...I miss my wife...

[Luke21]

Where do I begin. My wife and I have been married for 5 years and together for 10. We started dating my senior year in high school and went to college together as well. We have always had our ups and downs, but managed to get through everything. She has had a pretty rough life. Her parents divorced when she was 13 (ugly divorce) and her mom died 2.5 months before we married. Her dad loves her to death, but due to some of the things he has done in the past she can not fully love him in return. She also has no siblings and really no family in town to speak of. She has really become closely attached to my family over the years, specifically my mom. However she does have an amazing group of girlfriends that anyone would love to have.

 

A little over 2.5 months ago she told me she needed some time and space, that she is emotionally drained and is not sure how she feels anymore. I, unfortunately, am a somewhat controlling and angry person. When I would not get the things I wanted, or when I would get irritated (which was often), I would lash out and it was typically directed towards my wife. I know I sound like Jekyll and Hyde, but when I was not lashing out I was being ultra considerate of her feelings and always revolved most things I did around her. When the same feelings were not reciprocated to me, I would blow up even worse. She ultimately had too much over the years. The first two weeks I stayed at home, freaking out becoming clingy and emotional. I was suffocating her trying to get her back. She asked me to move out saying it would be the best thing right now and that things would be okay. Two weeks later she asked me to move back in. During these two weeks we would text and call occasionally, and even talk through Facebook every now and then. I was extremely optimistic. When I moved home it was good for a day or two, but I fell back into being too clingy and suffocating because she was still not ready. I stayed for two weeks, and she asked me to leave again. I was extremely emotional but I also new this needed to happen. Again, she was hurting to see me so sad and told me things were going to be okay. I have been living with my brother and his wife and kids for the past six weeks now. The first couple of weeks out again were not too bad, occasional talking and maybe a little date night at our house once or twice (we just finished building a brand new beautiful home about 5 months ago). We even made love a couple of times. Anyway, after a couple of weeks I pressured my W into going to couples counseling (I had been going to counseling weekly since the first week to work on my temper, anger, insecurities, etc...). The counselors, based off my W's discussions, came up with a plan for me to stay out for another 30 days, to talk once a day, and to see each other once a week. Also no relationship talk what so ever. Basically like we were dating again. Long story short, I screwed up the first and second week by discussing the relationship with her. It was almost impossible not to. Subsequently I was denied both of my dates. She was becoming more and more angry, and it was audibly apparant through the phone. Week three I turned over a new leaf. I did not discuss the relationship at all, basically making small talk about her day etc... each time we spoke. Her tone did not change. She was not warming up at all, and actually only getting colder. I could not understand it.

 

This past friday when she called me for our talk I asked if she wanted to have a date on Sunday. She said no. I asked why dont you want to see me and how can you be this cold and closed off towards someone you love? She said "I dont know". I asked if she still loved me (which she always said she did in the earlier weeks, in texts etc...) and again replied "I dont know". At this point I am a blubbering fool and am trying to understand what the hell is happening and why she does not want anything to do with me. I have been working so hard and making it so clear that she is everything to me and that I cherish our marriage. She is having none of it.

 

We spoke again yesterday for about 40 minutes (by far our longest convo since this started) and basically hashed out all the same stuff we did friday. Me asking her how she could feel like this and if she wants this to work etc etc. She would just say "I dont know". She was almost emotionless. After basically prying it out of her, she said that she needs more time to figure out what she wants and that she is just so angry and hurt for all the abuse I have handed down over the years. She stated that there is still may be a chance, but a small one. She can not figure out what she wants. We have agreed to have no contact what so ever (as she despised having to call me everyday). She is still living in our home, that I pay ALL the costs and bills on. I still pay her car note too. I have discussed her moving out, but she does not want to move in with friends and she can not afford anything on her own. I love her too much to put her out anyway. I would be lonely in that house by myself regardless. But I dont think much has changed for her since she is still in the comfort of our own home. I am afraid to push this issue as she might just throw it in.

