imbecile Posted December 1, 2003 Share Posted December 1, 2003 how to start? I had married my highschool love (she is 7 years older) I was 19 when we married and had known her for 5 years at that time. Lets atart wit hthis, i am bi-polar, and was only diagnosed last year. We had 10 years of up and down marrage (all due to me and my illness). We had come to a place in life where we had lots of debt and i had a job i hated. I had no choice but to suffer the situation. somehow in the mix i decided that the pressure of the job and the pressure of the bills were her fault. I wanted her gone, so i asked her to leave. She didnt go fast enough so I cheated on her and lied to her to make her go. I crushed her totally, i destroyed her. 2 weeks after that day i was laid off, I lost the house and the bills pile up (but now i dont care). I have gained 600 miles of distance 9I had to move to get a job) and a new perspective on life. I managed to destroy the one thing i know i want forever. All I want in life is to make her happy its all i ever wanted. My disease made it hard to get across before, and my situation makes it impossible now. She will speak but only sorta to me. Let me be clear, I dont want what we had, I want what we could be, what we can be. We have always had a powerful love, deep feeling. I dont want to live without her, I have destroyed my life and my reason to live. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted December 1, 2003 Share Posted December 1, 2003 Go a lot easier in yourself. You know you're bipolar and you know that causes problems. You were not thinking straight, now were you? There's a difference between taking responsibility for your illness (getting meds, getting therapy, sticking to both) and taking blame for everything your illness has wrought in your life. Why don't you copy out your post and mail it to her? She may well be too hurt to ever take you back again, but if she is 'sorta' speaking to you, she might still care enough to care what happens to you. If you can manage to be at least friends, that would be a good start. My heart goes out to you. These disorders are no picnic to live with. Fortunately, treatments are getting better and better all the time. I hope you've found one that works well for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author imbecile Posted December 1, 2003 Author Share Posted December 1, 2003 Thanks for you kind words. I have had the chance to tell her most of this face to face. She saw me at thanks giving, and we spoke for hours. I do not know if we can ever reconcile or not, I thought I was gaining ground on this disease but I am not. It is no excuse in my book, I have lived in its grip for all my life. I am jsut left struggling to hold the remaining peices together. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted December 1, 2003 Share Posted December 1, 2003 It's a wretched thing to have to deal with. Know that people are leading good lives with it; it just is never easy. Things will get better. Never give up! Link to post Share on other sites
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