logitech Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 Dammit I am sick of it. I have been doing quite well the last few weeks. It's been 2 1/2 weeks NC. I had been getting out and about on weekends and meeting new and interesting people. It's something I hadn't done in years so that helped me a lot. Trouble is, yesterday there were just a few things that triggered thoughts. So today, being the fool I am I decided to look at her FB profile pick (since she blocked me I can't see any more). It was her in between a friend of hers (female) and a guy that I know she has been hanging out with now. I know in the end I have no control and shouldn't care, but of course it raises questions for me. I am trying to just let it go and I think I will. In the end it's her choice and since I did really care for her, I should be happy she is doing the things she wants in life. The weekdays are actually the hardest since everyone is busy with work. So forever I just wait for the weekends to get out and distract myself with the brighter side of life. It's funny to think of the reasons she used at the time of breaking up. She will never get the chance to see me now. Her loss I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
Author logitech Posted October 13, 2009 Author Share Posted October 13, 2009 Oh yeah, One of the main things that got me was thinking I will probably never get to see my cat again if I stick to NC. Link to post Share on other sites
NSW768 Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 sucks about the cat. me and my ex have a dog and i got it. and today i brought it to the vet and it might have cancer. i guess ill deal with that when i have to (whether to break NC or not) but i also find the weekdays tough. i work by myself all day so i find myself pining and over analyzing. i would say, pick up a good, long book. thats semi helped me as well as time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author logitech Posted October 13, 2009 Author Share Posted October 13, 2009 Well the annoying part is I find things that I used to do that I am sure contributed to the break up. Now I no longer do these things but it is all too late. I used to play computer games a lot and now I have massively cut back to almost none. In turn this just opens up heaps of time. My work has me at home a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
EricaH329 Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 I found that the only time I think about my ex, is when i'm sitting at home not doing anything. I actually look forward to work, and hanging out with friends, because those are the times that I focus on the good in life. It sucks being at home, and what sucks even more... is that I have 3 full back to back days off from work. Great, right? But you are right. It is a rollercoaster ride. It always will be after any relationship ends. You just have to make sure you are strapped in tight so that you don't go flying off into the middle of no where. That's when it causes serious damage. (Like my analogy? I'm pretty impressed with myself for that one .) Anyway, all you can do now is push through the bad times, and cherish the good times. And always, always remember that as time goes on... there will be more and more good times. Stay strong! This will pass Link to post Share on other sites
Author logitech Posted October 13, 2009 Author Share Posted October 13, 2009 Yeah not a bad analogy Erica I used to be really easy going and made sure I wasn't always waiting out for the next big event or thing to do. I was really good at allowing myself to enjoy the now. Unfortunately since this has all happened I find myself on the monkey bars swinging from one big event to the next. I no longer enjoy the bit in the middle. I know one day that will change but I guess it will be some time. I think I am doing pretty well since I don't get upset like I used to. I think I allowed myself to go through it pretty intensely so that might be why I am approaching an indifference phase of my own already. Link to post Share on other sites
EricaH329 Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 Yeah not a bad analogy Erica I used to be really easy going and made sure I wasn't always waiting out for the next big event or thing to do. I was really good at allowing myself to enjoy the now. Unfortunately since this has all happened I find myself on the monkey bars swinging from one big event to the next. I no longer enjoy the bit in the middle. I know one day that will change but I guess it will be some time. I think I am doing pretty well since I don't get upset like I used to. I think I allowed myself to go through it pretty intensely so that might be why I am approaching an indifference phase of my own already. I think there are a lot of factors as to why you are feeling the way you are right now. Personally, I realized that after getting out of my past relationship with the man that I loved, I started to wonder who I am. Who I want to be and what I want to become. I can definitely say i'm not the same person that I was a year ago when him and I first got together. I think that's a good thing though . I do agree with feeling things intensely, and then feeling somewhat of indifference afterwards. It's sort of like... you have nothing left to feel for that particular situation. You've given your all into it already, and now there's nothing left. But, for me, right now, as soon as I settle into indifference, anger pops up. Then sadness. Then regret. Then back to indifference again. Talk about a crazy rollercoaster huh? I think that when we are at the indifference stage, it's not only us moving on, but it's a glimpse of what's to come. Eventually, we will only feel indifference. It's an exciting thought! Link to post Share on other sites
Author logitech Posted October 13, 2009 Author Share Posted October 13, 2009 BTW NSW, sorry to hear about your dog Erica it's funny how you mention about wondering who you are. I think it is like a new quarter-life crisis. I think it was a big part of why my ex left me (she was going through it). I feel as though I was going through one at the start of this year and I hit up my sports and hockey really hard. In turn it probably started to push her away. I think what happens is because we all have so many choices in life these days we hit a point where we are nearing the end of our young years and start to think that we have to make some big choices soon to define who we are. It's just a pity that for some people they decide they have to push others away to "find" themselves. That being said, from all of this I have definitely re-discovered the social side of myself. Link to post Share on other sites