 

So, here I am, on the first day of not knowing what the hell is going on. I love my wife unconditionally (whether I was good at showing it or not) and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I want her to be the mother of my children. She does not feel the same, atleast right now. I am literally at my wit's end. I am going to do as she asks and make no contact. She knows I will be here when she is ready though, whether she calls for good reasons or bad. Ladies, gentleman...please help. Any advise is greatly appreciated. How long should I let this go on? Should I just sit back and wait? I am afraid not to as this is my only chance, albeit a slim one.

 

I know my story is jumpy, but I did not want to make it too long. If there is anything anyone needs to know, please ask. I want it all out there.

 

TIA

Edited October 19, 2009 by Luke21

[thatguy85]

I feel for you man, it's obvious that you love her and want to be with her forever. I'm sorry this is happening to you.

 

It sounds to me that when you get frustrated and lash, it gets very intense. You mentioned that she doesn't want to put up with the "abuse" anymore. I have no way of knowing whether or not you have been abusive, but let me ask you... do you feel as though you've been abusive to her?

 

Sometimes two people view abuse completely different. I've been there myself. When I would defend myself and raise my voice, she told me I was abusing her. I never called her any names out of anger, never attacked her personally, but the decisions she made, and therefore I felt as though I was not being abusive.

 

To me, this sounds like the root of everything. To me it seems like her feelings toward you have been destroyed because she perceives you as being abusive. I can't see anything else in your story that would lead to her wanting to leave you other than that. How has the counselling worked for you?

[Logik]

Same as my story. She says she doesn't know because she doesn't want to hurt you. She's made up her mind, otherwise you would still be living together. I know it's not what you want to hear, but my wife told me the same for the first week and then all of a sudden she was 100% certain. Hasn't said anything else to me other than the kid's wellbeing, how we're gonna split the possessions and what we're gonna do with the house. I thought that after almost 4 months, she would've at least spoken about something, but no luck there.

 

How long you should wait is up to you. The question you need to ask instead, is how long should I prolong the pain? The sooner you let go, the sooner you heal. I know it's not easy because I'm still going up and down emotionally, but I'm trying, so just know that you're not alone. Stay strong.

[Luke21]

Why would she be worried about hurting me now? She knows what she has been doing to me all along. I have been torn to pieces since day one, and rest assured she knows it. I want to believe she is holding out because there is somewhat of a chance, that she is still unsure if she is against giving this another real deal opportunity. Why would I throw the towel in now, when there is even a shred of hope? Whats another few weeks of going through this if there is the potential for reconciliation? It's not like my pain is going to subside when we call it quits for good. The pain will only intensify, ten fold. I understand trying to move on with your life, but I can not give up yet. I have fought too hard and I love my wife too much to just quit. I know I can not change the way she feels about me, but I can atleast hope for a miracle. I know it is a long shot, and the odds are stacked against me, but I will never forgive myself if I am the one to give up. Until she asks me for a divorce. I will keep fighting. I am like you Logik, I typically see things in black and white. That has obviously gotten me here. I was hoping for words of inspiration and hope, not for you to tell me to give it up and to move on.

 

And Thatguy85, yes my lashing out would get intense, and personal. I was a real piece of sh*t sometimes. The counseling is helping a little, but the coping with this has pretty much consumed all my other emotions so there isnt much to get angry about right now.

[hopesndreams]

She's got you where she wants you. Out of the house. Gee, she doesn't even call you once a day and not a date nite anymore either. I wish I can tell you that there is a bit of hope as long as you stay away from her but I won't. Get yourself back into that brand new house, NOW. Get it ready for sale. Do a complete 180 on her azz. As it stands now, she's on her own, has you pining for her, has everything done and paid for, living the life of riley, and oh yeah, perhaps thinking about other men as well. Do nothing? Lose her for good. Do something, as in showing her it's not going to be her way anymore and she might come out of it and give the M another chance.

[sadhubby]

hopes n dreams said it corectley !!! pull yer britches up and do that 180 on her and watch situation change, bud worked for me . these people here dont bull **** ya ..

[runrocket]

You know....sometimes when a woman says she doesn't know....it's because she really doesn't know and is waiting for clarity. Sometimes the best thing to do is nothing and the answer will come to you. Luke...I'm in the same boat, just on the other side.

