How to tell if it's a rebound

[gwennebe]

Ok. I have a question. Can everyone try to give me their honest opinion on the topic. Rebounding. It seems from what I have been reading on here the past few months in most relationships, when the guy is the dumper, and usually moves on fairly quickly does it mean that he's using this new person to fill the void of the last relationship? (especially if they show signs of being afraid to be alone from their past). Are they doing this so they can get over the relationship faster? If they have to do this why not just stay in the relationship?

 

Do these things usually last? What if you were very close and the reason your relationship ended was due to lack of communication and the other person being stubborn?

 

Do guys or for that matter girls who do the dumping usually stay really busy after a breakup so they don't dwell on the failed relationship and if so how long does this usually last before they can't run from it anymore and they have to finally deal with it. What if we are still talking once in awhile? Don't you think if they wanted you out of their life to be with this new person they would just say stop calling me, don't talk to me anymore? Or is it simply they are keeping you around in case things don't work out with this other person.

 

Another question, if they have to doubt things working out with the new person, why breakup the first relationship in the first place? Why not stick by and work things out?

[lost_in_chgo]

All of the above.

 

It also possible that he just decided that he doesn't want a relationship with you. How long did you date? Alot of this depends on the circumstances, living arrangement, divorce, separation, ages, kids, etc.

 

Trying to maintain a friendship thru this enables the other person. You give them a crutch so that they don't really need to face their feelings.

 

There are no guarantees, but I think that waiting can be a good thing sometimes. The rebound romance is a way of dealing with the breakup. It will normally not last more than 3 months. I've been told that waiting for six months is reasonable, but that anything longer is unrealistic. And keep your option open. If someone else comes along for you, take the opportunity to try it out.

 

Check out these links:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?postid=125029#post125029 (last pp)

 

These are divorce related, but apply to rebounds:

http://www.divorcecentral.com/forums/lifeline_forums/messages/10553.html

 

http://content.health.msn.com/content/article/41/1674_51841.htm

[gwennebe]

We were only together for three months. I don't know. He seemed very upset and it was hard for him to let the relationship go. He did it twice. The second time was awful and he went about it the wrong way almost like he wanted me to hate him. but I still don't feel like letting go and I don't know why. I guess the best thing to do is just stay away from him then and let him have his new chica? I'm trying to move on but like I said he's stuck in the back of my head all the time.

[Caddy]

Most guys I know or have been with get into a relationship quickly to get over the last one.

Guys can be horny little dogs too. Always seeming to be in heat. So of course they go on the prowl for new "meat" as soon as possible.

 

Would the relationship last? Depends on what kind of guy he is, and it also depends on if he has hooked up with Loose Lucy or Dependable Debbie (just lame nicknames I came up with just now, no reference to any Lucy's or Debbie's)

 

A lot of guys have commitment issues to begin with. So dumping the old girl and finding a new one ASAP is like a stupid video game. Some guys also try to keep the ex on file for backup sex. Or if something goes wrong with the new one, the ex is the backup girlfriend for a while. Most women (myself included) love the guy so much, it's easy to be used and abused like that. Please don't fall into that pattern! It's happened to plenty of us, and if you have been dumped recently, then take my word and forget that loser! You can find a hero to replace the zero. (sorry Ricki Lake was on and stuck in my head!!)

[lost_in_chgo]

If you only dated for 3 months, you are facing the common failure of relationships after 3 months. It's probably best to move on if he comes back fine, if not you live your own life.

 

Check this out:

http://www.askmen.com/dating/datingadvice/dating12.html

[gwennebe]

Thanks for the posts. I read that article and it kind of helped. I think he may fit into one or more of the categories. He's been engadged twice. Plus, I tried to break up with him a week before he broke up with me sooo. I then changed my mind though.

 

The girl he's dating is kind of hard to describe. I know it's not serious. I think he just wants someone there for convenience but I could be wrong I kind of thought he had liked her before we broke up like a month before but he claims he didn't.

 

Of course why would he tell me the truth if he's using me as a crutch. Well thanks again. I'm going to try to keep moving on. If anyone else had any advice or an opinion shoot it my way.

Thanks!!!

[just_bella]

Rebounds

 

Do they last? I personal don't believe that you can jump from one relationship into another and be truly happy. We aren't fornuate to find the perfect soul mate so easily. As I like to believe you don't win the lottery on your first try.

 

Usually, the dumper or dumpee uses the company of another to ease their broken heart. Maybe for boost their ego & confidence. Or to show the other party that they moved on.

