mimiminx Posted November 4, 2009 Share Posted November 4, 2009 Sounds like he has you just where he wants you. He wants to be friends with you because he needs to know that if he does want to commit one day, you'll be there. I might be wrong, but that's how it seems to me. Do you want to do this? From what you're saying, I assume your answer is NO. You sound like an all-or-nothing kind of a person. He should be the one to make contact. If he really wants to be with you in a committed relationship, he will chase it. Be hard-to-get. Don't continually send texts back and be there when he wants you to. Answer him in your own time. Don't try to justify his lack of commitment to you in the past, just so you can feel that your relationship was something that it wasn't. He couldn't give you the commitment you needed and that's what it was, nothing else. You don't want to go back to what you had, look where that ended up. He needs to show you that he's ready to commit. You don't want to be in the same position again, 3 years from now. So, I would say that until he's willing to commit, move him to the back of your mind and live your life. I honestly think this should be your next step. Trust me, he will let you know if he wants you back and is ready to give you a full 100% commitment. He will come to you if that is the case. Believe me, he will not leave you alone and will make it very clear (this happened to me) Until then, you cannot be his friend, you know this. I understand where you're coming from thinking a reconciliation can only happen if you are talking, and that is true, but sometimes you have to take a step in another direction to get to that point. I think moving forward with your life is your best bet. Put him on the back burner. If he realizes he made a mistake, believe me you will know about it. Someone gave me an analogy when I was a similar position; you're feeding him, you need to starve him. Once these guys get the idea through their head that they can't have just a little part of you, it's all or nothing... that will get them off the fence. I think that if your guy is willing to meet you for lunch, exchange emails and keep in contact with you, he is likely still interested. Take the next step although it is hard, and give it some time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cypresa Posted November 5, 2009 Author Share Posted November 5, 2009 I think you're right miniminx - i love the starving/feeding analogy... so we're seeing each other for a drink next week and to 'chew the fat'. i am going to tell him at the end of the night that i can't be in this much contact because i care too much. As Logik pointed out - i am an all or nothing kind of gal! thought about telling him on email - but this is a guy who is upset about his work and who I've cared for about 3 years - so i think it's only fair to talk to him face to face. it's not like he's ever been more than nice and lovely to me - even on breaking up. And i thought to myself - i'm an adult! i should have an adult conversation rather than hiding behind email. it's going to be hard because i care so much but i need to do this to move on. tricky conversation to be had though! don't want to get all dramatic... xx ps: miniminx - I've been following your thread and i just want to say that i am really really happy for you! Good luck with it and keep us posted on how it all goes... Link to post Share on other sites
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