the finality of divorce...

[hopesndreams]

She is feeding her little impressionable mind with everything nice nice so her daughter doesn't grow up and resent mommy for leaving daddy. It's still all about her and always will be.

[tojaz]

Well, now I'm sure shes feeding your DD some of this stuff. Don't know what that means for you bro, what are you thinking?

TOJAZ

[MrMayI]

wow. the different approaches are really starting to show here. i'm just going to roll with life and not make everything out to be vindictive and awful.

 

hnd-- my daughter doesn't need to know mommy left daddy. she needs to know that mommy and daddy love her very much and things happen. that's all. i'm not going to badmouth her mother to her. ever. even when she's grown and maybe asks.

 

edit: t, i'm honestly thinking with the holidays coming and her being alone, maybe she's realizing her mistakes. i'll just let it play out. i have custody and a new house. i feel okay either way.

[hopesndreams]

I would never suggest you badmouth her, ever. No way was that said in my post.

[MrMayI]

I would never suggest you badmouth her, ever. No way was that said in my post.

 

oh no. i know you didn't. i was just projecting that if she grows up thinking mommy left daddy she'll eventually ask, and i wouldn't then. in no way did i mean or think that of you. i appreciate and respect all of your input. sorry if we crossed wires.

[WTFO]

thanks t. i just have to face reality. this woman and i are going to have more history together, whether we're together or not. i tried my best to save my marriage. it's over now. i'm completely at grips with that. it's still an inner struggle somedays, but i can't hate this woman. we both were unhappy there at the end. difference is, i wanted to work it out. she didn't.

 

I agree with this. I don't hate my stbxw. But, I do hate what she did to our family. It's weird, I have times where I'm disgusted and don't want to hear her voice. Other times, I'm ok with the fact that she is happy and even get a little flirty. Part of me figures,If I'm civil,there might be a chance of reconcilation. If i'm an azz we will never reconcile.

[hopesndreams]

I haven't physically seen my ex or heard his voice since the end of July. We still communicated by email until 15 days ago. I tried putting a stop to it many times and this last time, it finally took. I opened an email he sent me today and it is filled with the same nonsense of missing me, will always care for me, think about you all the time, etc and then proceeds to tell me how his life is going. He knows not to do this, but does it anyway. It brings all the feelings back. We will never get back together, we both know this, so why does he do it? Selfishness. That's how. I am so thankful I did not have a child with this man. To see him, hear his voice and hug him.........I would never heal.

 

From reading your posts, sometimes you do have a handle on it and other times, you just don't. I wish to offer some advice to help you but come up short. The more distance from her, the better, for you. That means no hugs.

[MrMayI]

I agree with this. I don't hate my stbxw. But, I do hate what she did to our family. It's weird, I have times where I'm disgusted and don't want to hear her voice. Other times, I'm ok with the fact that she is happy and even get a little flirty. Part of me figures,If I'm civil,there might be a chance of reconcilation. If i'm an azz we will never reconcile.

 

i commend you, bro. we do what we have to do. i'm just off a week of dodging and not talking. well, the ex asked me to a movie tonight. said she wants us to "hang out" together. i told her that was cool. whatever will be, will be. everything's out the window at this point. there will be some laughs, if nothing else. i'm sorry i put the anger, the biterness aside. it is just where i am right now. where i'm content. warm.

[hopesndreams]

Be careful. I did the whole hanging out thing with my ex too. It got me nothing but more pain and more time to suffer.

[MrMayI]

 

From reading your posts, sometimes you do have a handle on it and other times, you just don't. I wish to offer some advice to help you but come up short. The more distance from her, the better, for you. That means no hugs.

 

i wish i could agree here, but i can't. the last post by me shows where i am. i'm going to live. either way, my daughter will always be happy. that's what matters most.

[WTFO]

i wish i could agree here, but i can't. the last post by me shows where i am. i'm going to live. either way, my daughter will always be happy. that's what matters most.

 

 

Well,at least you'll get a nice night out of it.(I think) Plus you will always be prepared. How long did she take until she wanted to hang out? With or without your daughter at the movies?

[MrMayI]

Well,at least you'll get a nice night out of it.(I think) Plus you will always be prepared. How long did she take until she wanted to hang out? With or without your daughter at the movies?