But a rebound is a person used to fill the lost of love in one's life during a very weak period. And after they realize their actions they usually loose feelings for the rebound person. They aren't aware of the fact they might be hurting someone in the process. They just miss the company of another.

 

You should always be wary of someone on prowl after a major breakup. Esp. if it was a serious long term relationship. When you invest so much emotion in a long term relationship you should allow more time to heal. And some people can't understand that and they want the lost & pain to go away. So they move on without properly healing themselves.

 

 

Please check this out

 

http://rebound-relationships.com/unhealthy.html

 

htttp://www.survivingbreakup.com

 

_________________

take care

Bella

[dlb311]

Hi I feel I might be on the rebound but I don't want to be.

 

My boyfriend of two years broke up almost 4 months ago. Anyway I am trying to move on. It wasn't an easy break because not much went wrong as he does agree. But he said he needs his time. So all I can do is move on! I tried being friends but it tore me up inside.

 

Anyway I have been going out and enjoying life. Because that is what is for. I am sad at times I miss him and I want him to wake up and realize what he is doing to something that is so great! But that is not a garantee.

 

I went out the other night and meet someone. He seemed so cool and nice and down to earth. I was totally myself and he seemed really interested. he invited me to see his band play in a few days I said sure. He asked if I if called and asked me out sometime would I go. I said definitly. Now I don't think I should sit at home. I want to go out and if I was to fall in love with someone why would that be so bad.

 

Anyway I guess I have a question should I tell him straight out but when we where chatting he was with some girls and they told him I remembed them of his ex. He said they had been broken up for a year. I don't want to be a rebound either but to have the ex brought up in the first conversation is kind of weird. See I didn't bring up my situation. Anyway I am scared I do not want to hurt anyone but I don't want to sit around because I still love my ex. Time heals all woons. Anyway should I go out with this guy and take a chance?

[gwennebe]

dlb. Hi. I think you should go ahead and go out and have a good time. Try to just take it slow and get to know each other as friends and see what happens. If possible don't rush it and let infatuation get the best of the situation.

 

As far as being a rebound to the new guy, I don't know, especially if it's been a year since they broke up. I know I have brought up past relationships if I've felt comfortable with someone and I've had closure. I'm not sure about the whole"you reminding him of his ex" That would make me a little uneasy too.

 

I say go out and have fun just try to take it slow and get to know him as a friend maybe first instead of jumping into something serious. That's the best way to protect your heart.

 

Good luck. Let me know what happens.

[sugarandspice]

Oh my god!!!!! This sounds just like my bf. His old friend this girl that just broke up with her fiance called him and they talked and now he might leave me to be with her. We have been going out for 4 months and then he is going to choose me or her. I can't believe it because he told me that he couldn't see anyone else for him right now!!!!

[ajm1968]

My BF of 10 years just dumped me, we had our share of problems through out the relationship. His reasons were his son didnt like me and we did fight a lot but it was because I would catch him lying about me or he would try to cause fights between myself and his dad. My ex definately has the "not my child syndrome" and its hard to tell the parent from the child at times. He put a lot of the blame on his son's shoulders for the breakup. A week after the breakup, I found out that he had been seeing someone else and apparently it had been going on for a while. It's been a month and he still calls and tells me that he loves me and misses me. He even tries to find out if Im seeing anyone and makes comments as if he were jealous. He is definately rebounding but I dont understand why he would try to keep in touch w/me if this is what he wanted in the first place. He definately broke my heart into pieces but I dont want to be used because I miss him and want to believe that one day he'll realize that he made a mistake. The worst part is that the woman he is seeing , resembles me a lot. I dont know how to take that. I dont understand how he can just move on so quickly and I cant even think about dating anytime soon. If this sounds familiar to anyone, let me know how you got over it, or any advice would be helpful...

[beautiful]

When someone moves on to someone else very quickly after they dumped someone they are hiding from their true feelings and are cowards. They don't want to work on themselves to find out why this relationship is in trouble and what their part was in it. So instead of fixing things they want to hide behind someone else. Usually it is guys that jump into another relationship really fast after they dumped a girl.

 

Rebound relationships never work out! In most cases he or she (if there was a real relationship and real love involved) will go back to the one they dumped. We see it over and over again. People divorce only to get re married even years later.

 

I do not recommand to date anyone on a rebound, you wil get hurt for sure!

 

Think about it ...why would you want a guy/girl that is on the rebound? He/She will bring the same drama into your life because he/she hasen't fixed anything within himself/herself.

 

Just read this board and see how many people after they "dumped" someone are still missing their exes and want them back...enuff said:-)