lady_of_magrathea Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 I just got engaged this past Saturday. His parents already know, but we haven't told anyone else. I am nervous about telling my parents because they were never very supportive of me, and every time I give them good news about my life, they are negative or indifferent. At the same time, they will be hacked off if I don't tell them. I know I have to tell them eventually, but my sister's birthday is tomorrow. When I looked up engagement customs online, I learned that announcing an engagement during someone else's special occasion is considered bad form. My fiance and I don't live near my family, and won't be attending her party, so does the rule still apply? She is their favorite child, so I think they might get mad at me for spoiling her special day with my announcement. Should I wait to tell my family until the end of this week or sometime next week? All of this is so new to me. I'd appreciate any help that you all could offer. Link to post Share on other sites
Ecosse Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 Let it be until after the birthday... Im not going to pass judgement on your family but Im sure your parents will be thrilled... I see it going like this: Telling them will yield the same response (pos or neg) Tell them on the birthday will steal your sisters thunder and place a wedge between u two... your folks will feel the same way regardless... tell them leter and if they are all excited and ask why you didnt tell them earlier? Its because of your sisters birthday... Link to post Share on other sites
Author lady_of_magrathea Posted October 12, 2009 Author Share Posted October 12, 2009 Thanks, Ecosse. That is what I'm going to do, since you are right; their feelings won't change either way. I am pretty sure they won't be too happy with me, because my fiance gave me a sapphire engagement ring (we are recent grads who don't have lots of money). My parents place a lot of value on appearances and traditions, so they'd fault him for not giving me a diamond. But I will try not to let that bother me, because I'm happy with the ring I got. Link to post Share on other sites
Ecosse Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 Well congrats to you two... I hope that all goes well Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 Thanks, Ecosse. That is what I'm going to do, since you are right; their feelings won't change either way. I am pretty sure they won't be too happy with me, because my fiance gave me a sapphire engagement ring (we are recent grads who don't have lots of money). My parents place a lot of value on appearances and traditions, so they'd fault him for not giving me a diamond. But I will try not to let that bother me, because I'm happy with the ring I got. Explain that he doesn't have a lot of money! Do you think your parents are that superficial? I think you should tell your parents you got engaged on your sister's birthday..then you have double to celebrate! If your parents aren't supportive or they get upset then you always have your fiance! Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 You should of course tell your parents you are engaged to be married in person if at all possible. Waiting a month or so until you can see them would be the right thing to do - especially because they may be opposed or critical of the engagement. If you are ready to build a life together and want your parents to come to accept this - you have to do this together and with eye contact. Have you set a wedding DATE? It is possible that with no further plans solidly in place they will not take the engagement seriously based on your getting a ring. But either way, this will be a heads up for them. Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 You should of course tell your parents you are engaged to be married in person if at all possible. Waiting a month or so until you can see them would be the right thing to do - especially because they may be opposed or critical of the engagement. If you are ready to build a life together and want your parents to come to accept this - you have to do this together and with eye contact. Have you set a wedding DATE? It is possible that with no further plans solidly in place they will not take the engagement seriously based on your getting a ring. But either way, this will be a heads up for them. I disagree. My fiance does not live close to his family and we called on the phone and told them. They were thrilled!!! If I had a daughter I would want her to call and tell me if I wasn't in physical proximity. They may be disappointed that she kept it a "secret." It's a special and happy occasion that should be shared with family. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lady_of_magrathea Posted October 13, 2009 Author Share Posted October 13, 2009 Explain that he doesn't have a lot of money! Do you think your parents are that superficial? I think you should tell your parents you got engaged on your sister's birthday..then you have double to celebrate! If your parents aren't supportive or they get upset then you always have your fiance! Yes, LB, I am afraid that they are in fact that superficial. They would say that since he doesn't have a lot of money, I shouldn't be married to him. They are always comparing me to my sister, who is engaged to marry a wealthy man, and so they disapprove of me marrying a poor man. Appearance is important to them. They treat us like show horses and are always trying to show us off. They can't show off a daughter who got engaged without a diamond! 2sure, We in fact don't have a date. We want to wait until we both have full time jobs. He is a student who works part time, and I am temping until I can find full time work. I know my parents will look down on us for this, but my sis has cancelled her wedding once, and she seems to keep picking a new date every week, so I don't think they have a right to disdain me for not having a date. Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 Yes, LB, I am afraid that they are in fact that superficial. They would say that since he doesn't have a lot of money, I shouldn't be married to him. They are always comparing me to my sister, who is engaged to marry a wealthy man, and so they disapprove of me marrying a poor man. Appearance is important to them. They treat us like show horses and are always trying to show us off. They can't show off a daughter who got engaged without a diamond! 2sure, We in fact don't have a date. We want to wait until we both have full time jobs. He is a student who works part time, and I am temping until I can find full time work. I know my parents will look down on us for this, but my sis has cancelled her wedding once, and she seems to keep picking a new date every week, so I don't think they have a right to disdain me for not having a date. Well, it's your life. You now have your own family (your fiance) so if your parents disapprove of the who you are marrying and how you are doing it then that's their issue not your's. That being said, I'm very sorry that your parents feel that way. It sounds like you two have a good plan for your life, though. Concentrate on being happy with your fiance. Link to post Share on other sites
Stung Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 I agree with Ecosse on waiting until after your sister's birthday, if she's the type who might feel you were stealing her thunder. As for their disapproval of sapphire as cheap and/or 'less traditional,' try Googling something like 'sapphire tradition engagement' to arm yourself with a few pointers before you tell them. The use of diamond as the 'traditional' stone is actually fairly recent, it's just been heavily promulgated by the diamond industry. Sapphires have a long history in the world as engagement stones; Princess Diana's engagement ring was a sapphire. Penelope Cruz is currently sporting a huge sapphire ring that everyone speculates is an engagment ring. Also, sapphires ARE less expensive than diamonds, yes...but they are actually more rare. My own ring is sapphire too, could you tell? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lady_of_magrathea Posted October 30, 2009 Author Share Posted October 30, 2009 Well, I told them, and things went better than expected. If they had any condescending thoughts about our relationship or ring, they didn't say so in my presence. Thanks to everyone for your help! Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 Well, I told them, and things went better than expected. If they had any condescending thoughts about our relationship or ring, they didn't say so in my presence. Thanks to everyone for your help! Yay, that's great!!! I'm so happy for you!! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts