t146 Posted October 19, 2009 Share Posted October 19, 2009 I'm new here. I'm 41 and recently started seeing an ex girlfriend who I'll refer to as Jane (she's 27) and we agreed to be friends w/benefits and not get into a relationship. We do go out shopping and do other things together and she's a coworker. Sounds good at first but I've developed feelings again and she hasn't. I was hoping she would develop feelings too because we have so much fun together. Everything seems to be on her terms though. I've bent over backwards for her and it seems to be fruitless. I know I've probably made myself too available because I'm always there for her and she seems to take advantage of it. She isn't very stable and cancels plans (plans that she suggests!) all the time. Frustration is an understatement. I've put in so much time, effort and money for her and she is grossly unappreciative. But, I can't seem to get her out of my mind. We have about a 5 year history of highs and lows (we lived together for 2 years) but somehow we always have that special connection. I ruined a potentially great relationship this last summer with a different woman because "Jane" broke up with her boyfriend and started coming around again. Did I mention that she likes to play the field too? I don't seem to have any other options as I live in a small town. I could write an entire book here, but this is the general info. Any suggestions to keep me from pulling all of my hair out!? Link to post Share on other sites
limitless Posted October 19, 2009 Share Posted October 19, 2009 Yah that sucks. The best thing for you to do is to stop chasing her and stop contacting her and just hope that she will develop feelings for you which is very slim. You have to be careful. It sounds like she is willing to be FWB to get money from you. If you are OK with that then that's fine but don't be FWB and hope that it will become more. You are lucky that she is very clear that she only wants to be FWB and not misleading you and stringing you along. If you want something more, then you need to move on and look for someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Awesome Username Posted October 19, 2009 Share Posted October 19, 2009 I don't seem to have any other options as I live in a small town. I could write an entire book here, but this is the general info. Any suggestions to keep me from pulling all of my hair out!? __̴ı̴̴̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡*̡̡ ̴̡ı̴̴̡ ̡̡͡|̲̲̲͡͡͡ ̲▫̲͡ ̲̲̲͡͡π̲̲͡͡ ̲̲͡▫̲̲͡͡ ̲|̡̡̡ ̡ ̴̡ı̴̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡̡.__ Congratulations! Pictured above is your new house that is far away from the current small town that is ex-ful. Preferably one of those towns where women outnumber men about 3 to 1, like Los Angeles or Sacramento. Cheers! Link to post Share on other sites
Author t146 Posted October 19, 2009 Author Share Posted October 19, 2009 Ah yes, I can dream Link to post Share on other sites
Author t146 Posted October 19, 2009 Author Share Posted October 19, 2009 I think I'm going to just play it cool. It'll be rough if she tries to initiate something and I turn it down because turning it down is the last thing I want to do. But, it has to be done......... I think. I'm sure she feels that I'm ALWAYS going to be there to fall back on because I've given her every reason to believe that. But I don't want to sabotage what we do have. I do take responsibility for all of this though. Damn this sucks. Link to post Share on other sites
ADF Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 So let me get this straight: you're a 41 year old man having a FWB relationship with a 27 year old woman, and YOU think you're getting taken advantage of? Now that's something. Link to post Share on other sites
Author t146 Posted October 23, 2009 Author Share Posted October 23, 2009 So let me get this straight: you're a 41 year old man having a FWB relationship with a 27 year old woman, and YOU think you're getting taken advantage of? Now that's something. Yeah, I know. It's messed up, but the whole thing is circling the drain now and it's for the better. She may only be 27 but she knows a needy, clingy person will be there for her when she needs him around. And when she doesn't need him, she can detach in a second. Of course, I take complete responsibility for my life and everything that happens and how I react to things that happen. Time to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
ADF Posted November 15, 2009 Share Posted November 15, 2009 Wow, I'm shocked. Usually it's the women who develops feelings in situations like yours. My only suggestion is this: don't get into FWB relationships. Frankly, though, I wonder if you're being used. You mentioned spending money on this woman and that is she is "grossly unappreciative." That suggest to me the amount of money and/or circumstances in which it was spent went beyond what would be normal between friends. You're 41. Don't let some 20-something make a fool of you. End the FWB business and no more spending money like that. Link to post Share on other sites
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