Success stories from overcoming depression/suicidal thoughts

[sveltskye]

Hi everyone. Ok, don't worry I am not suicidal. But my friend is and I want to help him, so I was thinking of collecting some stories of how people have overcome their depression/suicidal thoughts. For any of you have come out of that place, can you please answer these questions?

 

1) What changed in your thinking/life to lead you on the path to healing?

 

2) What did you do for yourself when you were feeling depressed to feel better?

 

3) In a more general sense, how did you become self sufficient and learn to make yourself happy/ regain self worth?

 

4) Any other gems of wisdom

 

I googled success stories for overcoming depression/anxiety/suicidal thoughts and didn't get much detail, so I'd love to hear some positive stories

[TheLoneSock]

1) What changed in your thinking/life to lead you on the path to healing?

 

2) What did you do for yourself when you were feeling depressed to feel better?

 

3) In a more general sense, how did you become self sufficient and learn to make yourself happy/ regain self worth?

 

4) Any other gems of wisdom

 

1) God

 

2) 100 pushups

 

3) I stopped being a pussy about my difficulties in life

 

4) Support him and help him grow as a person, talk about your own future- with him in it as a friend, get him out of the house when ever you can, experience new things with him, ect.

 

1, 2, and 3 are simple and blunt, but completely true.

[Pedigree]

1. Feeling sorry for myself won't help me. The best thing to do is to try to do something about the problem, even if it looks like it's been done in the face of impossibility.

 

2. Look at the positive things that I've done in the past and know that if I can do it then, I can do it now.

 

3. This is all things I learn when looking with hindsight:

a. Realize that you will come across a point where it is rockbottom. At which point, things begin to get better again and you'll begin building momentum. All through this, the only thing required of you is to keep going.

b. Apply a "tomorrow's a new day" philosophy even if things are good. This will ensure that you're not too attached to things when they are good and make any bad things less likely to cause "depression".

[robaday]

1) I was given unpaid leave of a month to basically get my **** together or I was out the door. Seeing the effect it was having on my family. Actually stepping outside myself and realizing my physical and mental health was in serious danger (smoking, drug abuse, alcohol abuse). I hit rock bottom in pretty much every way.

 

2) for over a year I could not exercise, could not bring myself to do anything so its very dificult to say just go for a run. However, exercise had certainly played a very large part in my recent recovery.

 

3) I moved out of the place I was living because I was seriously unhappy. I moved in on my own (perhaps not best idea for someone with severe depression) but this had given me the time, peace and quiet to treat myself better. Eating better has already shown dividends only 4 months on (more energy and money-cooking from scratch instead of junk food). Exercise gives you more energy, it gives you focus, it gives you goals.

 

4) Ive begun volunteering for a drugs charity. New training, meeting new people, new skills=more confidence. Working with people who are far worse off than youself gives you a renewed vigor, helping people in need gives you strength mentally& dare I say spiritually. I met a guy last night who had slept rough for 10 years. He'd lost his job, family and everything. I asked "how have you been?". He replied, "I'm doing good, I'm far more lucky than some". It sent shivers down my spine.

 

There's no simple cure for depression, but there are a great deal of things your friend can do for himself to facilitate recovery. Ive started writing lists every day of things I have to do (I became stupidly forgetful) and keeping busy for me is the best cure. When Im not working full time, or doing my freelance job, or volunteering, I am exercising, spending time with friends or reading.

 

Most importantly, I realized I am a worthwhile human being, deserving of love and respect and that everybody is human. Things like voluntary work, exercise, more pride in diet and work, increased my sense of self worth.

[Beefy88]

Depression strikes almost 1 out of 4 people here in Belgium, recent studies discovered this.

While it is something people shouldn't underestimate, it can easily be mended.

 

Set goals for the future, live towards moments in your life. Depressions most likely come from failures, and failures depend all too much on time-based goals. When you have enough time to work towards something, you will most likely hit your goal.

Don't let the person that is depressed be all by itselve, give him/her something to do, like Robaday said, try excercising. Take the person out of the house so he or she doesn't feel alone, make sure they don't have time to think about 'how depressed they really are'.

Try making the person become more independent, this doesn't only mean that he or she will struggle less with problems they receive because of thirds, but it will also blow up their self-esteem. Something that is really useful for depressed people.

Remind them that their goal in life has to be set by them, and not by anyone else.

[Brady_to_Moss]

I had depression and anxiety bad about 3 years ago..afraid of everything and anything...one day i woke up and said enough is enough and i went at thing at more positive way. Still not 100% but getting better

[PinkToes]

You are a good friend, and he is very lucky!

