"Un-Friended" Him

[NowhereToHide]

So last night I finally un-friended my xAP on Facebook.

 

This was HUGE for me. It took me a while to wrap my head around NC, but removing him from FB was something I didn't think I could ever do. I felt like I still needed to "see" him and to see what was going on with his life.

 

I woke up in the middle of the night with a huge panic attack over what I had done. But now, in the light of the day, I feel as though I have gotten rid of a 200 lb gorilla.

 

Next to go will be my email acct. Having a hard time deleting all of the old emails, but it's coming. I can feel it.

[Devil Inside]

DO IT...DO IT...do it now before you lose your nerve.

 

Delete it and then come back here and post that you did it.

 

I'll give you a prize!

[Morelikeher]

Good for you! MY xMM actually deleted his FB account and at first, I was extremely upset about it. Now, I'm just glad I don't see his posts/pictures anymore.

 

I deleted/blocked his email immediately. My problem is that I didn't want to delete his pictures on my computer. Well, yesterday I did it!!

 

Now if I can just delete his voicemails on my phone. One step at a time.

 

Deleting him on FB is such a great movement forward for you! NC is SO hard, but we can do it!!

[NowhereToHide]

DO IT...DO IT...do it now before you lose your nerve.

 

Delete it and then come back here and post that you did it.

 

I'll give you a prize!

 

 

You're killing me.

 

... prize, huh? Give me a hint!

[UrKillinMeSmalls]

I'm hoping you deleted him off of FB because you were unable to control checking up on him, and not in an attempt to get a reaction from him, or out of spite. I won't judge you, but some reasons are better than others for doing something like that.

 

As far as your email goes, there's no need to delete your whole email account. Delete old emails from him sure, but you don't need to change all that around. There's only so much you can erase and get rid of in your life before it stops doing you any good.

[NowhereToHide]

Good for you! MY xMM actually deleted his FB account and at first, I was extremely upset about it. Now, I'm just glad I don't see his posts/pictures anymore.

 

I deleted/blocked his email immediately. My problem is that I didn't want to delete his pictures on my computer. Well, yesterday I did it!!

 

Now if I can just delete his voicemails on my phone. One step at a time.

 

Deleting him on FB is such a great movement forward for you! NC is SO hard, but we can do it!!

 

 

It IS moving forward. I was compelled every time I got on there to look at his pictures. Last night when I checked his page he had posted a picture of his wife and kids. That did it. I don't want to see it anymore.

[I Miss the Kiss]

You're killing me.

 

... prize, huh? Give me a hint!

 

Well, I'm not DI, but I think the prize is you get your heart and your pride back. You get your strength back. And finally YOU are in control of what happens to you... I hope you can do it!!! Do it!! You are bigger than this!

[Devil Inside]

You're killing me.

 

... prize, huh? Give me a hint!

 

Have you done it yet?

 

[NowhereToHide]

I'm hoping you deleted him off of FB because you were unable to control checking up on him, and not in an attempt to get a reaction from him, or out of spite. I won't judge you, but some reasons are better than others for doing something like that.

 

As far as your email goes, there's no need to delete your whole email account. Delete old emails from him sure, but you don't need to change all that around. There's only so much you can erase and get rid of in your life before it stops doing you any good.

 

 

No, I'm actually done caring what he thinks. I did it because I couldn't stop myself from checking his page and it wasn't helping me move on. I know he will be surprised when he realizes it, but that won't be for weeks. And when he does, my email account will be deleted so I won't get whatever "WTF" email he sends anyway.

 

The email acct was one that I set up specifically for him. I also used it to journal my feelings. Hard to let it go, but I need to.

[NowhereToHide]

Have you done it yet?

 

 

 

NO. Geez Louise. I just did the FB thing. Doesn't that at least buy me some time?

[Devil Inside]

NO. Geez Louise. I just did the FB thing. Doesn't that at least buy me some time?

 

Yeah...yeah...OK.

 

Just trying to motivate you like a personal trainer in the gym would.

 

I need to buy some time to figure out which prize to give you...I have so many laying around here.

 

However, I like the ones Kiss mentioned...good stuff.

[Devil Inside]

OK...I have to actually go work.

 

I can't wait to come back and read all about the death of the email account.

 

You can do this NTH...and even if you don't you will in time...but you better!

 

LOL...way to go on the FB...I'm proud of you.

[Morelikeher]

LOL! I think that was enough for a prize.. It took me 10 weeks to delete his pictures... I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of me. Do it in your time. Just be sure to do it!

[NowhereToHide]

Yeah...yeah...OK.

 

Just trying to motivate you like a personal trainer in the gym would.

 

I need to buy some time to figure out which prize to give you...I have so many laying around here.

 

However, I like the ones Kiss mentioned...good stuff.

 

 

Yeah, well the last time I went to a personal trainer they made me puke. So knock it off already.

