tojaz Posted October 11, 2009 Share Posted October 11, 2009 A friend sent me a copy the other day and sat down and watched it last night. It has a religious plot and I am not religious, but the meaning still rings true. A lot of the advice that is given here is represented quite well, especially looking within yourself for your own shortcomings and how your actions and changes can effect others, if they are genuine. Even after divorce, it opened my eyes to a lot of things. Those of you looking at divorce or seperation in your future, I would give it a look, not the magic fix all that some people claim it to be, but still I wish I would have watched it 6 months ago. http://www.fireproofyourmarriage.com/ TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Author tojaz Posted October 11, 2009 Author Share Posted October 11, 2009 ...and yes I'm sure this is the hundreth time a thread about this movies been started here. Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted October 11, 2009 Share Posted October 11, 2009 Tojaz, it has been talked about a lot at the men's group that I go to at church & like you said; even if you are not a religious person it does have some good ideas.... I feel nothing will work unless you are wanting to work on it. Everything takes work but for some reason people don't feel they need to do that in a marriage. Your car needs tuneups, your house needs repainted once in a while but people feel once you are married then you are set for life. It isn't that easy, you need to keep working on growing as a couple, learning to build that relationship & I for one didn't do that in my marriage. I was just looking out for me & I see that now.... I haven't seen Fireproof yet, when it first came out I was just going thru my divorce & it was suggested that I might not want to see it myself & my former W wasn't interested. Now I would like to see it, maybe someday. Link to post Share on other sites
TheLoneSock Posted October 11, 2009 Share Posted October 11, 2009 I've seen this movie, really good. I'm a future firefighter myself so it hit home especially with me. No, I'm not married yet, but it helps to get wisdom early. The firefighting profession in particular sees an even higher divorce rate than normal due to the stress on both people. It's good to learn about it ahead of time- it also helps in picking the right girl to settle down with. Link to post Share on other sites
delajoonal Posted October 11, 2009 Share Posted October 11, 2009 (edited) A friend sent me a copy the other day and sat down and watched it last night. It has a religious plot and I am not religious, but the meaning still rings true. A lot of the advice that is given here is represented quite well, especially looking within yourself for your own shortcomings and how your actions and changes can effect others, if they are genuine. Even after divorce, it opened my eyes to a lot of things. Those of you looking at divorce or seperation in your future, I would give it a look, not the magic fix all that some people claim it to be, but still I wish I would have watched it 6 months ago. http://www.fireproofyourmarriage.com/ TOJAZ i bought the movie 8 months ago...watched it..i can't count how many times. i even got the Love Dare book..i worked IT ALL..as long as my H was home, meaning before he eventually left.... i prayed, i worked on myself, i followed the book to a T... H was TOO far gone..IT did help us get along, i.e. no screaming, name calling, etc....but in the end... H left... but i still have the dvd and book... Edited October 11, 2009 by delajoonal spelling Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted October 11, 2009 Share Posted October 11, 2009 A friend sent me a copy the other day and sat down and watched it last night. It has a religious plot and I am not religious, but the meaning still rings true. A lot of the advice that is given here is represented quite well, especially looking within yourself for your own shortcomings and how your actions and changes can effect others, if they are genuine. Even after divorce, it opened my eyes to a lot of things. Those of you looking at divorce or seperation in your future, I would give it a look, not the magic fix all that some people claim it to be, but still I wish I would have watched it 6 months ago. http://www.fireproofyourmarriage.com/ TOJAZ You can also watch it for free on YouTube, the whole movie is there, start with http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cYLIayanv3g. My sister-in-law begged my H and I to watch this together a few weeks after we split up, but he refused. I finally found it and watched it. After I watched it, I called my sister-in-law and told her that my H would never be a Kaleb unfortunately, but that doesn't mean that it might help others. It definitely opened my eyes to the next type of relationship I will be looking for in the future if nothing else. Link to post Share on other sites
delajoonal Posted October 11, 2009 Share Posted October 11, 2009 It definitely opened my eyes to the next type of relationship I will be looking for in the future if nothing else. yes, i agree 100%..i will def be looking for someone with MORE spirituality and God in their life...i think the older i get the more important that becomes to me...and IT didn't to my H Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted October 11, 2009 Share Posted October 11, 2009 You can also watch it for free on YouTube, the whole movie is there, start with http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cYLIayanv3g. Thanks Tripp, I'm watching it now, hope I can make it without crying to much. Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted October 11, 2009 Share Posted October 11, 2009 Thanks Tripp, I'm watching it now, hope I can make it without crying to much. It got me a couple of times, I saw both my husband and myself in it....I just wished that my husband could be that dedicated to our marriage and loved me like he loved his wife. Link to post Share on other sites
delajoonal Posted October 11, 2009 Share Posted October 11, 2009 I just wished that my husband could be that dedicated to our marriage and loved me like he loved his wife. amen sista! Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted October 11, 2009 Share Posted October 11, 2009 I can only look at me and believe me I have a LOT of work to do but I have excepted that & I'm doing something about it. I really believe those on LS are wanting to better themselves & I feel no matter what we will all be better people because of it. Link to post Share on other sites
floridapad Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 my sister recommended this to me, but felt it wouldn't help the W. She said it was geared more towards the H. Is this true. I really don't want to watch it just for me. Don't want to relive that pain. I have had enough painful realities about myself for now to last me a while. Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 I sat down yesterday and watched the movie, I haven't cried that hard in a long time...... I guess what is sad is I know my marriage could have been fixed, we just didn't have the right person in the center of our marriage..... Yes the story is religious based but I believe that is what a marriage needs. I did learn a few things I hope to bring to my next relationship so it will be better then my first. I guess the one biggest thing I did wrong in my marriage was; I put myself first, everything was about me. The second is; I didn't listen, I would hear what she said but I didn't listen & I'm still having to work on that one. Thanks for the link, it was very good. Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 I sat down yesterday and watched the movie, I haven't cried that hard in a long time...... I guess what is sad is I know my marriage could have been fixed, we just didn't have the right person in the center of our marriage..... Yes the story is religious based but I believe that is what a marriage needs. I did learn a few things I hope to bring to my next relationship so it will be better then my first. I guess the one biggest thing I did wrong in my marriage was; I put myself first, everything was about me. The second is; I didn't listen, I would hear what she said but I didn't listen & I'm still having to work on that one. Thanks for the link, it was very good. You're welcome. I took pretty much the same thing from the movie as well. One of my chief complaints about my marriage was that my H didn't put me or his son first in his life, which is why I got very angry with his email weeks ago that he knew this and would do better in his next relationship. He very much liked to have his freedom to do the things he wanted to do when he wanted to them...so I backed off and let him come and go as he pleased, maybe I gave him too much freedom and that led to his lonliness at home. Communication had never been our strongest point, most times I would have to get my piece out there and let him digest it for a day or two before he would come back and talk peacefully about it. In the end though, the communication became one-sided and his was the only one that mattered, what he wanted was the only thing that mattered. Link to post Share on other sites
JaneDoe35 Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 I watched that movie tonight too. I cried. It may have been helpful if we had watched it when my husband was still at home. But unfortunately he forget to tell me that he was over us.....so I did not know my marriage was in crisis. I knew we were both unhappy about him working away. But he never mentioned falling out of love etc. Sound familiar to everyone? Link to post Share on other sites
Author tojaz Posted October 12, 2009 Author Share Posted October 12, 2009 I actually watched it again last night, even cried the second time around. I watch it and just see things I was trying to do but didn't know how or wanted to. Just like PW said, it showed me my marriage could have been saved, had she been willing to try. Even thinking about sending a copy to her, don't know why, maybe so she can see how torn apart Caleb was in his private moments, she always seemed so bewildered that I was hurt by it all. I bought the Love dare book and have been reading it for myself, also very good and insightful. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 One of my co-workers said he has watched it four times & each time he cries but for different reasons...... He said he has gotten something out of it different each time so I guess I'll be watching it again..... I think I'll watch it with the G/F so we can talk about it after wards. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tojaz Posted October 13, 2009 Author Share Posted October 13, 2009 Good idea PW. On the DVD there is a downloadable discussion guide in the special features and tags to key discussion points in the film. Link to post Share on other sites
FredMerc Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 Ok, the problem I have with the movie: First off it may be good for some marital situations, but do you really need a movie to tell you to stop being an ahole to your wife? Secondly, in our culture now there is a very real problem with woman not being fiscally responsible and then painting the guy as bad, or having control issues if he will not let her spend them into bankruptcy, or if he tries to look out for their future, and this movie plays right into that. IMO. I think there is a proliferation of that attitude in our culture and it is epitomized by the credit card commercial where the woman uses the credit card points that the husband wanted to use for them to take a vacation, to buy herself a dress without even talking to him. Oh well, dude, another year of working with no vacation, but your wife got what she wanted..... You are a team, and you need to work together. Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 Ok, the problem I have with the movie: First off it may be good for some marital situations, but do you really need a movie to tell you to stop being an ahole to your wife? No but I needed a separation to see it but by then it was to late. When we grew up (got married young) my former W was shy so she didn't say much, so I had to take control of a lot of situations that now I look back at & I shouldn't have. Then when she finally wanted her opinions heard I was so used to always making the decisions that "I" didn't listen. I wouldn't say I was an ahole but I didn't work as a team, I didn't listen to her needs. The movie is kind of like a fairy tail I feel & I'm pretty sure the odds aren't very good that a struggling marriage would turn out like that one did but I feel it will help me in my next relationship to help understand what I need to do, along with my reading, my classes, my understanding that I can't be selfish like I was in my first marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tojaz Posted October 13, 2009 Author Share Posted October 13, 2009 Ok, the problem I have with the movie: First off it may be good for some marital situations, but do you really need a movie to tell you to stop being an ahole to your wife? Good post PW!! I wasn't going to respond originally, but tell me this, of all the poor souls here that have found LS, how many of them perceived themselves as treating their spouse poorly, being an *********? I would say none, at the begining, but as threads go on certain traits rise to the surface. 1200 posts ago, I came here thinking i waqs a saint and she was nuts. I was half right :laugh: I think the movie portrays how those perceptions can get lost in day to day life and reads the message of looking within yourself for answers and solutions rather then placing the blame on the other party. Neither husband or wife was treating the other very well, one had lost the will to go on in the marriage while the other chose to stand. A story told here all too often. Yes the movie is a bit of a fairytale, but it illustrates what is possible between too people commited to eachother. The message "Never leave your partner behind" what else would you want said to a walk away spouse? Secondly, in our culture now there is a very real problem with woman not being fiscally responsible and then painting the guy as bad, or having control issues if he will not let her spend them into bankruptcy, or if he tries to look out for their future, and this movie plays right into that. IMO. Did we watch the same movie? The copy I have showed the W trying to purchase much needed medical supplies for her crippled mother while the H was looking to buy a boat! I don't think the movie focused as much on the financial aspect as it did the priorites of life. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Author tojaz Posted October 13, 2009 Author Share Posted October 13, 2009 On that note, I'm doing the Love Dare by myself LOL. Starting today , I'm going to read one dare per day in the morning just like it says to do and at the end of the day, I'm going to read it again and write out aspects of my marriage where it would have applied. Not sure what I'm going to gain from this other then a little more pespective, but I'm looking forward to what I may learn. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
FredMerc Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 (edited) No but I needed a separation to see it but by then it was to late. I wouldn't say I was an ahole but I didn't work as a team, I didn't listen to her needs. PW, I was not directing the comment at you personally, but at the movie... Tojaz, the movie made the financial issue into her wanting the money for a good, charitable cause (It has been a while since I have seen it, but I didn't think it was for her mother, but medical supplies for a charity?), but the point a lot of people came away with (from reading discussion threads on it at various sites) was that the husband needs to turn control over to the wife, as if saving for the future was some sort of niggling characteristic. In real life how many maritial financial squabbles do you think are about the wife wanting to give money to charity, and how many are about her wanting what she saw on TV, on some design or kitchen re-model show etc, and the family having much more important needs? Edited October 13, 2009 by FredMerc Link to post Share on other sites
hopeful1980 Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 I really think the 40 day love dare saved my marriage. I plan on using it many times during our lives. Link to post Share on other sites
Auroracoladybug Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 Okay so female perspective coming into this... The movie makes lots of points...mostly the not leaving your partner behind and loving them and That actions truly do matter...not just not to be a ahole to your wife, a wife should also not be a biach to her wife and say mean things FredMerc, I oppose the idea that marital financial squabbles are about women as you stated... "in our culture now there is a very real problem with woman not being fiscally responsible and then painting the guy as bad, or having control issues if he will not let her spend them into bankruptcy, or if he tries to look out for their future, and this movie plays right into that. IMO." My H was the one who needed the new car, computer, toy, meals out, etc...I agree there are many out there not being fiscally responsible but I think it is pretty even between men and women. I don't know many women who must have a LCD TV, N360, PSP, boat, etc LOL I found myself watching the whole movie on youtube...my favorite part was when Caleb's dad points out that God keeps giving and giving with no recognition and thanks. I am not religious but I respect that life is beautiful and all things are possible... Link to post Share on other sites
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