Wife spends a lot of time with new male "friend"-do I have a right to be suspicious?

[johnyorks81]

I'm 28, my wife's 26, we've been married for 5 months now, all's been good so far.

 

However, I've become concerned with her about the amount of time she spends with a certain male friend.

 

I'm not normally jealous of her interaction with other men, far from it, I'm usually easygoing, but it's the fact that this guy's a notorious convicted rapist and also a Hell's Angel member(in our area), who's 25 years old, that worries me.

 

He was released on parole about 6 weeks ago, and since then, my wife's been spending her free time with him whenever she can.

 

He claims to be reformed, my wife told me, but how can you ever be sure, especially as the guy's a convicted rapist and ex-Hell's Angel's member. She told me there's nothing going on, they're just friends, but would you consider it an inappropriate friendship for a married woman to have? She'd never met him until then.

 

I wouldn't normally tell her who she can and can't see, but this is worrying me a lot, I mean how would she like it if I spent time with a former girl gang member released from prison?

 

I've tried talking with my wife, but she accuses me of being jealous, and physically slapped me in the face.

 

How can I get her to see that she's risking her safety being with this guy? Am I right in thinking that there's a chance that guys like him may go back to their old ways if no-one's watching them?

 

I want to get counselling about this with my wife coming with me but she won't hear any of this - in fact she won't hear anything negative being said about this new guy friend.

 

I don't think she's having an affair with the guy, there is nothing going on in her life to suggest that, but why is she acting so odd and defensive about it?

 

What would you do in my situation?? I would appreciate any advice as this situation is getting me down a lot.

 

John

[GorillaTheater]

I don't think she's having an affair with the guy, there is nothing going on in her life to suggest that, but why is she acting so odd and defensive about it?

 

Because, at a minimum, she has some very inappropriate feelings towards this guy. She spends every moment of free time with him? I'm sorry to say that it seems likely that this has gone beyond "mere" inappropriate feelings.

 

It's a dilemma: do nothing and stand a good chance of losing your wife. Take a stand and you still may lose her. But for the sake of your integrity and manhood (for lack of a better word at the moment), I suggest taking the stand. Tell her that this relationship is a threat not only to her but to your marriage. Demand that she cut off all contact. But to do this there needs to be consequences if she fails to do so. I don't want to suggest divorce, because that is often the knee-jerk reaction around here ("kick her ass to the curb!!"), but the deal with the outlaw biker combined with her physical abuse of you in a marriage that's only 5 months old makes me lean towards divorce as a consequence anyways.

 

Where did she meet this guy?

[Bejita463]

and physically slapped me in the face.

 

I'm sorry, what? She thinks physical abuse is okay in a relationship of any kind, and you are here asking about her behavior with another guy? I think you have a bit more to worry about than mere faithfulness, which is something that, were I you, I'd not rely on from someone who would assault me.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Dude, your wife has no respect for you. I don't either to be honest.

 

If you want to even pretend to be a man... you need to slap her right back in the face, with divorce papers.

 

Until you do that... your a 12 year old girl in my opinion.

[boldjack]

This thread has got to be bogus!!:laugh:

[Dexter Morgan]

I'm 28, my wife's 26, we've been married for 5 months now, all's been good so far.

 

However, I've become concerned with her about the amount of time she spends with a certain male friend.

 

I'm not normally jealous of her interaction with other men, far from it, I'm usually easygoing, but it's the fact that this guy's a notorious convicted rapist and also a Hell's Angel member(in our area), who's 25 years old, that worries me.

 

He was released on parole about 6 weeks ago, and since then, my wife's been spending her free time with him whenever she can.

 

He claims to be reformed, my wife told me

 

 

i have experience in this area. my xWife (note the X part), made excuses for the guy's she was friends with. And when I told her about their shady activities, she'd defend them.

 

To me, defending a guy's honor that she is hanging out with alot is a red flag to you that she might be boning him.

 

 

 

but how can you ever be sure

 

have them followed. I followed someone for a friend one time. You got a friend that would do this for you?

 

 

especially as the guy's a convicted rapist and ex-Hell's Angel's member. She told me there's nothing going on, they're just friends, but would you consider it an inappropriate friendship for a married woman to have? She'd never met him until then.

 

is she just friends with the guy? Or does she go out with him and hang out with him alone?

 

 

I wouldn't normally tell her who she can and can't see, but this is worrying me a lot, I mean how would she like it if I spent time with a former girl gang member released from prison?

 

being a convicted rapist and gang member is just icing on the cake. If he were a law abiding citizen and she was spending time with him alone, that is red flag enough.

 

 

I've tried talking with my wife, but she accuses me of being jealous, and physically slapped me in the face.

 

BOOM! I'd say there is your answer! She is defending him so much that she'd even slap you for it.

 

I'd say she is spreading her legs for him.

 

 

I want to get counselling about this with my wife coming with me but she won't hear any of this - in fact she won't hear anything negative being said about this new guy friend.

 

BINGO!! Again, thats your answer. She is defending him and cares more about his reputation with you, rather than your feelings on the matter.

 

Get your proof, then get an attorney.

 

 

 

I don't think she's having an affair with the guy

 

I do. the signs are there.

 

 

there is nothing going on in her life to suggest that

 

same thing I thought when my wife was defending a guy she was boning.

 

 

but why is she acting so odd and defensive about it?

 

because he is her lover. not saying that to hurt you, you just need to wake up!!

 

What would you do in my situation??

 

follow her, or have her followed. one way or another, you need answers. but I can tell you right now, you are going to find they are doing each other. I can tell from her reactions to your concerns.

