Confusion

[oysterman]

Continuation of past posts but new confusion on my part...we're both married, work together occasionally, have become very close friends but nothing physical...we talk very intimately, have the eye-contact chemistry/sparks - we talk literally for hours...she is recovering from a PA that wasn't an EA, but has huge guilt over our friendship and says our friendship is much more intimate emotionally than her PA. I think we're deep into an EA. We have both admitted the same close feelings a few months ago but have controlled it. Recently I admitted to her having very deep feelings which she didn't verbally reciprocate...but instead of taking that opportunity to pull away, she has become even MORE communicative. So, I'm confused, ladies...if she doesn't feel the same way (which I am now doubting), why wouldn't she take that opportunity to pull back and become LESS communicative and place some distance between us? And yes, I've heard the lectures about any kind of A...I didn't go looking for this but it's here and it's real.

[TaraMaiden]

I Never believe anyone who says "I didn't go looking for this".

yes, you did.

And actually, you probably find it thrilling and exciting.....

You were more than warned and cautioned in your last thread(s), and still you stated that it wasn't something you felt you needed to pull back from.

 

And here we are.

 

The big thing you need to concentrate is, on how you feel, and what you think/say/do.

What she does, is up to her.

You look to your own actions (and consequences). That's all you can do.

[eeyore1981]

Continuation of past posts but new confusion on my part...we're both married, work together occasionally, have become very close friends but nothing physical...we talk very intimately, have the eye-contact chemistry/sparks - we talk literally for hours...she is recovering from a PA that wasn't an EA, but has huge guilt over our friendship and says our friendship is much more intimate emotionally than her PA. I think we're deep into an EA. We have both admitted the same close feelings a few months ago but have controlled it. Recently I admitted to her having very deep feelings which she didn't verbally reciprocate...but instead of taking that opportunity to pull away, she has become even MORE communicative. So, I'm confused, ladies...if she doesn't feel the same way (which I am now doubting), why wouldn't she take that opportunity to pull back and become LESS communicative and place some distance between us? And yes, I've heard the lectures about any kind of A...I didn't go looking for this but it's here and it's real.

 

You are going down a bad road, but apparently you don't care, so whatever.

As a woman who doesn't consider herself all that attractive, I've seen in hindsight how many boys and men throughout my life have had crushes or feelings or whatever for me who I have inadvertantly used and abused because being with them was so nice. They took me places, did things with me, etc., basically never said no to me. What an ego boost, who wouldn't want to be treated this way?

 

You told your woman friend how you are feeling. I would have felt shocked and guilty, but seeing as your wf has already had a PA, she obviously doesn't share the same morals I do.

 

My guess is she enjoys what you provide to her too much to give it up, whether she shares your feelings or not. I'm thinking if she shared the same feelings, she would want to pursue it, and that would take place by reciprocating her feelings back to you, yet you say she didn't. Seriously, had she come to you, with you feeling as you do towards her, and told you what you told her, would you have not told her you felt the same way?

[SweetFla]

Generally, women don't tend pull away like men tend to do. .we tend to become more communicative when something's bothering us or when we have a problem, especially with a close friend whom we trust.

 

I'm concerned over her guilt regarding your close friendship. . that tells me her head's not straight about what she's going to do about her marriage. If she had already decided to end her marriage, she wouldn't be feeling guilty. It sounds like she's not sure what she wants to do about her marriage, hence the guilt b/c she has strong feelings for you. (and BTW, there would be NO reason for her to feel "guilty" if her feelings for you were strictly as a friend and nothing more)

 

I know this is hard, but I would back off a little. . .she needs to get her head straight and decide what she's going to do about her marriage on her own. If you back off, she may be able to think more clearly about what she REALLY wants. (if she realizes a loss b/c you're not around, she may decide to end it) She either wants to try to work on it or leave her husband. . .regardless of her decision, you should back off and let her decide on her own. If it's meant to be with you and her, it will happen eventually. If its not, hey, you deserve a woman who really wants to be with you. Good luck!