Stuck in the friend zone? Maybe? (long read)

[GrownToLoveThePain]

Okay so I've got myself in a really bad situation with this girl I'm absolutely crazy for. I'll give you the whole story...

 

We met in High School through this girl I liked and became friends, then she wanted to be like best friends so I was like fine whatever, it fell apart with her friend and then me and the other girl kept hanging out and talking CONSTANTLY via text message (I'm talking 3,000+ texts a month) she had a boyfriend who was a total tool and she eventually broke up with him thanks to my help and helping her cope with it and whatever she needed, I was there. One night we slept over her friends house together and just sort of cuddled or whatever, no big deal. Eventually though I started to develop deeper feelings for her, which I felt at the time were growing with her as well for me. Now in HS I wasn't attractive really at all, I'm 6'5" but senior year first semester I was about 270 lbs. So I eventually told her my feelings and found out she didn't think of me in that way at all but she still wanted to remain really good friends, and I agreed. So this happened in the winter and I decided to get into shape, I lost 35 lbs from January to May (prom time), asked her to prom, she said yes, had a good time at prom but then on the bus ride down to the shore she hooked up with this other kid and I later confronted her again about us being more than friends and she stated our relationship hasn't changed.

 

This leads into the year after when she went to the big University in my state and I went to a community college because I was a big failure in the classroom in high school. We stopped talking for that whole year until the next summer we started talking again but it eventually fell out when the subject turned toward me wanting to be her boyfriend.

 

So then my second year of community college after working my ass off I got into the big University she got into after my first semester (I didn't go because of her, it was my lifelong dream to go there). So before I transfer in I let her know I got in and she's SO excited, like jumping up and down excited that I got in. So I transfer in and get put in the housing building DIRECTLY next to her (this isn't a small college either). She is ecstatic about this because she thinks we're going to be BFF or something (she has a BF at this time) and we end up being in a class together so we see each other twice a week at least and go eat after class and stuff but I really try to keep my distance, never mentioning my previous feelings and it all goes pretty well. She broke up with her boyfriend this past summer and I started talking to her heavily again which leads up to where we are now. When school started I suggest we address the issue and told her I can't promise that I will only be her friend because I feel like I'll always have feelings for her, but I can promise that nothing would even happen between us until we were both 100% ready to commit to each other in that way. She seemed fine with this until eventually she said I started acting differently and she suspected that I like her too much now. We still hang out all the time and she tells me she loves me and she can't live without me, but shes talking to this guy she works with now and it's tearing me up inside. After we hung out the other day she dropped me off somewhere where the guys shes talking to was and I saw them 2 hooking up in her car shortly afterward.

 

I really don't know what to do, I'm crazy for this girl. Even when I'm with her just as friends she makes me happier than anybody ever could. I've never been this close with anyone before. I'm holding out hope that we're going to be together because in HS she told me that "we were going to kiss eventually, it's inevitable, just in a couple of years." Me and this girl are a perfect match, you can't even imagine, we're even both virgins despite both of us having ample opportunities.

 

Since the beginning of the school year I've been hitting the gym HARD everyday and I'm in the best shape of my life, but she's still talking to this guy from work and I know that they're about to start dating.

 

I have a feeling it's because I'm not good looking enough, and whenever I bring this up she FLIPS out pissed off saying how I'm accusing her of being shallow, but she talks about how hot guys are all the time and I can't help but think that if I looked like them, this wouldn't be a problem and we would be together already you know?

 

Anyways, I've made this long enough and I already know there's going to be stuff I left out, so if you have any additional questions I'd be happy to answer them. Thanks guys I just really need to get this off my chest, it's eating me up inside.

[Tayla]

One desires that which they cannot have. Its the unattainable, the chase is better then the catch. You seem young enough to need this experience to learn from. Step back and ask yourself , If the shoe was on the other foot and you had an admirer, how would you handle it knowing that you'll not be more then friends. Sounds in part that your lady friend is toying with you in some ways yet in other ways you are playing along with this. Re-read my first sentence- it says it all.

[GrownToLoveThePain]

It's just for the simple fact that I know I can make her happy and I know for a FACT I've never been as happy as I know that she can make me.

 

I'm the most hardheaded person, I'm crazy, and I know I'm not going to stop. You can't let go of something you've never had.

 

I even told her recently that I'll probably never stop and that I'll never get over the fact she can't see me how I want her to see me.

[WTRanger]

It's just for the simple fact that I know I can make her happy and I know for a FACT I've never been as happy as I know that she can make me.

 

I'm the most hardheaded person, I'm crazy, and I know I'm not going to stop. You can't let go of something you've never had.

 

I even told her recently that I'll probably never stop and that I'll never get over the fact she can't see me how I want her to see me.

 

A restraining order from the police will stop you. It sounds like you might need a bit more help with this that we can provide you. This doesn't sound like a very healthy or safe situation for either of you.

[GrownToLoveThePain]

A restraining order from the police will stop you. It sounds like you might need a bit more help with this that we can provide you. This doesn't sound like a very healthy or safe situation for either of you.

 

Lol ok I made that sound a lot worse than it actually is.

[carhill]

I really don't know what to do, I'm crazy for this girl.

 

Simple. Date her best female friend

 

OP, it's really elementary. This young lady is at the height of her attractiveness to the opposite sex and she has not the life experience nor maturity to deal with it in a healthy manner. That's normal. You occupy the other side of that street. Again, normal.

 

Suffer a little and date some other girls and you'll see what I mean, in more ways than one

[GrownToLoveThePain]

Simple. Date her best female friend

 

OP, it's really elementary. This young lady is at the height of her attractiveness to the opposite sex and she has not the life experience nor maturity to deal with it in a healthy manner. That's normal. You occupy the other side of that street. Again, normal.

 

Suffer a little and date some other girls and you'll see what I mean, in more ways than one

 

I hear you. I've been getting a lot of attention from girls lately but this situation got my vision cloudy. It's to the point she's affecting my views on other girls.

[carhill]

Again, normal. Just wait until (hopefully not) you go through a divorce. Talk about clouding your views of women

 

Focus on the fun aspects of why you like girls. Shelve the emotional angst, as hard as it is. Just say 'today I will ignore this and have a good time. Tomorrow I can be cloudy again'.