DesperatetoLove Posted October 17, 2009 Share Posted October 17, 2009 (edited) My husband and I are both in the military. We met over three years ago, and we were split up after that, I went overseas, and he stayed in the states. We got married earlier this year, and I had to return to my station overseas almost immediatly. We were trying to move me out to him, but it proved harder than orginally conceived. We started fighting about everything, from money, to me going out and basically living a life here. I felt as if he didn't like who I was, and that he was trying to change who I was. These problems only appeared after we got married. I began my affair shortly after this, at first it was just something to do to pass the time, to assist in my loneliness. It was me being purely selfish. I fell for this man after some time, and eventually the truth came out to my husband in a month or two. I was so confused with the situation, wondering how I could do this to my one true love, how could I even call him my one true love after all of this had happened? I told me he didn't deserve me and he should move on. But neither one of us could stop contacting each other. Even if it was just to call each other and argue. After a month of arguing about the affair and divorce, we finally agreed to keep trying. I ended the affair with the other man, and we began on what I though was the path to forgiveness. We both want this to work more than anything, and we both love each other unconditional. I found out I was pregnant only a few weeks after we agreed to reconcile and the dates are so close, that we are not sure if it is his or if it is the OM. We both wanted to start a family right away but he doesn't know if he will be able to love this child like his own if we find out it is not his. I considered adoption, but he thinks that I will resent him because he knows how much I want a child. Nothing I say can convince him otherwise. We both want to attend counseling but being separated, and him now deploying it is impossible to do so until he gets home in January. There is another issue with all of this. He has been having an emotional affair with one women since he found out about mine, and continued to do so, and lied about it, until a week ago. He doesn't feel sorry like he should, and has told me this many times, he also slept with a women the night before he left for training for his deployment, while we were trying to work things out. And he doesn't feel regretful for this either. It hurts that he is being hypocritical of the situation and not understanding my pain on this side. I have repeatedly expressed my regret, and have been doing everything in my power since to show him how much I love him and how sorry I am. I am willing to do whatever he asks of me, and yet he asks for nothing, but continues to throw the infidelity in my face. I am at a loss with what to do, we both know we want this to work, but I feel like he is not trying much on his end. How can I help him to move the hurt? How can I talk to him about the his affairs to make him realize I am hurt as well? How should we handle the pregnancy? I'm looking for any advice from anyone who has been in any kind of similar situation. Edited October 18, 2009 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
MadMission Posted October 17, 2009 Share Posted October 17, 2009 DtL, I am so sorry about your situation. A few things came to mind: #1. You exited the M when you had the A. #2. When you have an A, anything is possible in the fallout...anything from reconciling the M...to revenge affairs...to S/D....to murder. I am not saying that any of this is right or wrong. I am just saying that betrayal opens the door for some 'crazy' stuff. Infidelity is THAT bad. #3. Your H took your infidelity VERY VERY HARD...as expected. His emotions have likely been all over the place. One moment he probably feels a love and desire for you, his W....but then the next moment, he is overcome with anger and resentment. This is all normal. And, yes, in all of this, he likely had moments where he didn't give a sh*t if he 'cheated' on you...cause in that moment...it didn't even feel like he was cheating. #4. Now, add to that that the baby you are carrying may be OM's baby. This is just too much for your H to take...right now. Your H is going to need a lot of time to process everything. If you really want this M to recover, you are going to need to remain remorseful for your infidelity, while sucking up the pain of his (for now.) Right or wrong, he likely feels justified for having engaged another woman emotionally and for having sex with another woman, as well. You cannot force him to regret those things on the heels of your A and pregnancy with possibly OM's baby. All you can do at this point, is hang in there and allow your H some time for his emotions to settle. Be consistantly 'there' for him, without expecting him to comfort you for the pain of his infideltiy. That's just not going to happen right now. That's not to say that in the future, when things settle down a bit, that he will not be fully remorseful...especially after you demonstrate care for him and his feelings. I know you are hurting...and I am sorry. But, if you make this about YOU and YOUR FEELINGS right now, your H will NEVER return to you. That will only push him further away. It needs to be about HIM and HIS FEELINGS right now. Is it possible to get MC by phone or something along those lines while you are physically apart? Take care of yourself as best you can...for your baby. Link to post Share on other sites