 

Do you know whether his depression is situational (caused by external stuff or thoughts) or chemical (neurotransmitter imbalance in the brain)? Because that can make a huge difference in what works or doesn't work.

 

If he's going through difficult times and having a hard time coping, I think all of the above advice is excellent. Exercise is particularly helpful.

 

However if there's something else going on, a clinical depression, little of that will help, and may make things worse. A depressed person who needs medication can be made to feel worse if they think they ought to be able to kick themselves in the butt and get over it. In fact, that message can make people reluctant to say anything about how they're feeling.

 

In either case, one of the best things you can do is listen and encourage him to talk. If every minute of every day feels like a black hole, the best friend is one who is there when needed, and understands that he isn't choosing to feel bad.

[sveltskye]

I suspect it is both. He is diagnosed with 2 mental illnesses, but he is also very unconnected to other people. I'm one of his few good friends. When he gets out, I'm going to give him a journal to write in with numbers of some of my friends who he knows and encourage him to get more connected.

[PinkToes]

I really do admire your being there for him and caring so much. The world needs more people like you!

 

One of the things that I've really struggled with is trying to keep up friendships with people who seem to have a hard time understanding what I'm going through. I don't need to talk about it (in fact most of the time I'd rather not), but it can be exhausting trying to fake it for very long.

 

So I tend to gravitate toward people who are 'easy' to be with, whether because they've been in my shoes, or because they're just really good at accepting whatever space I happen to be in.

 

I remember once going to an art walk with a good friend and a new acquaintance of ours, and after a couple of hours, they started talking about having dinner. And all of a sudden, I just ran out of steam. I'd been putting on a happy face and really trying to get through the evening, and I couldn't go any further.

 

I told them I'd had a nice evening (mostly a lie, but that's how we survive in the world) but that I needed to go home. My old, dear friend said she understood, and that she was sorry I wouldn't be able to stay, but that I shouldn't give it another thought. That was like gold to me; exactly what I needed. The new friend didn't get it, and apparently kept asking questions about what had happened. There was no easy answer. I had just done all I could.

 

Thank you again for caring about your friend.

[sveltskye]

I wouldn't do anything else, I mean to me I don't know what else I could do, y'know? I don't want to see anyone hurting that much and devalueing their own life so much that they don't want to live anymore. I would do it for a stranger as much as my friend, but because he's my friend it makes it even more obvious. I've been briefly affected by mental illness but I've never been that depressed or suicidal. I just really want him to get to a better, more peaceful place.

 

At the same time, he has feelings for me (he did before, and it came up again when I went to visit him in the hospital) and I'm worried about exascerbating those feelings by spending too much "intimate" (one on one) time with him. So I think I'm going to try and invite him along with me and my friends a lot and maybe hang out with him in public settings more.

[nobody's girl]

For me, it’s a combination of logical thinking and just enough hatefulness. As far as suicide, that’s a permanent solution to a temporary problem. It’s like cutting off your finger because you have a splinter.

 

My own personal experience: In the past three months I’ve been downsized from a job of 5 years, got robbed, came to the conclusion that the guy who showed so much promise was just screwing with me, and had my own mother ignore my birthday. That’s just for starters. Yes, there were times when I would say to myself “I’m broke, single, unemployed and nobody loves me” and I just want to break down. Okay, there were plenty of times when I DID break down. But you know what? Nothing changed after my breakdowns - I was still broke, single, unemployed, and was all tired and blotchy from the crying. Action is needed to get anything to change for the better.

 

Sometimes the only reason why I got out of bed is because I have a dog that has to have medicine twice a day and I knew if I didn’t get up and give it to him he could possibly die. Honestly, having a pet of any kind can make a huge difference. Sometimes it’s helpful to be able to get out of your own head and remember that there are others that rely on you. I’m not going to say there haven’t been times when I totally resented the dogs and their needs, but in the long run they’re worth it.

 

Also, I hate when people talk about me and that’s enough to stop me from suicide. I live in a small town and it would be discussed on the community message board and in walmart for weeks to come. Just the thought of that is enough to stop me from suicide. Not to mention my b*tch of an ex-boss would make it all about HER “Oh, I tried SO hard not to let her go but I just had to and now she killed herself. Oh woe is me, I feel so bad about this.” I would never, ever give that b*tch the satisfaction.

 

I know that the unemployment isn’t permanent. And there are plenty of other people out there in the same situation (or worse) as me. It’s just a result of the times and economy and is beyond my control. The guy I was interested in I chased for a year. Then it occurred to me that I deserve a guy who actually wants to be with me. Period. Why waste my time with someone who isn’t interested? Just stepping back and thinking logically about the situation can help tremendously.

