trueblue72ny Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 i went back and forth with my ex gf for over a year. so i would say in my experience, no. we never really got back together. it was just another example of an extended break up, like mentioned earler in this post. my heart just had trouble catching up to what my brain already knew. currently, she wants to remain friends. last year i would of Jumped at the chance. now i am just relieved to be over her. looking back i will say that it never worked out getting back together with any of my other ex's either. i am becoming a firm believer that once its done, its done. and i should just move on. just my two cents. Link to post Share on other sites
Surfgal Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 I believe many here have gotten their ex's back. But how many have really maintained and made the relationship better is really the question. I believe 2nd chances happen but only when you go thru a personal revolution within yourself and transform yourself to a bigger and better person. I think one good revolution can change history. Just my 2 cents Link to post Share on other sites
Beeotch Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 Not always the case though, I know when my ex came back nearly a year later my feelings had not changed in the least Ofcourse it will not always be the case....didn't say it was. I said most times. I believe in more cases it is as I described. But of course it is possible to feel the same. Link to post Share on other sites
Beeotch Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 I believe many here have gotten their ex's back. But how many have really maintained and made the relationship better is really the question. I believe 2nd chances happen but only when you go thru a personal revolution within yourself and transform yourself to a bigger and better person. I think one good revolution can change history. Just my 2 cents I very much agree Link to post Share on other sites
Bulldozed Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 I know for me, my girl and I had substantial wedding plans for next spring....we had conversations with my parents about that in early August....end of august we agreed to "take a break"...I know that rebounds fail 90% of the time, so with that said I'm not real concerned that the current guy is going to stick around with her. He's a player, and is simply looking to get some action, since he just recently divorced my girls "former" best friend....talk about an F'd up situation....for her sake, I hope she knows what she's doing, if this doesn't work out, not only will she have destroyed a friendship, but she may lose me forever..of course, I'd take her back in a NY minute....I miss her so much, i can't stand it.... Link to post Share on other sites
BigTenInchRecord Posted October 21, 2009 Share Posted October 21, 2009 The better support system is a major reason i think...it helps them making up their mind and more importantly, sticking to it ! I'm not sure how entirely true that is. I think maybe if your judging statistics by this site, then you'll run into more stories were the guy came back to the girl after dumping her. Realistically though, how many people once they get back with an ex are gonna come back here and post about it? After all it's a place where a lot of people find themselves during the breakup, and therefore associate with the pain of the breakup. Many people come here looking for advice too, so when they no longer need advice, they longer show up. It also just seems like guys would be less likely to come back here to just discuss there reconciliation, even though I'm sure many girls would not either. I know from personal experience I've had several girls come back after leaving. There's really no standard for men or woman, it's more about the relationship then the gender. If the person has fallen out of love, it's less likely they'll be coming back. If they left for other reasons but still have a strong love and affection towards the person, chances increase. It really does vary greatly situation to situation. Link to post Share on other sites
RA1 Posted October 21, 2009 Share Posted October 21, 2009 If the person has fallen out of love, it's less likely they'll be coming back. If they left for other reasons but still have a strong love and affection towards the person, chances increase. Absolutely right. Those people who say why go back when you can go forward base their remarks on the assumption that the people concerned are no longer in love. Sometimes it takes a breakup, and maybe attempted relationships with others, to realize who is your true love. Link to post Share on other sites
wanthim4eva Posted October 21, 2009 Share Posted October 21, 2009 hey... it's been a LONG time since i have posted on here but havign a newly broken heart i thought i would get posting again.. every single one of my ex's has come running back at some point... the minute i stop caring (or act like i stop caring) they are there... the one i have just broken up with is gonna be a toughie that is for sure... well he broke up with me nearly 2 weeks ago but i stil want him back and have been doing NC for 5 days now. Link to post Share on other sites
McGrupp Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 I know from personal experience I've had several girls come back after leaving. There's really no standard for men or woman, it's more about the relationship then the gender. If the person has fallen out of love, it's less likely they'll be coming back. If they left for other reasons but still have a strong love and affection towards the person, chances increase. It really does vary greatly situation to situation. i hope so............... Link to post Share on other sites
bluestraps Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 If i had a second chance i would take it Link to post Share on other sites
