How is it I'm feeling guilty?

[bluegreen12]

No, he doesn't.

 

You can't have a good marriage when you keep such a big secret from your spouse. You have this invisible wall built between you and your H.

 

You need to confess and do it soon.

[NowhereToHide]

You can't have a good marriage when you keep such a big secret from your spouse. You have this invisible wall built between you and your H.

 

You need to confess and do it soon.

 

 

Gee, thanks! I'm going to run right out and confess to him because you told me to do so on an anonymous message board.

[bluegreen12]

Gee, thanks! I'm going to run right out and confess to him because you told me to do so on an anonymous message board.

 

Don't talk to me in that tone.

 

Do you really think you can be happy with yourself keeping such a lie to your husband? Can you really look him in his eyes after all that you have done and still keep him in the dark like a fool?

 

Do the right thing and tell him.

[NowhereToHide]

Don't talk to me in that tone.

 

Do you really think you can be happy with yourself keeping such a lie to your husband? Can you really look him in his eyes after all that you have done and still keep him in the dark like a fool?

 

Do the right thing and tell him.

 

 

Sorry... it's so hard to get my tone just right through the computer... Let me try this again.

 

I couldn't care less what you "tell" me to do.

 

You don't know me or know my story. I have been over this and over this on this forum. I have posted my story over and over. I have discussed the pros and cons with just about every single poster on this forum. There are some VERY wise and GREAT posters who I respect a great deal (Fooled Once for example) who absolutely believe that telling the BS is the only way to go -- they have offered their opinion yet still give support regardless of what my ultimate decision has been. I have discussed it with more than one therapist. I have evaluated my situation and didn't come to my decision lightly.

 

I have heard it all, trust me. And I'm certainly not going to run out and change my mind because you, in your abundance of wisdom, have decided what I must do.

[bluegreen12]

Sorry... it's so hard to get my tone just right through the computer... Let me try this again.

 

I couldn't care less what you "tell" me to do.

 

You don't know me or know my story. I have been over this and over this on this forum. I have posted my story over and over. I have discussed the pros and cons with just about every single poster on this forum. There are some VERY wise and GREAT posters who I respect a great deal (Fooled Once for example) who absolutely believe that telling the BS is the only way to go -- they have offered their opinion yet still give support regardless of what my ultimate decision has been. I have discussed it with more than one therapist. I have evaluated my situation and didn't come to my decision lightly.

 

I have heard it all, trust me. And I'm certainly not going to run out and change my mind because you, in your abundance of wisdom, have decided what I must do.

 

Fair enough. Let me ask you these questions. Can you look into the mirror and be happy with yourself, for what you did and continue to do, which is lying?

 

How do you fell about your husband being the fool in the dark because you choose to put him there?

[NowhereToHide]

Fair enough. Let me ask you these questions. Can you look into the mirror and be happy with yourself, for what you did and continue to do, which is lying?

 

How do you fell about your husband being the fool in the dark because you choose to put him there?

 

Well, not that I owe you anything at all... but I will say this.

 

I am consumed with guilt for what I've done. My husband is the absolute victim here -- none of this was his fault. Through therapy I am learning the reasons behind my infidelity... I chose to look for what I thought I needed outside of my M instead of turning towards him.

 

As I said, I didn't come to my decision lightly. My therapist knows my situation intimately. With her guidance, and a LOT of time, I came to the decision I did.

 

I know you, like many, believe that I will forever be doomed to a horrible marriage because I am not confessing. That is your opinion. And quite frankly, there isn't anything I can say to convince you otherwise, so I'm not even going to try.

[fooled once]

Tone is a tricky thing on the web...

 

NWTH *hug* I know you are frustrated with those of us who suggest you tell your H. I know you have made the decision not to. Just remember, not everyone has read your previous posts and are just coming in to offer their views, which is exactly what this site is for -- for people to express their views, share their experiences and to help us all gain knowledge.

 

blue, sometimes it is helpful to read up on a posters story. NWTH has struggled with her decision. She is open to various views and opinions. There was a big long thread on here a couple weeks ago about this specific forum and expressing views and thoughts. I thought it was an awesome thread and it helped me a lot with wording of posts. It is worth a read if you have time

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t204288/

[NowhereToHide]

Tone is a tricky thing on the web...

 

NWTH *hug* I know you are frustrated with those of us who suggest you tell your H. I know you have made the decision not to. Just remember, not everyone has read your previous posts and are just coming in to offer their views, which is exactly what this site is for -- for people to express their views, share their experiences and to help us all gain knowledge.

 

blue, sometimes it is helpful to read up on a posters story. NWTH has struggled with her decision. She is open to various views and opinions. There was a big long thread on here a couple weeks ago about this specific forum and expressing views and thoughts. I thought it was an awesome thread and it helped me a lot with wording of posts. It is worth a read if you have time

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t204288/

 

Fooled! I'm so glad you came along! I've missed you! (((hugs))))

 

Thanks for your support. There seem to be a lot of new people here over the last few days. I'm pretty emotional over the whole NC thing and having to defend this decision as well has been challenging.

 

How are you doing?

[Blindsidedagainalive]

I simply do not understand how WW's get into this mindset.

The OM used you for sex.

WW's don't want to accept this.

 

If they think that, they won't have to accept what they are.

 

This is something that is SOOOOO obvious that it blows my mind that WW's don't understand this.

 

Men do not respect woman who cheat on their husbands, do you really think the OM respected you?

 

If the OM respected you, he would NOT have had sex with you while you were married.

 

Men will say a lot of things to make you feel special, attractive.....don't you know that?

 

We have been doing this since the dawn of time.

 

It's nothing new....they used to call it 'sweet talking' many decades ago.

 

I can assure you, that if you left husband to be with OM....in a short while....very short, he'd become much worse that what you imagine your husband to be.....furthmore, OM knows you are a cheater.

 

Relationships with affair partners VERY RARELY work out.....

 

There are some on these boards....but the lifetime of that relationship is not over. Some may be presently cheating, or their partner is unknowingly.

 

There are exceptions to all rules of course.

 

But a man who has sex with another mans wife....is not a man.

[fooled once]

I could tell you were *hug*

 

One day at a time hon. And remember, not everyone reads people's back stories before posting. They may not be well aware that you have already made your decision. I know it can be tiresome and hurtful when someone comes along and says the exact opposite of what you have decided. Just try to hang in there and be patient And ya never know, you may hear a different angle on something.

 

I am okay. I hate aging and all the aches and pains.

 

*hug*

[NowhereToHide]

Tone is a tricky thing on the web...

 

NWTH *hug* I know you are frustrated with those of us who suggest you tell your H. I know you have made the decision not to. Just remember, not everyone has read your previous posts and are just coming in to offer their views, which is exactly what this site is for -- for people to express their views, share their experiences and to help us all gain knowledge.

 

blue, sometimes it is helpful to read up on a posters story. NWTH has struggled with her decision. She is open to various views and opinions. There was a big long thread on here a couple weeks ago about this specific forum and expressing views and thoughts. I thought it was an awesome thread and it helped me a lot with wording of posts. It is worth a read if you have time

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t204288/

 

 

... AND... of course you're right. I need to be open to the opinions of others. I have gotten so much great advice. I can't forget that!

[Blindsidedagainalive]

NOW, I understand the light hearted, cocky, unremorseful attitude.

YOUR HUSBAND DOESN'T KNOW!

 

Tell you what, you go tell your husband and then come back on here...I don't think your attitude will be the same.

 

You haven't come to your decision lightly..you snidely respond to some posters.

Tell me how that could be easy for anyone.

Therapists are PAID....be careful....they are full of validation.

 

I applaud you for seeking therapy for your issues.

However, I can assure you, there could be nothing good in your future with this lie. If you have a conscience, it will haunt you.

 

Your husband has a right to know, you broke the vows. You put him at risk and danger. It's not bull****, people die over affairs!

 

What if your husband found out!

How you may think.

 

Well, I'll tell you how....affair partners LIE.....

Sometimes OTHER people know, sometimes they tell others later, sometimes their wives know, sometimes their girlfriends know, sometimes their coworkers know.......Do you think he will say to you......."I was just telling my buddy how muck I like banging you".....no.....but we do it.

 

It happens ALL THE TIME......

 

You can trust that the secret will be kept forever, and it's possible that it might happen. Then you will just be stuck with it till your dying breath.

[fooled once]

NWTH - remember the saying .... you catch more flies with honey ....

 

While I don't agree with your decision, I respect that you have made up your mind and who knows, maybe you will change it

 

But for now, your decision is made. Off you go to help others .....

 

[NowhereToHide]

NWTH - remember the saying .... you catch more flies with honey ....

 

While I don't agree with your decision, I respect that you have made up your mind and who knows, maybe you will change it

 

But for now, your decision is made. Off you go to help others .....

 

 

 

Thanks, Fooled. I've decided I'm done.

[choklit]

Thanks, Fooled. I've decided I'm done.

 

 

I am an xMOW who had an A for over a year and never disclosed the entire truth to my H. Our spouses are only aware of an EA, nothing else. They never had proof. I ended the A and have been NC for only three weeks.

 

It has been months since d-day and my H would be pissed and M most likely over if he were to learn of this now. Whatever you choose, you will deal with the consequences.

[boldjack]

Choklit , you are so right. Those people who do not come clean, will surely have to live with the consequences. This OP has chosen not to. I can only hope that if something like this happens to her, that she will be treated better than she is treating her husband. I love my wife, but I also respect her and her intelligence and maturity, even setting aside the question of integrity, I would never make decisions that effect her life, without making absolutely sure that she is fully informed. But apparentely I respect women, more than some of the women here respect their men.

[tami-chan]

NTH has made her decision. She has "heard" the arguments from both sides and understands that whatever comes out of her decision is her responsibility. At this juncture, what is the point really of comparing that to what anyone has decided in his/her own life but to say, "I am a better person than you for having done this and not that?". She said she's done(meaning she has made her decision regarding this issue), how about we respect that?

[MizzBlue72]

Sorry... it's so hard to get my tone just right through the computer... Let me try this again.

 

 

I SO agree with you!! It's not that we are NOT listening to EVERYTHING that is posted, it is that we are human - feeling, caring, and emotional. HUMANS make mistakes -- I think we all have / are or we wouldn't be here. In my case, I don't think my A IS a mistake. I have learned a LOT - like so many of you guys. It IS hard to put things on a message board, even anonymously, and then to get people that judge you?? As an OW, I think I can safely say that we have judges ourselves better and worse than ANYONE out there. If we were all perfect - none of us would be here!!!

 

I couldn't care less what you "tell" me to do. AMEN. Thanks for putting this out there. These boards help a LOT of us to cope AND to make decisions. Having someone 'tell' us doesn't make it any better. For me, it just irritates.

You don't know me or know my story.

COULD NOT AGREE MORE!!! Yes, we have all cheated if we are an OW / OM, so some things in our stories may resonate with each other, but I know I have never walked 1000 miles in your shoes so hell no - I can't judge you!! And others really can't either. Everyone is different.

 

 

I have been over this and over this on this forum. I have posted my story over and over. I have discussed the pros and cons with just about every single poster on this forum There are some VERY wise and GREAT posters who I respect a great deal (Fooled Once for example) who absolutely believe that telling the BS is the only way to go -- they have offered their opinion yet still give support regardless of what my ultimate decision has been.. I have discussed it with more than one therapist. I have evaluated my situation and didn't come to my decision lightly.

 

Amen!!! There are a LOT of people in this forum who's advice I come to read everyday, and they ARE great people because THEY have BEEN THERE - similar situations. And I too agree - you can have an opinion, but it is NOT the ONLY way to go. It is one solution in a pool of a thousand. Only YOU can choose the decision that is right for you. We are all here on a computer forum and not in each other's day to day real lives. Only NWTH can make the decision for HER and HER LIFE.

 

 

I have heard it all, trust me. And I'm certainly not going to run out and change my mind because you, in your abundance of wisdom, have decided what I must do.

 

NWTH and all: THANK you for actually making me laugh today!!! You guys are great.

 

Again - thanks for posting!! Now I know why the 'where is DI' post was started!! It's good to see you can have fun and keep a sense of humor too while going through this. Good luck.