EricaH329 Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 I fully agree with you. My ex pushed me away also, while trying to figure out what he wants. And it is a shame. I actually feel sorry for these people. The ones who push away the people they care about in order to figure out what they want. In almost every case that i've seen like that, they always end up regretting that decision. But, it's something that must be learned on their part. While my ex was going through his crisis, it triggered mine. I'm thankful for that, because i'd like to go through it as soon as possible and get it out of the way . Link to post Share on other sites
Author logitech Posted October 13, 2009 Author Share Posted October 13, 2009 Erica!! I know you have days off but you still have to sleep right?? Isn't it like 1am there now?? Link to post Share on other sites
EricaH329 Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 Erica!! I know you have days off but you still have to sleep right?? Isn't it like 1am there now?? Haha! Yes, it is. Unfortunatly my work schedule messes my sleep schedule up like crazy. I won't be falling asleep for another 6 hours or so. It's great working at night, to get my mind off things, but it's terrible when i'm not working. Always good to find people like yourself to keep me company while my insomnia kicks in! Link to post Share on other sites
Broseph Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 Ahh my favorite group of people here in one thread, could life be any better. Anyways, Logitech it sounds as if you are doing much better than before and it seems as if you are passing by that acceptance stage that can be so hard to get by. Anyways, I found out my GF has been with some guy since our break up and it was a guy she was close with before the break up so after my initial blow up I have cooled a bit. In the end **** it, I mean if that is the person she is then maybe my life is better without her. Miss the friendship though and we have been through a bit of contact just discussing who gets our car and how much the payout will be. I was pretty firm and went in all business which I felt abit bad about but she hasnt been the most thoughtful to me through this all. She occasionally sends me texts saying how sad and tough the day was and in my head I just think 'tell this new cochroach'. Erica you have said some awesome things through your posts that have helped me here. You seem like a very strong person and for anyone new her take note to what she says. A couple of times you haev awent a bit soft but it shows you are only human. NSW768 I hope everything is going good for you and yeah sorry to hear about your dog. Break no contact if you must and dont feel bad for it, it seems to me that you have cleared your head from her and are working on yourself. Anyways, best of luck guys Link to post Share on other sites
EricaH329 Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 Ahh my favorite group of people here in one thread, could life be any better. :D:D Anyways, Logitech it sounds as if you are doing much better than before and it seems as if you are passing by that acceptance stage that can be so hard to get by. Anyways, I found out my GF has been with some guy since our break up and it was a guy she was close with before the break up so after my initial blow up I have cooled a bit. In the end **** it, I mean if that is the person she is then maybe my life is better without her. Miss the friendship though and we have been through a bit of contact just discussing who gets our car and how much the payout will be. I was pretty firm and went in all business which I felt abit bad about but she hasnt been the most thoughtful to me through this all. She occasionally sends me texts saying how sad and tough the day was and in my head I just think 'tell this new cochroach'. I can't imagine what that must have felt like for you. But you are very correct in saying that your life is better without her. And in saying that, the actions must follow. I always try to think the worst about my ex, in the sense that he's extremely happy without me and he's moved on to someone new (even if I have no proof of this). It helps me focus on myself. If this other person is happy without you, then you can be just as happy, if not happier, without them! Erica you have said some awesome things through your posts that have helped me here. You seem like a very strong person and for anyone new her take note to what she says. A couple of times you haev awent a bit soft but it shows you are only human. Thank you!!! ! I'm so glad that I could have helped!! I think me being soft not only shows that i'm human, but that I am a female . Link to post Share on other sites
Author logitech Posted October 13, 2009 Author Share Posted October 13, 2009 So when are you guys coming to Aus for a beer?? Link to post Share on other sites
EricaH329 Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 So when are you guys coming to Aus for a beer?? Wow, Australia huh? I'll be on the next flight out! Link to post Share on other sites
Broseph Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 :D:D I can't imagine what that must have felt like for you. But you are very correct in saying that your life is better without her. And in saying that, the actions must follow. I always try to think the worst about my ex, in the sense that he's extremely happy without me and he's moved on to someone new (even if I have no proof of this). It helps me focus on myself. If this other person is happy without you, then you can be just as happy, if not happier, without them! I know exactly what you are saying here and I guess hopefully this is the direction I am moving in. If I/we focus on them then we are not allowing us to move on. Ill admit I was mad! I felt lied to and disrespected and I did let a text slip to which she replied 'you are correct and I dont want to talk about it over the phone, can we meet up in two weeks after your parents are gone' . I replied harshly but not too harshly saying how 'I think I have heard enough lies from you for now'. That was last week. This week the more I think about it I already have my closure. This would then be closure on closure? In the end, I dont want to listen to some bull sap story about how she loves me and cares for me but doesnt know what she wants. Ive read that chapter 2 months ago, and it suct then. I guess at first I wondered if maybe it was me but deep down I am a good boyfriend I think. Someone who deservs me now suddenly has a shot at me. Still dissapointed but tryin to be optomistic now. Link to post Share on other sites