 

And I know, I'll get my pride back (blah, blah blah)....

 

In all seriousness, I'm not sure I can let all of the emails go. I want to get rid of the email address so he can't contact me anymore -- that feels okay -- but I don't think I'm ready to delete everything. It feels like losing something really profound.

[UrKillinMeSmalls]

No, I'm actually done caring what he thinks. I did it because I couldn't stop myself from checking his page and it wasn't helping me move on. I know he will be surprised when he realizes it, but that won't be for weeks. And when he does, my email account will be deleted so I won't get whatever "WTF" email he sends anyway.

 

The email acct was one that I set up specifically for him. I also used it to journal my feelings. Hard to let it go, but I need to.

 

Sorry but you contradict yourself. You say you're done caring about what he thinks, but then you make an assumption on how he'll feel about your step backwards.

 

Also, that's good that deleting the email won't create any other inconveniences in your life, since it was designed for him and only him. But you again make an assumption about how he'll react to it, with the 'WTF' email. You making these assumptions tells me that you do indeed want to elicit a response from him, wether you'd like to admit it or not.

 

Just make sure you're doing all these things for the right reasons, otherwise you will be disapointed if you don't get the reaction your expecting. Be real with yourself.

[NowhereToHide]

OK...I have to actually go work.

 

I can't wait to come back and read all about the death of the email account.

 

You can do this NTH...and even if you don't you will in time...but you better!

 

LOL...way to go on the FB...I'm proud of you.

 

 

Ahhh... the dreaded work. Well enjoy shrinking some heads today! "See" you later!

 

(and thanks for the support... I need to hear that I can do this)....

[Fallen Angel]

Yeah, well the last time I went to a personal trainer they made me puke. So knock it off already.

 

And I know, I'll get my pride back (blah, blah blah)....

 

In all seriousness, I'm not sure I can let all of the emails go. I want to get rid of the email address so he can't contact me anymore -- that feels okay -- but I don't think I'm ready to delete everything. It feels like losing something really profound.

 

I may be wrong here, I usually am, but I would say, if you just can't bring yourself to delete the emails and journal entries, then, make yourself a NEW email account and send them to yourself. That way when you feel you just HAVE to wallow in your own sorrow and pain some more, you have them, but it frees you to delete the account he could use to actually CONTACT you again.

[NowhereToHide]

Sorry but you contradict yourself. You say you're done caring about what he thinks, but then you make an assumption on how he'll feel about your step backwards.

 

Also, that's good that deleting the email won't create any other inconveniences in your life, since it was designed for him and only him. But you again make an assumption about how he'll react to it, with the 'WTF' email. You making these assumptions tells me that you do indeed want to elicit a response from him, wether you'd like to admit it or not.

 

Just make sure you're doing all these things for the right reasons, otherwise you will be disapointed if you don't get the reaction your expecting. Be real with yourself.

 

 

Not sure where you think I'm contradicting myself. Saying that I don't care what he thinks anymore doesn't mean that I can't make assumptions about how he might react. Those are not mutually-exclusive concepts.

 

Yes, I know him well enough to know how he'll react. But do I CARE how he will react. NO, I do not.

 

And the fact that my email account will be deleted so I won't even get his response should tell you that I "won't be disappointed if I don't get the reaction I want".

 

I have been nothing BUT real with myself lately. I am mired down in the reality of all of this. Hence, my desire to move on from all of this.

[NowhereToHide]

I may be wrong here, I usually am, but I would say, if you just can't bring yourself to delete the emails and journal entries, then, make yourself a NEW email account and send them to yourself. That way when you feel you just HAVE to wallow in your own sorrow and pain some more, you have them, but it frees you to delete the account he could use to actually CONTACT you again.

 

 

I was thinking about that, too. I am feeling like the most important thing for me to tackle right now is finally removing all points of contact with him. So deleting the address will do that trick.

 

I guess I could set up a completely different account and keep the old stuff there until I'm ready to get rid of it. I haven't read any of the old emails since it ended 6 months ago -- most of them I can't even remember anymore. Just not sure I could actually hit the delete button. And when I think about it, it's more about my journal entries than his emails. I went through some really heavy stuff with myself during all of this. I want to keep those to remember that I have actually made progress in fixing some of my issues.

[jj33]

I deleted everything. And everytime we have a fight and I tell him why are you doing this etc etc I delete all the new emails again. Its better. You know it existed. But time spent reading sweet emails wistfully is time wasted.

 

You can wallow in your mind.

 

But if as others said you are not ready to delete them then put them in a new account.

[fooled once]

So last night I finally un-friended my xAP on Facebook.

 

This was HUGE for me. It took me a while to wrap my head around NC, but removing him from FB was something I didn't think I could ever do. I felt like I still needed to "see" him and to see what was going on with his life.