 

we signed the divorce first week of september. we've been physically apart since mid-may. there were several times we were gonna hang out in the first weeks, but i was pretty busted up and couldn't do it. it will be a nice night. we get along. i don't want to discuss what happened with our marriage. we both know full and well what happened. of course, we'll be without our daughter. we've been going to all of her school functions together since august. i think it's okay. against the grain, and wishes of others on here, i'm sure, but i'm going to live it until it's dead.

[WTFO]

we signed the divorce first week of september. we've been physically apart since mid-may. there were several times we were gonna hang out in the first weeks, but i was pretty busted up and couldn't do it. it will be a nice night. we get along. i don't want to discuss what happened with our marriage. we both know full and well what happened. of course, we'll be without our daughter. we've been going to all of her school functions together since august. i think it's okay. against the grain, and wishes of others on here, i'm sure, but i'm going to live it until it's dead.

 

 

Good for you. Follow your heart. Just be careful. Treat it like it was a 1st date. Like I said at least your prepared for anything.

[MrMayI]

Good for you. Follow your heart. Just be careful. Treat it like it was a 1st date. Like I said at least your prepared for anything.

 

thanks. we'll see what happens. i miss her, but i don't miss her enough to sell my soul and try to jump right back in.

[LisaUk]

Hi MayI

 

I'm not sure what's happening here as I haven't been able to keep up with your thread (sorry, school), but is your xw asking to hang out with you alone? I'm just thinking back to before your D when you exposed the EA and the OM left her. At that time someone posted to be prepared for her to come crawling back to you, do you not think this may be it? Is she trying to get back in? That's fine if that's what you really want and you think you can get past the issues, but do you want her after all she did to you? I remember you saying you would never take her back. If you do and that's the way this goes, make her WORK for it!

 

Sorry if I have this all backwards. I just don't want to see you any more hurt than you already have been.

[MrMayI]

Hi MayI

 

I'm not sure what's happening here as I haven't been able to keep up with your thread (sorry, school), but is your xw asking to hang out with you alone? I'm just thinking back to before your D when you exposed the EA and the OM left her. At that time someone posted to be prepared for her to come crawling back to you, do you not think this may be it? Is she trying to get back in? That's fine if that's what you really want and you think you can get past the issues, but do you want her after all she did to you? I remember you saying you would never take her back. If you do and that's the way this goes, make her WORK for it!

 

Sorry if I have this all backwards. I just don't want to see you any more hurt than you already have been.

 

you don't have it backwards, lisa. that's pretty much how it is. i sit alone at night and think of my daughter, and how badly she wants her mommy and daddy together. i know she'll be fine either way. the co-parenting is going very well, but i just don't like being without her. the ex and i discussed going to a movie or eat or something, yes alone, together. i told her i wasn't sure, because i'm now her ex-husband, and personally, i wouldn't consider it "hanging out". in my mind that's a date. i think internally, i was trying to dissway her from wanting to go out like that. instead, she said that's okay too. i'm at a bit of a loss. i want to, but i don't want to. hell, i just don't know.

[WTFO]

you don't have it backwards, lisa. that's pretty much how it is. i sit alone at night and think of my daughter, and how badly she wants her mommy and daddy together. i know she'll be fine either way. the co-parenting is going very well, but i just don't like being without her. the ex and i discussed going to a movie or eat or something, yes alone, together. i told her i wasn't sure, because i'm now her ex-husband, and personally, i wouldn't consider it "hanging out". in my mind that's a date. i think internally, i was trying to dissway her from wanting to go out like that. instead, she said that's okay too. i'm at a bit of a loss. i want to, but i don't want to. hell, i just don't know.

 

Tough situation my friend. I would take it with a grain of salt. I wonder what Gunny would say?

 

Now that your really divorced, It might relieve some of the stress,on the other hand you can't just turn off old feelings. Eh, go with the flow, you'll never know until you try. I will stress again. BE PREPARED to go either way.

[MrMayI]

Tough situation my friend. I would take it with a grain of salt. I wonder what Gunny would say?

 

Now that your really divorced, It might relieve some of the stress,on the other hand you can't just turn off old feelings. Eh, go with the flow, you'll never know until you try. I will stress again. BE PREPARED to go either way.

 

thanks wtfo. i think i am prepared. today, i just want to see what happens. not looking to get back together. maybe rebuilding can happen. i just don't want to damage the decency we now have between us. i'm not missing the marriage anymore, but i do miss HER.

