So Confused!!

[Arikel]

The story is, in April of 98` I met a guy and we fell for each other the day we met. We got together, ended up staying together for a year and a half. We really did have our problems. I have a things about not having sex till marriage. Is that such a bad thing? Seems like it isn't when trying to havea relationship. In this relationship with this guy, I was cheated on 4 times, borken up with 3 for other girls. So he could get laid, what it seems. We got together soon after we broke up. One day he called me up to explain to me how 6 months before, he had sex with a girl and she was pregnate. Me and this guy were doing great in our relationship up until that came up. Then things went downhil once again. We had plans to get married, and all that good stuff. We were ingaged, planning everything out. I finally broke everything off, broke up with the guy, shortly after we got back together, and very shortly after I broke up with him once again. 8 or so months have passed since then, we talk once every two weeks now. We've been dating other people throughout this time. About a month ago he called me up and was talking about getting back together, I tured it down. And the next two times I turned it down. I've been thinking about it more and more lately. Wondering if it would be better if we tried again. I wrote him a letter, asking if he'd change for me, and what changes he would make. He knows he'd have to earn trust back, or we would have to start off on a good new start, someway to get this started on the right foot. I haven't spoken with him yet, but I'd like some input on what others think about this. Do you think it would be right to give this another shot, or do you think I'm digging my own grave again? Thanks a bunch for listining.

 

-Arikel

[Tony T]

A man cheating on you has a LOT more to do with things that getting some sex.

 

OK, now he can respect you for wanting to wait until marriage for sex. But you seem to have mixed notions about respecting him for being a sleeze for going around your back to get into things that could eventually bring you disease that could kill the both of you.

 

And, for even a second, you think that all this is just for sex and somehow, magically, he will stop cheating once he has access to you. Not so. Think again.

 

This guy cheated on you FOUR (4) times and broke up with you THREE (3) times for other chicks...and you are still entertaining marrying him. YUK!!! If your morals dictate no sex before marriage, don't you think your man ought to at least respect and comply with that if he loves you.

 

By forgiving him and taking him back after each escapade, you have clearly taught him that, while it is not OK, you are a loving, forgiving lady and that cheating is not grounds for a break-up. Let me tell you about male testosterone. It's a combination of morals (or lack of them) and chemicals. If his morals and chemistry won't be faithful now, how in the world do you think he would be faithful to you once married???

 

This guy has no sense of committment whatsoever. When you get engaged to somebody...or even in a committed relationship...that implies you won't be sleeping around. It not only implies it, IT SPECIFICALLY PROVIDES FOR IT.

 

If you are prepared for a life with a partner who sleeps around on you, take him back. Otherwise, you need to find a man with enough self-restraint who can respect and observe your desire to abstain until marriage.

 

Believe me, if a man loves a woman dearly, he can go without sex until he gets married. There are other God-given ways a man can satisfy his urges without intercourse, with you and by himself. This guy is a DUD!!!

 

I just read your rather post again. I tried to force myself to read into it that you still had love for him. But you talk about this whole issue pretty coldly. My guess is that you may be insecure as hell (and you have reason to be) but you don't love this dude anymore. Give it some thought.

 

To go back would not only be digging your grave, you would be digging a very large crater.

[Daisy]

The story is, in April of 98` I met a guy and we fell for each other the day we met. We got together, ended up staying together for a year and a half. We really did have our problems. I have a things about not having sex till marriage. Is that such a bad thing? Seems like it isn't when trying to havea relationship. In this relationship with this guy, I was cheated on 4 times, borken up with 3 for other girls. So he could get laid, what it seems. We got together soon after we broke up. One day he called me up to explain to me how 6 months before, he had sex with a girl and she was pregnate. Me and this guy were doing great in our relationship up until that came up. Then things went downhil once again. We had plans to get married, and all that good stuff. We were ingaged, planning everything out. I finally broke everything off, broke up with the guy, shortly after we got back together, and very shortly after I broke up with him once again. 8 or so months have passed since then, we talk once every two weeks now. We've been dating other people throughout this time. About a month ago he called me up and was talking about getting back together, I tured it down. And the next two times I turned it down. I've been thinking about it more and more lately. Wondering if it would be better if we tried again. I wrote him a letter, asking if he'd change for me, and what changes he would make. He knows he'd have to earn trust back, or we would have to start off on a good new start, someway to get this started on the right foot. I haven't spoken with him yet, but I'd like some input on what others think about this. Do you think it would be right to give this another shot, or do you think I'm digging my own grave again? Thanks a bunch for listining. -Arikel

Arikel

 

My advice to you is that if things didn't work before then things probably aren't going to work out now. You'll probably be better off without him b/c later your going to be in the same position as you are now.

