bex3786 Posted December 2, 2003 Share Posted December 2, 2003 Ok, this is long and complicated. 2 years ago I started dating this guy, Brandon. I really, really loved him at the time, but unfortunately didn't think things through. He has a real anger problem and although he hasn't hurt me physically, he guilt trips me constantly. It doesn't help that I have a guilt complex anyway. Well, slowly I have realized that we really have very little in common. We both enjoy gaming, but that's about it. He likes things much more violent and gory than I do, and he's very narrow minded about a lot of things. I am very "live and let live" minded; he is racist, sexist, and thinks gay people "aren't people". I can't STAND that. He hates theater and doesn't read; I am a tech theater major and read constantly, anything I can get my hands on. We both like art, I guess, but different kinds. He loves action, I love fantasy/sci-fi. He hates sitting and talking (he gets bored), and that is one of my favorite things to do. Most of all, though-- he's super possessive and frighteningly jealous. I am (unfortunately) flirty, huggy, and have some interesting ideas about sexual practices. Oh, and he hurts me when we have sex. Not on purpose, but still, it hurts, and it stopped feeling good at all about 3 months ago. I just don't enjoy it anymore. Well, a couple of weekends ago he went hunting. I went to my friend's house on Saturday. My friend, Josh, is absolutely adorable, loves books, theater, conversation, fantasy/sci-fi, plot (more than gore/action), AND gaming. He's also quite liberal, as far as I can tell, you know, that live and let live attitude like mine. I would love to be better friends with him (in fact sometimes I'm very strongly attracted to him. Brandon does not know this, and I try to keep it to myself because it makes me feel horribly guilty and I know I can't do anything about it anyway. I like to think Josh is attracted to me too... but that might just be my imagination. Or my over-large breasts. But Josh isn't that mindlessly horny) but because of Brandon, I can't. I offered Josh a shoulder-rub because he had slept wrong and I am, quote, "awesome at massage", and he said "I'm scared of Brandon." I can't even hug my friends goodnight! (Even the ones I'm not attracted to!) So anyway, the real point is this. I think that I'm going to have to break up with Brandon eventually. He's on what is probably his last chance. But I'm afraid to. He is violent, like I said, but that isn't the problem, mostly. He also gets very depressed (he got really depressed today when I told him that I felt our relationship was completely based on sex so we should take a short break and see if we're still as close. We argue whenever we haven't had it for even a week.) and I'm afraid of what he might do. Also, I have 2 classes with him (4 hours a day) and things would get really awkward. Then there's the fact that his entire family assumes that we're getting married. I don't want to get married right out of college. I want to travel my junior year, and I'm tied down! But anyway. He hates change. I'm changing. The worst thing is that he has no idea I'm even thinking of breaking up with him. If I even mentioned it he'd be miserable (and make me miserable) for WEEKS. What am I supposed to DO? I'm thinking of waiting for summer or even next school year. I just don't know if I can put up with this for that long. And then there's the fact that we have the exact same group of friends so it would probably split them up if we had a bad break-up. What a mess. Please help me, I've been asking people and it's really no help! I'm thinking of calling Josh and asking if he wouldn't mind talking for a while, because we get along so well and I've told him things before that I haven't told anyone else. I trust him. I want to tell him that this might happen. Is that a good idea, or would he get weirded out? I just really need a friend right now, and he's the only one. Thanks for your input. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted December 2, 2003 Share Posted December 2, 2003 I would for sure talk to Josh. You'll need an ally if BF becomes troublesome. Because you would not be able to separate from your BF completely, I'm going to suggest a strategy I would not normally suggest. You could try getting him to fall out of love with you. You could try being whatever it is that he doesn't like, or being the opposite of whatever he likes about you. For instance, if he likes that you're cheerful in the morning, be grumpy in the morning. Become disagreeable to be around when you're with him. I've heard of women doing this when they don't want to actually dump guys - they get the guys to dump them by being awful. Eventually, the guy decides you're not worth it. Will it work? Who knows but it might be the safest way to go, given your particular set of circumstances. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bex3786 Posted December 4, 2003 Author Share Posted December 4, 2003 thanks, that sounds like it might work. One thing though-- won't my being a jerk make my friends mad at me? Even if I'm not mean to them they might get mad at me for being mean to Brandon, who is also their friend. oh, and one other thing... what if Josh thinks I want relationship right away? or what if I tell Josh all this and then end up not breaking up with Brandon? Link to post Share on other sites
somersetlady Posted December 4, 2003 Share Posted December 4, 2003 whatever you decide, keep in mind, challenges are there to make you stronger....Good Luck and remember to have fun, if your not-get out-there is always a way, but its up to you. Link to post Share on other sites
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