great hiking trails or even your own neighbourhood. It's amazing what exercise will do for your peace of mind and general wellbeing. And as a woman, may I suggest getting a puppy lol its a no fail chick magnet. TRUST ME.

[FeelingLonely98]

also goes out to you. All of your post scream out to me. I don't know why exactly, as I said in my note to your other post, I am the crappy OW.

 

Don't say that about yourself bbb. Hey - you're here because you are not sure exactly where you are on everything? You're trying to find answers. That says something about you.

 

The "no friends" thing is a strange place to find ourselves when we are this age. i think we get way too complacient with our partners and turn into hermits and fail to set a fire under each other after awhile. Perhaps this split will turn out to be the best thing that could have happened. Not trying to trivilise your situation. Sometimes we can be very lonely even if we have a partner.

 

Well, that's the thing bbb - though I know now it wasn't a healthy way to be - the fact that I had no real friends of my own never bothered me and I did not "feel" lonely. Maybe I was but I didn't feel it.

 

My suggestion to you.... walk. Just get out and take a walk every evening and find some great hiking trails or even your own neighbourhood. It's amazing what exercise will do for your peace of mind and general wellbeing. And as a woman, may I suggest getting a puppy lol its a no fail chick magnet. TRUST ME.

 

Hmm, get a puppy, fight off the chicks! No brainer, huh? LOL. Well, I can't get a dog because I travel twice a month for up to 4 days and couldn't leave a dog home for that long. A cat can stay alone for a few days at a time - now they have automatic feeders, waterers, litter box cleaners, ... I will get a kitten soon though. For companionship at home. Can't really take the kitty out on a leash to the park though, eh?

I am exercising a lot since d-day! Cardio, weights, ... will get a gym membershiop soon and will probably do some spin classes. Maybe get the bike out of the garage and ride it around the neighrborhood in the fresh air.

 

TY bbb - Hang in there. It will be interesting to read your posts going forward. Let us know how and what you do.

 

PEACE!

[Slainte]

I'm in a similar situation except I wasn't in a serious relationship (marriage) just dating, and have run out of options for dates and friends due to moving colleges.

 

My solution is just to try and get active, find hobbies or join a Gym. As has already been said, if you visit a store related to a hobby or just normal shopping, find an excuse to talk to people.

 

For instance, last week I went to a local hardware store get some wood cut to length for shelves and while waiting I was talking to one of the fellas in the yard and found we'd a few interests in common and knew some of the same people.

[Gunny376]

Being a career Marine that changed duty stations every three or four years, you become adapt at learning how to meet new people.

 

The first thing you've got to do is to get out of the freaking house ~ and get out and about. Going to work, WalMart necessities, and then home just doesn't get it.

 

With that said? You've got to be sociable, and all the more approachable. That means plant a smile on your face.

 

Its pretty much like a sales job? And the product your selling is yourself.

 

Meet and Greet.

 

That is to say approach them, introduce yourself. That's right just walk up to someone whose caught your interest and say "Hi! My name is Joe Smuckatelle!"

 

Well you might want to start a random conversation with them. You will be surprised how many people are just looking for someone to chat with.

 

In the Marines this was easy ~ as you just asked to universal question?

 

"So why did you volunteer for the Corps?"

 

This could be any number of things?

 

"Did you see Alabama play last Saturday?"

 

"How about _________________?"

 

"What do you think about______________?"

 

"I'm a lousy when it comes to and would like anothers opinion?"

 

The list is endless.

 

Once you learn their name use it ~ and often. (Hint! Repeat it to yourself seven times. And if you get a chance? Write it down. Visualize their face with the name.) People love to hear their name being used.

 

Qualify them, get them to talk about themselves and to open up. And then speak in terms of the other person's interest. Talk about what they like to talk about.

 

Smile and be quick to laugh.

 

Having gained their interest in you make the suggestion. "You know we should continue this over ___________?

 

Ask for the contact info. Just simply ask? "How can I get in touch with you?"

 

Take the time to sit down and really think about the things that your not only interested in, but are passionate about. That you've always wanted to do, try, experience. Make a list, and then get busy ~ well getting busy with them.

