HappyMonkeh Posted December 1, 2003 Share Posted December 1, 2003 I am feeling the major guilts at the moment. I have a gf of 4 yrs and we are close to being engaged, bt for some reason when I go out and have too much to drink, I find my self flriting profusely with women. It seems like I know what I am doing, but just can't stop. I have never taken it beyond hugging or leg-touching, but dammit do i always feel bad the next day and like a filthy sleazebag. It's like I get a real kick out of bonding just up to that "line", like I enjoy the thrill of the hunt but not actually catching the prey. My gf knows I do it, but despite the fact she says "Tut, what a goose" I can't help but feel I hurt her. Now I am worried though. I was pretty darn sleazy with this girl on saturday, who is a mate's flatmate, and had to be "reminded" by my friend the next morning about the way I was acting. I appologized to this girl and she laughed, was annoyed at my behaviour, but laughed and said it was okay. But it's not okay for me, and makes me worry about my own relationship. Why? because whenever I see a mate with agf do the same thing, i think "Hmm, not quite happy with his relationship." Then I thought, "Uh oh, what if that's me?" You see I never flirt with anyone else because I don't want anyone else. So why is it when alcohol kicks in I get all touchy feeley with other people? Is this some supressed desire suggesting something is wrong in my relationship, or is it just alcohol doing it's crazy thing? And is there any way of being a nice drunka dn not a sleazy drunk? Link to post Share on other sites
steveb Posted December 1, 2003 Share Posted December 1, 2003 I wish I knew. My wife has the same issue. ( just not entirely sure where her "line" is ) Link to post Share on other sites
Author HappyMonkeh Posted December 1, 2003 Author Share Posted December 1, 2003 I have thought about it a lot, and I am still believing (as much as I want to deny it) that in many cases and sadly mine, that there's an undertone of unhappiness in the relationship. All I remember when I flirt is that I don't actually want anything to happen, but I feel good that I can bond with someone else. It's feels like both escapism and refreshment. My gf and I have a lot to work on, I just wish i knew how to be more sensible about it. Link to post Share on other sites
steveb Posted December 1, 2003 Share Posted December 1, 2003 If you know of any specific relationship issues, make sure she is aware of them. Link to post Share on other sites
blockndig Posted January 2, 2004 Share Posted January 2, 2004 I have had a very similar experience to yours, that when I get drunk I tend to flirt and "think with the wrong head," if you will. I have asked a lot of people and have also searched myself and I feel that flirting while being drunk is just that, flirting. I feel that it does not mean you have any unknown desire to cheat or to not be with your significant other. Now if you take it further than flirting, it could be that you were being stupid or there is a problem. Either way you need to be open with your girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse and tell them about it and how you feel horrible about doing it (IF you feel horrible about doing it that is), because honesty is the best policy... and if they cannot handle the truth and forgive you, then it probably isn't meant to be. I have been with my girlfriend for about a year now, and I could not be happier. We are moving in together this summer (it will be about 18 months), which I'm nervous yet excited about. We're open about everything that happens when we are not together and it has made us grow closer and not farther apart. In your case, if you did not telling her about some stupid flirting or some stupid kiss that did not mean anything or some "leg rubbing" that did not go further than that, if when you did tell her she got so upset that she didn't know if she could trust you again, then in my opinion you have to let her know that you are telling her this because you don't want anything to come between you two, and if she still doesn't understand things could be a lot worse when you are married and something big happens, something of substance? Good Luck! Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted January 2, 2004 Share Posted January 2, 2004 Why do people have to get drunk? Isn't it possible just to have a drink or two and then quit? Link to post Share on other sites
blockndig Posted January 2, 2004 Share Posted January 2, 2004 Good question, no answer here. But when I do I enjoy myself, and when I dont I enjoy myself, its just a different experience. I guess if youre safe then why not? Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted January 2, 2004 Share Posted January 2, 2004 if youre safe then why not? Because it's not good for your whole body, for starters. Link to post Share on other sites
Errol Posted January 2, 2004 Share Posted January 2, 2004 That was my questions too. Why drink? If you don't like how you act when you drink then don't drink. If you can't have fun unless you are drinking then seek help. Link to post Share on other sites
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