I just don't understand :(

[Guest]

Hi everyone!

 

I'm here again to ask for advices.......please help me to understand my bf and please tell me what I should do.......Right now I'm soooo sad

 

My lawyer had screwed over me (it's long & complicate story), and now I'm in big trouble: my staying in the US is expired for abt over a year ago w/out I knowing any it. I honestly cann't descibe my mixed feelings right.....I'm so sad, angery, scared.....etc.

 

So if I leave the US and go back to Europe, then I'll be grounded from the US for 10 yrs. But the worst is that family will start a business very soon and they're planing to stay here for good. So I'll have nobody in Europe if I go back there. Now my only choice is to get marry to a US citizen, and my problem has given my bf and I conflicts in our relationship (we broke up couple of times). I honestly understand him for not helping, since that we only have known each other for 5 months and he said that he had seen many unhappy marriages, therefore he's very careful with getting marriage.

 

I know that he does like & care for me and so am I for him......and right now we're half back together (just spend time together w/ intimacy). Last night I asked him: "why he has been so distance" and he said: "you are in & out in my life, which irretating me". I said to him that I DO understand him for not helping me as well expect the fact that I can not be with him.....but I still care for him so much that it's hard for me for not having him in my life - I just want to be with him.

 

My question is:

 

Why he keeps in distance and get easily upset in a calm way, he wasn't like that before. But at the same time in his acts shows that he still care for me (maybe even much more).......Why???

 

Is he just being nice, or feeling sorry for me?

 

Please help me to undestand this......my heart is hurting so much and I'm so afraid & confuse abt everything in my life right now!!!

[HokeyReligions]

He may be feeling pressured because of your citizenship problem. 5 months is not a long time to be together and way too soon to responsbily plan a marriage. He may not want to lose you and is afraid that a marriage right now, while it will help you stay in the country, may end up causing a lot of pain in your relationship now. He may be afraid to get too close to you for fear of losing you and being hurt.

 

Is there any other way you can stay in the states? Are you working? Can your company offer you a work visa? If you are employed you may qualify for a 4-year work visa. You have to work four consecutive years for a company to qualify and they have to complete a federal form stating that you are needed in the company. There is a lot to the qualification process, but it can be done. What about school? Can you stay on a school visa? If you family has citizenship or business related expat status because they are starting a business, they may be able to help you stay if you are part of their growing business. You might try women or minority-owned business in your area that have other expats in their employ - you can check with your local chamber of commerce or small business association - or even with the colleges in your area to find some of these businesses.

 

Once you can get this stress settled, then you can work on your relationship. He hasn't completely dumped you so thats a good thing. To keep your relationship healthy you need to focus on him and the relationship without introducing the deportation issue. That's hard to do since its such a vital part of your lives right now, but try to keep them separate and keep working on staying in the country.

[Guest]

HokeyReligions,

 

Thank you for your response, which has helped me to understand about my situations better.

 

Regarding to my Visa status here: I have asked different Immigration offices but all of them told me that my visa had been expired too long, and I only have one choice now is: marriage

 

 

"To keep your relationship healthy you need to focus on him and the relationship without introducing the deportation issue. That's hard to do since its such a vital part of your lives right now, but try to keep them separate and keep working on staying in the country."

 

HokeyReligions, I cann't be more agreed w/ you but as you said: IT'S HARD, since that the emotional is involded.

 

For the last 2 weeks, he had been distance and kinda calmly mad (get easily opset over small things), though at the same time he still care for me (maybe even more -he bought a small heater for me when I said that it's cold in my room).

 

The other night we stayed together (no intimacy), and I asked him about his strange behaviors. And He said that he is a little bit irritated that I have been out & in our relationship, and he said that it's my situation is not a good thing though not terrible. He also said that what ever I desire/need to do, just make the decision and do it.

 

"He may be feeling pressured because of your citizenship problem. 5 months is not a long time to be together and way too soon to responsbily plan a marriage. He may not want to lose you and is afraid that a marriage right now, while it will help you stay in the country, may end up causing a lot of pain in your relationship now. He may be afraid to get too close to you for fear of losing you and being hurt."

 

HokeyReligions, I know where you are coming from but still I'm confuse and don't know that I should do because his behavior of alot of caring but also knowning that he'll NOT help me. Should I complitely break up w/ him and just do what ever I need to do to stay in country (as he said)?

[Arabess]

http://www.uscitizenship.org/

 

The Neutralization Laws are much more flexible and relaxed than they once were. Just apply for straight citizenship saying you are planning to go to college or start a business here. You don't have to get married to accomplish that.

 

I'm with everyone else....keep THIS issue and your RELATIONSHIP issue totally separate.