 

I also believe in synchronicity. Sometimes it’s obvious, sometimes it isn’t. But it all seems to work out with time. I mentioned I was unemployed to someone and that turned into a volunteer opportunity that might possibly turn into a full-time dream job in the next few months. And, if it doesn't, well being a realist I’ve already considered worst case scenarios if/when I run out of unemployment money. So I’m prepared for what may (or may not) happen.

 

Another example of synchronicity: I was feeling pretty down about the fact that my mother didn’t acknowledge my birthday and my sister called to tell me she wasn’t going to visit on my birthday because she was too tired. Made me feel like nobody cares about me. Two days later I bumped into to two different people I don’t see very often and both of them mentioned mutual friends/acquaintances that had been talking about me lately and were worried about me. They were both relieved to know I was okay and wanted me to know that they were there if I needed them. Wow, I guess there really are people who care, even if I don't know it at the time.

 

I've found I get more support from friends than family. My sister just moved into a 3-bedroom house with her husband (no kids) and out of the blue she informed me that if I lose my house they don’t have room for me. Nice, huh? A few days later a friend of mine called me out of the blue and told me that if I lose my house that I (and my dogs and cats) could move in with him, his fiancée, his daughter, and their half dozen or so dogs and cats. There was no hesitation on his part. I didn’t even bring the subject up, he said it was just something they’d thought about recently. Wow, synchronicity again!

 

I’ve also found that a decent diet, regular exercise, vitamins and supplements can be a huge help. Look into Sam-e or St. John’s Wort as a mood elevator. I tried both and had much better success with the Sam-e. And I feel a significant change in my attitude when I skip my regular multi-vitamins for a few days. And, of course, having the dogs means walking a lot and that helps my mood. A nice fall day, an ipod, a dog, and a park - very hard to stay in a low mood!

 

The fact that you’re there for your friend is huge – even if he doesn’t know it or acknowledge it. Just try to be there for him as much as possible. Remind him that bad times are temporary. Help him get out of himself for a while. But don’t be surprised if he resists. If at all possible, have him see a doctor. He may need a prescription; even for just a short time. Volunteering is also a great way to see that you’re not alone; helping others really can help yourself. It takes a lot to actually get out and do it, so you may need to go with your friend. Find a cause you’re both interested in and see what you can do to help.

 

Good luck!

Edited October 13, 2009 by nobody's girl

[PinkToes]

One of the challenges of a chemically depressed brain is that it is incapable of visualizing a positive outcome in any situation. You can see it intellectually, but you can't feel it. Most people feel optimistic (or pessimistic) as a result of thoughts. Believing that you will be OK, or find another job, or get through a rough patch leads to positive thought, which translates in your brain to optimism, which drives behavior, which increases the odds of success.

 

A depressed person is missing that connection. You can see it, even think it, but not feel it. It is part of what causes a sense of hopelessness. You know that little buzz of excitement you get when you're looking forward to doing something fun? Even some little thing? Depressed people don't get that. It's just missing. So while most of us get pretty good at faking it and going through the motions, nothing ever, ever feels good.

 

Last year I lost my job and my fiance, and 3 friends died. I've also had a fabulous job and a great relationship. None of that had any effect on my depression, either good or bad. Depression is a horrific illness, and it doesn't care what you believe or what you tell yourself or what might happen tomorrow. It has its own agenda.

 

I've been through dozens of treatments over the past 10 years; some have made me feel wonderfully normal for a time, but nothing has stuck. I keep telling myself that there will be an answer, someday, that will give me my life back. But it's hard to feel optimistic, especially given that disconnect in my head. I remember what that feeling was like. I miss it.

 

No one who is suicidal really wants to die; they just want the pain to stop. I have my own reasons for never going through with something like that, but I can totally relate to the feeling. And the thing is, sometimes people who are stuck in this illness simply don't believe the situation they're in is temporary. And to be honest, sometimes it isn't. There is a difference between fighting your way out of tough breaks and trying to feel hopeful about a situation that is totally out of your control.

 

Personally, I am doing everything I can think of to get through this. I exercise 5 days a week. I eat well and sleep enough. I don't drink or take drugs. I volunteer. I have a good support system, and strong spiritual beliefs. I'm a pretty positive person, and I tell myself every morning, "on this day, I will feel good." I'm pretty good at self-talk, and I defintely don't feel sorry for myself. Most of the people in my life have no idea what I'm going through, because I don't like to complain. But the pain in my head is still there.

 

I am so happy for those who have found a way out of what can be a living hell. It is true that making up your mind to get better is the first step. Most of the time, that's enough to help everything else fall into place. The inspiring people who have posted in this thread are a perfect example of that. And hopefully, that will be enough for OP's friend too.

