Question about Facebook to OW.

[Susmay]

Just a quick question to OW either in an A with a MM or whose A has recently ended.

 

Do you ever check the facebook of the wife of your MM?

 

If so how often, and do you find it helps or hinders?

 

Thanks

[jennifer4]

I was in an EA with a MM and would check his FB daily : ( Not good. It was hard to see the pics and see his wife's comments to him.. He eventually deleted me as a friend and deep down I was glad. We still emailed each other but I didn't get to "see" the other part of his life. He would tell me when I asked that "we just take good pics". Sure! he has a happy little life but wanted MORE!

[Fallen Angel]

My MMs W doesn't have a facebook, myspace or any other thing I can find online. I KNOW cause I have SEARCHED!

 

Why? I want to make her more REAL to me.

 

Right now she is very real in the sense that I know she is there, and I know I am helping him to hurt her. But I know nothing about her that he has not told me.

 

I do not know what she looks like, I do not know anything about her personality except what he has shared. I think maybe if I was able to see pictures of them 'together' or pictures of their 'family' it would help me to see that she is a real woman, with strengths and weaknesses just like me, and maybe it would help me let him go.

 

He has shared pictures of himself with his children, his grandchildren, but never pictures of her. Having HIM show me pictures of her would be heartbreaking, but if I found them on my own.. well.... anyway....

 

I have actually even considered having a friend take me to sit in their neighborhood (he has given me his home address, i have NO CLUE why!) so I can see her and him together as a couple, and dispel the stories he tells me of them having no "real" couples life. how sick is that, that I have considered that? UGH, I need professional help!!

[Adunaphel]

Just a quick question to OW either in an A with a MM or whose A has recently ended.

 

Do you ever check the facebook of the wife of your MM?

 

If so how often, and do you find it helps or hinders?

 

Thanks

 

I never thought about it... but I just checked as you gave me the idea.

I did not expect to find her on FB, but there she was (no picture, though).

I feel slightly guilty for 'spying' on her - if she knew my last name it would be more fair, and I am *very* glad I did not look before.

If MM were not separated I might become obsessed with her facebook profile. Not good...

[CarbonCopy]

My ex-MM doesn't have a FB (or email... he's behind in the time, haha) but his wife has a FB and I check it ALL THE TIME. She doesn't really update about him or have too many pictures of them together, but still. It's tough sometimes. I should remove her as a friend, but I'm sort of her friend anyway so it would be weird. I guess I just have to reach a point where I no longer care...

[LadyDi]

Oh yeah, this is a minefield. Trust me. MM's W checks mine and I check hers, but it's never good. I know she checks mine to see if I'm up to anything. I check hers to make sure she's unsuspecting. Its a stupid viscious cycle.

 

She puts crap on hers directed toward me. Makes comments on my quotes, status etc. It's incredible that we play these games.....and we're adults.

[NowhereToHide]

Oh yeah, this is a minefield. Trust me. MM's W checks mine and I check hers, but it's never good. I know she checks mine to see if I'm up to anything. I check hers to make sure she's unsuspecting. Its a stupid viscious cycle.

 

She puts crap on hers directed toward me. Makes comments on my quotes, status etc. It's incredible that we play these games.....and we're adults.

 

 

Okay, I'm confused. If you're not officially Facebook "friends" then how can you be checking each other's pages?

 

My xAP's wife has a facebook page, but all I can see is her profile picture in the search. I don't have access to her wall or pictures.

 

I JUST un-friended my xAP on facebook. His wife became his friend on there right after our A ended and started tagging my xAP in pictures so I got to see her and their kids a lot more than before. At the end of the day, it got to be too hard. It feels better not to have access to all of that. Especially since the pictures go against most everything he "claimed" during our A (like how he wasn't happy with his W, etc.). They sure looked pretty happy in the pictures.

[NoIDidn't]

All social networking sites are game. I found out that I was being tracked by my H's xOW via Classmates.

 

Some of these sites actually tell you who visits your profile, so be careful with your stalking, er...monitoring. (A friendly joke, I swear. How else do you think I knew about her MySpace page?! LOL).

 

I am convinced that because of the stupidity of the MP, the BS and OP are going to be linked forever in this trauma bond. She recently joined FB and sent my H a Friend Request. We were both shocked that she was so clueless as to why that was not appropriate.

[NowhereToHide]

All social networking sites are game. I found out that I was being tracked by my H's xOW via Classmates.

 

Some of these sites actually tell you who visits your profile, so be careful with your stalking, er...monitoring. (A friendly joke, I swear. How else do you think I knew about her MySpace page?! LOL).

 

I am convinced that because of the stupidity of the MP, the BS and OP are going to be linked forever in this trauma bond. She recently joined FB and sent my H a Friend Request. We were both shocked that she was so clueless as to why that was not appropriate.

 

 

Okay then, could you let me in on the game? How in the world do you know who's checking your page? I know on FB there's no way to tell.

[NoIDidn't]

Okay then, could you let me in on the game? How in the world do you know who's checking your page? I know on FB there's no way to tell.

 

I don't think that there is a way on FB. If there is, I don't know it. Other that having mutual friends and being able to see the status that a mutual friend comments on, I can't help you. Sorry.

 

I know about the friend request because he showed it to me before he deleted it.

 

On Classmates, the site itself logs visitors to your page. You have to delete your name from their profile, but its still too late as the site sends out emails everytime a member accesses your profile. And if you pay for membership, you get that information automatically.

 

I did see a new app on FB recently, though. One like the tracker on MySpace. I haven't heard from anyone if it works or not, though.

 

I don't visit CM or MS anymore. Everyone I speak to is on FB and Twitter.

[OWoman]

Just a quick question to OW either in an A with a MM or whose A has recently ended.

 

Do you ever check the facebook of the wife of your MM?

 

During the A, he and I had FB pages, and were linked openly "in a R" on them, and were openly friended by all of our friends and family who are on FB. She wasn't on FB, still isn't - she's completely illiterate when it comes to such matters - so didn't see it, though it was there for all the world to see.

 

Initially I didn't tag him (or myself) on photos of the two of us that I put up there, but his father used to tag us (he was a FB friend of both of us, so could) on those pics that I hadn't tagged, so if anyone had wanted evidence to show her, there was plenty.

 

If she'd had a profile, would I have checked it out? I'm not sure, TBH - I might have just out of curiosity to see what she might consider worth posting, or whether she might try to friend some of our friends that she knew, but I doubt I'd have visited more than once. She doesn't have that interesting a life, so it would be a bit like watching paint dry.

[LadyDi]

If the person has their settings so anyone can see their page, then anyone can see the page. MM's W would never restrict her access because she WANTS me to see how great things are, how happy they are along with pictures of all the happy times/vacations/holidays (you get the picture).

 

It IS a game, and I wish I could stop playing it. I'm careful to never put anything remotely connected to her or MM. Even thru numerous D-Days I kept things neutral, wish I could say the same of her.

[delajoonal]

I do not know what she looks like, I do not know anything about her personality except what he has shared. I think maybe if I was able to see pictures of them 'together' or pictures of their 'family' it would help me to see that she is a real woman, with strengths and weaknesses just like me, and maybe it would help me let him go.

fallen...

 

i am quoting your post because we have posted before, even tho you are an OW and i am a BS, i think we are starting undestand each other's places more?

i am glad we can communicate this way..maybe IT will heal us both in some way..even tho YOU are not my H's OW;)

 

i want to comment on the 'seeing pics of the wife' thing..

 

i did send/email TONS of pics of me and H and our child and OUR dog, all of us over the years TOGETHER.. i sent them all with ONE huge email trying to appeal to her HUMAN side...not sure what it did...but NOW she knows how very REAL i am and have been thru 14 years of marriage and a child and family.

 

my H is still with her...she has left her H as well...even with 2 very small children...not sure if they are with OW or her H?

still, it turns my stomach.

 

as for Facebook...my H and i both had Myspace accts a few years back..it was fun..but more for the young ones, as i found my sons (22 years old) friends were ALL myspace friends..LOL..

 

anyway...i had no idea my H even had a Facebook acct. until i asked him point blank if he was having an affair...and then it all unraveled...into ya, he met her ON FACEBOOK...

 

i being the BS, did search for the OW via Facebook...but what i got was sooooo much more...her business, pics, phone numbers etc..even her H's info...

