boogieboy Posted October 18, 2009 Share Posted October 18, 2009 (edited) I saw it mentioned in another thread of how there are some women who make themselves seem totally agreeable in the first couple months of a relationship. (im sure men do it too) They basically arent being themselves in order to keep a mate. They do anything to avoid looking bad to the guy, including altering their personality for the first few months. This made me curious. My ex was like this. I saw it in the beginning that she wasnt being herself, she was waay too agreeable. Thats what put me on guard, which caused me to torpedo the relationship. I tried to ask her about herself and she would giveme sketchy answers. Sometimes I would ask her what does she want to eat and it was always "whatever you want". I hadnt been with someone like this before, so what is the long run situation dealing with someone like this. She kept up a good front until she was ready to break it off with me, but what if it wasnt broken off? What kind of person and problems would I have been dealing in the long run? I want to make sure I dont deal with this again. Edited October 18, 2009 by boogieboy Link to post Share on other sites
TwoForgiving Posted October 18, 2009 Share Posted October 18, 2009 I was in your shoes once. It leads to heartache. You believe you found this person who is so perfect for you and can't believe how lucky you were. Then when the facade starts to crack you won't believe it and make excuses for their behavior. And the facade starts to crack, when they know they have you hooked whether through marriage or a lease or any form of commitment - that's when the real person starts to show themselves. If you're real naive like I was you still stick it through and start to believe that you are the one who has changed, not them and fights start. You don't want to admit to yourself that you fell in love with a fake so you try to justify their new behavior until you have to finally admit to yourself that you never knew the real person and if you had you wouldn't have fallen in love. It's best that you realized what she was like at the beginning rather than much later when your heart was invested. Link to post Share on other sites
Author boogieboy Posted October 18, 2009 Author Share Posted October 18, 2009 Can you elaborate on your situation more? Youre really making me feel like I dodged a bullet. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 18, 2009 Share Posted October 18, 2009 Thats what put me on guard, which caused me to torpedo the relationship. She kept up a good front until she was ready to break it off with me, i don't fully understand whats going on here Link to post Share on other sites
TheLoneSock Posted October 18, 2009 Share Posted October 18, 2009 One of the funniest things is when you ask a girl if she is a smoker (I don't date smokers) and they say "No not anymore I actually just quit this weekend!" OOOKKK LOL. That doesn't sound like you're trying to please me at all. Fake. Link to post Share on other sites
Author boogieboy Posted October 18, 2009 Author Share Posted October 18, 2009 One of the funniest things is when you ask a girl if she is a smoker (I don't date smokers) and they say "No not anymore I actually just quit this weekend!" OOOKKK LOL. That doesn't sound like you're trying to please me at all. Fake. Yeah when I started dating my ex she told me she hadnt dated in two years, yeah right. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 18, 2009 Share Posted October 18, 2009 Don't f*ck until you've fought Link to post Share on other sites
TheLoneSock Posted October 18, 2009 Share Posted October 18, 2009 Don't f*ck until you've fought Why's that carhill? Link to post Share on other sites
Author boogieboy Posted October 19, 2009 Author Share Posted October 19, 2009 Don't f*ck until you've fought Et tu Carhill? I thought I could get a lil insight from you on this.... Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 19, 2009 Share Posted October 19, 2009 For me, it's simple. How a person handles conflict says a lot about their intrinsic personality. If you're blowing sunshine up each other's asses, you won't get down to the basics of compatibility. I made this mistake, in retrospect, while dating my stbx. We did have conflicts before becoming sexually active, but I wasn't paying attention to the (now) obvious signals, being more driven by my sexual desire. Obviously, the pleasures of sex will skew one's perception, some people more than others, so what at the time seem to be minor personality conflicts may and often do grow more obvious as the bloom comes off the rose. Perhaps this is more indicative of my age and stage of life, but I certainly don't wish to commit to another chameleon ever again. I also don't wish to be one, and am certain I played my own part in that game in my marriage, that of the appeasing husband. Bad, bad, bad.... Bottom line, I want to feel confident with being able to be authentic with a partner, even with conflict, and have the true intimacy and ultimate sexual expression of it grow from that experience. In no joy, no f*ck Link to post Share on other sites
Odyssey Posted October 19, 2009 Share Posted October 19, 2009 Don't f*ck until you've fought you are wise, like yoda. Link to post Share on other sites
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