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Healing the Pain


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Hi eveyone,

 

I'm new here. A couple of weeks ago I accidently came across this forum after typing in the words "Why does it hurt so much?" into google and here I am. I haven't had the guts to write here and so I opened this journal I had which my last entry was like 4 years ago and I'm writing in it again to deal with my pain.

 

I ended a 8 year friendship which lead to a relationship a couple of weeks ago. I loved this guy of whom I met for the first time last year but knew him for the 8 years. I've dated people before getting involved with him as I did not believe in "online" relationships but it happened to me. Talk about how things just happen for a reason. Why did I break up with him? I guess I got tired of waiting and hearing the excuses that he would come out and see me from the other side of the world....soon he says. How soon? soon he says. I think he's played me. I can't believe I've been so gullible, often relying on my gut instincts to protect me..but when you're in love you get blindsighted.

 

I bought a pair of Pradas today. Last week I bought another 3 pairs of shoes and I felt nothing, just numbness. Shop therapy doesn't help heal the pain.

 

I think he's seeing someone now or has been for a while but didn't have the balls to end things with me. Or maybe he was waiting me to be the fall back girl if things backfired with real life.

 

I got tired of waiting...and waiting and hearing the soons. Got fed up and told him didnt want anything to do with him anymore. No word since, not surprised, better this way.

 

I aiming for the sixty days and then I know I will be okay. Until then, I hope I can hang out here for a while with you guys if that's okay.

 

V.

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