I hate unrequited love.

[Zoff]

Truly there are few things that can equal the emotional pain and distress this causes.

 

I don't know if deep down there is a part of me that enjoys torturing myself because I always fall for girls I cannot have.

 

Once, just once I'd like to fall for a girl I have even a remote chance of getting together with.

 

I thought I'd gotten this under control because it's been a few years now since I felt anything like this for a girl but it's happened to me again and I need to get it off my chest because I feel like there's a fist in my chest crushing my heart every time I think of her.

 

I'm in a choir with this girl, so I see her almost every week and it's agony. She's in the row in front of me and I have to tear my eyes away from her time and time again.

 

To see something you want more than anything else, right in front of you but completely unattainable, it's a horrible feeling. Even worse is the knowledge that some other guy(s) will get to be with her, it just feels so unfair.

 

I wish that I could have my emotions switched off so that I don't ever need to experience this again.

 

Apologies for the depressing thread, but I'm close to tears. I'm normally really good at controlling my emotions because I know that when they get out they overwhelm me, like what is happening now.

[whichwayisup]

Do some deep breathing..That will help the crushing feeling in your chest and heart.. Sorry you're hurting..

 

All I can tell ya is, time is on your side..It's too bad you have to see this girl weekly, that makes it harder for you to detach and heal.

 

I know it's easier said than done, but if you truly love her and want the best for her, even if it hurts you, inside your head, tell yourself that you just want to see her happy, even though it's not with you. Wish her the best..

 

One day when you least expect it, the right girl will walk into your life. As painful as love is sometimes, it's worth it when you have the right person.

[Pedigree]

Zoff, I've been there before. Pretty soon, you're gonna ask yourself why is it do you spend so much time thinking instead of doing something more productive. Then sooner or later, you'll find yourself thinking less and less about her. Before you know it, you'll get to a point where you won't flinch inside when you see the person in question. You'll still wonder about her now and again, but you don't let the thought bother you.

 

Trust me, I've gone through this process.

[burning 4 revenge]

Theres no feeling more violent or vital than unrequited love so this is you at your most alive (if thats any kind of silver linging)

[ebab83]

Theres no feeling more violent or vital than unrequited love so this is you at your most alive (if thats any kind of silver linging)

 

 

 

Well said! So many different emotions....which is so much better than going through life being numb

 

I think the best thing to do is try and remind yourself about all the good things about being single. How these wouldn't happen if you had her, and go do those things.

 

As we all know, it takes time but soon it won't be quite so harsh.

[splintered thing]

I hate unrequited love.

You mean there's another kind? I thought "unrequited love" was redundant.

I wish that I could have my emotions switched off so that I don't ever need to experience this again.

I haven't found the off switch yet either. It'd be handy, just to be able to switch things off and get through the rest of my to-do list. Then when I'm in the mood (like when I want to watch a sad movie or something), I could flip the switch to the on position for an hour-and-a-half, enjoy the experience, and then get right back to life afterwards.

 

Let me know if you find where that switch is.

[FloaterShimmy]

Theres no feeling more violent or vital than unrequited love so this is you at your most alive (if thats any kind of silver linging)

Superbly put. (Is silver linging some kind of sexual manoeuvre?)

 

For a guy, unrequited love is very much like your balls going into hibernation over an unusually long winter. But when spring finally comes, you're going to feel extraordinarily frisky.

[Ariadne]

You mean there's another kind? I thought "unrequited love" was redundant.

 

 

Well, what do you know..

 

I don't care about love anymore though, it's better this way.

[Stockalone]

When you say unrequited love, do you mean that you asked her out and she wasn't interested or do you mean that you admire her from afar without ever having asked her out?

[SadandConfusedWA]

Theres no feeling more violent or vital than unrequited love so this is you at your most alive (if thats any kind of silver linging)

 

I find this strangely comforting.

[Zoff]

When you say unrequited love, do you mean that you asked her out and she wasn't interested or do you mean that you admire her from afar without ever having asked her out?

 

I mean I'm not going to ask her out because it would be an embarrassing situation for both of us and could make things awkward in the future.

 

There is simply no way that this could ever be possible because there is too much of an age difference between us. I'm simply to old for her.

 

The fact that I know that my feelings for her are hopeless means that I not only feel miserable, but also stupid, for feeling these pointless feelings in the first place.

