Author Luke21 Posted November 11, 2009 Author Share Posted November 11, 2009 We are getting a divorce. I am not trying to stop anything. I want this to be over as quickly as possible. I have already started the process with my attorney. There is no one else with her though. I am sure of it. I'm not being naive, she just isnt that type of person. I would not care if there was. I want the divorce as bad as she does now. I have seen what I did not like about her the last few days we have been living together. I gave and gave and never got anything in return. Then I would crack. I will not miss that. I gave her space for the last month. Did not bug, beg, whatever. It did not work. Her mind was made up all along, she just didn't know it yet. I'm okay with that. I am scared to be on my own, but I am young, succesful, and a good looking person. I will be just fine. It's just going to take some getting used to. I appreciate everyone's words of encouragement, skepticism, criticism etc... Things are happening for a reason, I truly believe that. I wish everyone the best of luck with their respective situations. Link to post Share on other sites
TimH Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 It really does appear your wife had her mind made up early on but needed a slow hold her hand splitting up.Not like so many women that can just up and leave abruptly.Luke21 never ever blame yourself for your wife leaving for good.Always remember you were there for her to the end and that my friend is a virtue any Man would envy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Luke21 Posted November 16, 2009 Author Share Posted November 16, 2009 Thanks Tim. I appreciate the kind words. I have been doing fine getting the preparations together for divorce the last week or so, but a friend just sent me some Thanksgiving email concerning family and friends etc.. and that hurt to watch. It is the first time I have hurt in atleast a few days now. I can't even begin to imagine what it will be like to eat Thanksgiving dinner without her or wake up Christmas morning without her. Hell, Halloween was hard without her. I will miss the normalcy of things, but in time I do not think I will miss the marriage. I was so scared of being alone that I neglected all along to realize that I was not as happy as I could be either. She does things that absolutely cause me to snap and lose my cool. I realized this again the other night when we were having some drinks on the back porch. I will miss the idea of her more then her. I will miss the friends and couples we used to hang with. I am friends with all the guys, but we were such a tight knit group (guys and girls always going out together), and they were friends with her long before they were with me. My entire social existance has been shaken up and I have been thrown out of my comfort zone. Thank God for family. When you are married, you dont have to have a ton of different friends. Once you find a core group that you enjoy doing everything with, there is no real need to branch outside of that other then being just acquaintances'. I have been removed from that group and it e'ffn sucks. I have other friends, but this previous group was super tight before. Anyway, my attorney is in the process of putting together the proposal. Hopefully she will accept without problems and we can go ahead and file. I just want this to be over as quickly as possible. Anyone in here ever reconciled after divorce and started dating again? She has mentioned that to me possibly one day, but I am not sure I could ever be interested again. Link to post Share on other sites
dazedandconfused2008 Posted November 16, 2009 Share Posted November 16, 2009 wow you have already done a lot of self reflecting...and really...that is what hard times like this (whether it was something we wanted or thrown at us) are really about....getting to know ourselves as an individual and what we do from here..for our own life. I have read your posts...and already i can see from where it started to the point you are now...your focus was her her her...and this is the first post ive seen that your focus has shifted to more on YOU. Its really important to journal..post on here...so that we can see how far weve really come...from where it started... As for the reconcilliation...every story..every person is different...and yours will be too. Dont look so much into the future...focus on today...and let your life play out without setting it in stone. We tend to set ourselves up for more hurt..false hope...that way. If it happens...it happens...if not...it doesnt. Right? Live for yourself...today...and everyday and continue to allow yourself room for personal growth and opportunities. You are doing good...even though it doesnt always feel that way. Chin up. Link to post Share on other sites
Steadfast Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 (edited) Anyone in here ever reconciled after divorce and started dating again? She has mentioned that to me possibly one day, but I am not sure I could ever be interested again. Yes. A few months before our divorce was final, my dad passed away and my (then) STBXW came back, telling me she wanted to take care of me. She wanted to move back in, work on us and be there for me and our kids. I resisted, but it seemed the right thing to do, you know? She helped plan the services and was 'there' for us (didn't move back in though) and after we saw each other; dated, and sometimes she spent the night. No sex. Sure enough, she started to drift again. Emotionally and in every other way. We wouldn't see her for days. When I pressed for her details she finally admitted that she was seeing someone (her third 'relationship' since our split) and this time, the guy was married with kids. She 'feared' she was falling in love with him and didn't want to 'cheat' on him by spending time with me. She didn't want to 'be that kind of person anymore.' To review, she didn't want to cheat on her married BF by seeing her husband. That was one of the hardest things i ever had to deal with. Easily as difficult asshe she first admitted to cheating. Tremendous emotional turmoil. But that was it for me. I was done, Done, DONE! I have no idea what's going on in her life now, but I can say she is very upset that I am in a relationship with someone. Pissed. This someone is very nice to me, treats me well and loves me for ME. Wow, what a concept! What does it all mean? Beats me, but the old 'don't want him don't want anyone else to have him' line seems to make as much sense as anything. I can say I get no satisfaction from it, and it caused the kids confusion and pain. Still, what is happening and what has happened is all on her. I'm just moving on, no longer reacting to her. Doing my best and trying to be happy and successful is the deal. Not her. Is there life after divorce and heartbreak? Massive disappointment? Yes, but you have to work your way out of the fog first. Edited November 17, 2009 by Steadfast Link to post Share on other sites
Author Luke21 Posted November 17, 2009 Author Share Posted November 17, 2009 wow you have already done a lot of self reflecting...and really...that is what hard times like this (whether it was something we wanted or thrown at us) are really about....getting to know ourselves as an individual and what we do from here..for our own life. I have read your posts...and already i can see from where it started to the point you are now...your focus was her her her...and this is the first post ive seen that your focus has shifted to more on YOU. Its really important to journal..post on here...so that we can see how far weve really come...from where it started... As for the reconcilliation...every story..every person is different...and yours will be too. Dont look so much into the future...focus on today...and let your life play out without setting it in stone. We tend to set ourselves up for more hurt..false hope...that way. If it happens...it happens...if not...it doesnt. Right? Live for yourself...today...and everyday and continue to allow yourself room for personal growth and opportunities. You are doing good...even though it doesnt always feel that way. Chin up. Thanks Dazed. It will be cool to go back and reflect how I was weeks ago by journaling in here, but not yet. I don't feel like bringing up that pain against just yet. I am doing really well right now and I do not want to bring myself down by reading it. I will soon though. I am thinking much more about myself, but I am still quite worried as to her well being, especially financially once we get divorced. She has what I call a "wife" job. I am not being sexist in the least, but it is a job more for fun money then anything else. She does not make near enough to support herself. Fortunately she has a college degree as she will need to find something with a higher pay scale. I have been staying extremely busy with friends, doing probably a little too much partying but I am having fun. I really never knew what it was like to answer to no one. It's kind of nice actually. It's actually very nice too be honest! Anyway, thanks for the kind words. I am looking forward to the future! Link to post Share on other sites
seibert253 Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 The future's so bright, I gotta wear shades. Peace, Link to post Share on other sites
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