brazen Posted December 3, 2003 Share Posted December 3, 2003 New at this hi everyone....im not sure if my hubby is having an affair but some of the things ive seen make me wonder...first let me tell you a little about him..he is shy and quiet with people untill he gets to know them...he is a good father and most of the time he is a good husband...ok now to my problem...i found alot of porn sites that he visited so that made me suspicous although i didnt say anything about it to him when i first found it on the puter....but i kept my eyes open and started snooping more..i know that isnt right to invade his privacy but i didnt know what else to think...i started looking at his cell phone the numbers coming in and going out and there was alot that i didnt recognize so i called a few and one of them was a female but she was at a business so i kept the benefit of the doubt but i kept snooping...i looked through his briefcase and found a business card with some phone #'s on the back but what shocked me was one phone number that said tina's private cell #...i was so upset cuz i didnt know why he would have a womans number ~private cell~....... I had to confront him i could no longer keep this to myself...i kept the business card and showed it to him asking him to explain who that was and all the numbers on his cell phone...he actually said my mind was working overtime and that he had no clue who tina was...he said he got many business cards and it was probably a guy that just didnt look what card he gave him and it was probably a cell number that he wasnt supposed to get.... i left it alone cuz before this he has never given me any reason to doubt him...after a few days had passed i looked at cell phone again and all numbers were erased...what would any of you think? is he cheating on me? are these signs that he is cheating on me? please help I dont know what to think anymore Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted December 3, 2003 Share Posted December 3, 2003 I don't know that I would think him viewing 'porn sites' as a reason to believe he is cheating. All that phone number stuff though....might cause me to be suspicious!! There really isn't any reason for him to have another woman's private cell number unless the nature of his job would lead him to have to call her privately. I would doubt that's the case...but I don't know what his job entails. I work with and around married men who have my personal number....and there IS NO relationship...we just know each other and share information. We even go out for beers together after work sometimes. Ofcourse, he isn't going to admit it if he DID cheat on you....men rarely do. Most men who mess around on the side though...don't really want their marriage to end. Some have one night stands...other's get involved in flings....and some get in so deep they don't know the way out. You can continue to investigate the situation (I surely would)....but not make accusiations or drive yourself nuts till you know for sure what the real story is. Is the cell number on the business card the same as the number you called?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author brazen Posted December 3, 2003 Author Share Posted December 3, 2003 when i called the cell number on the card i got a recording and a womans voice saying tina's private cell leave a message....also i didnt tell you that we dont have sex that much anymore maybe 3 times a month....we have been married for many years 20 to be exact....we got married very young i was 18 and he was 20 he is in construction work and i know it requires him to talk with alot of people but i dont see any reason he should have another womans private cell...also he said he didnt know how he got it and the numbers on his phone are being erased now like hes trying to hide something Link to post Share on other sites
VivianLee Posted December 3, 2003 Share Posted December 3, 2003 It's a small thing but erasing the numbers is a "sign" or giveaway that he didn't want a number seen! It doesn't mean he's having an affair but he could be talking to someone and be close to having one or setting himself up for one....you can set up most cellphone accounts where you can view the numbers called and the numbers dialed....next time you find a number or a business card that belongs to a woman, make sure you save the number somewhere!! I hope things are going to be okay for you!! The lack of having sex seems to running rampant in alot of marriages.....I wish I knew why myself!! Link to post Share on other sites
AprilFool Posted December 4, 2003 Share Posted December 4, 2003 My husband sneaks and looks at porn, and recently, I keep finding phone numbers written down...hmmm...I found one on the envelope of a birthday card I had given him, and when I asked him who's it was, he said the name of a guy he works with. There is one that I haven't asked about yet. Was "Tina's" number written in his hand writing? All the numbers I'm finding are in my husband's hand writing....I made myself not worry about this, until you posted... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
AprilFool Posted December 4, 2003 Share Posted December 4, 2003 Those numbers you found.....if you don't want to call them, and they are not CELL PHONES, then go to http://www.whitepages.com and click on their "Reverse Phone Lookup". It'll tell you who the number belongs to. On number I found in my husband's wallet was to a garage that is an hour away....hmmm...don't know why he had it, but at least it's not someone's home number One more snoopy idea (and I know I'm going to get it for this one) If you do go to whitepages.com, but you don't want him to know about it, go up to your browser bar, and click "View" select "Explorer Bar" select "History" (or just hold down the Ctrl button, and press "H") and everything you've viewed will pop up on the left of your screen....just highlight the one's that you don't want your husband to see, and hit the "Delete" button on your keyboard. That way, he won't accidently find out that you are snooping. Don't tell him about History, though...I made that mistake with my husband, and so now he knows how to delete it, and look at porn behind my back Link to post Share on other sites
Author brazen Posted December 4, 2003 Author Share Posted December 4, 2003 I wish I could veiw all cell phone numbers but his cell is a work cell phone and I dont have access to that account.....tinas number was written in bold ink gone over like imprinted twice and even though it looks like his hand writing I cant tell for sure if its his hand writing..on this business card there were several phone numbers but that one stuck out like a sore thumb...the words private cell is what is bothering me the most...the only private business he should have going on is with me!! Link to post Share on other sites
bark Posted December 4, 2003 Share Posted December 4, 2003 Is He Cheating? Yes. Link to post Share on other sites
GeorgiaSongbird Posted December 5, 2003 Share Posted December 5, 2003 I think bark is right on this one.. He doesn't know who Tina is? how original is that? then he has to erase his cell phone history? That means he is hiding something and doesn't want you to you catch him.. From now on, I would just not confront him until you have solid proof IN YOUR HANDS. I know that's hard to do.. any evidence you find, keep copies of it hidden safely away... Does he have any unaccounted for time? working more? hanging out w/this "buddies" more? He might have have actually cheated yet but it sounds like he is at least trolling and not far away from it.. Link to post Share on other sites
bark Posted December 5, 2003 Share Posted December 5, 2003 GeorgiaSongbird is right. As one who knows, your husband gives every indication that he is emotionally involved with someone else. The erasure of the cell phone numbers is almost irrefutable evidence of an affair. I would confront him, now. If he denies everything, acts defensively and becomes angry those are all signs of his covert antics and secret life. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted December 5, 2003 Share Posted December 5, 2003 Okay Brazen......I'll be the jerk here and say this.....JUST BECAUSE he may have had an emotional/physical/sexual FLING does not mean you need to throw your marriage into the trash bin!! Men can separate sex/love/marriage differently than women do. If you had ever been on the outside of a FLING....you would understand..it means absolutley NOTHING! It's sex and nothing more. Men get to an age where they question if they "still have it"....and some check it out by seeing if they can get someone else to have sex with them. PLEASE look at ALL the factors......and don't make a rash judgement. There are MANY men who mess around who truly cherish their wife and their family. They just go thru a phase..... NO....it's not right. YES.....I'd be pissed. BUT.....I wouldn't end my marriage over it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brazen Posted December 5, 2003 Author Share Posted December 5, 2003 Thanks everyone for all your advice....im not sure whats going to happen..for now ill just wait and see if betrayel slaps me in the face...I trully believe the truth has a way of surfacing. Link to post Share on other sites
VivianLee Posted December 5, 2003 Share Posted December 5, 2003 "I trully believe the truth has a way of surfacing." It sure does, I just hope whatever it is, it's mild or nothing at all! Stay strong and keep us updated if you feel like it!! Take care!! Link to post Share on other sites
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