 

Sorry to ramble on about this, but I know there are a lot of other people struggling through the same thing, and I think it helps to know we're not alone.

[nobody's girl]

I forgot to mention something that helped me get through the really bad days. Sometimes all the thoughts swirling in my head would get to be too much for me, so I’d shut down for a minute. My cell phone has a stopwatch feature and I would actually just sit and watch it run for a minute. Then I’d think “Okay, I got through that minute” slowly building up to 5 minutes. There were days when I would actually have to do that several times an hour just to get through without feeling like I was going off the deep end.

 

Now I try not to think about anything but the present. I don’t worry about “what if” anymore, I just live in the moment and try to get through that way. Spend too much time thinking about what might happen and you’ll make yourself nuts. If I start obsessing over being broke, unemployed, etc. I stop, take a breath, and focus on what is around me at the moment and getting through the next hour.

[robaday]

What I didn't mention in my original reply were anti-depressants&therapy.

 

Over course of two years I went on anti-depressants on 4 occasions. The first time was after bereavement. I'd lost a lot of weight and could not sleep and was restless. I went on celapram to good effect-within weeks I put on weight, could sleep fine, and my mood was much better-over course of 3 months I actually got promoted.

 

I quit them prior to going traveling, but after the loss of a relationship 3 months later, I went back on them. This time they didn't have quite as good a effect. I was still depressed although marginally better on them than I was without. So around then I started going to therapy as well.

 

I quit them again 3 months later once I was feeling better-I thought therapy would help me more. However, continual drinking, impulsive drug use, poor diet were taking their toll, and eventually, with the worst depression I have ever experienced I was prescribed Avanza for panic disorder.

 

Within 2 weeks I was eating 5 McDonald's meals a day (I dont even like the stuff). I was going to bed at 7 ever night. I ground my teeth so badly in my sleep they chipped severely. I began getting pain in my knees, and uncontrollable shaking. Still though they took the pain away and I stuck with them for 3 months until finally I realize I'd turned into a vegetable. My manager asked me if I was using heroin. I said no, I'm on prescription medicine. I dont think he believed me so signed me off.

 

Now, 5 months since quitting them I am starting to notice the breeze outside, I am noticing my surroundings instead of tunnel vision, I am engaged in conversations again and I'm looking forward to the future. I guess what I'm trying to say is that anti-depressants do help as a stop-gap, they certainly got me through a dificult time, but in my case anyway, it was the lifestyle I was leading that was causing part of the damage.

 

So if you're friend is not doing exercise, is not eating properly, is not being social, is drinking, smoking or using drugs too much, these are all easy wins which can be tackled prior to dabbling in anti-depressants.

 

Therapy did help-it gave me an outlet to vent (I'd moved to a new country so grief, depression&OCD are not the kind of things you talk about to new friends!) it also pointed to a number of causes to my problems which I had not realized earlier. After a year of going though, I felt like it was keeping me "stuck", it became like a chat with an old friend, as opposed to any real behavioral changes occuring. I'm glad I went-it provided me with re-assurance that I am not some kind of freak, but I wasn't able to compartmentalize my problems to just one therapy session-they were with me all the time.

 

I am a little wary of diagnosis and labels as well. 4 months ago I was diagnosed as having alcohol use disorder, substance use disorder, OCD, adjustment disorder, major depressive episode, grief, and generalized panic disorder.

 

I've been free of anti-depressants and therapy for 4 months, am back at work, have been seeing someone for two months and things couldn't be going better. That's through patience and a willingness to change my lifestyle head on, as opposed to looking for a quick fix solution that will see me through a rough two months like I used to.

[Xelha]

For me, setting goals is something that helps a lot. I used to think it was stupid, but then I realized it could actually do me some good. Whenever I completed something(they were almost always little things), it'd make me feel a lot better. I'd feel like I'd accomplished something. Even if I failed my goals(which I usually did), then I'd just make some new ones and continue the process.

 

Keeping yourself busy is also important, and making some sort of an effort to be social and spend time with friends. I notice that I'm in a considerably better mood during school than when I'm on holidays, mainly because of the level of interaction I have there with other students and having something to constantly occupy my mind.

[sveltskye]

Thanks to everyone who is posting their stories. This thread is really inspiring.

 

I wrote some of your comments into a journal for my friend. I'm still not sure whether I should give it to him, though. I'm feeling torn about what to do. I just talked to my mom and she said he should get more space from me to get over me and I see her point but at the same time my impulse is to make him feel like he is supported without giving him hope or stoking his feelings for me. Its a really touchy situation.

 

I hope that these comments will help some people out there who are lurking and depressed.