Would this be cheating? And am I crazy for being mad?

[Heis]

I give you my real life example and ask for you to give your comments as to if this would be cheating;

 

I knew this girl since Feb' 04. We started as friends and she began to really, really, want to be around me. A lot. We ended up going on a short road trip to a friends house and my cars alternator blew so we had to spend the night there. She ended up sleeping/cuddling with me in the same bed after I protested and offered to sleep on the floor. But she climbed on top of me and said she wouldn't let me sleep at all unless I agreed. (She had a boyfriend at the time, and was questioning the relationship). I told her I didn't like what happened and I'm not for hurting any relationships. We agree to be good friends.

 

March 04 - We hang out more and more while she starts giving me lot's of attention and near the end of March I know something is brewing. We hung out with her boyfriend a little and he seems okay with us being friends. I learn he has been her only boyfriend and she feels antsy about never being able to date other people.

 

April 04 - She asks me out after asking her boyfriend if it's okay for her to date me for a week. I had just gotten over a really really bad breakup a few months prior so I felt amazing that someone would like to date me. I say it's fine because it's only a week. We date and she says it was the best week ever. She doesn't just want a week and her boyfriend really loses it. I tell her to sort her things out. A week or two later he breaks up with her. They still talk a lot after this. I'm feeling a bit led on but my feelings of love are there for her and growing. Near the end of April I tell her I love her. She says thank you but she's unsure.

 

May 04 - We still go out and we eventually have sex (My first time), doesn't go so well, 2 days later we try again and it goes great. However, soon after she has sex with her ex after talking with him at her place. (She says we don't have a 'defined' relationship yet). She then begins to say "I don't know what I want.".

She has asked me to fly out to another state with her to visit a long time friend. She says she wants to be "Treated as if she were single" While there because she wants a break from the stress and wants to think deeply about her ex and myself. I say that's fine. During the trip a little joke about her being ho'd out by her friend for airfare, we all laugh about it. That night we cuddle in the guest room and become intimate.

One night at her friends place, a guy drops by. They tell him the joke, and he goes with it. He starts hitting on her and in front of me they cuddle. I started to say something and she got upset. Later on that night She gets up to go to the bathroom, he follows soon after and I hear them kissing in the hall. Now, I keep my mouth shut because of my promise. I hear them go into the bathroom and I later learn he manually stimulated her in there and her back to him. The next night they have sex after I leave from a small party we all went to. (At the party she was wearing clothes I bought her as a gift and has never ever worn them for me.) When she gets home the next day she tells me how it was the best sex she ever had and how well endowed he was.

After getting home from the trip she wants to date him and he says no. It was just to show her a good time. Her ex tells her to basically never talk to him again. She ends up crying in my arms and only then says she is sorry. From there and then on nothing more has happened.

 

August 04 - She says we're a couple. And after a long talk agree that April will be our anniversary.

 

Kicker - We've been dating for almost 4 years. Whenever I bring it up she says she's never ever cheated on anyone, me included. She also says she would never do anything like that normally because she's too shy and it wasn't like her to do what she did. As time progressed she lets me know about the sex with the guy in AZ. It lasted 2 hours, a marathon session with kinky things thrown in at random times. Things she still refuses to do with me.

 

I've had trouble sleeping, Self...uhh...time (images of her with him pop into my head), Sometime I randomly start crying with no provocation. I feel pretty much terrible about it and it never leaves my mind.

 

I seek your opinions if what is contained in that story is cheating, and where and for what reasons. Also, please feel free to include your definition of a 'relationship'.

 

I know this is my first post ever and it's kinda all over the place. But, I do need help and I just don't know what to do. However if I know what she did was cheating.

Edited October 13, 2009 by Heis

[dreamergrl]

I'd have been weary of dating her back then.

 

Has she given you a reason to think she's cheating now?

 

Btw.. yes, I think what she did was cheating.

[boldjack]

Dude, of course it was cheating. She played you , herex, and the other dude, at the same time. You are a doormat.

[dreamergrl]

Relationship = when two people are COMMITTED to each other. In a relationship one does not go and 'date' someone for a week.. or even ask for permission to do so One does not screw someone, then go back and screw another person.

 

I am so confused as how you've been with her for 4 years and am now just wondering this.

[Heis]

I didn't just realize it. However...I didn't really know where to go for help with this. All my friends left the state for school, parents are gone and well...my GF is no help with this.

 

I mean yes I love her, but, as the relationship goes on and gets more serious these things come into my mind more often.

 

Thanks for the comments so far. And I know I'm a damn doormat, always have been >.>

[boldjack]

Dreamer has a very good point. If this all took place 4 years ago, why are you bringing it up now? Is something happening to your relationship, that reminds you of this?

[boldjack]

Well Heis, the FIRST thing to do is to STOP being one. Fix the issues in yourself, then decide what to do about your trust issues with your GF.