 

This is just as difficult a decision for the woman to make, as it is for a man to take. 10 years with someone is a long time and you don't want to throw it away blindly. No one wants to lose someone they love/d. Sometimes though, when you begin to lose who you are in someone else then it's better to let it go. (your wife, not you) I'm assuming that since you are seeing a counselor the things you have said to your wife truly are abusive and you've admitted that you are controlling. What I am reading in between the lines here is what is probably what is driving her away. I WANT WHAT I WANT AND YOU ARE NOT GIVING IT TO ME. I want you to re-assure me that everything is going to be alright and that you still love me. But if you force her to say that to you....does she really mean it? or is she just saying it to appease you once again like she has for the last 10 years. She has to love you back freely.

 

Listen, take it from a woman. Sometimes you need to let go. It's that stupid poster we all saw as a kid of someone setting a bird free. What does it say? If you love someone set them free, if they come back to you they are yours forever, if they don't they were never yours to begin with. Something corny like that. Anyway, as someone who is being smothered, you're not doing yourself any good. Don't talk about the relationship with her unless she brings it up and if need be then maybe you guys should take a break from communication all togther and let her get her head together. (not forever or anything, I'm thinking a week) Discuss this with your counselor.

 

Look, if she hasn't said. I want a divorce...get the heck our of my house forever....you still have a shot. Tread lightly. She's looking for a REAL CHANGE in you. One that says I am not a selfish jerk. I can make the needs of my wife a priority. If that means sitting down and writing out a list of all the things you KNOW that SHE likes and creating something special for her out of these ideas then maybe you should try it. If that means giving her the space and freedom to make the decision she feels is best for her, then maybe you should give it to her. I'm not going to try to tell you how to win her back because it doesn't work. She has to want to come back and it sounds like what needs to happen is you need to have a change of heart and attitude and give her something she wants to come back to.

[runrocket]

hopes n dreams said it corectley !!! pull yer britches up and do that 180 on her and watch situation change, bud worked for me . these people here dont bull **** ya ..

 

Ha! Now I see why you're a "sadhubby". May I also point out that even though women do not always contribute as much financially to a marriage, (I haven't worked in 6 years in order to raise my children) we do most of the actual "work" that goes into a marriage. i.e. wiping your whiny arses or making sure you have clean socks or that you eat everyday, better still making sure your kids eat every day, and wiping their arses too. A lot of women make sacrifices to their own careers in order to further the needs of their families. Be fair boys....

[Logik]

I was hoping for words of inspiration and hope, not for you to tell me to give it up and to move on.

 

Sorry man. What I said comes from the feelings that I have now in my situation. I know everybody's situations are different and I never wanted to make you feel worse or get you to feel what I'm feeling. I felt exactly how you do and I've gotten to the point where I know I'm just making things worse for myself by holding on and having hope. Everybody's mind works differently. Everybody has different methods of coping. I was just sharing mine. That's the best thing about this forum, you get lots of different opinions and you can take what you want from them and dismiss what you don't want. Don't get me wrong, I still have a little bit of hope in the background. I'm just not making it my focus and using up all my energy on it any more.

[Luke21]

Runrocket, I was really looking forward to hearing what you would have to say. I truly believe she is very confused. I also truly believe (whether this is naive or not) that deep down in her heart she wants this to work. I know she can not tell me anymore, but I still have to keep hope that she does still love me and that she wants to be with me. I know I can not change how she feels and I am going to stop trying.

 

First and foremost, I have always loved my wife. I have always been somewhat insecure though and when we would get into it, I would go for the knock out because I did not want to be the one left realing. We could bring out the worst in each other, but we can also bring out the best. Hopefully we will have a chance to learn to control these outbursts and work together instead of against each other. She has not told me she wants a divorce and has not told me she wants me gone forever, nothing even really close to that. She is just so confused. I am not going to push her anymore. I have pushed for 2.5 months, hopefully I have not blown my chance. I am going to stay quite and out of the picture until she is ready to talk.