 

Birds of a feather? Flock together.

 

Don't worry about whether its weird or strange ~ or may be perceived as such? There's a reason there are so many Star Trek conventions. There's a reason there are a lot of people that enjoy bird watching, etc.

(Not to suggest such people are weird? Just different from the main stream)

 

Don't put limits on things based upon your gender, age, etc. If "Spinning" (Whatever the Hell that is ~ Please I really don't want to know) is something that you've an interest in? Then go for it.

 

I took two years of typing classes in high school ~ because? That's where the girls were! They sure as Hell weren't in the voc-ag shop. All through life its paid off in Spades.

 

Me? I like vanilla ice cream. But when I go fishing? I don't go fishing with vanilla's ice cream ~ I go fishing with worms, crickets and such.

 

Why?

 

Because fish like crickets, worms and such.

 

A classic read is "How To Make Friends And Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. He wrote it seventy years, but the basic principles still apply.

 

Another good read, (in paperback no less) is "The Art Of Living Single"

 

And it is very much an "art".

 

I had an easier time adjusting to becoming a Marine, than I had being a Marine becoming a civilian.

 

Just as I had a harder time learning how to being single ~ once I had been married and in another LTR to being single again?

 

"Once you've danced with the devil ~ you don't change him? He changes YOU!"

 

You have to see the 'duality' in and of all this?

 

And there's a 'duality' to every aspect of your life?

 

There's a price your going to have to pay for being successful, just as there's a price your going to have to pay for being a failure.

 

Most failure comes from a lack of knowledge and experience. With knowledge and experience comes sucess.

 

Practice makes perfect.

 

In the beginning it can be broken down to a simple equation. With but two variables. "e" and "r"

 

That is to say with most human endevors?

 

In the beginning?

 

"E" requires a tremenous amount of "effort" which yeild very little results ("r")

 

But with and investment of time, effort and energy?

 

The equation 'flipps" to "e = R"

 

In which very little "effort = great RESULTS!"

 

This goes hand-in-hand with "Action must preceed emotion!"

 

That is to say, you've got to get out there and do it, before you feel like doing it or something.

 

You may have to slog yourself to the gym everyday five days a week for six months, before you feel like doing it everyday ~ five days a week.

 

But after six months or a year of doing so?

 

You can't see yourself not doing so?

Edited November 1, 2009 by Gunny376

[FeelingLonely98]

Being a career Marine that changed duty stations every three or four years, you become adapt at learning how to meet new people.

 

The first thing you've got to do is to get out of the freaking house ~ and get out and about. Going to work, WalMart necessities, and then home just doesn't get it.

 

With that said? You've got to be sociable, and all the more approachable. That means plant a smile on your face.

 

...

 

That is to say, you've got to get out there and do it, before you feel like doing it or something.

 

You can't see yourself not doing so?

 

GUNNY - as always - great advice and awesome words. TY. I'm picking up those books today.

 

PEACE!

[beachbabyblues]

first off, Gunny, just have to say, man can you write. Wonderful words of wisdom and beautifully written. I am new here, and I am so impressed with all of you and everything you have posted. Thank you for sharing, it helps to read all of your posts. (better than any self help books on the market).

 

Lonely, thank you for your reply on this topic and the reply yesterday. Thank you for not judging me. I don't feel my writing can compare to yours so please be patient with me and excuse the typos. (gotta love these mini laptops.. netbooks whatever lol)

 

I have been so stuck for over 2 years. Fell in love with another man. Seperated from H for 3 months but we stayed in the same home. just seperate beds. What a joke, we had more sex during that time than we have had in years. It was a trial seperation, we agreed that we could date or see others. Me, I never went out as my "other man" is also married and does not seem to have any intention of leaving. He has been clear from the start. I accepted him with that knowledge. Love... what a mess it makes of an otherwise logical woman. F@*k. Long story short, my H met a woment that he wanted to see, she said not unless we disclosed our seperation to the world. At this point I panicked, it became real. My kids, family, friends did not know we were seperated. We were putting on a pretty good show. Soooooo I begged him to stay with me... I would give him my all 100%. I don't. I still have limited e-mail contact with OM. He also has my heart. I know, I am a coward and a cake eater and all those other horrible things you call someone who does what I am doing. I know right from wrong. I am ashamed of myself. I look at H at think, you deserve better than what I am giving.