eeyore1981 Posted October 17, 2009 Share Posted October 17, 2009 D. After 22 years of marriage, my H cheated on me. Through all those years, I had many temptations and opportunities, and lots of 'reasons' to cheat, but I never crossed that line. My thought processes are all over the board. Sometimes, I resent the hell out of practicing self-control, because really, what did it get me? Not the same treatment in return, that's for sure. Sometimes I am very tempted to cheat, so far I haven't, but the thing is, while I still have clarity of vision to be aware I would probably get caught and there would be massive fall-out, most of the time I don't care. If I did, and I did get caught, I can't say I would feel very apologetic or remorseful about it, either. H opened that door, and as far as I am concerned, let the chips fall where they may. He certainly didn't care when they were raining down on my head. And now you have a pregnancy to further complicate the issue. What do you expect him to do? It sounds to me like he is striking back out of pain, trying to make you feel like he does. I can understand how you feel, having him turn around and cheat on you, and still be lashing out at you, but do you understand what you are feeling is the same thing he feels? Keep in mind, when you were cheating on him, he was completely unaware, believing things about you and your marriage that weren't true. I can also see his side, no matter what he does, he is still not going to be 'even'. It can really mess with a person's head. If you really want to work this out, I suggest you take the high road this time. You guys are both going to have to put this behind you, which is going to take one of you, which means you, taking one for the team, because, like it or not, you started it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DesperatetoLove Posted October 17, 2009 Author Share Posted October 17, 2009 (edited) Being a cheater is not a personality trait I have ever encountered in my past relationships. I love my husband more than anything in this world. I realize the hurt and pain I have cause and wish nothing more than to take it back. To make everything okay. But it's not something I can just fix. And I do understand him turning to other women when I wasn't there for him, but I believe that once we decided to reconcile, and he began to tell me how much he loved me, and wanted things to work, he should have been honest with me from that point. I would have completely understood... I get it now though, that I need to look past his discretions while we are still working out what I have done... I just wish I knew the past way to do it, I feel like no matter how much I tell him I love him, and how sorry I am that its not making a dent. Is there anything I can do that will prove more trust to him? I am willing to do anything. He is the love my life, and I am beyond remorseful for what I've done.. I want to help him stop hurting, I want to be there for him.. I want him to know he can still trust me, that I'm still here for him, no matter what. I really can't believe the mistake I've made, I won't be able to live with myself if I loose him for good... Is it better or worse that this mistake happened early in our marriage? If we get passed this, will our marriage be better for it? I know that the pregnancy complicates things more, is considering adoption a good option? I honestly think that it would be the best thing for our marriage. I couldn't imagine him having to live with a reminder for the rest of his life. Edited October 17, 2009 by DesperatetoLove Link to post Share on other sites
MadMission Posted October 17, 2009 Share Posted October 17, 2009 he began to tell me how much he loved me, and wanted things to work, he should have been honest with me from that point. I believe he WAS being honest with your when he said those things, however, that was BEFORE he found out that you were PREGNANT with possibly the OM's baby! THAT kinda changes things! I gotta tell ya, it takes a very special person to 'get over' something like that. I couldn't. If I were him, I would be done...and you would be on your own. The fact that he is even still talking to you is a good sign and something you should be very grateful for. You do have opportunity here. Allow him to direct the content of your conversations. Let him talk through some of what he needs to get out. Be patient with his emotions. All you can do at this point is try to be there for him as he processes this situation he now faces. Your expressions of genuine remorse and genuine care for him and his feelings will make all the difference in the world. He is likely hanging on by a thread right now, and if you act defensive or try to blame him for anything, you will likely snip that thread. I know you are hurting, too. But, unfortunately, now is not the time to expect much or any empathy from him. I do not doubt that he loves you. I think he does. But, this situation may be just too much for him to overcome. As far as the baby, you did seem to indicate that your H could be the father? If so, that would make the situation much more tolerable, of course. The decision about adoption is something you and your H need to work out, if the baby is, in fact, OM's. And, if it is OM's, then OM may want some say about the 'fate' of his baby. Adoption is not a bad thing because babies generally go to homes where they are very wanted and very loved. Hang in there. Don't pressure your H for any definite decisions by him right now. It's going to take some time for him to reach any kind of decision anyway. I wish you all the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Untouchable_Fire Posted October 17, 2009 Share Posted October 17, 2009 There is another issue with all of this. He has been having an emotional affair with one women