 

Some good news though, she actually texted me after work yesterday and asked me how my day went. I told her it was good, busy busy, and asked how her day went. She responded just another monday, but fine. I responded I'm glad and that I hope she has a good night. She said you too. That was it. Whenever she initiates convos like that I always try to take a mile when she was only giving an inch. This time I kept it short and sweet...but I feel like I shut her off. Do you think I did? I did not want to sound desperate but at the same time I would have LOVED to keep texting. Just not sure that is what she wanted. Thoughts?

[MrMayI]

if you really want it to work, you are going to have to 180, 180, 180. no talking to her about your feelings and the ideas for reconciliation. slap a smile on your face, be brief, be cordial, and move along. do your best to let whatever you see or hear that you don't like roll off of you, at least when she's around.

 

i've become one of the hard asses through mine, and i'd like to tell you if she's saying she doesn't know what she wants, won't go MC, and won't try to even work on anything, then it's time to file. it's time to show her that she only has 2 options. work on the marriage with you, or move on in life without you. protect yourself, trust in your decisions, love yourself.

 

keep posting here. everyone supports you here, whether it reads like they don't or not.

[mark982]

gotta agree with mmi,and hopesandreams. don't want to work with you on this,well the only option is hand her the paperwork. and get your azz back in the hose. she's the one thats having the marriage problems. tell her to move her azz out. or guess what" hi honey, i'm home".

[Luke21]

gotta agree with mmi,and hopesandreams. don't want to work with you on this,well the only option is hand her the paperwork. and get your azz back in the hose. she's the one thats having the marriage problems. tell her to move her azz out. or guess what" hi honey, i'm home".

 

I don't think this would be the best thing to do right now. I dont want to force her into a decision. I have been trying to do that all along and it has only pushed her away. I am trying to come to the realization that if she wants me back, we will get back together. If she doesn't, forcing her into a decision will not make a difference one way or another. I am going to give her what she is asking for, and that is time and space. I dont really have many other options if I want this to work. I have always been a controlling and pushy person, I think (hope) she is waiting to see a change in me. I am trying every damn day to make those changes.

[MrMayI]

I don't think this would be the best thing to do right now. I dont want to force her into a decision. I have been trying to do that all along and it has only pushed her away. I am trying to come to the realization that if she wants me back, we will get back together. If she doesn't, forcing her into a decision will not make a difference one way or another. I am going to give her what she is asking for, and that is time and space. I dont really have many other options if I want this to work. I have always been a controlling and pushy person, I think (hope) she is waiting to see a change in me. I am trying every damn day to make those changes.

 

you have options. handing her the paperwork is not filing for divorce. it's showing her that you're not going to sit on the backburner and wait with bated breath for her to tell you where life needs to go. you have to live too! admittedly, i handed my ex papers a month into separation and she didn't actually want a divorce until almost 2 months later when i exposed her EA, possible PA and it all blew up in her face. i'm just saying you have to move forward, not stagnant on what she decides. she made her decision. she wants out of the marriage. grant her wish.

[Luke21]

she made her decision. she wants out of the marriage. grant her wish.

 

When did I say she said she wants out of the marriage? She has not once told me she wants a divorce or she never wants to see me again. She has told me that she is unsure of what she wants and feels and needs time to sort things out in her head. She is unsure of whether she still loves me or can love me again. I am not going to force her hand anymore. It has not worked the first 2.5 months. It has only made things worse.

[runrocket]

Runrocket, I was really looking forward to hearing what you would have to say. I truly believe she is very confused. I also truly believe (whether this is naive or not) that deep down in her heart she wants this to work. I know she can not tell me anymore, but I still have to keep hope that she does still love me and that she wants to be with me. I know I can not change how she feels and I am going to stop trying.

 

First and foremost, I have always loved my wife. I have always been somewhat insecure though and when we would get into it, I would go for the knock out because I did not want to be the one left realing. We could bring out the worst in each other, but we can also bring out the best. Hopefully we will have a chance to learn to control these outbursts and work together instead of against each other. She has not told me she wants a divorce and has not told me she wants me gone forever, nothing even really close to that. She is just so confused. I am not going to push her anymore. I have pushed for 2.5 months, hopefully I have not blown my chance. I am going to stay quite and out of the picture until she is ready to talk.

