dzzz Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 For those of you who have had or are having a PA do you use protection or has it fallen by the wayside? Link to post Share on other sites
NowhereToHide Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 For the one time I met my xAP, yes, we did. Link to post Share on other sites
skylarblue Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 No, we never use it. Link to post Share on other sites
Fallen Angel Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 I am in long term A so, no, as in most long term relationships we do not. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 For those of you who have had or are having a PA do you use protection or has it fallen by the wayside? With some I do.. with others I don't.. it depends... Link to post Share on other sites
MistyK Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 No, we never did. We both have very short sexual resumes and I believed we were sexually monogamous. (I was for a long time happy in denial that he was still sexual with his W at the time). I wasn't sleeping with anyone else and his W wasn't cheating, so our risk was extremely low. Link to post Share on other sites
Gold Pile Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 PA?????? what does it stand for? I don't have a Personal Assitant, but I would surely wear protection if I was doing her. Link to post Share on other sites
Devil Inside Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 We did until we both got tested together and saw the results...then we didn't. Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 As a comment, I think out of respect for your wife or husband, don't you think it is best to keep that person protected, too? I know both affair partners are making the assumption that "we are not cheating on each other while we are cheating on our spouse(s)," but since an affair is cheating, CAN you make that assumption? Just curious. I guess if it was me, then I would have a difficult time NOT using a condom. Link to post Share on other sites
Devil Inside Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 As a comment, I think out of respect for your wife or husband, don't you think it is best to keep that person protected, too? I know both affair partners are making the assumption that "we are not cheating on each other while we are cheating on our spouse(s)," but since an affair is cheating, CAN you make that assumption? Just curious. I guess if it was me, then I would have a difficult time NOT using a condom. Good point James. In hindsight I should have just used one every time..test or no test. Luckily for me, the test I took after the A was also clean. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 Currently on antibiotics for an STD my H picked up then gave to me while he was cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 Currently on antibiotics for an STD my H picked up then gave to me while he was cheating. And I am guessing (having read your story) that he thought that he would never catch anything either? And he never used condoms because HE would never catch anything? Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 Well, to be fair my H had random sex with many complete strangers AND with several women he knew longer...so who knows where he got it from. The women he knew longer thought they were the only OW, so they may have been infected as well. Kicker is that my H is fastidious about protection as birth control. This I know. But as STD protection? Guess not. Dont forget people - some STDs can be passed by giving and / or receiving oral sex. Link to post Share on other sites
HisSweetThing Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 We do not use protection. We have known each other for years and we trust one another. Almost a year into it and our trust for one another has grown. However, I think we all advocate safe sex. There isn't another man I would trust to this extent. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 As a comment, I think out of respect for your wife or husband, don't you think it is best to keep that person protected, too? I know both affair partners are making the assumption that "we are not cheating on each other while we are cheating on our spouse(s)," but since an affair is cheating, CAN you make that assumption? Just curious. I guess if it was me, then I would have a difficult time NOT using a condom. I agree.. but then the spouses can also be 'cheating' Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 There isn't another man I would trust to this extent. And that is the basis for the lack of condoms, I believe. The question is (and this is in general, HST)....is this sort of trust in an affair warranted? And as Lizzie said, the spouse of your partner could be cheating, too. Then what you have is an STD getting in by "the back door." Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 I think anyone that has unprotected sex with an AP, then comes back and has sex with their spouse should be tried for attempted murder. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 Not all of us cheated. So why gamble my life on "your" trust of another person? I as many BS didn't make the decision to trust the AP statement they are only cheating with a presumably clean person. Or that the presumably clean person is in fact clean. No one took a test in front of me. Even if you aren't the married party, at least insist on protection, to protect yourself and the BS. You and the BS are sleeping with a liar who cheats. Link to post Share on other sites
NowhereToHide Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 My xAP didn't see the need for protection, but I insisted on it. Strangely, this was the only area in my A where I was clear-headed. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 I have been with many many men (married and single).. and you'd all be surprised at how many of these guys would have sex for the first time.. without protection.. in many cases, I had to say .. 'no condom.. no sex' and most were married.. Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 I am in long term A so, no, as in most long term relationships we do not. Yes, but....this one has one or two other people in it. Does that not concern you? (And this is a question not an accusation). Lizzie, guys who take risks like that with you probably take risks with other women, too. At least you think of your safety even if they forget their own. I wonder if the BS who discovered that their WS used condoms faithfully would feel better? Link to post Share on other sites
NowhereToHide Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 Yes, but....this one has one or two other people in it. Does that not concern you? (And this is a question not an accusation). Lizzie, guys who take risks like that with you probably take risks with other women, too. At least you think of your safety even if they forget their own. I wonder if the BS who discovered that their WS used condoms faithfully would feel better? Better? Probably not. I can't imagine my husband saying, "oh! well at least you used condoms!". No... it might be one thing less to be concerned about when you are devastated, but not better. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 Yes, but....this one has one or two other people in it. Does that not concern you? (And this is a question not an accusation). Lizzie, guys who take risks like that with you probably take risks with other women, too. At least you think of your safety even if they forget their own. I wonder if the BS who discovered that their WS used condoms faithfully would feel better?[/QUOTE] Seriously... James.. how would they know that? Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 Better? Probably not. I can't imagine my husband saying, "oh! well at least you used condoms!". No... it might be one thing less to be concerned about when you are devastated, but not better. [ Seriously... James.. how would they know that? My point was...it seems that every time we read of someone discovering an affair, the first big fear is that "I might have caught an STD. Oh, how could he/she!" So, if he or she used protection, then theoretically, this should be a small comfort. How would you know? He or she said they did. I know...he or she cannot be trusted. Oh well, it was just a question. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 I am in long term A so, no, as in most long term relationships we do not. I was in a long term marriage, 20 + years, and then he had unprotected sex with a person who had in her past several partners and husbands. Then I was stuck with 2 years of testing. Wondering if my life was going to end because 2 people made decisions about my life without consulting me. Wasn't fair to me or my children. To her BS or their children. Something that probably should be taken under consideration during all the love and passion going on...someone else's life. Link to post Share on other sites
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