bluestraps Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 Me and my ex split up for the first time last year - he is in the army and based away from me so it was a LD relationship. He called to say that he loved me too much and it was killing him that he couldnt see me and talk to me when he wanted to. A few days later we go back together. It was perfect the 2nd time round, we felt stronger. But in June this year he called me from afghanistan telling me he couldnt do it - no excuses why just that he couldnt do it anymore. So i got him back but then a yr down the line it happend again, who is too say that everytime you get back with someone it will lead to another brake up - not every relationship is the same. dont date anyone in the military then !! Link to post Share on other sites
Nuala83 Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 I'm curious to see and hear who ever got the ex back out of all the persons posting on that forum ? If so, why, how, and what's the situation now ? If I'm asking that question, it's more as a wake up call for everyone (and myself) to realise that all the pain we are going through now is not worth it. Even I have hopes I'll get her back even though I know there is a slim (or non-existent) chance of getting her back. I got back with mine after being dumped. We'd been together 7 years, we were broken up for 7 months and during 5 of those months I made every break up mistake in the book! I'd just like to point out to anyone who's been fed the line 'reconciliations never work' that it's just not true!!! Some people get back together, some don't but there's a lot of people on here that will have you believe reconciliations are as rare as hens teeth and it's always better to just move on. That's not the case for everyone so don't feel pressured into giving up just cos somebody here says "well it didn't work for me". Remember you can't judge the success rate of reconciliations through this forum because the number of broken hearted individuals obviously outnumber the happy ones. Good luck to anyone considering trying again. It's hard work but well worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
Nuala83 Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 There's really no standard for men or woman, it's more about the relationship then the gender. It really does vary greatly situation to situation. Well said! Link to post Share on other sites
Northwesthunny Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 dont date anyone in the military then !! WHY??? What has someones job got to do with anything! You cant assume EVERYONE in the military are the same! Link to post Share on other sites
GrayClouds Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 I'd just like to point out to anyone who's been fed the line 'reconciliations never work' that it's just not true!!! Good luck to anyone considering trying again. It's hard work but well worth it. Besides it always happens in the movies... Link to post Share on other sites
BCCA Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 (edited) anyone who's been fed the line 'reconciliations never work' that it's just not true!!! You are correct - BUT - its far more likely that reconciliation will NOT work, than the opposite. See, the thing is, it happens. It does, all of us have heard stories or had an ex come back, but its VERY rare that it works out any better. Remember you can't judge the success rate of reconciliations through this forum because the number of broken hearted individuals obviously outnumber the happy ones. No, but you can judge it off of facts and case studies. The amount of couples that break up and do not reconcile for a year or longer (in other words, do not get back together for at least one year) is something like 85%. So, you have about a 15% chance that youll get back together and it will last One study I saw said that about 40% of couples reconcile, but only 10% of those last longer than 1 year, which = 4% succes rate. Again, not good. You know when people usually come back? As soon as you dont want them to, or could care less. Edited October 23, 2009 by BCCA Link to post Share on other sites
McGrupp Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 You know when people usually come back? As soon as you dont want them to, or could care less. i like it.,.,., Link to post Share on other sites
georgia girl Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 We did and it's better than ever. Takes work but so worth it. Word of advice, though: don't sit around and wait for it to happen. It will happen if it's meant to happen and there's not a whole lot you can do it about it - it's all in the dumper's hands to chase you. So, get out there and live your life. If they don't come back, believe it or not, you won't care. Link to post Share on other sites
SexyShay Posted October 24, 2009 Share Posted October 24, 2009 When it comes to females....you have to realize that a girl's love is unconditional. She will do anything for her guy when she's in love. But if the guy fails to realize that and keeps on not treating her right...she becomes fed up. When a woman is fed up...she's fed up. She's done. Nothing in the world will bring her back. With guys, IMO, some usually break up and realized that the made a big mistake, the sex has a major thing to do with it...guys are attracted to the physical part alot, and loneliness plays a role too. Guys always come back...most of the time. Link to post Share on other sites
SexyShay Posted October 24, 2009 Share Posted October 24, 2009 BCCA that is so true! They always come back when you don't care. When you have gained that self-confidence and value you your self much more(because you know with a break up you have a low moment for a while), they appear like clockwork! Link to post Share on other sites