 

Reading your posts make me realize how real the hurt is. How one persons actions affect and change another persons life forever. That is why I posed the question to you,, "would you want her to stay if she was in love with someone else?"

 

I am in limbo. I will keep reading your posts. They help. I understand if you feel resentment towards me. I get it.

Edited November 1, 2009 by beachbabyblues

[beachbabyblues]

first off, Slainte, just have to say, man can you write. Wonderful words of wisdom and beautifully written. I am new here, and I am so impressed with all of you and everything you have posted. Thank you for sharing, it helps to read all of your posts. (better than any self help books on the market).

 

Lonely, thank you for your reply on this topic and the reply yesterday. Thank you for not judging me. I don't feel my writing can compare to yours so please be patient with me and excuse the typos. (gotta love these mini laptops.. netbooks whatever lol)

 

I have been so stuck for over 2 years. Fell in love with another man. Seperated from H for 3 months but we stayed in the same home. just seperate beds. What a joke, we had more sex during that time than we have had in years. It was a trial seperation, we agreed that we could date or see others. Me, I never went out as my "other man" is also married and does not seem to have any intention of leaving. He has been clear from the start. I accepted him with that knowledge. Love... what a mess it makes of an otherwise logical woman. F@*k. Long story short, my H met a woment that he wanted to see, she said not unless we disclosed our seperation to the world. At this point I panicked, it became real. My kids, family, friends did not know we were seperated. We were putting on a pretty good show. Soooooo I begged him to stay with me... I would give him my all 100%. I don't. I still have limited e-mail contact with OM. He also has my heart. I know, I am a coward and a cake eater and all those other horrible things you call someone who does what I am doing. I know right from wrong. I am ashamed of myself. I look at H at think, you deserve better than what I am giving.

 

Reading your posts make me realize how real the hurt is. How one persons actions affect and change another persons life forever. That is why I posed the question to you,, "would you want her to stay if she was in love with someone else?"

 

I am in limbo. I will keep reading your posts. They help. I understand if you feel resentment towards me. I get it.

[2.50 a gallon]

FL98

 

I have seen it done, you might try googling for an answer

 

About a year back I met this lady in a pet store, she had this most beautiful cat on a leash. I do not know the breed of the cat but it had the spots and markings of an ocelot. The cat itself was pretty big, maybe a little less than 20 pounds, but not fat like our 20 pounders, this cat was long and sleek. Also this cat was not shy, I was standing at the counter, and was in its way, it sort of refused to go around me, it just sort of looked up at me and challanged me to get out of its way. When asked the lady expained that she had began leash training him as a kitten. I have heard similar stories from others who have leashed trained their cats.

You talk about a chick magnet, also this cat was very friendly

Cats are trainable, we have a cat that fetches like a dog.

Both of my cats love to give me kisses. The oldest learned by accident, she liked to lick of the sweat off of my arm, and I began telling her when she was doing this to give me a kiss. The second one, I had to teach, as a kitten sometimes she would give me a lick or two, and wasn't catching on when I began to tell her to give me a kiss as she was doing so. So I opened her favorite canned food, dabbed some of the juice on my arm, and when she began to lick it off, I just kept repeating "Give me a kiss". It took less than a week for her to figure it out.

Edited November 1, 2009 by 2.50 a gallon

[2.50 a gallon]

FL98

 

I have seen it done, you might try googling for an answer

 

About a year back I met this lady in a pet store, she had this most beautiful cat on a leash. I do not know the breed of the cat but it had the spots and markings of an ocelot. The cat itself was pretty big, maybe a little less than 20 pounds, but not fat like our 20 pounders, this cat was long and sleek. Also this cat was not shy, I was standing at the counter, and was in its way, it sort of refused to go around me, it just sort of looked up at me and challanged me to get out of its way. When asked the lady expained that she had began leash training him as a kitten. I have heard similar stories from others who have leashed trained their cats.

