Salamander Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 I have been going through a divorce and now am looking to meet someone fun. It has been 15 years of hell, but I maintained my positive attitude throughout. I am considerate kind and caring. But for whatever reason, I cant seem to meet an interesting similar woman. This is getting discouraging, and now that I am close to being free, I find myself becoming depressed. Unlike me in the least. My work unfortunately keeps me moving and so I am not home very much. I am also very concerned about putting my personal information on a website that I cant control. What am I doing wrong, any ideas, suggestions? Thx Link to post Share on other sites
RedDevil66 Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 How long have you been alone/single? Not sure you're doing anything wrong, but maybe you're putting out a vibe that you really want to meet somene and it comes across as desperate?! Don't know, but there are A LOT of women out there looking for men Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted October 14, 2009 Share Posted October 14, 2009 Have you moved out or are you and your STBXW still living together? I wouldnt date anyone who was recently separated or divorced. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 14, 2009 Share Posted October 14, 2009 But for whatever reason, I cant seem to meet an interesting similar woman. dude...joint the club Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 14, 2009 Share Posted October 14, 2009 If you travel for work, you meet tons of people just by traveling. How are your interactions with women during your travels? After 15 years of hell, I'd be looking for some alone time, but that's me Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted October 14, 2009 Share Posted October 14, 2009 Yeah, the idea of dating ever again makes my stomacher turn. Not in a nervous butterfly way, in a gag way. Probably a lot of women my age feel the same way. But , I'm not divorced. Link to post Share on other sites
GrayClouds Posted October 14, 2009 Share Posted October 14, 2009 I just wish I could meet a woman who understands contemporary county music is neither contemporary or country and dancing with the stars is neither dancing nor stars. If she can resist the temptation to use the word "potty" (not that I don't love children) I may have hit jackpot. Link to post Share on other sites
fireman81 Posted October 16, 2009 Share Posted October 16, 2009 I am in the same boat bro, i was so used to being with somebody that the single life is plain hard now, i got things going for me but day to day its a mystery. Link to post Share on other sites
You'reasian Posted October 16, 2009 Share Posted October 16, 2009 How long have you been alone/single? Not sure you're doing anything wrong, but maybe you're putting out a vibe that you really want to meet somene and it comes across as desperate?! Don't know, but there are A LOT of women out there looking for men The irony is that this gentleman could be everything that a woman wants, he could be a great partner for a great woman - BUT if he comes across as desperate - meaning, he's longing for a quality woman for a committed relationship - he's seen as 'desperate' and women avoid him. If this same guy stops caring, stops giving a damn about attracting a woman - they flock to him, but for all the wrong reasons. Link to post Share on other sites
JaneDoe35 Posted October 16, 2009 Share Posted October 16, 2009 I have only been separated 2 months. Am attempting to save my marriage. (I know). Anyway I have tried to think about meeting someone new. But that 'someone' only ends up sounding exactly like my husband. Shows I have a long way to go. Link to post Share on other sites
MrFun Posted October 17, 2009 Share Posted October 17, 2009 I am considerate kind and caring. But for whatever reason, I cant seem to meet an interesting similar woman. How many women do you hit on in a week? Do women consider you asexual? Link to post Share on other sites
Turista Posted October 17, 2009 Share Posted October 17, 2009 How about trying just being yourself and hanging around members of the opposite sex with no expectations? That's working really well for me... I have no shortage of dates... The only people I've upset so far are other men in that they don't get why I'm able to get along so well with their wife/girlfriend yet I'm not trying to steal them away. If anything, I'm just letting them introduce me to their friends, and once I've made that clear, such misunderstandings simply evaporated. I'll reiterate I'm not even trying because I suspect that's the key to it... I'm just having a good time and women who find out I was dumped 2 months ago are shocked by the news. That said, behind closed doors, repairs are still underway. But it no longer shows so much... So I'd advise you to just relax, get to know people, and the rest will come in time... Link to post Share on other sites
Disillusioned Posted October 18, 2009 Share Posted October 18, 2009 Women need to learn that very few of us guys have ESP. Link to post Share on other sites
mourningMM Posted October 19, 2009 Share Posted October 19, 2009 We are alone...so many of us. Partially because we have been hurt...and partially because we are afraid of being hurt again. I'm probably older than you, 48, and for me, part of the reason I'm alone is that I'm focusing my energy on my children and my career. For the past ten years I've been recovering from abandonment by my ex...and becoming a single mother. I had much healing to go through; it sounds like you are walking down part of that road. Along the way I've had a few dysfunctional relationships...or maybe the better way of describing them is learning experiences. I jumpted into one quickly, as a life preserver. I don't recommend that. My next was more healthy, but still not a real partnership because I was not willing to open my life to another man yet. And at that time my ex was getting married to his OW. Now I'm beginning to feel like I'm ready. And I'm realizing that I get more attention than I thought. So here is my suggestion to you. You are so focused inward that you miss the attention you may already be getting. And it may be a very good thing that you are alone, because it will give you some time to heal. To be honest, my first relationship was all about regaining my self-confidence, I was a basket case after he left. The second was about exploration, I found the parts of myself that had been hidden during the marriage. I am now more "me" than I was before. You will need to find yourself, and be a solid centered person. For many woment attraction not about what you look like, or your intelligence, or your personality. It is about more than chemistry, or passion. It is really about connecting, and trusting, and eventually loving. Be patient, you have lots of time. Get it right. Link to post Share on other sites
