northstar1 Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 He will be here tomorrow. He woke up at 5 am to get on the road. I'm very excited and this is so long overdue, but I have SO many reservations about doing this again. (living together) We talked about it, I thought alot about it, and we do want to live together again. I am going to be in an intensive paralegal program all this coming year, so I will be very busy working and going to school. I will have some time for myself. That will be one of the main differences this time around.. I'm one of those people who needs my own time for a little bit each day. I think that is what was getting me so irked before... we spent too much time together! Seriously! I will tell him that in a nice way because I do think that was contributing to us fighting more there at the end. The last time we lived together, he had a really hard time finding a job after we moved back from Hawaii. He was unemployed for 4 months and it was driving me crazy. I felt that he was definitely putting effort into it, but was just fine with getting by with his financial aid from school and just scraping the barrel to get by. That was not ok with me because I would go to work and totally resent the fact that he could sleep in and I'd get home and he'd be playing computer games. I felt like I was being a nag when I would have to ASK him to clean up around the house. I never saw him push a vacuum, probably because I always get to it first. And it REALLY, REALLY upset me that he was starting to drink to excess. At one point, he had opened up a bottle of wine in the middle of the day and proceeded to finish off the entire bottle in about an hour or two's time. Our neighbor came by and I was embarrassed... yep, this is my boyfriend.. he doesn't work, and he's sitting here on a Tuesday afternoon drunk, drinking out of the bottle. I just don't EVER, EVER, EVER want to be in that place with him again. He knows how I feel about this, but still... I am holding my breath wondering if this will come up again and be a problem and what I will do. Now we are sharing our living space with roommates, which is not the ideal situation but we have opposite schedules and the space hasn't been a problem. I just worry about him not stepping up again. That's all. He's not lazy at all, I think he was goign through depression... this led to him breaking up with me. It wasn't good. I just don't want to be there again, Now we're going to try it again. Hope it works out. I'm sure he's got some reservations too! He was the one who asked me if we could live together again, I didn't ask. I seem to be the one who has more reservations. Mini, hello. So, if you have all these reservations, why are you going to live together? I mean, that's just jumping into the fire IMO. If you are trying to start over again and rebuild, living together is going to put it all under a microscope fast. I guess it's good to see if it will work or not, but at the same time, it might be better to slowly get back into a relationship and work from there. Did you tell him you were unsure about moving in? You do have a right to have some concerns, because if his past behaviour (ie. sleeping in, not doing much, playing videogames) resurfaces again, you are going to react to it that much faster now that you are sensitive to it. Does he have a plan for himself upon his return? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mimiminx Posted December 2, 2009 Author Share Posted December 2, 2009 Hi Northstar, Well, we decided to live together again because we are at the stage of our relationship that taking a step back really isn't what we want to do, at least I don't. Apart from the 2 months broken up, we've been together almost 3 years now, planning marriage and he did give me a ring. At this point, since we are planning to spend the rest of our lives together, living apart just doesn't make sense. Believe me I thought about it. He does have some things lined up here when he returns, school full time and part-time work, for which he has some leads already. I do feel better about this time around... I've learned alot in our time apart. Link to post Share on other sites
northstar1 Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 Hi Northstar, Well, we decided to live together again because we are at the stage of our relationship that taking a step back really isn't what we want to do, at least I don't. Apart from the 2 months broken up, we've been together almost 3 years now, planning marriage and he did give me a ring. At this point, since we are planning to spend the rest of our lives together, living apart just doesn't make sense. Believe me I thought about it. He does have some things lined up here when he returns, school full time and part-time work, for which he has some leads already. I do feel better about this time around... I've learned alot in our time apart. Fair enough, but a breakup is a step backwards, and in order for any "Second chance" to work, you need to treat it like a new relationship, or the same old concerns/idiosyncracies that caused the breakup will still be there under the surface. Link to post Share on other sites
sean1970 Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 I just don't EVER, EVER, EVER want to be in that place with him again. He knows how I feel about this, but still... So you were able to put together a list of things that needed to be different and talk to him about it? Sorry if I missed that you had in another post. Link to post Share on other sites
p_spot Posted December 10, 2009 Share Posted December 10, 2009 mimiminx...i've read some advice you've given in another thread, and was wondering if you'd take a look at mine and provide some insight. it would be really appreciated. the title of my thread is "**REALLY LONG...NC or not to NC" Link to post Share on other sites
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