Should I pop the question?

[th3p4rk2]

Hiya all, this is my first post so take it easy on me and please keep any discrimination or narrow minded responses to yourselves!

 

Right lol...here we go.

 

I am considering asking my girlfriend to marry me but personally think I am too young being almost 21. I am very mature for my age and my partner is a couple of years older than I am. I am a well traveled qualified professional and have had so many previous partners I cannot remember them all. (I am not bragging I feel this information is relevant as many relationships end because one or the other would like to see what else is out there)

 

I have been with my partner for around 3 and a half years now and lived with her for 2 and a half of those years, a year and half at my parents and a year in our own apartment.

 

I have recently finished university and have moved 120 miles away from my home town and partner for work.

 

When I found this job initially I did not want to ask her to move as her family are all down there and I had planned to live with my manager for a little while until I got on my feet financially.

 

I am now (2 months later) living in a house share where she would be able to move up to me if she found a job, she has asked me to look around for her and see what is available.

 

We have been in daily contact without fail and I have just spent almost 2 weeks back down there with her as I had some time off to graduate from University etc.

 

She says her worry is that I will find someone else up here or go off her because of the distance but I KNOW this is not going to happen.

 

She knows stuff about me that nobody else in the world knows, things I would have thought would end a relationship she has simply accepted readily.

 

One example of this is me being bisexual, how many females out there feel they could stay with a guy that had told them this?

 

I know I could spend the rest of my life with this woman and I am hoping that by proposing her anxieties about me meeting someone else or losing interest would be relieved and that she would actively seek to move to be with me.

 

I have been looking and would propose to her in the eiffel tower restaurant in paris sometime towards the end of november / beginning of december.

 

 

Does anyone agree and think I am too young or do you think I should go with what my heart is saying and trust that this girl is my soul mate?

 

I have always considered being engaged / married at such an age a sign of immaturity and fairly 'schoolboy' but I really do believe this would be a positive move considering my position and feelings.

 

Any guidance or opinion would be much appreciated,

 

Thanks in advance,

 

anonymous

[norajane]

I am considering asking my girlfriend to marry me but personally think I am too young being almost 21.

 

If you think so, then of course you are too young! Clearly, you aren't ready for marriage if you have doubts. The only reason you are considering it is because you just became a long distance relationship and she is afraid she will lose you and you want to reassure her so you don't lose her.

 

You both need to learn to deal with your fears straight-up, rather than making a grand gesture of commitment when you aren't ready out of fear.

 

You're only 20. You don't know what you don't yet know about yourself or about life!

[PinkToes]

I'm trying to wrap my head around the idea that you had so many relationships/partners before you were 17 that you don't even remember them anymore. Are you sure you're ready to be with just one person for the next 60 years?

 

Even though you do seem to have a lot of 'life' under your belt at a fairly young age, people's goals, attitudes, and belief systems change more between the ages of 20 and 30 than during any other period of time in their lives. And this is true no matter how gounded a person feels, or how strongly they believe it won't be true in their case. It's just a huge time for personal growth, and it's awfully difficult to grow in such significant ways while your partner is (hopefully) doing the same.

 

If you both want to be together forever, I think you've got nothing to lose by waiting.

[MapleTeacup]

The two previous responses pulled the thoughts right out of my head... good luck.

[Jilly Bean]

How many is "so many" previous partners, when you were 17? lol

 

Sorry, but I love it when 20 year olds talk about how mature and experienced they are. You're just not. It's as simple as that. You are a zygote, really, so should you propose? Not unless you want to be divorced at 25.

[Ecosse]

20 y/o bisexual male with a history of promiscuous activity...

 

Im not trying to be rude here but I see some activity that is red flag behavior... I seriously would consider talking with your councilor/therapist about this decision process.

 

Im not saying that your feelings are not true but youre considering a life long decision and Im thinking that things are stacked against you at this moment...

 

I think youre making a rushed decision

[TaraMaiden]

I was married at 21.

I was as sure - if not more sure - about my feelings for my husband, as you are about your GF now.

we were solid, committed and completely at one with one another. he was my life, my soul, my everything, and I his.

we were destined to be together, and for ever meant for ever.

he had no eyes, mind or heart for anyone else, and neither did I.

we were happy, in love and committed.

 

A year later, we agreed to divorce.

Had to wait 2 years, for it to be allowed to go through, but I have no idea now, what the hell I must have been thinking.

 

of course it feels right, but I'm afraid I'm inclined to agree with the others.

If this really is it - there's no hurry.

If it's solid, nothing can touch it.

If it isn't - nothing can save it.

 

And one more thing:

The fact that you are bisexual is not her concern, it's yours.

 

at one point (and trust me, it has come up many times here) the bi-sexual partner - married or with a person of the opposite sex - craves sex with a same-sex partner.

 

The fact is, fidelity is the same word, whatever gender the third party is.

Your question of remaining faithful is no greater or lesser than mine is with my heterosexual partner.

 

Your fidelity and concern about your bi-sexuality is your issue to deal with. Not hers.

[Boundary Problem]

If I were you, I would shelve the idea of marriage for 15 years.

 

See how things are going when you are around 35 and have an excellent understanding of yourself and others in a relationship context.

 

And then build a life that takes into account the truths you have learnt.

 

That is if you want to live an honest life.

 

I don't think you have enough data about yourself and how you relate to others to be able to make a solid decision that will withstand the realities of life.

 

So if you jump into something now, you will cause yourself and the other person (and children born) pain.

[fllove17]

You see this a lot in graduate schools but I think it applies for people moving because of work as well. When a couple is willing to separate because of work or school or whatever, there is an underlying issue. Not always but usually. When a relationship is really good and the two people are really committed to each other(as married people should be), they move together. Because their relationship comes first. It shouldnt really even be in doubt.

 

Why didnt she come with you? Because you didnt want her to be from her family? While thats a nice thought, people move away from their family all the time. And if you two are to be married, you are also now part of her family. If the two of you were waiting for her to graduate school or something like that I could understand. But it doesnt quite sound like that.

 

I'd wait on the proposal personally.