jon dough Posted October 14, 2009 Share Posted October 14, 2009 heres my situation... Im in an affair with my (former) friends wife. They have been married 6+ years, together for 10+. I have been friends with both for over 3 years, and always had a crush on her from day 1. Long story short, in april it came out that we each had a mutual crush on each other...and we both got swept away. I have alwasy been more friendly on a conversational basis with her, we always shared a great rapor. Her H is an awesome guy, cool, funny, lots of fun...but ive ALWAYS felt she's unapreciated for what she does, and she has kinda hinted toward that in several coversations. anyway, after our A started rolling, and we became very intimate, she told me they had been fighting seriously for the past year, and have kept it hidden from everyone. They had me fooled too. Thing is, they both cheat on each other. Yet they both stay together. Im thoroughly confused, because Im so in love with her. She says she is madly in love with me as well...but doesnt want her H to leave. She told me she thinks i might be her One tho...for me to be patient. I feel like she is waiting for H to leave, as she is totally open wt him about her feelings for me and when we spend tie together. im rambling now, that should be enough...im busy enough in my own life that for now, im cool with this cuz when we hang out its the best ever...and i trust her (idk y but i do) Link to post Share on other sites
tami-chan Posted October 14, 2009 Share Posted October 14, 2009 heres my situation... Im in an affair with my (former) friends wife. They have been married 6+ years, together for 10+. I have been friends with both for over 3 years, and always had a crush on her from day 1. Long story short, in april it came out that we each had a mutual crush on each other...and we both got swept away. I have alwasy been more friendly on a conversational basis with her, we always shared a great rapor. Her H is an awesome guy, cool, funny, lots of fun...but ive ALWAYS felt she's unapreciated for what she does, and she has kinda hinted toward that in several coversations. anyway, after our A started rolling, and we became very intimate, she told me they had been fighting seriously for the past year, and have kept it hidden from everyone. They had me fooled too. Thing is, they both cheat on each other. Yet they both stay together. Im thoroughly confused, because Im so in love with her. She says she is madly in love with me as well...but doesnt want her H to leave. She told me she thinks i might be her One tho...for me to be patient. I feel like she is waiting for H to leave, as she is totally open wt him about her feelings for me and when we spend tie together. im rambling now, that should be enough...im busy enough in my own life that for now, im cool with this cuz when we hang out its the best ever...and i trust her (idk y but i do) Welcome to LS, jon dough! A couple of questions for you: How do you know her husband knows her feelings for you? I mean, I know she must have told you that.....but how do you REALLY know? Have you asked her why she won't leave? Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted October 14, 2009 Share Posted October 14, 2009 Hmmm if they cheat on each other, then she'll damn sure turn around and do it to you. And this is your friend's wife?!!? WTF are you thinking, when this hit the streets your gonna end up looking like the scumbag, all of you are. Cant you find any single women out there, or do you go after MARRIED women who should be off limits to you. Let me tell you, I wanted to bang girls who was in commited relationships, and play capt save a ho. but let me tell you, I had enough common sense to realize I could never trust her. I could never honestly think that It wont blow back at me, because it will. I would never compromise my words or my bonds to defile myself. There's plenty of single women out there to defile myself with... no reason to upset others. dude wake up and run! Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted October 14, 2009 Share Posted October 14, 2009 Hmmm with friends like....you know the rest. And two cheaters and you want to join the mix, why? Love shouldn't = not thinking at all. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted October 14, 2009 Share Posted October 14, 2009 I find it most interesting that you (the OP) know that they are both cheating on each other. Considering you are/were friends. I imagine he must have told you about his side piece(s) and that's why you feel that she is unappreciated. I'm thinking she's not planning on leaving and knows about the other women and is using you to one-up him. You know, what's good for the goose is good for the gander.... What do you want from this situation? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted October 14, 2009 Share Posted October 14, 2009 Consider this also: She has said she won't leave him. But she has said that she is open with him about her feelings for you. Let's assume for a moment that everything you say is true..... You will never get her. They thrive on this kind of dangerous adventure. They actually have what some would call an 'open marriage' although it's peppered with the excitement of supposed betrayal. It's possible that actually, they are both having the time of their lives and have a fantastic sex life.... If she is open with him, and he knows about you, and he's a friend (albeit an 'ex' one) - here's a novel idea. Why not talk to both of them and see what the f**king game is then? Because as I see it, you are less "The one" and more "the fun"..... You are going absolutely nowhere fast, with this one. You can be as patient as you like, but drawing a pension will come quicker. Link to post Share on other sites
JumpinJimmy Posted October 14, 2009 Share Posted October 14, 2009 JD, you never said if you were married or had a family. If your married, stay true to your wife and family. If not, it is pretty clear that you are not going to get nothing more than just a PA from her. If you need the EA part, which I don't see why you would, get a dog. Link to post Share on other sites
