Long distance straight away...

[caz83]

I have been on here previously after my live in boyfriend split up with me. Basically we were living in a city that we had moved to together and he broke up with me, so I had 6 months to live there on my own and then I was moving back to live with my parents in the city I am originally from and where I had a new job, its is a 2 hour drive from where we were living togther.Anyway, it took me a while to get over him but I did and I met someone else. We had a bit of a whirlwind romance for a month, but then it was time for me to move away. We decided to give long distance a go and it worked out ok. we would see each other every other weekend from fri-sun, it would be me going to him though because he has his own place, whereas I live with my parents. This has been going on since August.

 

I had reservations about embarking on a long distance relationship, because normally that is something that happens when you are already in an established relationship but one of you has to move away...not something that you start from the outset! we were still in the getting to know eachother phase..so how could we get to know eachother while living in different cities? But decided to give it a go anyway.

 

It was strange because when we lived in the same place we were going on dates or seeing eachother in the evenings to watch a dvd or have a take out, stay the night then we would both go to work etc during the day and see eachother again later.we were getting on so well and it was lovely. But then when we started long distance it all turned weird, I think it was because I was staying at his place, we would have to see eachother for 24 hrs a day for 3 days at a time...which normally you wouldnt do this early on in a relationship. really we are still in the dating stage! but had to spend these intense long amounts of time together and found that we often ran out of things to say to eachother, he felt that he always had to 'entertain' me and I was worried that he was bored and he worried that I was bored etc, we stopped just chilling out togther like we used to. We were fine when we were doing things, like going out in the evenings or doing something in the day time..it was the "in between" times that were difficult, where normally I would go home or do my own thing. One of his favourite things to do at the weekend is go and watch the football in the pub with his friends, and so when I lived there he would go and do that I would do my own thing and would see him later on. But when I stay there either I have to go with him or we have to do something else and I think of my self as a bit of a burden.

Anyway, he phoned my two days ago and ended it. Says he doesnt think we are compatible and doing long distance was never going to work anyway, it has just come out of nowhere!! I am frustrated because I know we are compatible because we got on so well at the beginning and had a lovely month when I lived there and we were having a 'normal' relationship, I just think the problem is having to spend such long and intense amounts of time together so early on in the relationship when really we should still be in the getting to know each other stage. I dont know. Has any body else been throught something similar?

He initially said that its because he doesnt get to spend time with his friends anymore because every weekend he has off work he spends it with me, then he said its not just because of the distance but that his heart just isnt in it and that we arent compatible...but then we still text eachother like nothing has changed, he text me saying that I am such a nice, beautiful and intelligent girl and everything that any guy would love and that I deserve better than him. I have tried giving him solutions such as I will only go for one night at the weekends instead of both so that he can still spend one night with his friends, or when Im there I will go and see my old freinds there while he is watching the football or whatever. I dont know.

I dont know if im being stupid and that really he has done me a favour because where is it going to go really? but on the other hand I think why worry about the future now, lets just enjoy what we are doing! I honestly think that he thinks we are not compatible because we have some awkward silences and periods of time when we dont know what to do with eachother, but I am sure that is just because of having to spend 24 hrs a day togther so early on on the relationship...we were fine when I lived there and we were dating. and I am sure it will get better and easier as we get more comfortable with each other, because we are technically still in the "getting to know eachother stage". I dont know. What is he thinking?

[Els]

My current bf and I started off long-distance, to be honest. We did know each other IRL as friends for several months before that, but we were both in relationships at that time.

 

While I'm not going to pretend that it's been a walk in the park, we've been together for about 1.5 years now. The second time he visited, we were shoved into each others' faces for 1.5 weeks practically (we were together for about 2 months including online time, then) - I only had a small room and a small bed and he had nowhere else to stay. Honestly, though, it worked marvellously for us! I really don't think there should be anything preventing two very compatible people from being able to spend 3 days together at a time comfortably. Maybe he just wasn't right for you?