[dreamergrl]

Well after 4 years... wait you said 04, so that's 5 years.. Things are bound to get serious.

 

How old are you OP? How old is your gf?

 

Whether you are just bothered by how you met your gf or how things are now, obviously there's some issues. And if you can't get past them it's time to move on.

[Heis]

Well after 4 years... wait you said 04, so that's 5 years.. Things are bound to get serious.

 

How old are you OP? How old is your gf?

 

Whether you are just bothered by how you met your gf or how things are now, obviously there's some issues. And if you can't get past them it's time to move on.

 

Yeah I mis-typed the original post. My bad. It was 06 that this happened. Tried to fix it but the board wouldn't let me. She's 22 now and I'm 24. Sorry for the mishap.

[Heis]

Dreamer has a very good point. If this all took place 4 years ago, why are you bringing it up now? Is something happening to your relationship, that reminds you of this?

 

In a way yes. She likes it when people give her attention and when guys do...she won't tell them to stop.

 

Although really what it is, is that I'm kind of dealing with the guilt of not stopping her back then and the pain of the things that followed. I'm not here for sympathy or anything. What I'm trying to do is understand where it is I stand.

 

And from that I plan on really confronting her about it and what she thinks of our current relationship and where it's going. But what I need, because I'm really a relationship noob is some kind of understanding of what others think about the morality of this.

[dreamergrl]

Yeah I mis-typed the original post. My bad. It was 06 that this happened. Tried to fix it but the board wouldn't let me. She's 22 now and I'm 24. Sorry for the mishap.

 

It's still quite some time to let it go this far if it's been bothering you. She gave you clear signals of the type of girl she is. So what are you going to do about it? Let her walk all over you or find a girl that is worthy of your attention and is satisfied with only your attention.?

[Dexter Morgan]

April 04 - She asks me out after asking her boyfriend if it's okay for her to date me for a week.

 

 

geez, this should have been a big red flag that had written on it "fickle tart" on it. did this not say anything to you about her?

 

 

One night at her friends place, a guy drops by. They tell him the joke, and he goes with it. He starts hitting on her and in front of me they cuddle. I started to say something and she got upset.

 

 

thats because she is an immature fickle little tart. If you 2 are dating, then what the hell is she doing "cuddling" with another guy? That would be cheating enough for me to boot her to the curb.

 

 

Later on that night She gets up to go to the bathroom, he follows soon after and I hear them kissing in the hall.

 

uh, YA....its cheating:confused:

 

 

 

Now, I keep my mouth shut because of my promise. I hear them go into the bathroom and I later learn he manually stimulated her in there and her back to him. The next night they have sex

 

is it really confusing to you whether or not she cheated?? YES SHE CHEATED!!!

 

 

 

When she gets home the next day she tells me how it was the best sex she ever had and how well endowed he was.

 

and why the hell would she tell you this? to piss you off? or did she think you'd be really intrigued?

 

 

Kicker - We've been dating for almost 4 years. Whenever I bring it up she says she's never ever cheated on anyone, me included.

 

she can kid herself all she wants...she is nothing BUT a cheater. I can't believe you even started with her from the first day she had a bf and asked to date you.....amazing. She must be really good looking or something...cuz her personality sucks.

 

 

I've had trouble sleeping, Self...uhh...time (images of her with him pop into my head), Sometime I randomly start crying with no provocation. I feel pretty much terrible about it and it never leaves my mind.

 

 

I know this is my first post ever and it's kinda all over the place. But, I do need help and I just don't know what to do. However if I know what she did was cheating.

 

you need to dump this tramp.

[seibert253]

Gotta agree with Dex. The sooner the better.

 

Dude, here comes your 2X4, get ready 'cause this is gonna hurt.

 

Your "girlfriend", if that's what she is, is a whore. She's played, you, her ex-boyfriend, everyone.

 

Do you really believe she's gonna stay committed to you? I don't think you do because if you did, you wouldn't be here asking us about it.

 

Technically, maybe she didn't cheat, but realistically she did. Dude, you've been played like a fiddle. To tell you about the things she did with some other dude, how hung he was, the things they did together, that's real classy my friend. Then on top of that, she won't engage in the same sexcapades with you like she did with the other dude? You got a real winner there. That's almost as bad a fu#king him in front of you. You should have kicked her to the curb 5 years ago. But alas, here you are.

 

Sorry for that, but I hope I now have your attention. What now kimosabe'. Simple; Run Forest, Run.

 

I'm not a psychic, but if you stay with her here's what WILL happen:

You will continue to be her lapdog, and eventually she will want to bring someone else into your relationship. With or without your consent. Can you say cuckold. Or, she's gonna cheat on you REPEATEDLY.

 

Dude I can't scream this loud enough; GET THE FU#K OUT, NOW.