 

Some good news though, she actually texted me after work yesterday and asked me how my day went. I told her it was good, busy busy, and asked how her day went. She responded just another monday, but fine. I responded I'm glad and that I hope she has a good night. She said you too. That was it. Whenever she initiates convos like that I always try to take a mile when she was only giving an inch. This time I kept it short and sweet...but I feel like I shut her off. Do you think I did? I did not want to sound desperate but at the same time I would have LOVED to keep texting. Just not sure that is what she wanted. Thoughts?

 

Luke, the proof is in the pudding. Now is the time to put on your intuitive hat. I know many men think they don't have this but they do. How else are so many of them so successful at work but not at home? Hmmmm?

 

Your wife does sound like she is confused, but she also sounds like she wants things to work. She really is looking for a change in you that will PROVE to her that things can work. The proof she is looking for is for you to put her needs (for the moment) above your own. She says she needs time to sort things out. The fact that you kept your text short and sweet was a good start. It was light and friendly which sounds like all she can handle from you right now. Sometimes we all feel like we are rubbed raw and the lightest touch can be painful. Let her heal a little. Then remind her why she fell in love with you in the first place.

 

How do you remind her why she fell in love with you? Do the little things. Start small....very small....maybe a text on Friday that says "Happy Friday!" Let her respond if she wants to. It doesn't demand a response but shows her you are thinking of her. Don't expect a response or get torqued if you don't get one. Don't put pressure on her for an answer to the all consuming question "Do you still love me? Will this work?" If you do, she will see this as selfishness and you demanding something from her that she is not ready to give.

 

If she is receptive to the quick text, then send her a "Hope you have a great week." text on Monday. Moving slowly is key here buddy. READING her responses as positive or negative is especially key. After that, let her make the next move. If she texts you during the week, that is good because she is thinking about you too. Then maybe you could send her a card that she would find funny. On the inside just write, "I thought you would think this was funny." (not an e-mail though, too impersonal, show you put some thought into it.) If she laughs at the card and sends you a thank you, then send her a little flower at work. Not a huge gargantuan bouquet of red "I'm desperate for your approval" roses, maybe just a fall bouquet or something Halloweenee. You get the picture right? Do things for her that SHE will like. I know it sounds small, but sometimes that is all we are looking for. View her responses to your overtures merely as signposts to whether you should take it up a notch or whether you should step back down a little.

 

As for when you guys "get into it" and "going for the knock out punch" try this, let her know before hand that it is something you are going to try before you have to use it. When you feel yourself getting steamed, put yourself in time out. Go in another room, sit down and let your fear and anger subside a minute. Then think about the problem....logically. What is the problem? What is the solution? Before you go back out, remind yourself to listen without interrupting. Sometimes all we women really want is to be heard. Why do you think we spend so much time on the phone with our friends?

 

Anyway, I'm not saying any of this will work, I'm not saying that she will even be receptive, but sometimes we need someone who is not emotionally invested to give us some ideas to try. If they don't work, then it's all good you did your best. Right?

[MrMayI]

"This past friday when she called me for our talk I asked if she wanted to have a date on Sunday. She said no. I asked why dont you want to see me and how can you be this cold and closed off towards someone you love? She said "I dont know". I asked if she still loved me (which she always said she did in the earlier weeks, in texts etc...) and again replied "I dont know"."

 

she doesn't have to say verbatim "i want out of the marriage". to me the above says it all. you've been trying to force her hand to come back to you by pining and pleading. that's never, ever going to work. look man, i support you. you don't have to take my suggestions. that's all they are. options. suggestions. i'd like for you to come back here, say you're back home and working on things. statistics don't support that, but whatever. beat the odds, if you can.

[runrocket]

"This past friday when she called me for our talk I asked if she wanted to have a date on Sunday. She said no. I asked why dont you want to see me and how can you be this cold and closed off towards someone you love? She said "I dont know". I asked if she still loved me (which she always said she did in the earlier weeks, in texts etc...) and again replied "I dont know"."

