dzzz Posted October 14, 2009 Share Posted October 14, 2009 For the people who have had affairs and fallen in love with two people simultaneously (your spouse and AP) how are they different kinds of love as quoted by some of you? I can understand the differents kinds of love like the love you feel for your child and your spouse, but i can't comprehend loving two people romantically differently. It would be great if you guys could elaborate on that and help me have a better understanding. Link to post Share on other sites
NowhereToHide Posted October 14, 2009 Share Posted October 14, 2009 For the people who have had affairs and fallen in love with two people simultaneously (your spouse and AP) how are they different kinds of love as quoted by some of you? I can understand the differents kinds of love like the love you feel for your child and your spouse, but i can't comprehend loving two people romantically differently. It would be great if you guys could elaborate on that and help me have a better understanding. This is a tough question to answer. The love I have for my husband is a steady, stable, comfortable love. It's based on so many years together. So much shared history -- buying our first home, the births of our children, the ups and downs we went through together. It's secure. It's based on tangible things. It's not questioned, it's not analyzed, it's not volatile. The love for my xAP was very different. It was powerful and intense brought on by a crazy, unexplainable connection to each other. But because it was based on so much deception, it was always an uncertain thing. It was mired in insecurity and doubt. It was something that I never felt before for anyone, including my H. It was intoxicating and satisfying while at the same time being unhealthy and filled with anxiety. For me, looking back, I question somedays if it was really love I felt (or intense infatuation). Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted October 14, 2009 Share Posted October 14, 2009 I can't answer from the standpoint of having had an affair, but there was a time that I thought I was in love with two men simultaneously. One was for who he was. A great friend and confidante. The other was for what he did. And OMG did he do it WELL. So, maybe one was love and the other was lust/infatuation. But I did feel that I loved them both, at the time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dzzz Posted October 14, 2009 Author Share Posted October 14, 2009 any input would be much appreciated Link to post Share on other sites
whattodonow12 Posted October 14, 2009 Share Posted October 14, 2009 I know in my case that I love and still love my stbxH very much, but it was different than my affair partner. When you have been with someone and raised children with them, you develop that partnership and love them in that way continually (regardless of whether you feel any passion for them). When I married my H, I knew I loved him but I didn't have the extraordinary sexual chemistry and passion with him. We got along nicely and had common interests. When my AP came into my life, I slowly got reacquainted with him and fell in love too. All of the elements were there, the emotional connection, the sexual chemistry and passion. It was wonderful... just a different type of love and connection. I think that I experienced that later because I would not have dared enter into an A with him if that was not present. What would be the reason to do so? I just found that the connection all around was there. I know a lot of people will say that it wanes.... you aren't raising kids with this person, paying bills.. your normal mundane activities. But, I do think you know love deep down inside.. the passion. It is hard to let go when you know that you have that connection with someone on all of those levels. You stay in your marriage for the sake of the children and not to turn everything upside down. I know that my AP feels that he owes it to his family... wife and children to try and make things work. He is missing the sexual chemistry with his W and stated that this was evident from the beginning. But, she is a good person, he has children with her and gets along with her for the most part. I do believe that we can have different kinds of love for different people... most definitely. All of this is my personal perspective only Link to post Share on other sites
LocalColor Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 The love for my husband is a built structure of companionship, comfort, attachment and shared experiences. I really did marry my best friend. The love I have for my AP is more organic and primal — I'm drunk in love with him. This person inspires feelings in me that I didn't even know I was capable of feeling — very deep, spiritual, passionate feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
EarthGirl Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 I am not married and have never had an affair but I notice that almost every response so far was basically saying one was a "steady and comfortable" love (usually the spouse) and the other was electric and passionate and such a connection. So I feel compelled to add in here that although I have never been married and never (willingly and knowingly) had an affair with someone who was or had a steady girlfriend or anything...I HAVE had the experience of loving two people at the same time...AND having a crazy electric passionate connection with BOTH, actually more like 3 or 4 because for me it tends to always be current once it's happened...sometimes there are lulls and people get forgotten for a while, just for the thoughts and memories to come back later. AND along with the electricity and passion there has ALSO been a deeper more steady connection again with more than one person, even at the same time. Each one IS different, but it's more a different flavor of love, than a difference in KIND of love...as in love for a platonic friend or child or parental figure or whatever instead of love for a lover. It's also been horribly painful and tragic for me the whole deal of having loved a few people instead of just one (the supposed "other half"-still hoping for that somehow, but I don't know if my psyche can withstand meeting somebody I don't know exists yet and thinking that yet again, I think not just my heart but my mind would just break and I would have to be institutionalized even if I met my true love and he was a nice, healthy guy and it should be all happy and flowers and all-if he didn't turn out to be one of the people that have already occupied my heart-it's just too much for my brain to withstand). Link to post Share on other sites
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