Toodamnpragmatic Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 Out with friends Saturday and the question came "How often do you have sex?".... All males (6) mid-40's.... All professional, fairly well-to do, decent looking with spouses the same. Not a single one with health problems or weight issues (for purposes of this poll).... Marriages or common-law partnerships all 10-23 years..... Two divorced...... All have young children, mine the oldest (outside one divorced) @ 13 & 16..... Others range 2-9...... So how often...... 1-1.5 X per week to 1 X per month for married. 10-12 X per month for the two divorced with GF's in their 30's..... Tell my wife and she laughs and nods, explaining "Well those two don't have to see their BF's everyday"...... Does it say anything? No, but funny, eye-opening and pretty much what I expected...... Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 Does it say anything? it says "familiarity breeds contempt" Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 It doesn't say... it cries.. 'routine kills sex'.. it's that simple.. Link to post Share on other sites
Fallen Angel Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 It says maybe I need to rethink my ever wanting to be married again... How depressing Link to post Share on other sites
NowhereToHide Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 Not every marriage. My H and I have sex at least 3x/week. Link to post Share on other sites
Toe Jam Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 It doesn't say... it cries.. 'routine kills sex'.. it's that simple.. no, it screams 'having sex with the same person all the time kills sex' Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toodamnpragmatic Posted October 12, 2009 Author Share Posted October 12, 2009 no, it screams 'having sex with the same person all the time kills sex' Oh yes I forgot to mention all men did want more sex..... Thank you Lizzie & Toe Jam for the usual, all too convenient excuse...... The men kill the females sex drive..... How typical and expected by some on LS:mad:. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 Thank you Lizzie & Toe Jam for the usual, all too convenient excuse...... The men kill the females sex drive..... How typical and expected by some on LS:mad:. no, actually after marriage and kids most womens sex drive peters away by itself. Link to post Share on other sites
seibert253 Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 Once kids came in the picture, that's it, done. Some guys are lucky to get a hug. Link to post Share on other sites
Fallen Angel Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 I have to disagree, I am a mother of three ages 16, 11 and 6.. my xH was the one who stopped sex in our marriage.... And now that I am in a different relationship, I not only match my partners sexual desires, I OUTMATCH them, he sometimes tells me he just needs to sleep.. LOL. It is a relationship issue, not a male OR female issue. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 It is a relationship issue, not a male OR female issue. unfortunately usually its a female issue Link to post Share on other sites
Fallen Angel Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 unfortunately usually its a female issue not for this female... don't lump us ALL together Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toodamnpragmatic Posted October 13, 2009 Author Share Posted October 13, 2009 I have to disagree, I am a mother of three ages 16, 11 and 6.. my xH was the one who stopped sex in our marriage.... And now that I am in a different relationship, I not only match my partners sexual desires, I OUTMATCH them, he sometimes tells me he just needs to sleep.. LOL. It is a relationship issue, not a male OR female issue. Fine..... But the question then is why did he not want to have sex? Without knowing that, your comments carry no weight. In the OP I stated 6 males all wanting more sex (or at least the 4 married) and the 2 in relationships with younger females (in this case with no children) having 5X's as much sex.... Link to post Share on other sites
Fallen Angel Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 Fine..... But the question then is why did he not want to have sex? Without knowing that, your comments carry no weight. In the OP I stated 6 males all wanting more sex (or at least the 4 married) and the 2 in relationships with younger females (in this case with no children) having 5X's as much sex.... I can only guess at the reasons why he didn't want sex. maybe because of the alcoholism the drugs the multiple affairs Why do his reasons for not wanting sex lend "weight" to my comments. The point I was making is that HE was the one who didn't want sex. I was the one left wanting. I stand by what I said... it is a relationship issue. If the relationship is good, then good sex is usually a big part of that. In a relationship that is faltering, usually the sexual part of that relationship is also suffering. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 no, it screams 'having sex with the same person all the time kills sex' It's the same thing.. routine = same person.. if you have a different partner each time.. then it's not routine.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toodamnpragmatic Posted October 13, 2009 Author Share Posted October 13, 2009 (edited) I can only guess at the reasons why he didn't want sex. maybe because of the alcoholism the drugs the multiple affairs Why do his reasons for not wanting sex lend "weight" to my comments. The point I was making is that HE was the one who didn't want sex. I was the one left wanting. I stand by what I said... it is a relationship issue. If the relationship is good, then good sex is usually a big part of that. In a relationship that is faltering, usually the sexual part of that relationship is also suffering. Because you brought it up. So the reasons for your H's lack of sex were all purely male and his selfishness. When a male claims he is not getting enough sex, it is seldom (if ever) for one of those reasons stated above....... and that is the sad reality. Please find me a post where a male complains here about lack of sex because, his wife is an alcoholic, dug-using cheat..... The reasons are always much more difficult to point to. Usually the male is left shrugging his shoulders with no idea what to do and when they do things to try and make things better it usually does not change. As for Lizzie, I really hope there are few women who think like you and have such a jaded view about monogamous, long-term relationships..... Edited October 13, 2009 by Toodamnpragmatic Link to post Share on other sites