Broseph Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 So when are you guys coming to Aus for a beer?? I am in the gong at the moment!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author logitech Posted October 13, 2009 Author Share Posted October 13, 2009 I'm in Bris but I will be in Sydney on the weekend... Link to post Share on other sites
EricaH329 Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 I know exactly what you are saying here and I guess hopefully this is the direction I am moving in. If I/we focus on them then we are not allowing us to move on. Ill admit I was mad! I felt lied to and disrespected and I did let a text slip to which she replied 'you are correct and I dont want to talk about it over the phone, can we meet up in two weeks after your parents are gone' . I replied harshly but not too harshly saying how 'I think I have heard enough lies from you for now'. That was last week. This week the more I think about it I already have my closure. This would then be closure on closure? In the end, I dont want to listen to some bull sap story about how she loves me and cares for me but doesnt know what she wants. Ive read that chapter 2 months ago, and it suct then. I guess at first I wondered if maybe it was me but deep down I am a good boyfriend I think. Someone who deservs me now suddenly has a shot at me. Still dissapointed but tryin to be optomistic now. I don't want to thread-jack, but you are definitely moving in the right direction! It is guys like you and logitech that make me realize there really are good guys out there! I find it very refreshing that we are all in the same boat when it comes to emotions and what we are going through. As I read your posts and logitechs posts, I actually feel the emotions you are going through, I am re-living all of them. It's nice to be able to lean on eachother for support while going through this. Just keep pushing through! We'll all make it out alive somehow! Link to post Share on other sites
EricaH329 Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 I'm in Bris but I will be in Sydney on the weekend... Must be nice! I've never left the US! Terrible, I know. I need to fix that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author logitech Posted October 13, 2009 Author Share Posted October 13, 2009 There you go, you've now just set yourself a real target and goal. I will be heading to Japan with my family in Feb/March (originally was going with ex as well but pretty sure that is going to change) and then want to head over to Europe in Aug hopefully. Since you are free now let the travel bug bite Link to post Share on other sites
EricaH329 Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 There you go, you've now just set yourself a real target and goal. I will be heading to Japan with my family in Feb/March (originally was going with ex as well but pretty sure that is going to change) and then want to head over to Europe in Aug hopefully. Since you are free now let the travel bug bite I've actually been seriously considering it. My friend just got back from going to Cuba for two months, randomly, and he loved it. It didn't cost him much either. The only problem I have though, is i'm a little nervous about traveling anywhere alone. Probably not a good idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Author logitech Posted October 13, 2009 Author Share Posted October 13, 2009 I can understand that for a woman. I've been hanging out with a heap of internationals here (funny that I don't really want to hang out with my friends much at the mo) and they are a great group of people. The backpackers they are staying at is split by gender so the girls get to group together etc. Otherwise doing tours might be the way to go. It is always good to have a travel buddy and I too have been a bit worried about traveling alone. Since hanging out with these people though I realise more and more that it might be the best thing to do since you are there on your terms and your terms alone. The important thing I reckon is to do some research and be travel smart. Start with safe countries and arrange to be around people. Link to post Share on other sites
EricaH329 Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 I can understand that for a woman. I've been hanging out with a heap of internationals here (funny that I don't really want to hang out with my friends much at the mo) and they are a great group of people. The backpackers they are staying at is split by gender so the girls get to group together etc. Otherwise doing tours might be the way to go. It is always good to have a travel buddy and I too have been a bit worried about traveling alone. Since hanging out with these people though I realise more and more that it might be the best thing to do since you are there on your terms and your terms alone. The important thing I reckon is to do some research and be travel smart. Start with safe countries and arrange to be around people. Definitely! I've actually planned a trip to Cali (big traveler, I know) in Jan. It's definitely nothing overly exciting like going out of the country, but I figured i'd start out small, work my way up. It's going to be nice to get out of this place for a little bit. I'm hoping it'll open my eyes to different things. Link to post Share on other sites
Author logitech Posted October 13, 2009 Author Share Posted October 13, 2009 You've gotta start somewhere I went to LA earlier this year. Did the typical touristy thing, Beverly Hills, Hollywood, Disney Land etc. In the US you have plenty of options for travel locally. Also South America isn't too far away so that is pretty cool. In Aus we are isolated from EVERYONE. I still reckon while young though, backpackers are the way to go. Sure they aren't as fancy as a hotel, but for the people... They are awesome. Link to post Share on other sites
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