since he found out about mine, and continued to do so, and lied about it, until a week ago. He doesn't feel sorry like he should, and has told me this many times, he also slept with a women the night before he left for training for his deployment, while we were trying to work things out. And he doesn't feel regretful for this either. It hurts that he is being hypocritical of the situation and not understanding my pain on this side. I have repeatedly expressed my regret, and have been doing everything in my power since to show him how much I love him and how sorry I am. I am willing to do whatever he asks of me, and yet he asks for nothing, but continues to throw the infidelity in my face. I am at a loss with what to do, we both know we want this to work, but I feel like he is not trying much on his end. How can I help him to move the hurt? How can I talk to him about the his affairs to make him realize I am hurt as well? How should we handle the pregnancy? I'm looking for any advice from anyone who has been in any kind of similar situation. Hey, it sounds like your in a really bad spot. Some guys... probably your husband included... need to feel like they are even before they can move past such a deep wound. He is going to push the limits of what your willing to endure. I would do the same. Seriously... my thought process would be to push you away as hard as possible, and if you stay... there might be some love. Sorry, but that's just the way guys like us are... we don't forgive easy. Also, your child isn't born yet. You can choose adoption later if you like, after you find out who the father is. Maybe by then you wont be with either guy. I'm sorry your situation sucks. I've made some really bad choices myself, you just have to learn to live with the consequences as they come. It makes you a better person in the end. I promise no matter how bad life looks now, it will get better! Link to post Share on other sites
Author DesperatetoLove Posted October 17, 2009 Author Share Posted October 17, 2009 I believe he WAS being honest with your when he said those things, however, that was BEFORE he found out that you were PREGNANT with possibly the OM's baby! THAT kinda changes things! I gotta tell ya, it takes a very special person to 'get over' something like that. I couldn't. If I were him, I would be done...and you would be on your own. The fact that he is even still talking to you is a good sign and something you should be very grateful for. You do have opportunity here. Allow him to direct the content of your conversations. Let him talk through some of what he needs to get out. Be patient with his emotions. All you can do at this point is try to be there for him as he processes this situation he now faces. Your expressions of genuine remorse and genuine care for him and his feelings will make all the difference in the world. He is likely hanging on by a thread right now, and if you act defensive or try to blame him for anything, you will likely snip that thread. I know you are hurting, too. But, unfortunately, now is not the time to expect much or any empathy from him. I do not doubt that he loves you. I think he does. But, this situation may be just too much for him to overcome. As far as the baby, you did seem to indicate that your H could be the father? If so, that would make the situation much more tolerable, of course. The decision about adoption is something you and your H need to work out, if the baby is, in fact, OM's. And, if it is OM's, then OM may want some say about the 'fate' of his baby. Adoption is not a bad thing because babies generally go to homes where they are very wanted and very loved. Hang in there. Don't pressure your H for any definite decisions by him right now. It's going to take some time for him to reach any kind of decision anyway. I wish you all the best. The decision by me and my husband has already been to do whatever it takes to move forward. We both agreed that we love each other very much and that we are going to whatever we can to move forward from this situation. I understand completely that he needs time. I've been completely willing to talk about the situation whenever he needs too. We have always had great communication skills seeing as most of our relationship has been long distance anyway. This was basically cause by a breakdown of that right after our marriage, causing both of us to question our relationship. I feel that this major hiccup in our lives is but small compared the real amount of love we both have for each other. I have full confidence that we will be able to overcome from this, I really just want to know if there is anything I can be doing to make things easier on him? Anything I can be saying that will really prove my trust to him? I am doing everything I can possibly think of, I mean everything, I have completely opened up to him in every way. I am being as understanding as possible, I will blow off the pain caused by his affairs for now, and completely focus on mine. I just want to help him through this, and I'm at a loss on how to really reach him. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted October 18, 2009 Share Posted October 18, 2009 I believe that most husbands would walk if their wife got pregnant by their wifes' lover and also put their health at risk for STD's. Why didn't you at least use protection? Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted October 18, 2009 Share Posted October 18, 2009 I can only tell you that ACTIONS speak louder than words. What have you done to let your H know how much you DO love him, how much you DO want the marriage to work and how incredibly sorry and remorseful you are for the Affair? Link to post Share on other sites
bluegreen12 Posted October 18, 2009 Share Posted October 18, 2009 The decision by me and my husband has already been to do whatever it takes to move forward. We both agreed that we love each other very much and that we are going to whatever we can to move forward from this situation. I understand completely that he needs time. I've been completely willing to talk about the situation whenever he needs too. We have always had great communication skills seeing as most of our relationship has been long distance anyway. This was basically cause by a breakdown of that right after our marriage, causing both of us to question our relationship. I feel that this major hiccup in our lives is but small compared the real amount of love we both have for each other. I have full confidence that we will be able to overcome from this, I really just want to know if there is anything I can be doing to make things easier on him? Anything I can be saying that will really prove my trust to him? I am doing everything I can possibly think of, I mean everything, I have completely opened up to him in every way. I am being as understanding as possible, I will blow off the pain caused by his affairs for now, and completely focus on mine. I just want to help him through this, and I'm at a loss on how to really reach him. It seem that you don't understand the magnitude of an affair to a marriage. It's usually the final nail to a coffin. This is especially true when the affair happens early in the marriage. Expect your marriage to end within 2 to 3 years or much earlier, but at the same time, hope for the best. Even if your marriage survives, it is NOT going to be a happy and healthy one with love and trust for at least few years to come. To him, you will be known as the one who slept with another man while still married to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DesperatetoLove Posted October 18, 2009 Author Share Posted October 18, 2009 It seem that you don't understand the magnitude of an affair to a marriage. It's usually the final nail to a coffin. This is especially true when the affair happens early in the marriage. Expect your marriage to end within 2 to 3 years or much earlier, but at the same time, hope for the best. Even if your marriage survives, it is NOT going to be a happy and healthy one with love and trust for at least few years to come. To him, you will be known as the one who slept with another man while still married to him. There is more to this story, more intricate details that I feel would bring more light to my situation, which i don't think I'll write here but.. I completely understand the magnitude of my affair. I wish I had fully understood what it meant before, but I had never been cheated on, nor have I ever cheated before in my life, and when I did cheat I felt like the marriage was going to end on its on anyways. Which was a mistake, are people allowed to make mistakes in their lives? As long as they learn from those mistakes, and grow from them? Obviously, this is a mistake that I wish I would have never learned from, but I have no choice but to now. I am only saying that I am never going to give up, if it takes me 6 days, months, years, to convince him how much I love him, and how sorry I am, than I am willing to do that, I'm willing to put myself under 24 hour surveillance, I'm willing to write daily reports on my activities, he may always remember, but hopefully, I can prove to be the most loving, trustworthy wife in the future. I'm still young as well, and I'm not willing to say that I can't become a better person. I want to be the best person, and I want to be for him. I have full confidence in our love, and how much that can be a healing aid in our recovery. We have many many years to make other things higher on the I'm going to remember this scale. I am not going to give up, ever. I'd do anything to prove my love for him, and I have done other things in the past to show that. And I will continue to do so. Link to post Share on other sites
boldjack Posted October 18, 2009 Share Posted October 18, 2009 First things, OP adding up a bill wrong, is a mistake, cheating is a character flaw in you. Cheating is also NOT just a hiccup. there is only one sure way to prove to you husband that you are his and can be trusted, that is if you're willing to give up the baby , if it is not his. This will prove beyond doubt, that you put him first, above anything else. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DesperatetoLove Posted October 18, 2009 Author Share Posted October 18, 2009 there is only one sure way to prove to you husband that you are his and can be trusted, that is if you're willing to give up the baby , if it is not his. This will prove beyond doubt, that you put him first, above anything else. And I am 110% willing to do that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DesperatetoLove Posted October 18, 2009 Author Share Posted October 18, 2009 First things, OP adding up a bill wrong, is a mistake, cheating is a character flaw in you. Cheating is also NOT just a hiccup. And I am aware of my character flaws, and I am seeking personal counseling to improve myself in that aspect as well as others. My husband and I have also decided to accept god into our lives again. I'm under the impression that if anybody wants to improve them selves bad enough, and seeks the proper attention, will be able to. And I have to have that mentality, that I CAN become a better person, or else I won't be able to. I know that this affair right now, does not look like a hiccup, but I am hoping that in the future both me and my husband can look back on this, and know that it has helped me to become a better person, it is an awful way go about becoming that better person, but now that it has happened, there is only forward. And I plan on moving forward from this, and loving my husband more than ever. Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted October 18, 2009 Share Posted October 18, 2009 i love how people decide after the fact to except god into their lives! ahhhh,why not think of this first? Link to post Share on other sites
eeyore1981 Posted October 18, 2009 Share Posted October 18, 2009 D There are many posters in here whose marriages have survived infidelity, and they have found happiness, so it can be done, if both partners are willing. According to popular opinion, it takes 2-5 years to recover from infidelity. Here are the things my H could have done to help the process along. Told the truth when this first came out. Recognized how devastating this was to me. Recognized stopping the affair was not enough to make this go away. Recognized I was hurting and coming to me, initiating some healing, instead of pretending he didn't notice. Being supportive of me when I was upset, instead of defensive and angry. These are just off the top of my head. I'll post more as they come to me. As far as the baby, my advice is to ignore those telling you to give it up. Whether you keep it or not has got to be your decision, from your heart. We are not talking about some inanimate 'gift' given to you by the OM, this baby is a human being, and you still don't know if it is your H's or not. To me, your willingness to throw this baby away so easily shows coldness in your heart towards a fellow human you created, if I were your H, I wouldn't help but wonder what you would be willing to throw me away over. I'm trying to cut you some slack on this one, as when I was pregnant, my babies didn't seem so 'real' to me until I could feel them moving around. Also, you need to realize the long-term consequences. I was given up for adoption at birth. I found my bio family in my late 20's. My bio-mom had carried the guilt of giving me up all those years, and it had a negative impact on her life. My siblings, also, had known of my existance, and for a couple of them, having a sister out there unknown was something they carried with them. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted October 18, 2009 Share Posted October 18, 2009 Desperate, you have a long road ahead of you. I could come in here and give you my typical spiel but it looks like you might understand the type of pain your husband has or is going to be through. Remember the affair was something you have chosen. You need to own it. Dont call it a mistake. Also the baby will always be a reminder of what you done. There' is no other way around that. It's the begining now, but seriously your husband may not want to continue. It's too early to say he'll stay. Dont make assumptions, because you guys didnt talk about not having an affair and now that it's over he has to stick with you and clean up your mess? WTF? Link to post Share on other sites
Author DesperatetoLove Posted October 18, 2009 Author Share Posted October 18, 2009 i love how people decide after the fact to except god into their lives! ahhhh,why not think of this first? I didn't understand the amount of problems I had as a person until after this event happened. I'm 21 years old, I hardly think that I am too late to change my life and get on the right path. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DesperatetoLove Posted October 18, 2009 Author Share Posted October 18, 2009 Desperate, you have a long road ahead of you. I could come in here and give you my typical spiel but it looks like you might understand the type of pain your husband has or is going to be through. Remember the affair was something you have chosen. You need to own it. Dont call it a mistake. Also the baby will always be a reminder of what you done. There' is no other way around that. It's the begining now, but seriously your husband may not want to continue. It's too early to say he'll stay. Dont make assumptions, because you guys didnt talk about not having an affair and now that it's over he has to stick with you and clean up your mess? WTF? Thank you. But I am not trying to assume here that he will stay with me. He has made it very clear to me that he is going to stay with me and we are going to work through this together. That isn't going to make my attempts at showing my love for him any less meaningful. My goal is get passed this, and live a happy life from now on. I just have hope, and there is nothing wrong with having hope. In fact, I think you may need it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DesperatetoLove Posted October 18, 2009 Author Share Posted October 18, 2009 D There are many posters in here whose marriages have survived infidelity, and they have found happiness, so it can be done, if both partners are willing. According to popular opinion, it takes 2-5 years to recover from infidelity. Here are the things my H could have done to help the process along. Told the truth when this first came out. Recognized how devastating this was to me. Recognized stopping the affair was not enough to make this go away. Recognized I was hurting and coming to me, initiating some healing, instead of pretending he didn't notice. Being supportive of me when I was upset, instead of defensive and angry. These are just off the top of my head. I'll post more as they come to me. As far as the baby, my advice is to ignore those telling you to give it up. Whether you keep it or not has got to be your decision, from your heart. We are not talking about some inanimate 'gift' given to you by the OM, this baby is a human being, and you still don't know if it is your H's or not. To me, your willingness to throw this baby away so easily shows coldness in your heart towards a fellow human you created, if I were your H, I wouldn't help but wonder what you would be willing to throw me away over. I'm trying to cut you some slack on this one, as when I was pregnant, my babies didn't seem so 'real' to me until I could feel them moving around. Also, you need to realize the long-term consequences. I was given up for adoption at birth. I found my bio family in my late 20's. My bio-mom had carried the guilt of giving me up all those years, and it had a negative impact on her life. My siblings, also, had known of my existance, and for a couple of them, having a sister out there unknown was something they carried with them. Thank you this has really helped me. I feel you are right, that I don't fully think of my pregnancy as a child yet, as it is still very early in. As of right now, my husband wants to keep this child no matter what and raise it, but his mind may change in the future. If I were to keep this child after discovering that it is not his, and my husband were to leave me, or become cold towards me, I can see myself feeling resentment towards this child. That isn't right but I feel like I would rather have my baby brought up in a loving home, with parents that can love it fully and unconditionally is a better option, than keeping it in a home where it's siblings may be loved more. Obviously this decision is one that will be made over time, by both me and husband, but the decision will be made with everyone in mind. Link to post Share on other sites
scatterd Posted October 18, 2009 Share Posted October 18, 2009 It does not matter where a child comes from a child is innocent and deserves love.I wish all the love in the world for your baby.Once the baby is born you will have feelings for this child.Your husband must be a good guy if he is willing to raise this baby.He would love the baby as if it was his own.He or you dont know this right now but every child is easy to love.Good luck on your journey. Link to post Share on other sites
bluegreen12 Posted October 18, 2009 Share Posted October 18, 2009 What about your affair partner? Doesn't he have any interest in raising the child other than giving it up for adoption? How come you didn't use a condom? Were you expecting to be married to the affair partner? What about STDs? Did you get tested? Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted October 18, 2009 Share Posted October 18, 2009 Desperatelove Does the OM know you are pregnant? Being that you are both young and you separated fast. Have spent more time living apart then together. Had an affair right at the beginning of the marriage. These things show that it would be best for your to get a divorce. If you are carrying the OM baby then you should divorce your husband. Then adding that the OM may be the dad puts you in a place to wait before any decision is made by you. The time during the pregnancy will be best used if you go to IC. The IC is to get you well enough to have a relationship. Then once the OC is born a DNA test must be done. If the test shows that the OC is the OM's then the OC desreves to be raised by both of it's bio parents. Being all that has happened your BH deserves to be set free. I am against abortion and for a mom to give up a child to adoption that she is capable to raise. If you were to do either you will only live to regret those choices. Also the OC even if your BH is willing to stay and raise the OC, deserves to know who it's real dad is. To not tell will be lying, would be decieving the OC the same way you deceived your BH. Link to post Share on other sites
boldjack Posted October 18, 2009 Share Posted October 18, 2009 I hope that everything turns out Ok for you, but you must face up to the idea, that he may not want you in the future, whatever he says now. The mistrust may not go away and if there is no real trust, there is no real love. If the baby is not your H's, I would give it up, anyway. The baby didn't cause anything and shouldn't be resented because of your betrayal. Your right that the baby should grow up in a loving environment, which you have a long ways to go to acheive. I wouldn't try to turn religious either. People hope that by going to church, you can pray your problems away, this never works. God won't cure your betrayal, and God won't make your husband trust you.You and your H have to come together and through communication and HARD WORK, make a new marriage out of the ashes of the old. Link to post Share on other sites
seibert253 Posted October 19, 2009 Share Posted October 19, 2009 Thank you this has really helped me. I feel you are right, that I don't fully think of my pregnancy as a child yet, as it is still very early in. As of right now, my husband wants to keep this child no matter what and raise it, but his mind may change in the future. If I were to keep this child after discovering that it is not his, and my husband were to leave me, or become cold towards me, I can see myself feeling resentment towards this child. That isn't right but I feel like I would rather have my baby brought up in a loving home, with parents that can love it fully and unconditionally is a better option, than keeping it in a home where it's siblings may be loved more. Obviously this decision is one that will be made over time, by both me and husband, but the decision will be made with everyone in mind. Your husband is a stand up guy and he loves you more than anything. You need to make this right and hold onto him. Link to post Share on other sites
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