MistyK Posted October 14, 2009 Share Posted October 14, 2009 and play capt save a ho. OMG Chrome. LMAO! Link to post Share on other sites
Devil Inside Posted October 14, 2009 Share Posted October 14, 2009 JD The situation does not look good. I think you are setting yourself up to be hurt here. These are professional playas...I would get out of Dodge. Link to post Share on other sites
TogetherForever Posted October 14, 2009 Share Posted October 14, 2009 heres my situation... Im in an affair with my (former) friends wife. They have been married 6+ years, together for 10+. I have been friends with both for over 3 years, and always had a crush on her from day 1. Long story short, in april it came out that we each had a mutual crush on each other...and we both got swept away. I have alwasy been more friendly on a conversational basis with her, we always shared a great rapor. Her H is an awesome guy, cool, funny, lots of fun...but ive ALWAYS felt she's unapreciated for what she does, and she has kinda hinted toward that in several coversations. anyway, after our A started rolling, and we became very intimate, she told me they had been fighting seriously for the past year, and have kept it hidden from everyone. They had me fooled too. Thing is, they both cheat on each other. Yet they both stay together. Im thoroughly confused, because Im so in love with her. She says she is madly in love with me as well...but doesnt want her H to leave. She told me she thinks i might be her One tho...for me to be patient. I feel like she is waiting for H to leave, as she is totally open wt him about her feelings for me and when we spend tie together. im rambling now, that should be enough...im busy enough in my own life that for now, im cool with this cuz when we hang out its the best ever...and i trust her (idk y but i do) She's doesn't want her husband to leave but is madly in love with you . So, she just wants a fling with you for as long as she can get away with it? That is NOT fair to any of you. Her husband included. Link to post Share on other sites
stuckinoz Posted October 14, 2009 Share Posted October 14, 2009 Sounds like an OPEN MARRIAGE. If you're not ok with that then get out. If you're willing to take it as it is - then enjoy your time with her. Seems to be the bottom line to me. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted October 14, 2009 Share Posted October 14, 2009 If your Affair with this woman is out the open and her Husband KNOWs about, for sure...then its not as though anyone is being lied to or betrayed. She has told you she isnt leaving her H, she has told you she loves you. She wants both. You are heading for heartbreak and you know it. Best you can do is take it for what it is, enjoy yourself but start thinking firmly about the future without her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jon dough Posted October 14, 2009 Author Share Posted October 14, 2009 Im single, never been M...no kids... they have no kids. we are 29, 30, 31 respectively. I told her today i am not feeling good about this situation. at first she was being kinda reactive and defensive, but eventually she said she agreed that if we are ever gonna have anything between us, we need to step back and she has to find a resolution with H. She cant see any way to fix it, and said she is going to figure it out... its important to me to NOT be involved in this A because I dont personally approve of infidelity, and the guilt is proving to be too much. Im elated that she cares about my feeling enough to understand and is letting me fade into the backround for now. thanks 4 listening! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jon dough Posted October 14, 2009 Author Share Posted October 14, 2009 I find it most interesting that you (the OP) know that they are both cheating on each other. she and I actually walked in on him and another woman on their couch one day... Link to post Share on other sites
confusedinkansas Posted October 14, 2009 Share Posted October 14, 2009 she and I actually walked in on him and another woman on their couch one day... This is 100% an OPEN MARRIAGE. They both know that the other is cheating. The trouble they have now is finding someone to "Play" with that doesn't mind that they're married. And, for right now, You do mind - so her stepping back - could mean she doesn't want to be in an Open Relationship anymore, or she's going to find someone that doesn't mind. Can't you see that. The fact that she has feelings for you - Well I suppose that's a bonus that she won't sleep with someone that she doesn't care for - BUT - Wow, I can see this one a mile away. I'm surprised you can't. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jon dough Posted October 14, 2009 Author Share Posted October 14, 2009 its not open with any kind of approval. they hurt each other terribly. im i n the unique position of being one of very few who knew their "real" life. most toxic thing ive ever seen. i cant begin to even understand it Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 ....And you want in on this...? If it's toxic, it's not anything I'd want to be involved in.... Really, you need to call a halt to your involvement. Link to post Share on other sites
Jacky Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 this relationship seem to be able to get ugly. please withdraw yourself if you can. it seems like they have a mutual feeling (love?) for each other still despite what they are doing to each other. Link to post Share on other sites
JumpinJimmy Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 D*** JD, don't beat yourself up. I was the single OM to a MW, and I didn't feel guilty until 10yrs later when I had a family. I'll be honest, I don't feel that guilty. Heck, if they are cheating on each other with no kids, then make it a FWB package and enjoy the ride...just don't get attached, she is a damaged woman, and you won't ever be able to trust her. Link to post Share on other sites
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