 

technology maybe taking our H/W away into affairs at an alarming rate these days...but it is also cheaper for the BS's to find out who the OW/OM is now too...no need for a PI anymore;)

[delajoonal]

p.s Fallen Angel..

my last post was NOT directed towards you..i just wanted to comment on part of your post about seeing PICS of the W.

 

p.s.s. thanks again for always being so honest and really trying...love is hard.

[Fallen Angel]

p.s Fallen Angel..

my last post was NOT directed towards you..i just wanted to comment on part of your post about seeing PICS of the W.

 

p.s.s. thanks again for always being so honest and really trying...love is hard.

 

lol.. it is okay, nice to have a BS that doesn't want to stab me in the eyeball with a plastic fork.

 

I can't imagine that faced with the family pictures and plea from the W that I would be able to just "go on" with things.

 

Being an OW is so outside of my normal behaviour that I find myself disgusted by my own actions, but I feel helpless. If I had known he was married, it would have never happened. By the time I found out, I was head over heels.

 

It was through his love that I found the strength to leave my 15 year long mentally and physically abusive marriage. I guess that is part of the glue that binds me to him. He was my "knight in shining armor". He was the man who told me he loved me after I had been told for 15 years that I was worthless and unloveable. I just need to find that self-love that will make me strong enough to walk away from yet another relationship that is damaging to my soul. *sigh*

[Lizzie60]

I have no idea if they have FB and to be honest I have absolutely no need to check them out.. I have no interest whatsoever in my MM's W..

[NowhereToHide]

Okay... WTF!!!

 

I just went on Facebook. I removed my xAP as a friend, but just because a mutual friend of ours commented on his pictures of his wife and kids, I can see it???

 

Unbelievable.

 

I'm never going to be free of this sh*thead.

[scatterd]

You will just takes time stay strong you will be fine.

[delajoonal]

lol.. it is okay, nice to have a BS that doesn't want to stab me in the eyeball with a plastic fork.

I can't imagine that faced with the family pictures and plea from the W that I would be able to just "go on" with things.

Being an OW is so outside of my normal behaviour that I find myself disgusted by my own actions, but I feel helpless. If I had known he was married, it would have never happened. By the time I found out, I was head over heels.

It was through his love that I found the strength to leave my 15 year long mentally and physically abusive marriage. I guess that is part of the glue that binds me to him. He was my "knight in shining armor". He was the man who told me he loved me after I had been told for 15 years that I was worthless and unloveable. I just need to find that self-love that will make me strong enough to walk away from yet another relationship that is damaging to my soul. *sigh*

 

 

See this is WHY i cannot HATE every OW..there are always different circumstances to each and every story...

 

just because my H's OW is a pig..does not mean that all OW are..i am trying really hard to believe and understand that....OW are HUMAN too...most anyway..LOL...

 

and you Fallen are def human, and have been thru he**...i am so sorry for that pain and destructive relationship you had to live with for so long:o

 

i can also understand better since you did NOT know your MM was M...he sprung it on you after it was too late..your heart had fallen for him...

 

My H's OW..KNEW from the first sentence..as they chatted on FaceBook...

so she had NO excuse...in fact at one point, she did tell my H to go make his M work and she did break it off with him a few times...

 

BUT she kept coming back...maybe it is love with them??? who knows???

as you are familiar with my story...i am not sure how THEY can find happiness after destroying so many lives...

 

but that is what i am starting to understand now about OW...they don't all have this evil in their hearts, and they don't always know the MM is M...

 

i guess i am just trying to get thru this one day at a time with as much knowledge and understanding as the OW, BS, AP, etc....

 

i do believe now, that each A and OW has their own story and NOT all are evil doers....

 

thanks to you Fallen....so thanks...take care OK...

p.s. i wish you happiness and strength in finding your way in this life too...on your own or in a healthy relationship, that brings you dignity and respect...i see iin your words how disappointed you are in yourself:o...

but you sound like a really sweet gal, so i think you will find your way...just as i need to as well..on my own..again..LOL

[Spoiled]

Just a quick question to OW either in an A with a MM or whose A has recently ended.

 

Do you ever check the facebook of the wife of your MM?

 

If so how often, and do you find it helps or hinders?