 

~daisy~

[Eric]

Hi Arikel

 

I agree with Tony here. This isn't just about sleeping around. In my opinion, he sees you as a safety blanket. He can go out with other girls and have fun and come home to you when he's done. And he doesn't mind risking it cuz past experience tells him you're probably gonna take him back. and what if you don't? well, he obviously didn't care too much about that happening. He went way overboard with his cheating on you. I think you've had your run with this guy and it needs to go no further. Take your experiences with him and learn from them...don't go relive them. He certainly is a dud! You know better...especially after all of this. Go find yourself someone nice and keep all morals and self-respect intact!

 

Goodluck...

 

Eric

[Denver]

Well, I think that if you and him has broken up this many times, then WHY would you want to try it again. Problems don't just cure themselves. If you and him broke up that many time and had that many problems then you and him need to split and go your own way. You need to find yourself a nice decent guy that will be more compatably with you and your needs and that will treat you the way you want to be treated. This guy seems like a jerk to me and as sweet as you sound, you needs to find yourself a MAN not a BOY!!!!

 

There are not many females these days that save themselves for marriage, so i consider you one in a 100. (beleive me that is REALLY good!!) Just do me one favor, STICK WITH THAT AND DON'T LET ANY GUY TALK YOU OUT OF IT!!! There is a guy out there for you, that you will be much more happier with and he will be willing to wait for you as long as it takes. (Damn, i wish i could find a lady like yourself!!!)

 

Goodluck,

 

~Denver~

The story is, in April of 98` I met a guy and we fell for each other the day we met. We got together, ended up staying together for a year and a half. We really did have our problems. I have a things about not having sex till marriage. Is that such a bad thing? Seems like it isn't when trying to havea relationship. In this relationship with this guy, I was cheated on 4 times, borken up with 3 for other girls. So he could get laid, what it seems. We got together soon after we broke up. One day he called me up to explain to me how 6 months before, he had sex with a girl and she was pregnate. Me and this guy were doing great in our relationship up until that came up. Then things went downhil once again. We had plans to get married, and all that good stuff. We were ingaged, planning everything out. I finally broke everything off, broke up with the guy, shortly after we got back together, and very shortly after I broke up with him once again. 8 or so months have passed since then, we talk once every two weeks now. We've been dating other people throughout this time. About a month ago he called me up and was talking about getting back together, I tured it down. And the next two times I turned it down. I've been thinking about it more and more lately. Wondering if it would be better if we tried again. I wrote him a letter, asking if he'd change for me, and what changes he would make. He knows he'd have to earn trust back, or we would have to start off on a good new start, someway to get this started on the right foot. I haven't spoken with him yet, but I'd like some input on what others think about this. Do you think it would be right to give this another shot, or do you think I'm digging my own grave again? Thanks a bunch for listining. -Arikel

[magicklady]

My question to you is why would you want a jerk like that..???? You sound like a nice person, just go on with your life. Anyone that would cheat on you 4 times is not going to change overnight...

 

Good Luck

[Arikel]

Thanks Tony, and thank you my friend Eric! ) Your advice helps. I have an idea of what I am going to do. I need to speak with another party though before I make my final decision. Thank you so much for your input.

[Arikel]

Thank you Denver...Thank you very much )

Well, I think that if you and him has broken up this many times, then WHY would you want to try it again. Problems don't just cure themselves. If you and him broke up that many time and had that many problems then you and him need to split and go your own way. You need to find yourself a nice decent guy that will be more compatably with you and your needs and that will treat you the way you want to be treated. This guy seems like a jerk to me and as sweet as you sound, you needs to find yourself a MAN not a BOY!!!! There are not many females these days that save themselves for marriage, so i consider you one in a 100. (beleive me that is REALLY good!!) Just do me one favor, STICK WITH THAT AND DON'T LET ANY GUY TALK YOU OUT OF IT!!! There is a guy out there for you, that you will be much more happier with and he will be willing to wait for you as long as it takes. (Damn, i wish i could find a lady like yourself!!!) Goodluck, ~Denver~

[?]

why don^t you find someone that can give your relationship a direction? Or why don^t you settle first yourself? What do you want now and in the future? If you^re indecisive, don^t do anything. And if you can^t do anything, focus your life on something else worthwhile. Focusing yourself in others might give you a better view and ideas on what you must do. take a break.