Sittingaround4813 Posted October 10, 2009 Share Posted October 10, 2009 I have been dating my boyfriend for 2 years now and our relationship is great. He is a bit older than I am by 16 years to be exact but that has never bothered us or anyone in our family. He has two beautiful kids that I adore and love being around. He has been married twice before. Once to the mother of his children who ended up cheating on him and leaving him after 8 years and his second marriage ended after only 6 months, they were together for 2 years but when she realized she had an instant family and didnt want it, she left him and the kids. From the very begining he has been very wishy washy about the idea of marriage again, I on the other hand wanted kids and to get married.....as time went on I realized that being with him ment that I was never going to have kids of my own, unfortunatly I can not get past the never getting married thing. for the past 6 months or so my boyfriend would always talk about our wedding and what it would be like, the flowers the cake the dress he even asked me what kind of rings I liked. I got excited thinking that maybe he was changing his mind. One day out of nowhere we got into a huge argument about marriage because he now is saying absolutly no way is he getting married again and I am just going to have to deal with it. I asked him why he was talking about it and his responce was it all sounds so nice he wants it to happen he just doesn't see himself getting married again. He tells me it doesn't change anything that he will be with me forever and he cant live without me, but Im torn. I dont think I can get past never getting married The way I see it is I didn't do anything wrong and I have been nothing but a good girlfriend to him and a good role model to his kids. I want to be a family....correction we are a family but I think I am always going to feel like something is missing..... I dont want to leave.....but I dont want to resent him if I stay..... What do I do???? Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted October 10, 2009 Share Posted October 10, 2009 I dont want to leave.....but I dont want to resent him if I stay..... What do I do???? The short answer is: You decide what you DO want more. If marriage is more important to you then, based on his current position, you would be wise to leave -- that is what your own want/need/goal/priority would have you do. If it is more important to you to have him and his kids in your life, then you stay, AND you give up on your goal to be married AND, with that new self-decision, you accept that you are forfeiting any and all "rights" to feel resentful in the future. If you choose to stay, any resentment that you do feel in the future would have to be directed at yourself for the choice that you made, not at him. Unfortunately, life as a self-responsible grown-up can be a bitch! For sure. Best of luck with your decision-making -- it will be a tough call and I do not envy you for having to make it. Link to post Share on other sites
Devil Inside Posted October 10, 2009 Share Posted October 10, 2009 I agree with Ronni. You need to decide your limits and boundaries. He has decided that not being married is most important to him. If you cannot adhere to that limit...then it is over for you two. So is it a make or break deal for you? If it is...it is. That happens sometimes. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sittingaround4813 Posted October 10, 2009 Author Share Posted October 10, 2009 Thanks for the advise. I don't want to leave I love him and our relationship it great, I just feel like I have been cheated because I didn't do anything wrong and because of the two women in his past I have to pay for it. He was a mess when I met him and so were his kids because of his scond wife leaving him the way she did. The kids are great now and so is he, so I think leaving for me is not an option....your right tho I shouldn't resent him.....I just have never been married and like I said I feel cheated. Our whole relationship all I have done has been picking up the pieces of this broken home and helping his kids sort out their fears and helping him to open up again.... now that everyone is doing so much better I can't rip that away from them again, pluss I love them and don't want to leave. I just know that if I stay It is going to upset me..... this sucks! Link to post Share on other sites
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