You talk about a chick magnet, also this cat was very friendly

Cats are trainable, we have a cat that fetches like a dog.

Both of my cats love to give me kisses. Sunshine learned by accident, she liked to lick of the sweat off of my arm, and I began telling her when she was doing this to give me a kiss. Gracie, I had to teach, as a kitten sometimes she would give me a lick or two, and wasn't catching on when I began to tell her to give me a kiss as she was doing so. So I opened her favorite canned food, dabbed some of the juice on my arm, and when she began to lick it off, I just kept repeating "Give me a kiss". It took less than a week for her to figure it out.

[2.50 a gallon]

FL98

 

In reading your posts you refer to your STBXW as being beautiful, etc.

 

You attracted a gorgeous woman to marry you in the past, what makes you think that it can't happen again?

 

In the years since, you have matured, developed a successful career, own your own home. Don't sell your self short, there are lot of women, many of them younger, who are on the lookout, for a mellow man with these qualities.

 

Just get out there, be friendly and they will find you. Smile and say HI

[Phateless]

My main problem is that I don't really have any friends. The last 16 years I revolved my world around my stbxw. I worked from home for my employer and then travelled every other week to complete assignments. I have a few acquantances - but no really good friends. I don't have anyone to go hang out with, I am not sure where to go to meet people, ... ETC. UGH!! I'm pretty pathetic, eh? I know, but that is where I am now. I would have been so happy staying in my little world with the woman I adored and loved. But that is probably gone.

(Same story - one day ok, next I want a D and no chance to work things out - an apparent "checked out long ago" stbx - and has the OM - a 28 yrs younger OM!) :-(

 

I do have younger sisters that I have been hanging out with ...

 

I am going to be so lonely now - and the future looks bleak.

 

Thoughts? Suggestions?

 

Call the people you do know and hang out with them. Acquaintances can become friends.

 

I went through the exact same thing (got out of a 5 year relationship at 26, basically starting over).

 

I actually told certain people "sorry to lay this on you, but I'm pretty low right now and I need someone to hang out with." Getting out of the house works wonders. You meet their friends and so on.

 

Your social circle will expand, but you have to start somewhere.

[FeelingLonely98]

first off, Gunny, just have to say, man can you write. Wonderful words of wisdom and beautifully written. I am new here, and I am so impressed with all of you and everything you have posted. Thank you for sharing, it helps to read all of your posts. (better than any self help books on the market).

 

Gunny is AWESOME, huh?

WWGD...

 

Lonely, thank you for your reply on this topic and the reply yesterday. Thank you for not judging me.

 

YW, I am very careful not to judge others ... I don't where they have walked in their shoes. Again, Just by you (an OW) being here and sharing and participating in LS says mountains about you.

 

I am in limbo. I will keep reading your posts. They help. I understand if you feel resentment towards me. I get it.

 

TY again. I am glad my posts and threads not only act as an avenue for me to vent and share and "feel better" ... but they have helped others understand the BIG picture a little more. At this point that is almost more important to me as I am resigned as to where my future life path is headed. Others helped beyond belief in my first 30 days and now I wish to repay the kind acts.

 

And bbb, I do NOT feel resentment towards you and all OM and OW. I do so wish the 18 yr old OM who is now with my STBXW would drop dead in the next minute. I really feel that my STBXW would be home right now if he did not tempt her. She told me this is true 6 days ago - that she would be here. But that she probably would have left when the suitor winked at her. But knowing what I know now we could have fixed this. So, I have TONS of resentment agst the OM in my situation.

 

Please let us know how your situation is progressing...

 

PEACE!

[FeelingLonely98]

FL98

 

In reading your posts you refer to your STBXW as being beautiful, etc.

 

You attracted a gorgeous woman to marry you in the past, what makes you think that it can't happen again?

 

In the years since, you have matured, developed a successful career, own your own home. Don't sell your self short, there are lot of women, many of them younger, who are on the lookout, for a mellow man with these qualities.

 

Just get out there, be friendly and they will find you. Smile and say HI

 

TY Gallon - Your words give me hope ... I do have all those qualities.