 

she doesn't have to say verbatim "i want out of the marriage". to me the above says it all. you've been trying to force her hand to come back to you by pining and pleading. that's never, ever going to work. look man, i support you. you don't have to take my suggestions. that's all they are. options. suggestions. i'd like for you to come back here, say you're back home and working on things. statistics don't support that, but whatever. beat the odds, if you can.

 

You're right. Pining and pleading don't work. I think you missed the point about why she left in the first place though. He has admitted to being pushy and controlling. She doesn't want that anymore. Can't put up with it. If they are to have a shot at making things work, which is what I think they both ultimately want, HE has to learn how to be understanding of her needs and not force what he wants on her. Not to say that he should be her doormat, but she needs to see that he is really trying to change his HEART. By the same token, obviously she is not very good at standing up for herself and communicating her wishes to her hubby. This is something she needs to work on for herself. Here is why couples couseling is good. It can identify short comings in our relationships and give us the tools to address these failings.

 

Either way if the OP is pushy and controlling, this is a valuable lesson on how to be a better man.

[MrMayI]

You're right. Pining and pleading don't work. I think you missed the point about why she left in the first place though. He has admitted to being pushy and controlling. She doesn't want that anymore. Can't put up with it. If they are to have a shot at making things work, which is what I think they both ultimately want, HE has to learn how to be understanding of her needs and not force what he wants on her. Not to say that he should be her doormat, but she needs to see that he is really trying to change his HEART. By the same token, obviously she is not very good at standing up for herself and communicating her wishes to her hubby. This is something she needs to work on for herself. Here is why couples couseling is good. It can identify short comings in our relationships and give us the tools to address these failings.

 

Either way if the OP is pushy and controlling, this is a valuable lesson on how to be a better man.

 

okay. well, in that case luke, you have no choice but NC for now, in my opinion. give her time to think. maybe take this time to get some IC and figure out what triggers you to be pushy. just take good care of yourself, my friend. i've pretty well proven why i usually don't put my 2 cents in on other people's dilemmas.

[Luke21]

Luke, the proof is in the pudding. Now is the time to put on your intuitive hat. I know many men think they don't have this but they do. How else are so many of them so successful at work but not at home? Hmmmm?

 

Your wife does sound like she is confused, but she also sounds like she wants things to work. She really is looking for a change in you that will PROVE to her that things can work. The proof she is looking for is for you to put her needs (for the moment) above your own. She says she needs time to sort things out. The fact that you kept your text short and sweet was a good start. It was light and friendly which sounds like all she can handle from you right now. Sometimes we all feel like we are rubbed raw and the lightest touch can be painful. Let her heal a little. Then remind her why she fell in love with you in the first place.

 

How do you remind her why she fell in love with you? Do the little things. Start small....very small....maybe a text on Friday that says "Happy Friday!" Let her respond if she wants to. It doesn't demand a response but shows her you are thinking of her. Don't expect a response or get torqued if you don't get one. Don't put pressure on her for an answer to the all consuming question "Do you still love me? Will this work?" If you do, she will see this as selfishness and you demanding something from her that she is not ready to give.

 

If she is receptive to the quick text, then send her a "Hope you have a great week." text on Monday. Moving slowly is key here buddy. READING her responses as positive or negative is especially key. After that, let her make the next move. If she texts you during the week, that is good because she is thinking about you too. Then maybe you could send her a card that she would find funny. On the inside just write, "I thought you would think this was funny." (not an e-mail though, too impersonal, show you put some thought into it.) If she laughs at the card and sends you a thank you, then send her a little flower at work. Not a huge gargantuan bouquet of red "I'm desperate for your approval" roses, maybe just a fall bouquet or something Halloweenee. You get the picture right? Do things for her that SHE will like. I know it sounds small, but sometimes that is all we are looking for. View her responses to your overtures merely as signposts to whether you should take it up a notch or whether you should step back down a little.