Shoshana Posted October 19, 2009 Share Posted October 19, 2009 I'm getting my own groove back after a divorce, and this summer I met someone wonderful. How did I do it? By being happy on my own. Seriously, when my ex and I separated, I made up my mind that it was my time to fall in love with ME - and so I started doing things that made me feel good about my life. I made a list of "me things" I've always wanted to do and started doing them (one was taking bellydance classes!). I bought a cute little house that I could afford, and I made it completely mine - painted it the colors I liked, planted flowers I loved, bought bedroom furniture that was completely to my taste. No decisions "went to committee!" I spent my lonelier times doing things I loved, like reading in the sun, digging around in my vegetable garden, volunteering at the local community theatre. When I met my sweetie, my happiness and contentment is what he saw... and he said he was drawn to how "together" I was. I had my own life, my own happiness, and my own sense of self - and he said it was so contagious that he wanted to be a part of my life in the worst way. So... I think that's it. Be happy with yourself and the rest will follow. Link to post Share on other sites
xMilliex Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 Maybe you spend more time at work than being with the one you love?... this may cause them to feel alone and as if you're not even there.... just a guess though... or maybe you come across as an intimidating person... due to your successful career? and good looks? (usually people think that good looking guys / girls are players)... a majority of them are, but there's always the minority that get placed into the majority group ...¬.¬ Link to post Share on other sites
ntvinh986 Posted November 5, 2009 Share Posted November 5, 2009 I have been going through a divorce and now am looking to meet someone fun. It has been 15 years of hell, but I maintained my positive attitude throughout. I am considerate kind and caring. But for whatever reason, I cant seem to meet an interesting similar woman. This is getting discouraging, and now that I am close to being free, I find myself becoming depressed. Unlike me in the least. My work unfortunately keeps me moving and so I am not home very much. I am also very concerned about putting my personal information on a website that I cant control. What am I doing wrong, any ideas, suggestions? Thx Hi guys, Im a newbie. Nice to join this forum. Link to post Share on other sites
The Collector Posted November 5, 2009 Share Posted November 5, 2009 I am considerate kind and caring. These are fine characteristics. More important when attracting women, especially at first, are being confident, charming, interesting, playful, and sexual. How do you score on those qualities? Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted November 13, 2009 Share Posted November 13, 2009 Maybe you just give off that vibe that you're not ready. I know that after I left my husband, I just didn't have a clue about how to date. I went out with guys that in my present, happier state, I wouldn't even consider getting to know. Right now, I just don't even care if I meet someone or not. I thought about it the other day and came to the conclusion that I may not find anyone and fall in love ever again. I am pretty okay with that. Link to post Share on other sites
Boundary Problem Posted November 15, 2009 Share Posted November 15, 2009 I'm getting my own groove back after a divorce, and this summer I met someone wonderful. How did I do it? By being happy on my own. Seriously, when my ex and I separated, I made up my mind that it was my time to fall in love with ME - and so I started doing things that made me feel good about my life. I made a list of "me things" I've always wanted to do and started doing them (one was taking bellydance classes!). I bought a cute little house that I could afford, and I made it completely mine - painted it the colors I liked, planted flowers I loved, bought bedroom furniture that was completely to my taste. No decisions "went to committee!" I spent my lonelier times doing things I loved, like reading in the sun, digging around in my vegetable garden, volunteering at the local community theatre. When I met my sweetie, my happiness and contentment is what he saw... and he said he was drawn to how "together" I was. I had my own life, my own happiness, and my own sense of self - and he said it was so contagious that he wanted to be a part of my life in the worst way. So... I think that's it. Be happy with yourself and the rest will follow. I agree with all of this. Take time for yourself. Once you are happy within they will be like moths to your candle. I don't know how they know we have healed, but they do. Once you have yourself totally together, the women will be all over you. Plus if you see a woman you find attractive, invite her for coffee and give her your business card (takes 2 minutes). If you do that 3 times a week, statistically you would have to find joy at some point. Link to post Share on other sites
Boundary Problem Posted November 15, 2009 Share Posted November 15, 2009 I went out with guys that in my present, happier state, I wouldn't even consider getting to know. totally true. Initially they are just a distraction. But once you are healed you are looking more for long term compatibility. Link to post Share on other sites
Midnight Rider Posted November 15, 2009 Share Posted November 15, 2009 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t209801/ Link to post Share on other sites
Shoshana Posted November 16, 2009 Share Posted November 16, 2009 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t209801/ Doubt it... and I think I'd know because, well, I'm a woman. OP - seriously, just be yourself and be happy in your own skin. Women are attracted to guys who have their lives together and who are happy. Period. Link to post Share on other sites
Midnight Rider Posted November 16, 2009 Share Posted November 16, 2009 Women are attracted to guys who have their lives together and who are happy. Period. Speak for yourself, cuz there's a lot more to it than that. There are millions of men out there who have it together and are happy and have problems finding mates. Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted November 16, 2009 Share Posted November 16, 2009 Finding a truly compatible partner isn't that easy and if you're honest with yourself, you're still going through some heavy emotions from your soon-to-be divorce. Give yourself time to properly heal, especially since you believe that you've gone through 15 years of hell. I'm going to throw down the gauntlet that all 15 years weren't hell. If they really were hell, you've got way, way bigger issues to address, than just going going through a divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
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