Last night when picking up my son, some folks who haven't seen my in many months remarked that I looked like I was 30 yrs. old - I'm in my upper 40s - that was an ego booster. I've lost 35 lbs. (now 6'2" 199 lbs.), I've been working out a bit, and I cut my hair shorter than it's been since I was 7 yrs. old. My hair was thinning on top and the medium cut didn't look great.

 

Smile and say Hi ... Smile and say Hi ... Smile and say Hi ...

[FeelingLonely98]

FL. The gym is a great place to meet people, plus work on yourself. Nothing better than throwing around some weights to work off that frustration and stress.

Spin class, it's the best. I'm a spinning instructor at my gym, and many times I'm the only guy in a room full of 18 sweating women. Plus it's a great cardio workout, not hard on the knees and back.

 

Go and enjoy.

 

"Location: Eastern Shore of Maryland"

 

Hey Seibert - I used to spend my Summers on the Eastern Shore - Caroline County, very close to Denton.

 

PEACE!

[missmeme]

Fl98, I can totally relate to how you feel, spent the last 22 years keeping the home fires burning for my stbxh (sorry if I get the acronyms wrong) He was in the 82nd when we married (there is some more history in a couple of other posts by me) so he was gone alot, I worked 2 jobs to put him through college and he got a job that involved alot of travel, he spent 4 1/2 years going back and forth to Iraq and Afghanistan (as a civilian) and I stayed home and raised the kids and tried to be there for him as much as possible, I didn't want him to be gone the last year he was gone but he decided it would be good for his career, I made him promise to not get used to being without me but guess what he did, he says he fell in love with another women over there and because they went through it together they share something, I can't compete with her, her 1 child is grown up in college and I have 2 teenagers still at home and 1 "20 yr old" trying to find himself. If you have teenagers you know it is seems to be drama all the time. He moved out the first of October, saying he wanted to work on himself, he had also told me back in June that he had broke up with the OW but he came clean a couple of weeks ago and told me they had never broke up. He has been unfaithful to me several times, I have never returned the favor, I forgave him because I love him and I figure people make mistakes (stupid, right?) All i know is I hurt all the time, I just want someone to tell me what to do. I feel so lost and alone and unlovable, I signed up on some dating sites but I don't really want anyone else, I can't even imagine going on a date let alone having sex with someone else. My stbxh keeps playing mind games with me, one week he loves me and thinks if we keep talking there is a chance it might work out and the next week it is he doesn't want to hurt me anymore so we should just get divorced. I don't want a divorce not that it really matters what I want, I know I created a monster because it was always about him, I always put aside my own wants and desires for him, I don't think I even know what I want anymore. Why is so wrong for me just to want him to give us a chance after 22 years together? How do you stop loving someone? Sorry didn't mean to go on and on. Also I'm with you on getting the other person, I hate her so much because I know if she wasn't in the picture he would give us a chance.

[FeelingLonely98]

" ... guess what he did, he says he fell in love with another women over there and because they went through it together they share something, I can't compete with her, her 1 child is grown up in college and I have 2 teenagers still at home and 1 "20 yr old" trying to find himself.

 

Is this the same situation whereby you told him it was ok to sleep with another woman? Or was it the online EA? Or is this one and the same?

 

BTW - you CAN compete. You are a better woman. SHE is the slut that is knowingly sleeping with a married man and contributing to the breakup of a M.

 

he had also told me back in June that he had broke up with the OW but he came clean a couple of weeks ago and told me they had never broke up. He has been unfaithful to me several times, I have never returned the favor, I forgave him because I love him and I figure people make mistakes (stupid, right?)

 

It doesn't sound like he has doneanything to show YOU that he deserves your trust. Forgive, YES. Very important - for you. But forget - NEVER.

 

All i know is I hurt all the time, I just want someone to tell me what to do. I feel so lost and alone and unlovable, I signed up on some dating sites but I don't really want anyone else, I can't even imagine going on a date let alone having sex with someone else. My stbxh keeps playing mind games with me, one week he loves me and thinks if we keep talking there is a chance it might work out and the next week it is he doesn't want to hurt me anymore so we should just get divorced.

