Zeke123 Posted October 16, 2009 Share Posted October 16, 2009 Hey all, first time on this forum and really almost any forum. Need some advice because I really have no one to ask. My fiancee of two years and the girl I have been with for nine years recently moved out (two months) of our house and says she feels like we are friends. When I mean she says, she mumbled something to that effect once. We are now living in separate apartments and renting the home we had. We are in constant contact, she calls everyday and mostly we seem to be fine. But I can never get her to tell me anything meaningful. I have asked her to tell me she doesn't love me anymore so I can move on, she won't. She seems on the verge of wanting to get back together, then she changes again. Seems like she is emotionally completely walled off, basically all she has done is work and drink with her girlfriends since moving out. A lot of denial. No cheating, no beating, we are actually best friends, nobody else in the picture (yet). Someone tell me what to do!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
tnttim Posted October 16, 2009 Share Posted October 16, 2009 You need to stop calling her, and if she calls you keep it short. Only use small talk and stop asking about getting back together. Pick a day and don't answer the phone at all. When she calls later just say I was busy. You see people want what they can't have. It's your only chance, the ball is in her court. You can't make her come back, or demand it either. She's the one who is going to decide. She has you conquered now and she nows it. So put here on her heals and make her think you can lose you. Oh yea when you talk to her be happy sounding, no whinning , no begging, no crying, that's for babies and woman do not want to date babies. Hope it helps. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zeke123 Posted October 16, 2009 Author Share Posted October 16, 2009 Sounds like what I have been thinking. I have been really supportive, supportive of her leaving me?! She did support us mostly for the last six months because of some job problems,but never before that. I typically have been fairly cocky, but not for the last few months. Do you think that should matter? Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted October 16, 2009 Share Posted October 16, 2009 Agree with the above. Quit being 'emotionally available to and for her. If she's broken the engagement? That means your a 'free agent' and you should act accordingly. Even if she hasn't said so ~ IMHO the engagement was off and the relationship was over the moment she walked out the door. You don't need her permission to live your life, to enjoy your life. She gave up her 'relationship rights' when she walked out of your life. When someone, (but especially women) they're seldom if ever come back, and you should operate from that position. After nine years together? Your not in High School anymore. When she finds out that you moved on, just give it to her straight: "You moved out, you didn't want to be with me, you did appreciate me so I'm looking for someone who does. The truth of the matter is? Most people just aren't long term relationship material ~ be they men or women. And they lack the communication and relationship ~ hell just the maturity to make one work. When all is said and done? When someone leaves you? All is that it means is that you've got to go and find yourself someone new. Damn the bad luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted October 16, 2009 Share Posted October 16, 2009 Sounds like what I have been thinking. I have been really supportive, supportive of her leaving me?! She did support us mostly for the last six months because of some job problems,but never before that. I typically have been fairly cocky, but not for the last few months. Do you think that should matter? Yep just about every time a man shows the least bit of weakness in any area ~ they're not going ~ they're going. But let me ask you this? Why would you want to be with someone that bails on you the first time you hit a bit of rough patch in the road? I say good riddance your better off without her,..................... Sounds as though as you may have a touch of the 'oneittitis" bug, in thinking that this one is the one and only ~ the best that you can do. Let me clue you in. Whatever she's got to offer? You can find just a good as and just as much with someone else. There's no shortage of men and women in the world. There's only about seven billion of them in the World. What one will abuse? Another can certainly use. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zeke123 Posted October 16, 2009 Author Share Posted October 16, 2009 you know actually most of our relationship was her asking me. Always wondered if I settled. Maybe that's the real point. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted October 16, 2009 Share Posted October 16, 2009 Zeke I'm 52, and live in a college town. The town I grew up in was 18 miles away from here. I go down and grab a coffee at the local coffee shop, or go to the bookstore on campus (Its a Barnes and Nobles) and I see all these young co-ed's walking around that wouldn't give me the time of day now? And I think to myself, having gotten married when I was 22? WTF was I thinking? You sound as though your late twentries maybe early thrities. Man! Get busy living your life. The fact that you say the ex is doing nothing but drinking with her GF's and working tells me the problem is within her ~ not you. I've had so many different jobs/carrers during the course of my life its un-real. I know a lot about a lot. I've got a lot of experience in and with a lot of things. I've had a lot of women, GF's etc, (thankfully have managed to keep the X-wife count down to one ) People come and people go! There's not one monkey that makes a show. Live Life to its top! Live Life Large! Most people are about as happy as they make their minds up to be. When someone walks out on you? It only means you've got to go and find yourself someone else? Link to post Share on other sites
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