 

As for when you guys "get into it" and "going for the knock out punch" try this, let her know before hand that it is something you are going to try before you have to use it. When you feel yourself getting steamed, put yourself in time out. Go in another room, sit down and let your fear and anger subside a minute. Then think about the problem....logically. What is the problem? What is the solution? Before you go back out, remind yourself to listen without interrupting. Sometimes all we women really want is to be heard. Why do you think we spend so much time on the phone with our friends?

 

Anyway, I'm not saying any of this will work, I'm not saying that she will even be receptive, but sometimes we need someone who is not emotionally invested to give us some ideas to try. If they don't work, then it's all good you did your best. Right?

 

These are all good ideas red, thank you so much. I am a little worried about this up coming Sunday though. It will be the five year anniv of her mother's passing. It is usually a pretty somber and sullen day for her, with me in the background letting her know if she needs anything at all I am right there. This Sunday I will not be there for her. My heart breaks for her because I know it is an extremely hard day, and especially since it is on a Sunday (she usually spends all day Sunday by herself...her choice). I was thinking of getting a card and taking to the house before she gets up that morning. Just something to let her know I was thinking about her and I would leave it on the front porch. Good idea...bad idea?

[Luke21]

okay. well, in that case luke, you have no choice but NC for now, in my opinion. give her time to think. maybe take this time to get some IC and figure out what triggers you to be pushy. just take good care of yourself, my friend. i've pretty well proven why i usually don't put my 2 cents in on other people's dilemmas.

 

I respect everything you have said. I know everyone has a different opinion, and I honestly appreciate you taking the time to comment on mine. I'm sorry if I seem defensive regarding some posts, but I am trying to be a sunshine pumper right now. If I become a doom and gloomer, I will panic and start pushing the issue even harder, which will only hurt me in the long run.

 

I still would like to hear your comments and suggestions, honest.

 

On another note, what do all the acronyms mean? I know the obvious, W, H, NC but the others exact words are throwing me. Fill me in bud.

 

Thanks

[MrMayI]

I respect everything you have said. I know everyone has a different opinion, and I honestly appreciate you taking the time to comment on mine. I'm sorry if I seem defensive regarding some posts, but I am trying to be a sunshine pumper right now. If I become a doom and gloomer, I will panic and start pushing the issue even harder, which will only hurt me in the long run.

 

I still would like to hear your comments and suggestions, honest.

 

On another note, what do all the acronyms mean? I know the obvious, W, H, NC but the others exact words are throwing me. Fill me in bud.

 

Thanks

 

hey man, it's cool. when i was where you are, i remember exactly how the doom and gloom posts made me feel. no worries. i like the phrase "sunshine pumper". IC is independent counseling. i really haven't read the whole thread. i will, but at work i only go with recent posts and comment. i hope the best for you. this s.hit is hard. we all know that. we're all for you. don't forget it.

[runrocket]

These are all good ideas red, thank you so much. I am a little worried about this up coming Sunday though. It will be the five year anniv of her mother's passing. It is usually a pretty somber and sullen day for her, with me in the background letting her know if she needs anything at all I am right there. This Sunday I will not be there for her. My heart breaks for her because I know it is an extremely hard day, and especially since it is on a Sunday (she usually spends all day Sunday by herself...her choice). I was thinking of getting a card and taking to the house before she gets up that morning. Just something to let her know I was thinking about her and I would leave it on the front porch. Good idea...bad idea?

 

I think it is sweet, thoughtful, and caring. Hopefully she will too.

[Luke21]

I think it is sweet, thoughtful, and caring. Hopefully she will too.

 

Run, I hope you don't find this inappropriate, but would you mind emailing me if you ever get a chance? My email is [email protected]. I hope I am not being too pushy, but your insight and advice is invaluable to me, and everything you are saying seems as if it could help so much. I want to exhaust all my "resources" in this mission. Thanks

[Chrome Barracuda]

I think you miss the person she used to be. But your young and in a new marriage and got no kids. It appears she isnt coming back and one person cannot save the marriage by themselves. How long are you gonna tolerate it? are you gonna be in limbo for long time?