[FeelingLonely98]

thanks wtfo. i think i am prepared. today, i just want to see what happens. not looking to get back together. maybe rebuilding can happen. i just don't want to damage the decency we now have between us. i'm not missing the marriage anymore, but i do miss HER.

 

Who said anything about M? If you work it out and fall in love I would not even mention M for a long time. I read somewhere that unmarried "Couples" have a higher rate of "success" than married folks.

 

Like I said on my other thread ... tread lightly ... have LOW expectations, and see what comes of it. Like Lisa said, make her work for it. Make her convince YOU that there is something good still there. And that you could trust her.

[tojaz]

MayI, I think it might be a good idea to go on the "date". If for no other reason then to explore your feelings. You may go just to find that there is nothing there anymore! Or, maybe not. You say your not ruling out getting back together at some point. At least you would know where your own feelings stand.

TOJAZ

[MrMayI]

MayI, I think it might be a good idea to go on the "date". If for no other reason then to explore your feelings. You may go just to find that there is nothing there anymore! Or, maybe not. You say your not ruling out getting back together at some point. At least you would know where your own feelings stand.

TOJAZ

 

today, i don't even know if it'll really happen. we're taking our daughter trick or treating together, and then i take the 2 of them to the airport to go visit her family next week. i'm going to be in the dumps next week. i can feel it. 6 days without my kid. damn.

 

i don't think either of us have time for a "date" in the next couple of weeks.

[tojaz]

Well, she had to eat a lot of crap just to say that, so it must have come after some thought. What ever happens MayI, take Lis's advice and make her work for it. She has a lot of trust to rebuild and a lot of damage to repair, even if she wants to just be friends. You've learned a lot going through all of this my man, don't dismiss any of that, thats the only way this is going to work, by being true to yourself. (I know you already know that)

TOJAZ

[MrMayI]

Well, she had to eat a lot of crap just to say that, so it must have come after some thought. What ever happens MayI, take Lis's advice and make her work for it. She has a lot of trust to rebuild and a lot of damage to repair, even if she wants to just be friends. You've learned a lot going through all of this my man, don't dismiss any of that, thats the only way this is going to work, by being true to yourself. (I know you already know that)

TOJAZ

 

i imagine she did have to swallow a lot to ask me something like that. i'd become so confident again. the world was mine, once again. today, i seem to be unable to solidify anything in my head. i had to drop my little girl off on my way to work today with her mommy. walking into her house just brought all of the negativity welling back inside of me. there are pictures of me still in there. i always do my best to get out of there quickly as possible. i wouldn't have even gone in if it weren't raining. oh well. i might as well not make a mountain out of a molehill. que cera cera (sp).

[2.50 a gallon]

MMI

 

It is simply the continuation of the roller coaster ride

 

But you are in a more vulnerable spot, with the gravity waves of love and need being put out by your little girl. Please be careful, she needs you and she cannot comprehend what you have gone through. It is just natural for a child to want her mommy and daddy to love each other as she loves them.

 

You seemed to have been in a good place at one time, confident, time to move on, but I get the feeling you are slowly moving back towards the pit.

 

The Spock side of us says the marriage was bad, too much hurt, it is time to move on, but the human emotional side of us is lonely, looking for signs, hoping it can be fixed.

 

Try to put the 6 day abscence to good use. A chance to clear your head.

[MrMayI]

MMI

 

It is simply the continuation of the roller coaster ride

 

But you are in a more vulnerable spot, with the gravity waves of love and need being put out by your little girl. Please be careful, she needs you and she cannot comprehend what you have gone through. It is just natural for a child to want her mommy and daddy to love each other as she loves them.

 

You seemed to have been in a good place at one time, confident, time to move on, but I get the feeling you are slowly moving back towards the pit.

 

The Spock side of us says the marriage was bad, too much hurt, it is time to move on, but the human emotional side of us is lonely, looking for signs, hoping it can be fixed.

 

Try to put the 6 day abscence to good use. A chance to clear your head.

 

2.50 your posts help me every single time i read them. thank you so much. i am slowly moving back towards the pit. at the same time i'm clawing and pulling myself back to the light. i have to go with the spock side or i'm going to stagnate rather than move on like i was and should. i'm lonely, but i'll get through that.