trueblue72ny Posted October 24, 2009 Share Posted October 24, 2009 there are always expections to every rule, and to those who have had a successful reconciliation lasting more than a year my hat is off to you, congratulations! you are beating the odds. i would say tho that it is probably less than 3% of the time. & those my friends, are not good odds. from what i see in life, the good majority of relationships do not wind up reconciling. they go back and forth, peoples hearts get dragged thru the mudd, but in the end, its over. its just the way of the world. so to the posters who are saying its not true, you must see it out there yourself? Link to post Share on other sites
Logik Posted October 24, 2009 Share Posted October 24, 2009 When it comes to females....you have to realize that a girl's love is unconditional. She will do anything for her guy when she's in love. But if the guy fails to realize that and keeps on not treating her right...she becomes fed up. When a woman is fed up...she's fed up. She's done. Nothing in the world will bring her back. With guys, IMO, some usually break up and realized that the made a big mistake, the sex has a major thing to do with it...guys are attracted to the physical part alot, and loneliness plays a role too. Guys always come back...most of the time. Unconditional love is total selfless - without conditions love. Treating her right is a condition. You should rather have said that a girl's love is unconditional (terms and conditions apply.) I suppose it's the fine print that gets some people. Link to post Share on other sites
Nuala83 Posted October 24, 2009 Share Posted October 24, 2009 you are beating the odds. i would say tho that it is probably less than 3% of the time. & those my friends, are not good odds. Where did you get those statistics???? From a reliable source I assume? Link to post Share on other sites
Nuala83 Posted October 24, 2009 Share Posted October 24, 2009 You are correct - BUT - its far more likely that reconciliation will NOT work, than the opposite. Where is your evidence of this? See, the thing is, it happens. It does, all of us have heard stories or had an ex come back, but its VERY rare that it works out any better. Where is your evidence of this? No, but you can judge it off of facts and case studies. The amount of couples that break up and do not reconcile for a year or longer (in other words, do not get back together for at least one year) is something like 85%. So, you have about a 15% chance that youll get back together and it will last. Where is your source? One study I saw said that about 40% of couples reconcile, but only 10% of those last longer than 1 year, which = 4% succes rate. Again, not good. The problem with statistics and studies is that they seem to change all the time and not every source is reliable. I imagine if you compared a variety of studies, the results would vary quite significantly. I think what's more important is knowing the number of good relationships that successfully reconcile (which I have no data for so I won't even hazard a guess). Some of the stories on here will be from people who although they want to get back together, really shouldn't and their relationship can't be saved because there's nothing worth saving. No matter what people post on here, only they (and their ex) know how good or bad the relationship truly was. But even setting that aside, I've seen reconciliations happen all the time and I do not believe they are rare. Link to post Share on other sites
paperchase Posted October 26, 2009 Share Posted October 26, 2009 I got dumped and reconciled. After a slow fading relationship I found out she had met someone new in February of this year. We were back together sometime around April/May if I recall. Let's say we've been official for 5-6 months: I need to look up my hundreds of posts on here. Just some things to consider. I wanted her back more than anything. I got her back. We did some counseling and it seemed she was back to loving me as much as she did in the beginning. She was moving real fast and I was reluctant to trust again. But now I see us moving towards the place we were when we last split. The same types of things are happening. It almost seems cyclical -- like to the month. Right around Thanksgiving in 2008 she got distant, began to care less and seemed to be feeling more brazen and independent. Well, I'm sensing these things now. For example, we were supposed to move in together -- marriage is all she talks about. But she got a good job and now she's looking for her own place while crashing at mine since her lease expired. She says it's because she want's to at least be engaged before moving in. We're at an impasse there because I'll only get engaged once I know I'm getting married and I can't know that until we share space by living together to see if we can co-exist full time. Anyway, my point is that I'm not sure how much people really change, if at all. We addressed our issues in therapy, but many of them still exist I believe. I'm still divorced with kids and she's still young and selfish at times. Relationships, like fashion, seem cyclical. If you wear the same outfit long enough you will see it come in and out of style, and you might even be able to forecast when that happens -- but you likely won't be able to stop it. Translated, you might be able to get them back if you play your cards right, and learn from your mistakes by seeing the handwriting on the wall when things are going left, but you probably can't keep them without serious fundamental change which is seldom had. The truth is I haven't been mentally committed since she took me back because she hurt me so much I look at her differently. I'm just not as smitten and naive. Do I love her? Yes. Will it cause me pain if she leaves again. Yes, but hopefully not as much because I'm better prepared. now is that the kind of relationship you want? Well, that's the kind you might get after getting a second chance with someone who broke your heart. Link to post Share on other sites
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