ON MY OWN Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 Maybe men can provide some insight on this for me. As always I love for women to respond with any experiences they have had as well. My LDR bf sometimes brings up my past sexual experience with exes, he is not a huge fan of either of the 2 already because of their behaviors. It is periodically but is becoming a bit more frequent. He asks questions as to if other men have done oral on me. He asks various specific sexual questions. I have known him 25 years and dont mind sharing experiences with him, however I dont think its a good idea for him to know these things because I think it is self torture. Why do men ask? He says he wants to be the best lover I have ever had. He IS. Its all about how I feel and the miracle of us running into eachother after 25 years is the most special thing to me ever. He causes so much tension in an otherwise beautiful relationship. I am afraid if this keeps up he will ruin it. Any ideas and thoughts/past experiences would be much appreciated. Thanks guys. Link to post Share on other sites
Jaspe_Loco Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 Maybe men can provide some insight on this for me. As always I love for women to respond with any experiences they have had as well. My LDR bf sometimes brings up my past sexual experience with exes, he is not a huge fan of either of the 2 already because of their behaviors. It is periodically but is becoming a bit more frequent. He asks questions as to if other men have done oral on me. He asks various specific sexual questions. I have known him 25 years and dont mind sharing experiences with him, however I dont think its a good idea for him to know these things because I think it is self torture. Why do men ask? He says he wants to be the best lover I have ever had. He IS. Its all about how I feel and the miracle of us running into eachother after 25 years is the most special thing to me ever. He causes so much tension in an otherwise beautiful relationship. I am afraid if this keeps up he will ruin it. Any ideas and thoughts/past experiences would be much appreciated. Thanks guys. In my experience, it has been the woman asking about my past sexual experiences. It would usually begin with "how many women have you been with" and end with "you think they're better than me!!!". As a MM, I've been involved with a MW a little over three years now. Last February, she asked me how often my wife and I have sex. I told her it was on rare occasions and that I preferred not to discuss our sex lives outside of our relationship. For the life of me, I can't understand why anyone would want to discuss that. Link to post Share on other sites
splintered thing Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 He asks various specific sexual questions. I have known him 25 years and dont mind sharing experiences with him, however I dont think its a good idea for him to know these things because I think it is self torture. Why do men ask? He says he wants to be the best lover I have ever had. He IS. Its all about how I feel and the miracle of us running into eachother after 25 years is the most special thing to me ever. He causes so much tension in an otherwise beautiful relationship. I am afraid if this keeps up he will ruin it. Any ideas and thoughts/past experiences would be much appreciated. Thanks guys. Has he ever reacted in a way that suggests that telling him these things will ruin it? Maybe he's just interested or it could even be a turn-on for him? I don't recall asking about details like that in my past relationships, but those I've been involved with have generally been pretty open about volunteering that kind of information. I'm not the jealous type, so normally it's not anything that would ruin (or even harm) a relationship, and I'm interested in knowing more about my partner's past experiences, likes, dislikes, fears, etc. The only time when it's bothered me a bit is when I hear a lot about the things that my partner did with past lovers that my partner wouldn't be willing to do with me. Obviously it depends on the person, but if that sort of thing comes up much, it might be better to downplay it. Link to post Share on other sites
Untouchable_Fire Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 Its all about how I feel and the miracle of us running into eachother after 25 years is the most special thing to me ever. He causes so much tension in an otherwise beautiful relationship. I am afraid if this keeps up he will ruin it. Any ideas and thoughts/past experiences would be much appreciated. Thanks guys. He is totally insecure. I'm not sure how you should deal with it. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 Insecure + LDR = Bad Outcome Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 I would NOT provide such intimate details about previous lovers to a current bf. No Way is that good. Maybe he is looking for phone sex? Link to post Share on other sites
Skump Posted October 14, 2009 Share Posted October 14, 2009 He causes so much tension in an otherwise beautiful relationship. I am afraid if this keeps up he will ruin it. Any ideas and thoughts/past experiences would be much appreciated. Thanks guys. Honestly, the guy sounds insecure... but with that said, there is a reason this insecurity so often develops in men. Men are genetically programmed to be concerned about a potential mate's fidelity. For 99.9% of human history, men have had no way of knowing whether the kids they're raising are their own. So men have "evolved" to be sensitive to anything that might bespeak a wandering eye, an interest in a different type of man, etc. It's no accident that men consistently rank loyalty as the most important virtue in a woman. I think what you're experiencing right now is one of the sillier manifestations of this primal genetic impulse. Your BF is probably concerned on some level that you're really attracted to a different type of guy, and this concern is being exacerbated by the LD aspect of your relationship. As to how to handle this... I'm not quite sure. I will tell you this: my personal relationship philosophy is one of radical honesty, but no tolerance for badgering. Were I in your position, I'd give him an opportunity to ask anything he wanted, with the proviso that you will not abide further ongoing interrogation. Don't be too timid about this: He has the expectation of your loyalty, but you also have the expectation of his trust and confidence. No matter how well a man analyzes a potential mate, at some point commitment requires a leap of faith, however small, that his woman really is a person of decency. If he cannot make that leap, either you two aren't right for each other or he isn't mature enough to make this work. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted October 14, 2009 Share Posted October 14, 2009 The only time when it's bothered me a bit is when I hear a lot about the things that my partner did with past lovers that my partner wouldn't be willing to do with me. Obviously it depends on the person, but if that sort of thing comes up much, it might be better to downplay it. That does get annoying. Usually because the things I hear are things i'd like to try or enjoyed in the past, but "they don't do that any more". Usually, the woman feels she was acting like trash by say, going down on her past BF in a drive-in movie or having sex in a car & won't do that anymore because she's better than that now. Link to post Share on other sites
AAlike Posted October 14, 2009 Share Posted October 14, 2009 Men are genetically programmed to be concerned about a potential mate's fidelity. For 99.9% of human history, men have had no way of knowing whether the kids they're raising are their own. So men have "evolved" to be sensitive to anything that might bespeak a wandering eye, an interest in a different type of man, etc. It's no accident that men consistently rank loyalty as the most important virtue in a woman. This is a recurring statement as it regards this problem and while I think that there is some truth to it and that men do have some territorial tendencies, I really don't think that obsessing over "did you let so and so go down on you" and "was it better with him than me" is closely related to paternal genetic instincts. I think that this is way more of a culturally imbued response. From the chastity belt, to the virgin Mary, to "sugar and spice", to "good girls don't"... Link to post Share on other sites
AAlike Posted October 14, 2009 Share Posted October 14, 2009 Usually, the woman feels she was acting like trash by say, going down on her past BF in a drive-in movie or having sex in a car & won't do that anymore because she's better than that now. which, by the way, is a reflection of the same culturally imbued crap that I referenced in my last post. Link to post Share on other sites
trueblue72ny Posted October 14, 2009 Share Posted October 14, 2009 Maybe men can provide some insight on this for me. As always I love for women to respond with any experiences they have had as well. My LDR bf sometimes brings up my past sexual experience with exes, he is not a huge fan of either of the 2 already because of their behaviors. It is periodically but is becoming a bit more frequent. He asks questions as to if other men have done oral on me. He asks various specific sexual questions. I have known him 25 years and dont mind sharing experiences with him, however I dont think its a good idea for him to know these things because I think it is self torture. Why do men ask? He says he wants to be the best lover I have ever had. He IS. Its all about how I feel and the miracle of us running into eachother after 25 years is the most special thing to me ever. He causes so much tension in an otherwise beautiful relationship. I am afraid if this keeps up he will ruin it. Any ideas and thoughts/past experiences would be much appreciated. Thanks guys. i dont know why someone would ask that. other than what others have said on here - being insecure. i personally have no interest in asking my girl about her past, who, what, when, where, or how. i dont want to know! I AM going to be the best lover she's ever had so i dont need to ask if someone else is better! thats my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
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