[Dexter Morgan]

Dude, your wife has no respect for you. I don't either to be honest.

 

If you want to even pretend to be a man... you need to slap her right back in the face, with divorce papers. .

 

i read the bolded part thinking, uh oh, he is going to catch slack for saying that...then read the divorce papers part. LOL.

 

Actually if he did slap her back, it would have been self defense. But I wouldn't have bothered. if my xwife slapped me when all of our bs was going on, I'd have called the cops and had her arrested:) probably the only thing that would have helped me with custody.

[Bryanp]

She is doing this after only 5 months being married and slapped you on top of this? If this post is legitimate then you need to see an attorney about an annulment. You would have to be a masochist to accept this situation.

[Flavour]

my wife's been spending her free time with him whenever she can.

 

 

I don't think she's having an affair with the guy, there is nothing going on in her life to suggest that

 

John

 

 

 

....read your own words....

[phineas]

Sorry, my wife defended her "guy friend" & fought tooth & nail when I caught her inappropriatly e-mailing him & texting him & accused me of being controlling by telling her who she could be "friends" with.

 

His "friendship" was more important than our family.

 

She was boneing him.

She still is & we are getting divorced.

 

I didn't want to believe or accept what was right in front of me either.

 

Think about this.

Either your wife has absolutly no clue how one should behave while married or she is cheating on you, manipulating you & using you for cheap rent.

 

My wife was the latter.

[seibert253]

1) Slap > no good

2) Spend whatever free time with him > no good

3) Excessively defends him > no good

 

buddy, if she spends whatever free time with him, what's left to spend with you?

 

Agree with all of this. And on top of this she slaps you. Why are you putting up with this?

 

Stand up for yourself and grow a pair.

 

1st: Want to know why she's defending this dirtball to the hilt the way she is? Because she's sleeping with him. Ray Charles can see this.

2nd: Physical assault is unacceptable on any terms.

 

Here's my advice, for what it's worth

1. You need to tell your wife that if she puts her hands on you again, you will contact the police and have her arrested.

2. You need to tell her that her continued contact with her "friend" is disprespectful to you and your marriage.

3. You love her and you are willing to work through these problems, but she needs to participate 100% or you and her are just wasting your time.

4. She needs to participate in MC and IC for her anger issues, or your marriage is over. No if's ands or buts.

 

You need to be a man and stand up for yourself. Women actually respect that. If your wife doesn't, you need to find one who will. IMO you deserve better.

[Lucky_One]

IF this thread is real, then how did she meet this guy? Why wouldn't the two of you as a couple hang out with him? What do they do together when they are spening all of her free time with him?

 

PS. I LMAO at the Ray Charles comment - too true.

[imagine]

One of the rules in marriage is that no woman goes out with another guy unless you are present. He is breaking into your quality time with your wife.

 

Be jealous for your spouse. She should be for you.

[Dexter Morgan]

and if she ever slaps you again, have her arrested for battery.

[Skump]

He claims to be reformed, my wife told me, but how can you ever be sure, especially as the guy's a convicted rapist and ex-Hell's Angel's member. She told me there's nothing going on, they're just friends, but would you consider it an inappropriate friendship for a married woman to have? She'd never met him until then.

 

Completely inappropriate, and fairly revolting. The very fact that she's unable to appreciate your feelings in this matter leads inescapably to the conclusion that...

 

I wouldn't normally tell her who she can and can't see, but this is worrying me a lot, I mean how would she like it if I spent time with a former girl gang member released from prison?

 

I've tried talking with my wife, but she accuses me of being jealous, and physically slapped me in the face.

 

...yep, your wife is a jerk and a moron. And likely boning the old road hog to boot. Sorry. Worse still, the fact she feels comfortable taking such liberties with you suggests you've been tolerating all sorts of infantile bull**** for years.

 

If you want to rescue this marriage for some odd reason, tell your "wife" that she's either going to shape up or ship out - that her current behavior is a direct violation of your sacred bond as spouses. Have a stack of divorce papers present in case she needs tissues.

 

Though, in all honesty, I can't imagine why you would want to save this relationship. In the astronomically unlikely event I were ever in your position, I'd kick the girl's dumb, disloyal ass to the curb so fast that air friction alone would leave second degree burns. Plenty of fish in the sea my friend.

[mark982]

damn man, are you blind? first off she's ho-ing and you know it. she's shown you the utmost disrespect, by basically laughing in her face,and slapping you. she's taunting you to slap her back then she'll run like a little baby to the angels,then the fun will begin at your expense(bodily harm). i've been around clubs for pushing 25 yrs. damn near every woman was the same. my take--is end the hassle and move on. just be thankful you had no kids.

[harmfulsweetz]

she's hanging out with a rapist? reformed or not, he still raped someone. Disgusting man. Gross. Horrible, horrible.

 

She slapped you so she could see her 'friend'? If I were friends with someone of that past, my bf would have every right to be concerned, wouldn't any person be?

 

Sit her down, say you are spending too much time with him, you know his past, I have genuine concerns, I'm not jealous, but I have a right to be suspicious when you slap my face in defence of another man. She seems to be fighting for her 'friendship' more than your marriage.

[harmfulsweetz]

Leave her. She basically condones what he did (oh it's the past) he's a rapist, and if she can't see the danger, she's an idiot.

[road]

Expose WW's affair to her parents and her siblings.

She her reaction to exposure.

 

It may cause her to end her affair.

 

But why stay married to a excon, rapist, organized gang member?

 

MC gang no better than the mafia.

 

Best to divorce her. Married short term and she is already cheating shows very good promise that your WW will be a serial cheater.