 

Thanks

 

 

My xMOM's W and I were former fb friends. Therefore, for the entire year of our A, I always knew what they were doing whether he told me or not;). He does not have a fb or myspace and I quickly deleted her after d-day. But I notice every time I change my profile picture from my H and I, she changes her photo to her and xMOM. As soon as I change the photo to my children, she changes her photo to their children. I know, very childish of her and me for even checking and changing my photo intentionally just to see her reaction. Some of his immediate family do not have their fb pages private so if they comment on her status or photos, I can view the entire album. I have my photo albums private for only my friends to view. Funny, less than a week after d-day, she made a post in a public site stating how "wonderful" her H was, yet leaving me messages and cursing him out at the same time. I did not start snooping around her fb info until about a month after d-day because our A lasted several months afterward and she began making comments to him about my profile pictures. I have stopped, I could care less at this point.

[NowhereToHide]

My xMOM's W and I were former fb friends. Therefore, for the entire year of our A, I always knew what they were doing whether he told me or not;). He does not have a fb or myspace and I quickly deleted her after d-day. But I notice every time I change my profile picture from my H and I, she changes her photo to her and xMOM. As soon as I change the photo to my children, she changes her photo to their children. I know, very childish of her and me for even checking and changing my photo intentionally just to see her reaction. Some of his immediate family do not have their fb pages private so if they comment on her status or photos, I can view the entire album. I have my photo albums private for only my friends to view. Funny, less than a week after d-day, she made a post in a public site stating how "wonderful" her H was, yet leaving me messages and cursing him out at the same time. I did not start snooping around her fb info until about a month after d-day because our A lasted several months afterward and she began making comments to him about my profile pictures. I have stopped, I could care less at this point.

 

 

How long did it take for you to stop caring?

[Spoiled]

 

See this is WHY i cannot HATE every OW..there are always different circumstances to each and every story...

 

but that is what i am starting to understand now about OW...they don't all have this evil in their hearts, and they don't always know the MM is M...

 

i do believe now, that each A and OW has their own story and NOT all are evil doers....

 

 

Delajoonal, I was a MOW who had an A with a MM. We BOTH were fully aware of our marriages, we were all close friends for over twelve years. We made a horrible choice to "fill" our emotional and physical needs. I regret it deeply and am very ashamed of my actions. Several months later and I still struggle with forgiving myself. All OW are not evil or intend to cause pain, most are hurting, and thrive on the affection, attention, and admiration.

[Spoiled]

How long did it take for you to stop caring?

 

I stopped caring after initiating NC with him about 6-8wks ago. I had access to her fb page during the A and it was actually driving me insane for the five months we continued that I could not see it anymore. I started doubting what he would tell me because I no longer had proof. I still think about him, I still hurt, and checking her fb was only making it worse. Seeing their photo always brought back the feelings of guilt, shame, hurt, and regret.

[delajoonal]

spoiled...

i am sorry you too were in such pain and felt that huge void that you had to reach out to someone else's H..and not feel you could talk to your own H..

 

this is what i believe my H did to me..he said he was afraid to talk to me...??

weird, like i would hit him or something..LOL...anyway, i am lurking around this OW/OM threads because i am trying to understand the pain the OW is going thru too..i am trying so hard to find forgiveness in my heart so i too can move on.

 

and tho none of you are my H's OW, at least i dont' think so..LOL...

i am very grateful you are all being patient with me..as i have not been disrespecful in anyway...just trying to understand;)

 

thank you for sharing your story and pain with me...again, i am sorry you have to live with this guilt...

 

but that is another thing i am seeing , there are alot of OW, that had no intentions of setting out to hurt anyone...on purpose, especially the ones that didn't knwo their MM was M in the first place...

 

anyway...thank you again...i appreciate all your candor;)

[fooled once]

There were none of these sites when I was in an affair.

 

I think many people THINK the other one is writing stuff to irritate them.

 

I don't get WHY people are so obsessed with checking. What GOOD comes out of it?

 

Live and let live in my view.

 

And on FB, there is no way to see who is looking at your page.

 

I know in my area, you don't HAVE to be friends with someone if you put a network you are in.

 

Example: I don't live in this area, but am guessing it works like my area.

 

Dallas, TX

 

On people's pages, they can join a network; such as the Dallas area network.

 

You can only belong to one network at a time, I believe.

 

IF the person you are checking up on is in the same network with you, unless they change their settings for "Friends only" then you can see their information.