 

You can try a "friends" date or a "hanging out" date. lunch, coffee, ... See how it feels. There are a lot of good guys out there. I know I'm one!

 

When he keeps flip flopping he is just keeping you on a string, as a backup. If he had any intention of making it work, or seeing if there was a chance he would jump into a reconciliation 100% and you would know it.

 

mmm - I really think you need to initiate NC (no contact) with him. It will be difficult - especially in the beginning, you will have slip-ups. So far my longest NC time has been 9 days. On NC day 6 now. (This includes no more sex with him!) Find other avenues.

Are you still living together?

Also, start a 180. Read up on it here on LS.

 

...it was always about him, I always put aside my own wants and desires for him, I don't think I even know what I want anymore. Why is so wrong for me just to want him to give us a chance after 22 years together?

 

Me too - I always revolved my life around her. So much so that I neglected friends and now I don't really have any close friends. (That's why this thread has the title it does!) It was always about what was best for her and the home and the family. Not about me. Don't know if she even realized this.

 

How do you stop loving someone? Sorry didn't mean to go on and on.

 

I haven't stopped loving my 47 yr old W. Even after she left the M to have an A with an 18 yr old boy. I may never stop loving her. But I will eventually get to the point where I stop thinking about her and will have nothing left inside me in case she crawls back. Even if I still love her.

 

Also I'm with you on getting the other person, I hate her so much because I know if she wasn't in the picture he would give us a chance.

 

I wouldn't shed a tear (would probably raise a beer!) if a bus smashed into him today.

My STBXW told me if she had not met him she would be home now. And knowing what I do know I believe 100% we could have worked it out and been stronger then ever and better than ever.

Oh well, she's to involved now with her little BF to even remember her M anymore...

 

PEACE!

[sumdude]

 

I wouldn't shed a tear (would probably raise a beer!) if a bus smashed into him today.

My STBXW told me if she had not met him she would be home now. And knowing what I do know I believe 100% we could have worked it out and been stronger then ever and better than ever.

Oh well, she's to involved now with her little BF to even remember her M anymore...

 

PEACE!

 

Don't believe this, she's blame shifting.. oh right so it's now the boys fault.. gimme a break:rolleyes:

 

Reality two by four coming..

 

SHE made the choice, SHE is an adult in full control of her faculties. Wherever you may have been lacking in the marriage, whatever the kid did in the end it's all about her. It's not your fault or the kids fault either. It could have been some other guy that came along .. who knows. Whatever is going on inside her little head he happened to be there.

 

 

Get off your cross and stop blaming yourself.

Put away your guns and stop blaming the boy.

 

Take off your colored glasses and take a good look at your STBX.

Edited November 9, 2009 by sumdude

[FeelingLonely98]

Don't believe this, she's blame shifting.. oh right so it's now the boys fault.. gimme a break:rolleyes:

 

Reality two by four coming..

 

SHE made the choice, SHE is an adult in full control of her faculties. Wherever you may have been lacking in the marriage, whatever the kid did in the end it's all about her. It's not your fault or the kids fault either. It could have been some other guy that came along .. who knows. Whatever is going on inside her little head he happened to be there.

 

Well, she stuck around in our house for a few days becuase had not told her mom about the A and was afraid to. Until she got so desperate to see the little boy that she overcame this and went to live with her Mom. He rmom has made her life a living hell for 7 weeks now. Nonetheless, she is now "free" to go out with the boy and bang him whenever she wants. If he wasn't there she wouldn't have left that day and the fact that she is going thru hell with her Mom and the rest of her family supports this. maybe?

[sumdude]

Well, she stuck around in our house for a few days becuase had not told her mom about the A and was afraid to. Until she got so desperate to see the little boy that she overcame this and went to live with her Mom. He rmom has made her life a living hell for 7 weeks now. Nonetheless, she is now "free" to go out with the boy and bang him whenever she wants. If he wasn't there she wouldn't have left that day and the fact that she is going thru hell with her Mom and the rest of her family supports this. maybe?

 

So this guy has mind control powers or something? Made her take her panties off?