 

I woke up in the middle of the night with a huge panic attack over what I had done. But now, in the light of the day, I feel as though I have gotten rid of a 200 lb gorilla.

 

Next to go will be my email acct. Having a hard time deleting all of the old emails, but it's coming. I can feel it.

 

You did GREAT NWTH! Absolutely great!

 

Be very proud of yourself. You are moving closer and closer to healing more and more each day!!

 

Good job!!

[fooled once]

I may be wrong here, I usually am, but I would say, if you just can't bring yourself to delete the emails and journal entries, then, make yourself a NEW email account and send them to yourself. That way when you feel you just HAVE to wallow in your own sorrow and pain some more, you have them, but it frees you to delete the account he could use to actually CONTACT you again.

 

FA - I can tell you that your posts are something *I* look forward to.

 

You have a direct way of typing/speaking that I personally enjoy. I know in my life i need someone to tell me how it is without pussy footing around and yet, the way you do it, it isn't done to be mean or nasty. so please, continue to post because I enjoy reading your views!

 

And I like the idea of sending them to herself -- it is a way to delete the account and stop that form of communication without causing NWTH more stress since she isn't ready yet to delete the emails. It is like taking half a step foward .

 

Hey NWTH -- you will get your prize if you follow FA's suggestion because you will be deleting the emails, after you forward them to yourself in a different account

 

I am a saver of emails -- not sure why cause I rarely reference them, but I have thousands of emails from family, friends, etc because I always think I just might need to reference them one day. Hasn't happened yet!

 

You can do it NWTH!!

[NowhereToHide]

FA - I can tell you that your posts are something *I* look forward to.

 

You have a direct way of typing/speaking that I personally enjoy. I know in my life i need someone to tell me how it is without pussy footing around and yet, the way you do it, it isn't done to be mean or nasty. so please, continue to post because I enjoy reading your views!

 

And I like the idea of sending them to herself -- it is a way to delete the account and stop that form of communication without causing NWTH more stress since she isn't ready yet to delete the emails. It is like taking half a step foward .

 

Hey NWTH -- you will get your prize if you follow FA's suggestion because you will be deleting the emails, after you forward them to yourself in a different account

 

I am a saver of emails -- not sure why cause I rarely reference them, but I have thousands of emails from family, friends, etc because I always think I just might need to reference them one day. Hasn't happened yet!

 

You can do it NWTH!!

 

 

FooledOnce... thank you SO much for your kind words. They mean more to me than you know.

 

I'm surprised at how good I feel with all of this right now. Not that I don't expect a backslide now and again, but right now I finally feel like I took a really big step towards getting him out of my life. I already feel more relaxed and feel like his "ghost" is leaving.

 

Thanks again. I'll let you know when I get those emails transferred! I hope DI will still give me my prize! Although, I'm almost afraid to ask what it might be!

[phoenixrising]

NTH - I took every single e-mail, printed it off hard-copy, put them all together and stuffed them into a big envelope - sealed. Then I put them somewhere in the middle of a bunch of old papers. At the beginning of NC a year ago, I went through the steps of openining and reading them a couple of times. But then resealed. The process of reading a hard copy and resealing made me realize that this part of my life was over.

 

There were three reasons for this: 1) I then could delete everything off my computer and change my e-mail address; 2) made myself see that this part of my life was "over and filed away"; and 3) provided evidence of his part in this should he ever decide to tell his wife and she were to come after me.

 

Interesting... he asked me once after we broke up if I had kept the letters... I simply asked, "Why would I want to keep them?" He appeared relieved with that answer, interestingly. Must have been a reason for that question, and I was glad I had kept them.

[NowhereToHide]

NTH - I took every single e-mail, printed it off hard-copy, put them all together and stuffed them into a big envelope - sealed. Then I put them somewhere in the middle of a bunch of old papers. At the beginning of NC a year ago, I went through the steps of openining and reading them a couple of times. But then resealed. The process of reading a hard copy and resealing made me realize that this part of my life was over.

 

There were three reasons for this: 1) I then could delete everything off my computer and change my e-mail address; 2) made myself see that this part of my life was "over and filed away"; and 3) provided evidence of his part in this should he ever decide to tell his wife and she were to come after me.

 

Interesting... he asked me once after we broke up if I had kept the letters... I simply asked, "Why would I want to keep them?" He appeared relieved with that answer, interestingly. Must have been a reason for that question, and I was glad I had kept them.

 

 

I thought about that, too. I'm fairly certain he has deleted *almost* everything... I've deleted nothing. One of the reasons was just like you -- if it ever came to light, I wanted evidence that he wasn't an "innocent victim".

 

My H doesn't know about the affair, so printing them out isn't an option. But I will keep them,probably in another account. I have no desire right now to read them. Maybe someday I'll be able to read them and then delete.

 

Thanks for your insight!