Fallen Angel Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 Because you brought it up. So the reasons for your H's lack of sex were all purely male and his selfishness. When a male claims he is not getting enough sex, it is seldom (if ever) for one of those reasons stated above....... and that is the sad reality. Please find me a post where a male complains here about lack of sex because, his wife is an alcoholic, dug-using cheat..... The reasons are always much more difficult to point to. Usually the male is left shrugging his shoulders with no idea what to do and when they do things to try and make things better it usually does not change. As for Lizzie, I really hope there are few women who think like you and have such a jaded view about monogamous, long-term relationships..... As a woman, I would say the times i did feel a serious decrease in sex drive, it was due mainly to my feeling a lack of emotional connection. I can't speak for all women, not even for most women, only for myself. But for me, there is a HUGE link in my brain to the NON SEXUAL affections of my partner, to my SEXUAL desire for him. When he is kind, loving, gentle in attitude and tone, when he spends the time to really listen to how my day was and shows empathy for my emotional state, when he holds my hand, strokes my hair, kisses me on the forehead, those things all deepen my love for him, and therefor strengthen my sexual desire for him. For me, when I am feeling ignored, when I am feeling "less than", I don't feel particularly "sexy". *shrug* It isn't about filling our every whim, it is just about taking the time to show us in a nonsexual way, that we are your most important treasure. That is what makes me want to make love to my man anyway. Over, and Over and Over... Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 FA, what you've written sounds a lot like what I've read in "The five love languages" by Gary Chapman ... if a spouse doesn't recognize his/her partner's love language, connecting with that person on ANY level fails to take place. unfortunately usually its a female issue WRONG, BUCKO! I've said time and again, it's not about women not wanting sex, it all boils down what a MAN wants. If he has to have it, then he's unhappy because his wife doesn't "respond to his needs." If he could care less if he never had sex again, then his wife is a bxtch for having a sex drive. Women are the losers in this formula each and every time, because it's the men who call the shots when it comes to sex in a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
whattodonow12 Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 I will also say that I am one of those women that have a high sex drive. I love, love, love sex. But, having a complete feeling of emotional intimacy just hightens that for me. It is not about having someone new for me. It is about the passion and chemistry. I think you either have it or you don't. Some people have that chemistry together and others don't. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toodamnpragmatic Posted October 13, 2009 Author Share Posted October 13, 2009 FA, what you've written sounds a lot like what I've read in "The five love languages" by Gary Chapman ... if a spouse doesn't recognize his/her partner's love language, connecting with that person on ANY level fails to take place. unfortunately usually its a female issue WRONG, BUCKO! I've said time and again, it's not about women not wanting sex, it all boils down what a MAN wants. If he has to have it, then he's unhappy because his wife doesn't "respond to his needs." If he could care less if he never had sex again, then his wife is a bxtch for having a sex drive. Women are the losers in this formula each and every time, because it's the men who call the shots when it comes to sex in a relationship. Wow..... Women the losers???? I really have a hard time understanding that one..... Thanks again for throwing it all back on males. I post what I thought a funny OP and again it comes down to this.... Not that I didn't expect it.... Link to post Share on other sites
Fallen Angel Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 Wow..... Women the losers???? I really have a hard time understanding that one..... Thanks again for throwing it all back on males. I post what I thought a funny OP and again it comes down to this.... Not that I didn't expect it.... I never made it an issue of of being the fault of one sex or the other. In fact that is what I keep saying it is NOT. LET ME REPEAT YET AGAIN... IT IS A RELATIONSHIP ISSUE!!! okay, I am done now since this is obviously headed down the wrong path, and I feel that beating my head against the brick wall will get me nothing but a headache...... why does everyone hear only what they WANT to hear, not what is really being said? *sigh* Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toodamnpragmatic Posted October 13, 2009 Author Share Posted October 13, 2009 I never made it an issue of of being the fault of one sex or the other. In fact that is what I keep saying it is NOT. LET ME REPEAT YET AGAIN... IT IS A RELATIONSHIP ISSUE!!! okay, I am done now since this is obviously headed down the wrong path, and I feel that beating my head against the brick wall will get me nothing but a headache...... why does everyone hear only what they WANT to hear, not what is really being said? *sigh* Again thank you for explaining to us luddites, cro-magnon-type males how it is all about RELATIONSHIPS..... You think we are that stoopid???? Obviously you do.... I will pass on to my friends and I will take it heart that we are lousy at relationships...... Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 Not every marriage. My H and I have sex at least 3x/week. Admittedly we're still in our first year M (though 5 years R, living together a fair while) but we average 3 times a day. Link to post Share on other sites
Fallen Angel Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 Again thank you for explaining to us luddites, cro-magnon-type males how it is all about RELATIONSHIPS..... You think we are that stoopid???? Obviously you do.... I will pass on to my friends and I will take it heart that we are lousy at relationships...... Unfair bullsh*t! And you know it. I never said you were stupid, and never even alluded to thinking that you were. You are however choosing to finger point and be sarcastic and rude. Perhaps because that is easier than admitting that maybe you have made some mistakes in your relationships. Perhaps that type of belittling behaviour is exactly why things are the way they are in the bedroom? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toodamnpragmatic Posted October 13, 2009 Author Share Posted October 13, 2009 Unfair bullsh*t! And you know it. I never said you were stupid, and never even alluded to thinking that you were. You are however choosing to finger point and be sarcastic and rude. Perhaps because that is easier than admitting that maybe you have made some mistakes in your relationships. Perhaps that type of belittling behaviour is exactly why things are the way they are in the bedroom? Everyone makes mistakes in relationships (two-way street as I recall). Point is I was having fun with as I said was an unscientific poll..... I will also drag out the hypothesis and conclusion to say that my friends who are divorced and in I imagine were in "bad relationships", and now getting it 10-12/mth are better in relationships then us who have maintained our relationships.... Link to post Share on other sites
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