[terra]

How do you know you are too old? Look around LS there are large age gaps between happy couples. You never know unless you try. Worst thing that happens is she doesn't feel the same which could help you to get over her?

Although, I've been in your shoes - it's awful. Good luck!

[everysinnerhasafutre]

you're only too old for her if it becomes a legal issue. other than that... you're only as old as you feel. generation gaps can either make a relationship extremely interesting or make it fall apart miserably. IMHO life is too short not to take chances--it's something i'm attempting to grasp as a result of feeling much the same as you do. you gotta weigh out risk vs reward here.

 

i do have to ask though, is there any type of bond at all between you two? like a friendship or even a simple acquaintance?

 

you say this is common for you to fall for what you can't have. i empathize completely. i have this horrible habit of self destructing with nearly everything i desire. i've managed to put myself in a wicked circle of back and forth unrequited love with the same person for going on 7 years. its irritating and emotionally draining. at some point though, the cycle has to be broken. i wish i could give you some decent advice, however... i'm in a similar situation.

[burning 4 revenge]

Superbly put. (Is silver linging some kind of sexual manoeuvre?)

 

For a guy, unrequited love is very much like your balls going into hibernation over an unusually long winter. But when spring finally comes, you're going to feel extraordinarily frisky.

Hmn, you voice sounds familar

[gypsy_nicky]

not intending to hijack this thread, but I am also going thru this atm except I have expressed my intentions sometime in the past. The bad part is I have to work with the person. How do I get by without letting my feelings get the best of me?

 

Its very hard to get over unrequited love if you see the person daily imo. I thought I wouldn't see this person again (which was superb, LS NC advice) but unfortunately this person just happened to fall back into where I work.

[Pedigree]

At work, how often do you see her/walk past her booth/etc.? Should try keep it to a minimum.

[Zoff]

you're only too old for her if it becomes a legal issue. other than that... you're only as old as you feel. generation gaps can either make a relationship extremely interesting or make it fall apart miserably. IMHO life is too short not to take chances--it's something i'm attempting to grasp as a result of feeling much the same as you do. you gotta weigh out risk vs reward here.

 

i do have to ask though, is there any type of bond at all between you two? like a friendship or even a simple acquaintance?

 

you say this is common for you to fall for what you can't have. i empathize completely. i have this horrible habit of self destructing with nearly everything i desire. i've managed to put myself in a wicked circle of back and forth unrequited love with the same person for going on 7 years. its irritating and emotionally draining. at some point though, the cycle has to be broken. i wish i could give you some decent advice, however... i'm in a similar situation.

 

 

No there's no legal issue, it would however raise a lot of eyebrows.

 

This age imbalanced attraction is a real problem for me in general though.

 

I look and act a lot younger than I am. People generally assume I'm about 10 years younger than I am. Added to this I am very inexperienced with relationships probably more so than most people 10 years younger than I am.

 

As a result I generally find myself falling for girls that are around 17/18 years of age (AOC here is 16). They tend to be at a similar level to me, in terms of experience, looks and emotional maturity.

 

She is an acquaintance, just about. We know each other's names, say hi to each other and go to the same choir but that's about it.

 

I'd desperately like to get to know her better but I wouldn't know where to start without causing embarrassment to either of us.

[terra]

OP, not sure how old you are but 16 is pretty young and that could get you in trouble. Stick to the 18 plus. Just because you are inexperienced doesn't mean that you won't find lots of other girls that are also inexperienced. Go for the super shy types - that was me. As I'm sure you are aware, appearance indicates little about how much experience a person has.

[Zoff]

As soon as you said there was an age difference in your other post, I knew what was coming. Except I didnt expect the girl's age to be THAT young. So, from your post I guess you are at least 10 years older than this 16 year old CHILD, right?? Probably more. What, are you like 35 years old or something?

What the hell is wrong with some of you men?? WOMEN your age just don't do it for you pervs? Or as your post suggest, you just cant handle a woman? Little girls are easier to impress.

 

For the love of GOD..leave her alone. You don't need to get to know a 16 year old child better.

 

 

Firstly please get off your high horse there's no need for it thank you.

 

Secondly I'm not 35 and she's not 16. I'm 30 and she's almost 18. I acknowledge that this is a large difference, which is why I know it can't come to anything.

 

Lastly If you read my first post properly you will note that I said that I did not intend to pursue anything with her, so please stop with the name calling. There's no need and even if I did pursue something; she is well over the age of consent here, and I do not deserve being called a pervert. Just because the place where you live classes girls under 18 as children and under the age of consent doesn't mean everywhere in the world does. It would be like me calling you a drunken alcoholic if I lived in a place where alcohol was forbidden and you said that you wanted a drink.

 

I don't know what your issues are, or why you're so angry and upset, I could try to psychoanalyse you too and call you names but I'm not going to go there.

Edited October 15, 2009 by Zoff

[gypsy_nicky]

At work, how often do you see her/walk past her booth/etc.? Should try keep it to a minimum.

 

I work very closely with her as she's part of the team. That's what I hate about it. I could always get a transfer again to another branch but I've already done that before (she used to work at the old branch too).

[Zoff]

OP, not sure how old you are but 16 is pretty young and that could get you in trouble. Stick to the 18 plus. Just because you are inexperienced doesn't mean that you won't find lots of other girls that are also inexperienced. Go for the super shy types - that was me. As I'm sure you are aware, appearance indicates little about how much experience a person has.

 

 

She's almost 18, and no it's definitely not a legal problem. It's just that to avoid any reactions like winecountry's I wouldn't go there.

 

It's kind of sad, because the only girls that pay me any attention are around that age. The last girls I went out with were 17, and 18 respectively and they both asked me out. I can't help looking young.

Edited October 15, 2009 by Zoff

[Pedigree]

I work very closely with her as she's part of the team. That's what I hate about it. I could always get a transfer again to another branch but I've already done that before (she used to work at the old branch too).

 

Yeah, it'll be hard unfortunately.

 

I still think (and know from my personal experience) that it is possible to get to a point where you see this person and not have your feelings go into overdrive. You honestly just have to accept and stop seeing the person as a possibility. Having time away from the person (ie. holiday season) also helps.

[gypsy_nicky]

Yeah, it'll be hard unfortunately.

 

I still think (and know from my personal experience) that it is possible to get to a point where you see this person and not have your feelings go into overdrive. You honestly just have to accept and stop seeing the person as a possibility. Having time away from the person (ie. holiday season) also helps.

 

any tips on what you did?

 

I actually had heaps of time away from her, 2 months. I was happy she went away but unfortunately she came back.

[Pedigree]

When she's away from you or you from her, you just have to convince yourself that it's not happening and to get over her. That's what I did. I still see my unrequited at uni, but I don't flinch anymore. It just doesn't bother me, I've grown to accept it.

[Stockalone]

I mean I'm not going to ask her out because it would be an embarrassing situation for both of us and could make things awkward in the future.

 

There is simply no way that this could ever be possible because there is too much of an age difference between us. I'm simply to old for her.

 

The fact that I know that my feelings for her are hopeless means that I not only feel miserable, but also stupid, for feeling these pointless feelings in the first place.

 

I am afraid I can't offer much help. I've had crushes, but none went so far that it could develop into unrequited love.

 

There were times when I was sure that it wouldn't work out (age gap, different stages in life, the woman had a bf, etc.). In those cases, I never had a problem of letting that crush go.

 

If you don't feed a crush, it will die. At least that is how it works for me. Crushes get fed by my imagination, I think about how things could/would/should be.

 

And when I believe that a relationship can't work out, there is no reason for that crush to exist anymore. A few days is usually all it took once I decided it wouldn't work.

 

I found it far more difficult to let go of a crush if I already knew the woman for some time and was convinced we could make a relationship work, but then the woman wasn't interested when I asked her out or told her about having a crush on her.

 

 

She is an acquaintance, just about. We know each other's names, say hi to each other and go to the same choir but that's about it.

 

I met a woman online and developed a crush on her long before I knew what she looked like and long before we met. So I can relate to how it feels to get ahead of yourself.

 

However, you really know nothing about this girl. Since there is no legal problem, you could talk to her to find out if there is a mutual interest. Then again, I do agree with you that this is a large age gap and I wouldn't pursue a 18 year old (I am 31).

 

And since you already decided not to pursue, you could try to tell yourself enough is enough. That fantasy is nice to have while it lasts, but the reality of it is that in the end it will bring nothing but pain and misery if you let that crush grow against your better judgement.