We've reached the end of our journey

[SoulSearch_CO]

You're so strong, Island Girl. I admire that.

There are. And a part of me will always love the him that I knew and I wish him well. I hope he would say the same.

 

And yes there are many out there who take for granted what they have while others search for it or have it slip through their fingers.

 

Thankfully we all have the great capacity to understand, ask forgiveness, forgive, and move on. That is what I am choosing to do.

Life is for the living and it is best I get on with living it. You just never know what is in store. I've found it's mostly great things.

All so very true. I had to come to terms with a lot following my divorce in '08. I wouldn't trade all I learned for the world. So I totally hear where you're coming from, here.

Oh I am sorry to hear about such conflict going on. If she filed and he didn't want the divorce then I can see how he feels he has a foot in both camps right now.

I think neither of them wants to be the responsible party for dissolving the marriage even though it looks like neither one wants to be in it, anymore. Thankfully, though - I don't think he's going to be stuck in limbo forever. He has a therapist that he sees about once or twice a month and she is pushing him to do the deed. LOL Most people can escape those thoughts by ignoring them, but when you have a therapist setting out the plan for you and stating it's in everyone's best interest, that's hard to ignore forever. They reviewed the steps necessary to prepare for divorce. At this point, I'm not entirely sure what he's waiting for...end of holidays or...? Dunno.

You say he pushed you away hard. But those were his words to you - that he'd "let you know when that happened"?

Because to me that sounds like he wants to come to you with a clean slate. Is that the perception you got from the conversation?

It was very confusing on the both of us - getting closer together while being held apart (not just his impending divorce, but our schedules and the distance...I know these other two components will be resolved around summer '10...I'm moving to his town and starting school. Something I've been wanting to do for a long time, I just have finally found the strength to do it. I'm not moving for him. For the time being, I'm not even telling him I'm doing it...even though he hinted before he'd like it.) I think time is the only thing that's going to make anything between us possible. So him pushing me away was better for both of us.

 

I agree with the clean slate thing. He stated more than once that he'd feel better about himself to finish up one relationship before starting another. I guess I'm torn wondering if it was a polite brush-off, or if he really will come back to me.

Yes. I understand that completely.

Do you think he is unwilling or just at this time unable...?

Well...unwilling to do the dirty work to clean up the mess made by his stbxw. I empathize, but it's still frustrating to watch, nonetheless.

Oh! SoulSearch - I have accepted this. It doesn't rip me apart. There is sadness for what has ended. Sure there is.

But I had many fantastic years and this relationship taught me so much that I will use in the future. I communicate better than I ever have about my own wants and needs. I also listen better than I ever did.

I also carried gifts from my divorce into future relationships. I hear you, here.

I wish you could find things such as these from your relationship to comfort you now. You are in the midst of it. And when things are SO GOOD and then there is an end that is different I think. When it is new and fabulous - to have that cut short is painful. And I am so very sorry you are going through this.

Feel free to PM me if you'd like.

 

{{{SS_CO}}}

Yes. Especially when I was bound and determined this time to work my hardest to keep the relationship pure and whole and strong...and didn't get the chance to do it. The love I had with my XH was one of the greatest gifts I ever received and I never imagined I'd get it again. To be offered it a second time in my life was breath-taking...only to have it snatched away.

 

Thank you for the hugs. You and TBF were great cheerleaders for me. So I wish you both only the best. I know you'll get that second chance. I hope you make sure to come back and share the good news when it happens.

[quankanne]

ah ... i've been more or less out of the loop, so when I saw the headline, I immediately thought things were resolved and y'all were reunited. I feel so very, very bad about how things actually turned out, but I also understand how those careless words (and behaviors) have undermined what should have been a solid relationship.

 

I'm so sorry, IG. Marriage isn't always easy, but certain basic truths – and trust – make it work. From your posts, it sounds as if he's been spiralling into a funk/depression and gradually, the loving man you knew and married had turned into someone who hurt you because he was hurting. I know that you've come to a decision, and I pray that in time, y'all will be able to forgive each other so that you can find peace.

 

you're in on my mind and in my prayers, chica, and know that we love & appreciate you.

 

hugs,

q

[deux ex machina]

Oh no...what the hell?

 

That's my reaction, as well.

 

I hope some real information comes through very, very soon. It's difficult enough as it is.

 

This is painful and confusing.

 

Please keep us updated.

 

I'm so sorry this is happening right now.

 

It is hard to see so much ended without having the joy at seeing it come to fruition. However, there is also a sense of a new beginning around the corner. Of a different life than I have been living all molded and created by me for me. So many years I have done things for us and for the family. I put a lot on hold. As did he. We don't have to do that anymore.

 

I want this chapter to be closed quickly because that is the least painful and most productive way for both of us. But you are right in the end I have to think of myself first. I have had a lot of things missing in my life. Things I willingly gave up but want again. And I know the only way to have ALL of it is to be free to receive ALL of it again whenever that happens.

 

And you never know when it will happen...or how...or who.

I am not bitter now and I do not want this drawn out creating animosity and resentment that I have to deal with before I can have love and marriage in my life again - and I do want that.

 

You're right.

 

You are wonderful. You know this, yes?

 

((((((hugs))))))

[Maggs]

Hi IG,

 

Just reading through your latest posts. Thanks for keeping us all updated. I still think about you often.

 

It sounds like your husband is purposely avoiding you so that he can (his hopes) get to you and sort things out before you serve divorce papers. Perhaps....grasping at straws?!

 

I really don't know how you manage. You must have a very wonderful support group where you are. If you're finding the process easier than you thought, than maybe this really was the end of the journey. Take care, much love

 

{{{{{HUGS}}}}}

[Mei Mei]

Dear IG,

 

I can see you have been moving on , gradually passing the tougest days in face of a hopful future! Oh I am really happy to see that you are confident to find your real love and marriage again when the darkness is over.

 

Please continue to stay in forum to give guidance and support to members. We are all loving you always too!:bunny:

[Els]

Hey, IG.

 

Haven't been around much since I've been extremely busy as of late. But I really do want to offer my support and hugs through this trying time, and to let you know that you're one of the LS posters that I'll always look up to.

 

{{{{{IG}}}}}