tg0623 Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 You know, I am sooooo fed up right now it is not even funny anymore... I tell you all i hear is it is all me me me that screws everything up. If it is me coming home NOT in the happiest mood in the world, then it was me drinking, if i do not get up and run for my wife for every little thing then i am an a@#hole. So guess what, i finally got my act together and i stopped drinking cold turkey right on the spot and it has been 43 days sober now. I went to a psychologist for 8 sessions and feel great. But now it is all my wife thats the problem... I was such an a**hole she literally referred me to that name all the time. I asked her lets stop the crap and get are marriage back in order. She says stop drinking and stop being an a&&hole and be nice to me and everything will be great. So I stopped drinking, which in turn stopped me from being an a&&hole. I started to be nice to her, I started to do things around the house, remodeled two bathrooms so far and intend to do every room in the house on top of other needed repairs like windows, siding, roof. I am very handy.... Then at night once the kids are alseep we would watch tv, during this she will ask me to get her something to drink or food or just talk at times. But now that i stopped me crap got myself together she said it would lead to more sex. Well, she is a straight up freaking liar and i wanna bash her head in!!! I have not bothered her about sex over a month and almost a week. this past saturday we had the day to ourselves my parents had the girls stay the night saturday. So I took her out to dinner and a movie we get home and I fell asleep. We wake the next morning before i went to pick the girls up and mentioned sex to her and she says i am not in the mood and do not want it. I got totally ticked off cause if i do not mention sex we would never ever do it anymore! So here is the good part, i was watching DR.OZ the other day and there were these pills called rhodiola which helps with stress anxiety and sex drive. they work great i never had such energy nor focus nor strength in a long time. The littlest things do not even bother me i tend to laugh now. Well, my wife is totally depressed so i asked her to go to the doctor for anti depression pills. Of course they gave them to her and said you need to start asap. She did a week and two days ago. Now i know it will take time for those to work but man. Right now i do not know if i want to be with her and it has nothing to do with drinking i am done with it forever. But i swear i feel as if she is with me cause it makes life easier. I feel more friends then lovers. I never get kisses, hugs, i love you, massages, sex, talk, affection. ect. ect. ect...... If i do not say i love you, hug her, kiss her, talk to her i would feel as if i live with my best friend. I have not talked to her since Sunday and do not plan on it either. I want things to work out but i am tired of her words and no actions coming from the words. The other night i confronted her about an email i read that her freind claimed she does love me even though my wife said she doesnt even love me. Her friend said if you did not love him you would have left along time ago. Well, i think her friend is wrong cause things are to easier for her to leave me. I asked my wife about the email and she texted me saying of course i love you i just said that out of anger and have said it before as well, it was just heat of the moment she says. Well, with the lack of actions from her cause those are supposed to speak louder then her words it is completely backwards with her. I know she is depressed but for the love of god how long will it take before these damn lexapro pills start to work????? Cause i am ready to take the car battery and jumper cables and hook it to my wifes A$$ and jump start her up, maybe that will take care of the depression..... I kinda feel like she is waiting for me to see that things will not work out and is waiting for me to end things. I asked her this before and she said no not at all why would i think that and i said well your actions do not run with the words you tell me. I am very glad i stopped drinking for the last 8 years cause i was so masked i now see the damaged i caused but do not know how to fix it. i asked her to go to marriage counselling and she said yes but i lack the funds does anyone know how much marriage counselling costs? thanks for letting me vent Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 18, 2009 Share Posted October 18, 2009 (edited) I kinda feel like she is waiting for me to see that things will not work out and is waiting for me to end things. She is..sort of.. I think you're on like probation right now.. it has been 43 days sober now Keep it up.. day by day the fog will start to clear and things will be clearer to you.. It takes more than a few months of sobriety to erase the damage an Alcoholic can create while drinking. Your wife is not only waiting to see if you stay sober but she is also looking for you to change and step up to the plate to fix the things that you drank for and until she sees those changes she won't fell like she is in a good place with the marriage. Marriage counseling costs vary and can also depend on how much money you make.. there are counselors that have a sliding scale on their rates depending on how much money you make. If you feel that you are having trouble staying sober then I would suggest you look up your local AA chapter and got hit some meetings and ask for some help from someone there that would be willing to sponsor you and help guide you thru staying sober. Keep on Keeping on... Edited October 18, 2009 by Art_Critic spelling Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 43 days sober isn't nowhere near enough time for the fog to lift. i can honestly say for me,it took around 20 months and what was strange is i could actually feel it lift. eveyday becomes more clear(been sober5 plus), and doing some meetings wouldn't hurt. on the plus side some parts of your post had me rolling on the floor:D buddy you do have a way with words Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts