Chris Posted June 8, 2000 Share Posted June 8, 2000 We are co-workers. It was obvious to me when she started she quickly developed a crush on me. She is tall and does not look 17 (maybe 20+). We both hit it off quickly and started falling for each other despite the age difference. It felt "wrong" only because of that. Everything else felt right. We have become intimate (I was her first), and she is getting serious with me very quickly; I am trying my best to keep things moving slowly. We've been seeing each other about 3 months. She has had other boyfriends before and she doesn't consider me her "first love." However, it's obvious she does love me (and I'm falling fast, too). Most people give me hell at work because of the age difference. I don't want to lose this but realistically, I realize there are obstacles we have to overcome if we are to remain together. She's already casually brought up the "M" word, although she says she won't be ready for a couple of years. I think she's great and I would wait for her. She says she would too. I just don't know if it's the right thing to do. This little voice in the back of my head keeps telling me that somehow I'm taking advantage of her, perhaps because of her youth, but I know that's not true (she has made it clear she knows exactly what she's getting into). When I'm with her everything feels right; but most people disapprove because of the age difference. Should I ignore them and follow my heart or listen to what "society" has to say? Link to post Share on other sites
Denver Posted June 8, 2000 Share Posted June 8, 2000 OK, i was in a similar situation you are in, im 26 and i was dating a 17 YO girl for 2 years. (she was 15 when i met her) The same thing happened to us, I fell for her quickly and she said the same. We was talking about marriage also. Then she broke my heart one day by saying that she just wants to be friends, that im more like a big brother, and that she is too interested in other guys. It's been like 3 months now and im still healing. When your in love, you don't care what the situation is, you just say "well im going to be with her anyway". Alot of people say age doesn't matter but TRUST ME IT DOES!!!!! At that age range trust me it definately does. Girls her age I don't care how old they look or act SHE IS STILL 17 that is S-E-V-E-N-T-E-E-N. She is going to act and be a 17 YO. Girls her age are confused and change there mind ALOT!! She WILL want to be with other guys, if not now then definately later I don't care how many guys she has already been with. But this is just my opinion. I have always been more attracted to younger girls in that age range but realistically, only 1 in 100 situations like that actually work. Good luck and i hope thing work out for you, Just remember, when she breaks your heart, We will be here for you. We are co-workers. It was obvious to me when she started she quickly developed a crush on me. She is tall and does not look 17 (maybe 20+). We both hit it off quickly and started falling for each other despite the age difference. It felt "wrong" only because of that. Everything else felt right. We have become intimate (I was her first), and she is getting serious with me very quickly; I am trying my best to keep things moving slowly. We've been seeing each other about 3 months. She has had other boyfriends before and she doesn't consider me her "first love." However, it's obvious she does love me (and I'm falling fast, too). Most people give me hell at work because of the age difference. I don't want to lose this but realistically, I realize there are obstacles we have to overcome if we are to remain together. She's already casually brought up the "M" word, although she says she won't be ready for a couple of years. I think she's great and I would wait for her. She says she would too. I just don't know if it's the right thing to do. This little voice in the back of my head keeps telling me that somehow I'm taking advantage of her, perhaps because of her youth, but I know that's not true (she has made it clear she knows exactly what she's getting into). When I'm with her everything feels right; but most people disapprove because of the age difference. Should I ignore them and follow my heart or listen to what "society" has to say? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted June 8, 2000 Share Posted June 8, 2000 Never live your life for other people. Your co-workers really aren't the problem here so you need not listen to them. First, in most states, it is illegal to have sex with a minor and the statute of limitations runs two to three years. So you may have put yourself in some jeopardy and opened yourself up to blackmale if the wrong people find out. Keep quiet about this and make sure your honey does to. Your biggest problem is the fickle, unsettled nature of a 17-year-old. While she may seem to be very mature, very loving, etc., she could drop you like a hot potatoe in a week. Even older women decide at some point, after a heated romance, that it isn't right. But it is far more likely in a lady who can't even vote, drink, or sign legal papers yet. This girl has a lot of living to do. She will be realizing over the next year or two there are many opportunities for travel and education open to her. She will also become smitten with other men...it seems she does that pretty fast. A lot of her friends will talk to her about things she is missing out on. Take that, coupled with a fickle head, and you have some real trouble for yourself. My vote is for you to enjoy the relationship, enjoy her company, etc. but not make too many plans right now. You have a better chance with a young chick if you don't box them in too much. Right now, she is quite smitten with you...but this time next year, she could be an intern in the Oval Office. Link to post Share on other sites
WVPCTECH Posted June 8, 2000 Share Posted June 8, 2000 Young girls are VERY tempting. I think most every guy is tempted by younger girls. But you have to think of it this way, why do you think they made a law against that? ITS BECAUSE THEY ARE TOO DAMN TEMPTING!!!!!!!!!!!!! Them young girls will get you into trouble. If i could be with a 17 YO and get away with it, i would in a heart beat!!! Never live your life for other people. Your co-workers really aren't the problem here so you need not listen to them. First, in most states, it is illegal to have sex with a minor and the statute of limitations runs two to three years. So you may have put yourself in some jeopardy and opened yourself up to blackmale if the wrong people find out. Keep quiet about this and make sure your honey does to. Your biggest problem is the fickle, unsettled nature of a 17-year-old. While she may seem to be very mature, very loving, etc., she could drop you like a hot potatoe in a week. Even older women decide at some point, after a heated romance, that it isn't right. But it is far more likely in a lady who can't even vote, drink, or sign legal papers yet. This girl has a lot of living to do. She will be realizing over the next year or two there are many opportunities for travel and education open to her. She will also become smitten with other men...it seems she does that pretty fast. A lot of her friends will talk to her about things she is missing out on. Take that, coupled with a fickle head, and you have some real trouble for yourself. My vote is for you to enjoy the relationship, enjoy her company, etc. but not make too many plans right now. You have a better chance with a young chick if you don't box them in too much. Right now, she is quite smitten with you...but this time next year, she could be an intern in the Oval Office. Link to post Share on other sites
Princess Posted June 8, 2000 Share Posted June 8, 2000 Dear Chris, This may mean nothing, but my grandparents are 20 years apart. You know, I think that you really are starting to fall in love with her, and it's just that stupid age thing going on. She's almost 18, and when she turns 18, you'll feel alright about it just because now, she's not legally an adult. Just don'tlisten to thos stupid people who give you a hard time about the age thing. Good Luck, Princess Link to post Share on other sites
magicklady Posted June 8, 2000 Share Posted June 8, 2000 I tend to agree with Tony and Denver on this one. Be careful besides the legal end of it.. she is just 17 which means that she is going to change her mind about a million times. I know that I thought I was in love with every guy I went out with at that age. Since you were her fist that presents another problem for you, she is going to be curious about other men now, maybe not immediately, but in the near future she will be wondering what she is missing out on. 70% of marriages that happen with younger persons break up within the first 2 to 3 years because of adultry. Just some things to think about. The age difference wouldn't be a big deal if you guys were in your 20's or 30's because men and women tend to have matured more and want the same things out of life. Is she going to be going to college and would it be fair for you to ask her to give up everything you know she can experience in life to settle down now? Did you settle down at 17? I wish you the best of luck with it. I know that it is not going to be easy whatever road you choose to take. Like Denver said "we will be here for you" Link to post Share on other sites
Miranda Posted June 8, 2000 Share Posted June 8, 2000 Enjoy your romance while you can... I was an extremely mature 17 year old who thought I knew what I wanted in regard to my life, love, and marriage. I hope you don't get your heart broken by a capricious girl in a woman's body. Also, I hope you do not break HER heart. Good luck... Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted June 8, 2000 Share Posted June 8, 2000 So why keep us in suspense.....exactly what did you do at age 17??? How many hearts did you break??? Did you feel you were really in love each time??? More details, please!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Miranda Posted June 9, 2000 Share Posted June 9, 2000 Sorry- I didn't date until I went to college. I went to an all-girl's school. I never broke any hearts. But from being around so many girls, I know how flighty they can be when they are becoming aware of their allure for men. Older men used to be waiting outside the school gates for their sweethearts, only to see them with another guy... Link to post Share on other sites
Been There Done That Posted June 9, 2000 Share Posted June 9, 2000 Magiclady states: "Since you were her first that presents another problem for you, she is going to be curious about other men now, maybe not immediately, but in the near future she will be wondering what she is missing out on. 70% of marriages that happen with younger persons break up within the first 2 to 3 years because of adultry." So true! I speak from experience. I was 17, he was 22. He was "my first". We married when I was 19 (him 25) and then I soon became curious as to what I had missed out on. It was a terrible cross for me to bear, but I did cheat on him once. I could not live with myself and never told him until after the divorce. Listen to Magiclady. She knows what she is saying. Link to post Share on other sites
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